Disclamer: I don't own the song, nor the HP characters. I do own the plot, and Lucas.
A/N: Hi,
I know some people would like to hit me right now. Or probably strangle me to death. And I would gladly let them.
It's been months since I last reviewed something. And it has been years since I last posted anything.
I know I should be ashamed of myself for neglecting one of my biggest loves like that. And I am.
The past few years have been quite rough on me, emotionally and psychically so that's practically why I kind of disappeared from the bottom of the earth. I needed time to recover.
But now I'm back. Hopefully for a good while.
I changed my pen name, updated my profile and deleted my stories, just to start over.
To make a new beginning, a fresh start.
A new story, a new plot, a new love.
With just One Last Chance.
-xx.
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Summary: She never thought about how she would die. The thought of dying had even never crossed her mind before.
She was a young thing, just in her prime, so death wasn't even anything she should think about right now. But as she looked around the dark room and looked down at her shackled hands and feet, her mind was set on only one thing. If she were to do down, she would go down fighting.
Song: Def Leppard – When Love And Hate Collide.
Prologue- When love and hate collide.
Four months.
Four months have passed ever since the deciding talk that ended everything.
It has been eight months exactly since I last saw you. Since I held you, kissed you or loved you. And God, it hurts. It hurts me so much.
I stare outside looking up to the dark evening sky, that's twinkling softly with diamond coloured stars.
They seem so close, yet they are so far away. Just out of reach.
Like you.
It's still winter and it has been snowing much more than ever before. The sky is clear, and the outside landscape looks like it has been covered with a thick pure white blanket of fur, all tucked in.
I shiver when I feel a cold stream of air stream against the bare skin of my arms , and quickly stand up to close the culprit of the cause. The window was still open.
I lean my head against the glass and stare outside looking at the shadows the moon and night created together. The glass has a cooling effect on my skin and it actually feels kind of soothing to my cheeks. With a sigh I turn around while rubbing my eyes and run my hands through my messy locks and look at the clock on the nightstand next to the bed.
It's 13 minutes past midnight but I'm still up, trying to finish the piece I had been writing for the deadline next morning. But somehow I just couldn't bring myself to write any words anymore. I was just too distracted, and I've been like this the whole day already. And it was starting to drive me crazy.
" Lily, I'm begging you. Just go home."
I looked up to Lucas Jansen, the boss and head editor of "Health and You".
"Health and You" is the monthly wizarding magazine about protection spells, healing spells and potions that can be used in the daily life. Ever since the rising of the dark wizard Lord Voldemort, the mail has gone up to uncontrollable. Each day more and more owls would arrive with questions about "how to heal yourself when you would get attacked by deatheaters" or "how can you protect your children against any dangerous looking things." which was ridiculous. First of all, most people who would get attacked by deatheaters or Voldemort usually didn't survive. Second, you can't protect yourself or your children from everything.
But because of the overflow of letters that couldn't all be answered , the boss of the magazine looked for help from St. Mungo's. So that's why me and another four healers were sent to work there to help answering the most important letters.
I sighed and shook my head.
"I'm fine Luke, really, I can do this, I just need some coffee to get on drift again."
I stood up with a small smile and walked to the coffeepot on the right side of the room, pouring some of the dark brown liquid in a cup before turning around and noticing that he hadn't left yet.
He was looking at me with a frown on his face before gathering the parchment that was sprawled across my desk in his hands.
"Darling. It's not working like this. Just go home, try to put your mind at peace." He said, while placing the pieces of paper in my bag.
" You're not the only helping healer we have, and you need your rest." I tried to protest but couldn't get any further then just opening my mouth. " And don't you say you're not tired or anything because I just saw you yawning before I confronted you."
He wagged his finger at me and held my coat out, while raising up one eyebrow.
Annoyed I walked up to him and let him help me to put my coat on. While I was fastening the clasps, Bryan picked up my bag and put it over my shoulder. I turned around to face him.
"Just go to bed sweetheart, get some sleep don't worry about anything else, especially not about the letters, and then we'll see you tomorrow."
And with a soft push in the back I started walking to the exit of the building, and I went home.
But it hadn't been much of a success.
I hadn't been able to get much sleep so I wanted to finish some of the stuff that I had in my bag but
the most of the paper was still unwritten.
"You're still awake?"
Marlene McKinnon looked at me through her sleepy eyes before coming into my room and sitting on my bed next to me. She was staying with me for a while, because of all the muggleborn attacks that were happening all around London lately.
" Yeah, I was trying to finish this." I vaguely pointed to parchment on my desk. " But my mind doesn't seem to want to cooperate. I think my inspiration has left me too."
Marlene made an understanding sound, and muttered something that I couldn't quite catch. "That's not the only thing that's bothering you, isn't it Lils?"
I sighed and looked away from her, while running an hand through my hair. Before I felt her shift her body towards me and feeling her hand on my shoulder.
" Still thinking about him?"
I kept quiet for a while but I eventually nodded before I stared back down and started playing with the ravelling plaid on my bed.
"It's been almost a year now." I whispered softly, while looking up outside the window, avoiding my friends eyes. She made a disapproving noise and I felt her shaking her head beside me and heard her sigh.
That's when I felt the familiar burning behind my eyes coming up.
"It doesn't matter what I try, Mar." I said with a shaky breath.
I wiped away a stray tear.
"I just can't seem to forget it. And I hate it. I hate it."
The tears started to flow freely down my face and her penetrating stare softened. Softly she put her arms around my shoulders and I let her pull me sidewards, in to a soothing, warm embrace while letting my head rest on her right shoulder.
"Oh Lily, sweetie. Please don't cry. I don't like it when you cry" she stroked my hair softly while rubbing my back.
"You always make me cry when you cry" she started to sniff and I let out a shaky laugh before collapsing into a fit of sobs. "I hate the fact, that I miss him Marlene."
"I hate it. And I hate him. I hate James." I told her.
Marlene kept rocking me back and forth with her while softly whispering to me. "Hate him? Honey, why would you hate him if you still love him?." She asked.
I took a shaky breath and looked up to her.
"I hate, hate.. " I managed to choke out.
"I hate that he made me love him, I hate that I loved him! I hate that he left me, Marlene!" I pulled away from her and started pacing.
I just don't get it, I just.. I hate it. I hate it, that that after all this time. That after all he did.. " I sighed and walked over to my nightstand, before opening one of the drawers' picking up one of the picture frame that I had hidden in there.
While holding it in my hands I stared at the photo that was in it.
After a few minutes I felt myself calm down a little so I turned around to face Marlene. "I hate it that I can't seem to hate him as much as I want to. Hate him as much as he deserves."
I sighed and I sat back down on the bed while still holding the photo in my hands. I looked back to Marlene, and whispered.
" Because even after everything, after all this time.. " My voice started to crack, and I felt the tears coming up again.
"I still love him."
A/N: Thanks for reading.
I probably made some grammar mistakes, I try my best but English isn't my first language. So I beg for your forgiveness. I have to warn you in advance, I'm know as one of the most horrible updaters in history, I do try my best, but I can't make any promises.
-xx.