Not even counting sheep will lull her to the sleep she so desperately craves. Instead, she is tormented by the memories that refuse to fade. When they aren't swirling about her mind, she is haunted by the hopes she had for a future with him. She despises memories, wishes, happiness, and fairytale endings.
The memories haunt her. She can't seem to remember any of the fights or times he made her feel worthless; instead, all she can think of are the moments of happiness.
She spun around and around in the courtyard in the midst of a storm. A large grin adorned her freckled face as she laughed. He was right there beside her, his gray eyes shining.
They walked about Hogsmeade, hand in hand, not even bothering to enter any shops. They were too caught up in each other to notice anything else.
He embraced her tightly and whispered, "I love you," before he left her by the entrance to the Gryffindor common room.
He leaned over to kiss her as they lay by the lake.
She'll catch herself making a wish every time she sees a star. Wishes are pointless; they bring even more regret. Making wishes is a habit that needs breaking. She slaps herself whenever she accidentally makes one.
She cannot forget the fairytale ending she used to imagine; the fairytale endings that would never happen. Him and her, happy together; forever. Forever doesn't exist; forever is just a disappointment.
She no longer smiles or laughs. She is like an empty shell; staring into blankness and withdrawn from all others. No one notices her sudden distance from the world. If they decide to pay attention, they would notice the dark circles under emotionless eyes. If they happen to catch a glimpse of her arm as her robe sleeve falls back, they would notice the fresh scars that are slow to heal. If they glanced over at her during meals, they would notice her pushing a meager amount of food around with her fork.
No one notices that her red hair has lost it's flair. No one notices that her brown eyes have lost their sparkle. No one notices that her once-colorful wardrobe has faded. No one notices that her joyful disposition has tarnished. No one notices any change; all are too caught up in their own selfish worlds.
Happiness doesn't exist to her anymore. To her, happiness is just an intricate web of lies.
Love doesn't exist either. Love is just another chain of lies and fake feelings. Believing in love is only an invitation for pain and misery.
She used to believe wishes and happiness. She used to believe in love and forever. She used to believe that those fairytale endings she dreamed up would actually come true. To her, life used to be bright and exciting. Now, life is dull and horrible.
You would expect her to say that he broke her. She wouldn't, though. Instead, she would whisper in the monotone voice she had adopted. Most of it would be incoherent mumbles, but you might be able to catch the few words along the lines of, "I broke myself. I believed in love and happiness. I believed in the things that don't exist."
S h e - b e l i e v e d.
All belongs to JK Rowling.
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