One – Shot: Slipped Away
Author: Dark Wings Of Imagination
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
Summary: "The never ending tick-tock of the wall's clock was useful of nothing but annoyance. It would tell her she had been in that office for more than twenty minutes, which was enough for her but not enough for the psychologist to sign the damn paper allowing her to go back to work." Warning: Not a happy story.
A\N: Hey guys, it's been quite some time since I wrote some Jac, well but now I'm back with this one-shot (my longest one, btw) and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. As I warned it's not a happy story and I'm not even sure from where this came from, I just know I was in shower a few weeks ago when the idea was born, all I knew is that I had to write it, so I really hope you like it.
Slipped Away
Part I
The Sessions
Month #3, session #4
The never ending tick-tock of the wall's clock was useful of nothing but annoyance. It would tell her she had been in that office for more than twenty minutes, which was enough for her but not enough for the psychologist to sign the damn paper allowing her to go back to work.
It was her fourth session during the month. One hour of pure torture for her, that had been happened weekly for the previous three months
Not that her psychologist was happy either. Ever since she was forced to attend to those sessions, she hadn't spoken much, only answered the questions asked and even then it wasn't the kind of response she knew the doctor was waiting for.
The sessions had begun two months prior, immediately after her and the rest of the team had closed the case of Mac's shooting.
Every member of the team had to attend at least two sessions and if the psychologist, after analyzing each and every one of them closely, thought they were capable of doing their work with no need for a forced vacation than everything would go back to the ways it all was before.
And within the two sessions everyone had gone back to their respective jobs, well, everyone but Jo.
She had been the one most affected by it all, and there wasn't a person who could not feel how afraid of losing her boss she was. Obviously, the entire NYPD and crime lab knew about the friendship she and Mac shared, they had all associated her fear for his life with that special bond between them. But there were others who knew better, that were capable of seeing through the façade she had built to disguise her true feelings.
In her first two sessions she had spoken about the day of his shooting: how she got the news, where she was, how she was, with whom, everything that she thought she had to say. She had even mentioned how he was more than her boss that he was her best friend and therefore there wasn't a thing she wouldn't have done to help him if she had the power.
Perhaps, she had pondered, it was there where she should have held back her rant.
It wouldn't mean much had it not been a well-respected young psychologist, whom observed, listened and interpreted people for a living, who was listening to it.
Her slip of tongue was the reason why she still had to endure the sessions and not be able to go back to work just yet.
In her first session right after the two she had done among the rest if the team she had asked why she couldn't go back.
"You still don't seem to have gotten everything that happened organized in your mind, and you won't be able to do it alone, so you're sticking with me until I decide you're good to go back"
All those months away from her job were taking its toll on her and she knew that she would be under the chaos of a stress caused by herself if she didn't get to work soon.
She was well aware that for her to get back to her work the young woman sitting in front of her would have to be presented with a change, for the better of course, in her behavior, but for as much as she tried she just couldn't seem to be able to talk about her feelings with some stranger that is supposed to judge her mental health going over such personal matters.
"Have you ever considered writing?"
Dr. Emily Black, asked Jo, interrupting her patient's mind wanderings.
"I'm sorry, what?"
Jo asked confused about the question.
"Some patients don't feel comfortable speaking their matters aloud, many of them find writing an easy way to talk about what's been bothering them"
The doctor explained.
"So you suggest I write a diary?"
The detective asked not sure if she was following.
"If you want to, but since what I've been trying to work with you is your feelings about almost losing your boss and colleague, I think that what may suit you are letters"
"Letters?"
Jo asked, considering the fact that the idea wasn't that bad.
"Yes, but don't write them as if they were meant for you to show me, write them as if you were to send them. For an example, you've mentioned in the first session that you were really apprehensive while waiting for your boss to come out of surgery, write how you felt that day but as if he would be the one to read it."
Emily said chose every word carefully as to not scare her patient of the idea, in the end it was worth it.
