I know people really wanted more of my stalker Hotch series, and this is a bit from my OC's point of view on what's been going on in this universe. I have plans on switching back to Reid's point of view in another piece- probably a oneshot- that will give more information on the dynamic between Hotch and Reid.
Diana Hailey Jackson considers herself to be mostly okay. Not good, certainly not well, but not horrid and not bad. She's only tried to kill herself two times and she thinks that's a pretty good record. She lives with her adopted father, Dr. Spencer Reid, who takes care of her in what she can only describe as an exasperated, somewhat fond fashion. She has been attending therapy since her last suicide attempt, though he admitted he should have gotten her into therapy sooner. The money had been the problem. Now though, all she has to do is hang her towel in her window and the money necessary will end up on the kitchen table. Diana knows why this is and she smiles whenever she remembers.
It isn't easy to just start living with someone you don't know, even more so when you have been sexually abused. Diana wasn't always that way. She knew what was happening, and though she knew it was wrong, there was nothing she could do to stop her father. They told you there were things you could do but she knew it was all a lie. She had met a kid in foster care and it had forever shaped her view of it to be 'anywhere but there' and she had never stopped thinking of it as a horrid pit you ended up in when no one could have you. If her papa had not come along she would have done nothing to leave her father. She was grateful of his doing so, though at first she was still wary of his intentions.
She had tried to forget it all as she began the clunky relationship with her 'dad', but she started to get sick. She was nauseas, she was throwing up in the mornings and into the evenings. Her period had never been regular, but it also had never been this late either. She denied it to herself in terror for two weeks before she finally mentally relented. Her period hadn't been this late in so long, and there was no way this was the flu. She'd be over it by now or flat on her back with a fever higher than hell.
She had sucked it up and gone to the drug store to buy the pregnancy test. She'd taken it with shaking hands and hadn't been able to look at it for a full ten minutes after the results would have shown. When she saw it was positive she had cried and screamed and ripped her wrist bloody before passing out in the bathtub, water running over the open wound. She did not hear as he entered, passed out not long before he did, but she did remember the inexplicable feeling of safety as she woke. She did not know where she was, did not care to know. She didn't even open her eyes as she heard the voice of her savior, her 'papa'.
"Are you okay?" he asked with his deep voice, doing nothing more than holding her. He did not move, and his steadiness steadied her. Normally, she didn't want to be touched, but she felt so safe she didn't mind it.
"No." she whispered the word into his chest. "I want it out." She moved a hand to her stomach, a choked sob coming through and making her already sore eyes burn. "I will never bring his spawn into the world." She could feel his nod as his shoulders moved.
"You won't have to. I had a feeling it would be that way. I'll take you to a place that'll take care of that for you. No need to worry, or to hurt yourself. You know I'll always be here for you, my little angel." He took her for the abortion without question and tucked her back into her bed with a note for her dad. She had slept for a few days, riding out the pain with help from both her papa and dad. Her dad, to his credit, asked no questions and passed no judgments. After that, even if only in her head, she began to refer to herself as Diana Hotchner instead of Diana Jackson.
She spent most of her time with the nice old lady who lived next door while her dad was at work. The woman, Ms. Thurmond, was a kind woman who had divorced her 'good for nothing' husband not too long after her children left the house, and was a little anxious for the company. It was really a perfect match, especially since Diana needed to get used to more normal company as she had known of it before. Because Diana wasn't up to her grade level and her dad didn't want her to enter school so behind, he had arranged to give her a crash course in what she'd need for her next year. This meant she was learning two years' worth of material in only one. She didn't mind though, as if anything the lessons were usually interesting and homework was little and fairly easy. It allowed her to get into the flow of a normal life a little more readily.
It took time to comfortably refer to her 'dad' as dad. He wasn't exactly what she expected, but it did not go unnoticed by her that despite the fact that he had not expected her, he did not hate her. Despite who had brought her here, he did not resent her.
Diana knew her papa was not a good man as he had once been. She would not call him bad, but she would not call him good, and she knew that technically what he did was bad and that he was a killer. She accepted these things. It looked as though her dad did too. Although, he might merely have been resigned to it. But he didn't hate her, and that had to mean something, didn't it? She certainly hoped so.