"I think I can try"
Jo answered, a small smile of approval forming in the corners if her mouth.
"It's a start"
The young doctor said returning an encouraging smile.
…
Month #5, session #2
"I must admit that we've progressed quite more than what I thought we would, Jo. As it seems you took writing as the best way to express yourself"
Emily said doing her at hiding the slight feeling of pride within her. Jo was not an easy patient to deal with. For such joyful person, she could actually be way too closed for the young doctor's liking. It worried her.
Patients not willing to talk always worried her, especially ones who were part of the law enforcement. They were usually not only the most reluctant but also the most damaged kind of people, and their past experiences always end up becoming ghosts that haunt every single thought and consequently wind up affecting their jobs.
Even if she should not have a favorite patient, or anything related, she couldn't hide the fact that the detective had gained all of her attention and if Jo wanted she could've had all of Emily's time. She couldn't really point it out what exactly had her so entranced, but if she was to guess she would say she couldn't remember a single patient who were as complex and as simple, all at the same time, as the older woman.
"Does it mean I can go back to work?"
Jo asked; her voice laced with hope.
"Not yet! For as much as you progressed there's still more to be done, there's still more to be spoken about, so I'm afraid we will have a few more sessions before I can let you go back"
Disappointment was all written Jo's face, but instead of arguing as she had done many times before, she simply nodded her head yes, before asking.
"What do you want to know about this week's letter?"
…
Month #6, session #3
"It was probably very hard for you to finally admit it to someone else, wasn't it?"
Emily began after many minutes of silence. She had read that week's letter and even though she expected it to be difficult for Jo to admit her real feelings towards her best friend, she had not expected the brunette to be that quiet.
"You have no idea, but I guess I needed to get it out of my chest"
The detective answered. It had taken all the strength and courage within her to finally voice her feelings towards Mac to another person. It hadn't felt that bad, in the end, she thought, maybe she did, after all, need to express her feelings.
"As a psychologist recommended by the NYPD what I have to say to you is that to pursue any type of romantic relationship with any of your coworkers is unacceptable, but as someone who is trying to help you to get over all that you've been through, all I have to say is that if comes a day when you find out he feels the same way you do about him, don't matter what people say never let him go."
The blonde doctor said, and if Jo was to be honest she would have to say she had never seen anyone so young be so direct and certain about anything, and for that Emily had her patient's admiration, and more than anything the detective knew that every single words was true.
Nodding and with a slight upturn in the corner of her lips Jo answered:
"Maybe, someday"
…
Month #6, session #4
After six months of weekly sessions with a psychologist chose by the NYPD, the day Jo had dreamed about in the couple of months prior had finally arrived.
"Here it is"
Emily said as she handed her patient a white envelope.
"What's this?"
Jo asked curious.
"This is the document which allows you to go back to your job"
The doctor explained being able to see the smile that formed in her already former patient's face.
"Thank you so much"
Jo said getting up from the couch she had occupied during her sessions to embrace the younger woman in front of her.
"It was a pleasure to work with you, Jo"
Jo gave her a smile of gratitude before heading out of the office straight to the crime lab.
Part II
The Letters
Letter #1
"Dear Mac,
I cannot find the words to say how glad I am that you survived, and even if I had the words to I surely wouldn't know how to organize them in order to have you understand all of the feelings and thoughts that ran through me. Although I must say, the day you got shot was clearly one of the scariest moments of my life.
I didn't know what to do, no one would tell what the hell was going on and it made me feel so powerless, so weak and frustrated. You could have very well died and there was not a single thing I would be able to do and it was killing me inside. I could barely fill in the forms with your information. There were not many things I could do. It was as if the world outside didn't actually existed and anything that would need me to concentrate on it for more than a few minutes proved to be an impossible task at the time.
I couldn't have been more relieved after I finally knew you were out of life threatening stage.
The doctor only allowed us to see you after you were out of the ICU; still I sneaked out of his way to check up on you. The sight of you on that hospital bed with all those tubes and machines connected at you is something that unfortunately I will never be able to get out of my mind.
My fears were only truly eased when you finally opened your eyes. I wish I had been there to see it, though, but Christine was already there and nothing against her but three is a crowd.
I wish I had been there through your recovery, but you already had someone else to take care of you, in more ways than one so I thought it wasn't really my place, you know? Still, that didn't stop me of worrying about you during every second of the day, even though I was sure you were being taken care of.
I must admit that ever since you've got shot there's not a day I don't spend fearing it will happen all over again only this time there will not be any life-saving type of surgery and I will lose you forever, and I don't think I can possibly live with that.
Love,
Jo."
…
Letter #6
"Dear Mac,
You're my best friend!
But I assume you already know that, as I know I tried my hard to make that very clear.
You're such a wonderful man, an understandable boss and a precious friend.
I can't say it was easy, though. It took me quite some time to make you open up to me, don't worry I understand why, and the reason I didn't give up was because somehow I saw in you someone just like me, I know you might not believe me, but is true.
There was a time in my life in which I wouldn't let anyone in and I chase away those who had always been by my side. It was the year I lost my sister, and it was by far the most difficult and dark time I went through my entire life.
When I met you I could tell that the sadness which seemed to make you company everywhere you were had to do with grief, as it proved to be I was right.
The pain of losing someone you love is the worst kind of pain a human being can go through.
When I learned about your story I wanted nothing more than just hold you and never let go, because, you see, there wasn't exactly many people who went through my sister's death with me who weren't grieving over her either, which meant that everywhere I wished to seek comfort were also in need of it, and so I wanted to be the place of comfort for you.
In the end you proved to be my safe place just as much as I tried to be for you, and for this I would never be able to thank you enough.
It took me a lifetime to find someone like you, and I never ever want to have to let you go.
Love,
Jo."
…
Letter #10
"Dear Mac,
I wish you would tell me what's been happening to you. Don't even dare try to say it's nothing, because I know there is something wrong. But you're just so stubborn!
I've talked to Lindsey and the rest of the team and they told me you hadn't been yourself lately, and during the brief time we've talked I noticed something was off, also. You won't tell me, will you?
You have to understand I don't mean to stick my nose where I'm not wanted; I just want to take care of my best friend. I worry about you, Mac, I just wished you would comprehend that.
Love,
Jo"
…
Letter #13
"Mac,
I'm sorry.
I know you think I overstepped the boundaries, but what was I supposed to do? Sit and wait for you to tell me, that it is, if you planned to tell me what's happening at all!
Although I know I didn't respect any limits, I just could not stop myself.
Every time I feel something's wrong with the people I love and care about I have the ability of being more stubborn and determinate than what I already am, it usually brings me more problems than solutions, but I'm used to it, and no matter what you say to me or what you do, nothing nor no one – not even you - will change the fact that I love you and I only want your wellbeing, and for that to be granted me I would go hell back for such.
So, no, I'm not giving up on you or our friendship, no matter how many times it will get you mad at me, it's time you understand that.
Love,
Jo."
…
Letter #17
"Dear Mac,
I'm really glad we've sorted things out between us. Having to take care of you from afar was not only hard but it was also killing me. I missed my friend. I missed talking to you, teasing you and make you embarrassed, but what I missed most was to hear your voice calling me out, seeking for me, my help.
I realized I've come to a point of my life in which I need you to need me. I want you to need me, I wanted that from the first moment we talked, I want you to miss me.
I know all of this is crazy, but I think that's what love does to you.
And this is one of my deepest secrets.
I love you, Mac Taylor.
I am desperately and hopelessly in love with you, and no one, especially you, can ever know that.
So, yes I'm really happy things are good between us now, because not having you, not even as a friend hurts more than watch you go home to her.