They had fallen into a happier pattern and she felt safer each day she spent with him. Life was not perfect, no, but it was better. She'd rather have a father who was wanted and a father who was a victim than to live in a foster home or the way she had before. Perhaps that was selfish of her, but she didn't really care.
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"Dad," She called, coming out of her room one morning four months after she had arrived, "Do you wish for me to make breakfast today? I heard your phone go off, will I be staying with Ms. Thurmond?" She turned the corner to find her father eating cereal at the table, already showered and dressed.
"I'm fine, but I will be gone for a few days. I'm just updating the work I want you to look over while I'm gone to make sure you stay occupied." He responded. She nodded, moving towards the cabinets to get something for herself. She had to repress a bit of a shiver as her light nightgown did not do well to protect against the slightly chilly air in the kitchen.
"That's fine," She responded. There was silence as she got herself some toast and sat down across from her dad. She could feel something stirring in the air, there was tension, not much, but enough that she was able to notice. She waited in silence as her new dad continued to work.
"Now, I know you know all the rules, so I'll leave that be. I know we need groceries and I don't want you to go shopping on your own so text me to tell me what to get or if it's been... provided for us." Her dad trailed off, and Diana nodded, noticing as she always did that he was hesitant to bring up her papa. "I've already talked to Ms. Thurmond and she's expecting you to come over by lunch, alright?"
Diana merely nodded. Her dad smiled at her, and then, to her utter shock, gently leaned over and slowly gave her a hug. Diana stiffened as she saw him reaching to hug her, and he paused for a moment, but then she opened her arms to accept the hug and they sat there, for just a moment, two stiff bodies connected in a stiffer hug. They let go quickly.
"Have a good day at work dad," Diana said, before hurriedly making her way back to her own room to change and prepare for the day. Diana was glad that she had never been one to blush, because the conflicting feelings in her gut would certainly have stained her cheeks red. It wasn't that she was embarrassed per say, nor particularly uncomfortable... which, in and of itself, was unusual. No, it was surprise. Pleased surprise. She had been... happy. Content with the idea of a hug. It had been so long since she had felt that way that it was downright shocking. Still she was sort of glad. It was nice to feel so good, even if it was an awkward sort of good.
The day after that Diana was visited by her papa. He insisted that he take her out for a while, and he even spoke with Ms. Thurmond, who didn't know about him due to having moved in after the big debacles that had occurred when her papa had begun to stalk her dad. They traveled for an hour and a half in a car that Diana imagined must have been stolen before her papa felt that he could safely take her out.
They ended up eating at a fairly normal chain restaurant, sitting in a darkly lit corner at her papa's request. He asked her how things were going, and she responded with short but fairly descriptive answers. He encouraged her to speak only as much as she was comfortable, and was fine with silence as well. She had once been a talkative person but she found herself reluctant to talk, had for quite some time now.
"Dad hugged me yesterday." Diana said just after they had ordered dessert.
"I see. What did you think about that?" he asked her, watching her features as she looked down at her napkin.
"I-I don't know, exactly. I was... pleased, I think. I was happy he wanted to hug me. It was a little awkward, but... nice. I think... I think I want it to happen more often." Diana fell silent again, finally looking up at her papa, who had a gentle smile on his face.
"I'm glad. You like your dad, you feel safe with him, and some physical contact would be a natural progression. As long as you are both comfortable with the amount of contact, I think this will be good for both of you." He placed a hand on hers, and she smiled at him as he squeezed her hand. The rest of the time they spent together was spent in peaceful silence.
When her dad came back, she was not surprised to find him tired and mentally stretched thin. "Good evening dad," Diana said. She took a deep breath, stepped forward and gave him a quick squeeze around the waist. "I missed you." There was a moment of stunned silence before her dad reacted. He smiled.
"I missed you too Diana," he said. "Would you like to write a letter with me for your grandmother?"
"Yeah, I'd like that." She said. She took his offered hand and they walked to the desk in the living room. They started to talk and write and laugh and Diana was sure she could hear her papa's pleased chuckling. It wasn't love, not yet, but with time, she didn't doubt that these two would be the parents that she needed, no matter how messed up the relationship really was.