Love,
Jo."
Part III
The Tragedy
After six months of weekly sessions with a psychologist Josephine Danville was finally back on track.
The woman couldn't have been happier as she set foot on the 35th floor of the building where the New York Crime Lab was located.
Smiling, she automatically made her way towards the office at the end of the hall. From afar she was able to see the familiar figure sitting on his chair talking on the phone, a sight that made her smile grow wider even if she would never admit so.
She leaned against the door waiting for him to end his call; as soon as he did she knocked lightly at said door gaining his attention.
Looking up from his files, blue-grey eyes found caramel ones and the smile on his face was inevitable to keep it from forming.
"Are you finally legally back?"
Mac Taylor asked as he rose from his chair behind the desk and made his way towards the couch which sat on the far corner of the wall inviting Jo to join him.
"Yes. Thanks to the heavens I'm back. I think I would have a nervous breakdown at any time if I didn't get back to work real soon"
He chuckled. He had most definitely missed her. The crime lab, he pondered, was not the same without Jo. He was the boss that much was true but she, she was the body and soul of that place. If she was gone from there so was the laughter and the joy she carried within her every day.
Reaching out he grasped her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze before saying "I'm glad you're back"
She only smiled in return.
Minutes passed and they remained in silent, hands still entwined, locked gazes and matching smiles that reached their eyes.
It wasn't until Mac's cell phone began to ring did they part. He picked it up and after a few moments he turned to his partner and asked smiling his side way smile that always made the brunette's heart skip a beat.
"Ready to get back to the streets?"
"As ready as I'll ever be"
She answered and together they made their way out of the lab and straight to crime scene which awaited them.
…
The black Avalanche stopped calmly as it reached its destination. The two figures inside it got off of it immediately.
The entire team gathered around them to greet their colleagues, but more importantly they went to greet their friend whom they had missed immensely.
"So what we've got here?"
Jo asked as she put her latex gloves on. Everyone around her chuckled at her rush to get back to work before Flack could put her and Mac up to date.
"Vic is a female, Caucasian, red hair, somewhere in her thirties. No ID, we're waiting for Sid to the autopsy, but if I had to guess I would say COD is the bullet hole on forehead"
"Okay, I'm going to look for evidences on the victim's body and if I find anything I'll let you know"
Jo said and headed towards the body.
Mac and Flack looked at each other and shared an amused smile. Never in their life had they known someone so cheerful about scanning a dead body as Jo.
"She just doesn't change, does she?"
Don stated.
"I wouldn't have it any other way"
Mac replied before both detectives headed to work on the crime scene along with the others.
…
The sound of familiar footsteps made Mac's head shot up the exactly moment she was about to knock on his office's door.
Jo made her towards his desk and handed him a file.
"The victim's name is Olivia Prize, thirty-three. She lived alone and made her living of playing guitar and singing in small clubs."
She said as he scanned the file.
"What about her family?"
He asked after closing the file.
"Father died few years ago and her mother and brother live in Boston. Flack said that her front door neighbor affirmed having seen her take a man home a few nights ago, unfortunately the distance was not enough to make a sketch."
Jo answered and there was the minimal presence of frustration about the fact they still didn't have a suspect though anyone, if saw her, was able to tell how happy to be back she seemed to be.
"Cause of death?"
Mac questioned.
"Exactly what Flack thought. Only one shot through and through. Lindsey is working on the ballistics"
Jo said with a small satisfactory up turn of lips.
"Tired yet?"
He asked smiling as he looked into her eyes.
"Hell no!"
She answered already lost in grey-bluish eyes.
…
"Morning"
Jo greeted as she walked into Mac's office carrying a paper tray with two to-go cups of coffee.
"Morning. Thanks, Jo, I really needed some caffeine"
He answered grabbing the cup she handed him.
For minutes they stayed in silence each sipping their coffees, occasionally spying on the other when they thought one was not looking.
Although they didn't know, through their heads ran the same thought.
I wish things could be different.
And they most certainly did. But nothing would change if they didn't choose to, and their fear of changes would forever keep them in the same place.
After quite some time they finally finished their drinks and Mac asked:
"Any new leads on the case?"
"None that I know of, but I still hadn't checked with the guys, but as soon as I know I'll pass it to you"
She answered, and there was a long pause before Jo finally said what had been bothering her for quite some time:
"I missed you"
She muttered quietly, as if she was ashamed to admit it.
"I did too"
He answered her, and reached across the table for her hand.
They didn't need to say anymore words; they knew what those stood for.
It was their feelings in all times they spent apart, was it because some stupid argument or just because life had gotten in their way.
They stayed in that way for quite some minutes, before their re-bonding time was interrupted.
"Mac, Jo, we found the guy who murdered Olivia. His name is Robert Nolan, he was her manager, apparently she wanted to finish off her contract with him and he lost it; his place is just a few blocks away. Flack and Lovato are already on their way"
Sheldon announced and both senior detectives quickly made their way to meet with the others at the suspect's place.
…
As Mac and Jo reached the place, Flack and Lovato were ready to get in, they only waited for the two CSI's to put their vests on before getting inside.
"NYPD, open the door"
Flack yelled and waited, when there was no response he asked for the officers to force it so they would get in.
As they searched through the apartment they noticed how everything was extremely in place and quiet. For a moment they thought there was no one inside but them. That was proved wrong when Jo felt someone grabbing her body from behind.
"Drop the guns or I'll shoot her"
The man yelled at them. As they turned around they were met with the sight of Robert Nolan holding Jo hostage in his arms, with a gun pointed at her face.
All three detectives put their guns on the floor before Mac tried to take some control of the situation.
"Robert, please let her go, we won't hurt you."
Mac said as calmly as he could, giving the circumstance, as he slowly tried to get closer to younger man.
As he did so his eyes connected with Jo's and never he remembered seeing her looking that scared, and it made his blood boil to see it. No one should ever be able to make another individual, especially his partner, that afraid.
"Not until all the cops leave the building"
The criminal demanded.
"You know we can't do that, but we promise you if you just let her go nothing bad will happen to you"
Mac tried once more still there wasn't any positive response visible.
Time dragged itself on as they tried to come to terms between them and eventually a way to get Jo free. They were almost making it, when in some way Robert was able to see one of the snipers on the roof of the building nearby.
He panicked, franticly he started pointing his gun everywhere and at everyone before pointing at Jo once more, only not at her face anymore as he really wasn't paying that much attention on whom or where was his target.
He was just so agitated he didn't even realize when he pulled the trigger.
…
Before anyone could realize Jo was already on the floor bleeding out.
As soon as he saw it, Mac instantly moved to stand by her side, and for as much he tried to apply some pressure to the wound he knew she needed medical assistance as fast as possible.
"Stay with me, Jo."
He pleaded not sure if she was listening, and even if she wasn't he pleaded for some high force to hear him out, because he needed her.
Not many minutes later the paramedics had reached them and moved Jo to the gurney to get her into the ambulance. Mac didn't leave her side not even for a second.
The trip to the hospital seemed to take an eternity as the head of the New York Crime Lab watched the trained paramedics do everything they could inside that ambulance but knowing they needed to get her into an ER as soon as possible.
As they finally reached their destination, Jo was fast wheeled to the nearest emergency room available and Mac was left behind waiting and praying for his partner's life.
…
Minutes felt like hours, and the hours felt like years as Mac sat there waiting for news about his second in command state.
All he could think about was how he wouldn't know what to do if he lost her.
She was his best friend, that much was truth, but she wasn't just that. She was more, much more.
Jo was the place he sought comfort when needed. When by her side he felt at peace with himself, something he hadn't felt in a long time; every time he would see her walk anywhere he couldn't help the smile upon his lips at the sight of her.
She was his solid ground, the only constant in his life in quite some time, and although he hated to admit it, he knew he had never loved nor would ever love Christine as much as he did Jo.
He promised himself that day, would she come out okay of surgery, he would end things between him and his girlfriend/fiancée so he could stay with Jo, no matter how long it would take, because for her he was willing to wait forever.
…
After many long and excruciating hours of wait, finally a doctor came into view.
"Josephine Danville's family?"
The young surgeon asked.
Upon hearing that Mac got up from the seat he had occupied and took care of the situation.
"I'm Mac Taylor, Josephine's boss. Her family lives in Virginia and her two children had just gone outside"
Mac said.
"Mr. Taylor, I'm Dr. Henry Wilcox. I and my team performed Miss Danville's surgery. She had lost a great amount of blood as the bullet hit several veins and an artery"
"Is she okay?"
Mac asked apprehensive, praying everything would be okay.
"I'm sorry to inform you that we've done everything we could but still it wasn't enough. She didn't make it"
Once his brain processed the words which came out of the young doctor's mouth, Mac had to do his best to stay steady as he felt his knees go weak.
His heart died with her.
Part IV
The Pain
The sun shone brightly leaving no room for clouds in the New York City blue sky. For Mac Taylor, though it was just so wrong it should be considered a crime for a day to look that wonderful when he was about to bury his best friend, the woman he truly loved.
All the things he wished he had said to her ran through his head as he drove to the cemetery.
There weren't words able to translate the pain and the regret which hammered incessantly inside his chest.
He regretted arguing with her over her worry about him, he regretted not spending more time with her during the months she was away, but most of all he regretted not having told her the truth about his feeling towards her, not having said "I love you".
...
As Mac finally reached his destination, he noticed how the cemetery was filled with Jo's family, friends and members of the NYPD.
The bagpipe began playing as Danny, Flack and Adam helped Mac to carry the coffin which Jo's body was in.
As usual in every funerary ceremony of a member whom belonged to the law enforcement a single gunshot was fired before laying the coffin on the ground. A police officer folded the American flag and handed it to Tyler Josephson whom in the end gave it to his younger sister Ellie Danville.
"Jo Danville was not only a great crime scene investigator but also a wonderful friend and work colleague. For those who have met her and were always around her know that we could count on her no matter what happened. Her loyalty, integrity, respect and passion towards this city and its law enforcement and her friends was as clear as this sky above our heads. She will forever remain in our hearts."
Mac said all the while fighting down the lump that had formed in his throat. He stepped down and moved to stand beside Christine and watched as Ellie and Tyler said their last goodbyes to their mothers with the open casket.
Once the young boy and girl had returned to their previous spot, he walked to the casket, a single white rose in his hand and placed it above delicate pale clasped hands.
"I love you."
Were the only words able to leave his lips as he looked at her face one last time.
Back to the place he was before, he watched as the cemetery workers lowered the casket down and closed the hole on the ground. All he could feel was his heart being buried as well.
…
After the funeral everyone had left except for Ellie, Tyler, Mac and Christine whom was there to support her fiancé through his lost.
Neither man could imagine the kind of pain his friend's children were going through nor could Christine imagine why loosing Jo would affect her relationship with Mac so much in the future.
The two adults stood side by side as they watched the two siblings say one last prolonged goodbye to their mother. He had promised Jo he would take care of them the better he could, and Mac Taylor was a man whom kept true to his word.
As both young people finished saying all they had to say, Tyler turned to Mac:
"We are ready to go"
Mac gave a short nod of understanding before turning to his fiancée.
"Please walk them to the car, I'll be right there. I just need a moment"
"Of course"
Christine replied, before doing what she had been asked to, understanding full well what was like to lose someone who meant so much.
When he was sure the three figures were out of hearing distance, Mac kneeled in front of the tombstone which read:
Josephine Danville
Forever present in the heart of those who loved her.
July 11th, 1960
February 28th, 2013
"I never told you, but you were the light I've looked for so many years to illuminate my life. You made me feel things I haven't felt in ages, and I still don't know why I never tried to express my feelings for you, to make them clear. I think I have an idea why, though. I was terrified of losing you. You were my best friend, my solid ground and to risk losing that because of un-mutual romantic love would have killed me, although saying all of this now that you're gone doesn't feel better either. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you more than you can ever imagine and I'll miss you. I already do. Goodbye, Jo"
Mac finished and with one last glance at the cold stone in which the name of his beloved was written he made his way towards his car.
…
As Mac stopped his car in front of what once was Jo's building he asked:
"Are you sure you two are going to be ok? I and Christine can stay here until Russ comes"
"We'll be fine Mac, but thank you"
Tyler answered and got off of the car, before doing the same as her brother the young girl fished in her purse for a white pack, ending her search briefly as finding it was not that difficult.
"I think she would like if you had these"
Ellie said to Mac as she handed him a small pack of white paper.
He thanked her and promised that as soon as he got home he would get through every page of the pack.
…
The same night after Jo's funeral, Mac waited for Christine to fall asleep before moving to the living room and go through the stack of paper Ellie had handed to him.
Easily and right away he recognized his best friend's handwriting and eagerly he went through every single letter only stopping after he finished the last one.
The knowledge of Jo loving him as more as a friend made his chest constrict with hurt and regret. If he only knew what she felt for him things would have been much more different, and maybe he wouldn't have to watch the woman he truly loved die in his arms.
All of the feelings he had been trying to keep at bay the entire day surfaced all at once and not for the first time on that day Mac Taylor found himself crying.
…
He was supposed to marry Christine a year later, unfortunately their relationship couldn't survive the dark times they went through right after Jo's death. Without any one to look after him, Mac got back to his old workaholics way. Though he always said to himself that the only reason he couldn't seem to leave his office was because it was the place where he could feel her presence the most.
He never forgot Jo no matter what he did or where he went, he would always feel her presence around him and it was quite comforting in a way. It gave the illusion she had never left him, and although pretending she was there it wasn't the most recommendable road to take, still was better than to have nothing to hold on to.
And when the time for him to join her would come, maybe just maybe, they would be able to handle things their way without the misunderstandings of life and find the happy ending which was taken away from them.
Part V
One Last Letter
"Dear Jo,
As I write this now, I'm very aware that you not get the chance to read it, though I like to think you would, if only to put me at ease for the time being.
I needed to tell you a few things, and since I can't do it face to face anymore, I thought why not write it?
Above anything I have to say to you there's one which has to be first:
I'm sorry, Jo.
I'm sorry for being so blind I couldn't see you needed me, I'm sorry for pushing away when all you tried to do was taking care of me.
But you know what I'm most sorry for?
For never trying.
I never tried to take a chance in what could have been out of fear of what may have happened, and now I will regret it for the rest of my life.
You're gone and you didn't even heard me saying 'I love you' to you. And I know if you were here you would say you already know it, but you don't. You have no idea of how much I love you, of how much living without you is hell.
I know I had you by my side for a long time but didn't act on my feelings, and now I know the price of my cowardice, but it was like I said, I was afraid.
I was afraid somewhere, someway, down the road I would end up messing things and would push away the same way I did, only worse. If anything went wrong I would close myself in a way I don't know you would be able to get in, and I would hate myself for doing that to you and you would hate me too for it and I'd lose the best thing I ever had.
Though, none of those reasons should be used as an excuse to save my ass from the guilty feeling within me.
Believe me when I say I love you, though, because I do, I really, really do. Like I've never loved any on else.
Life without you is hard, I won't lie, but I hold on to a small ray of hope which says I'll meet you again, and when I do, I'll hold you and never let you go.
I love you,
Mac"
END!