The two sisters were slowly learning how to interact with each other in daily life again, but it wasn't an easy process. Elsa still flinched away when Anna reached out to touch her, and Anna still hesitated sometimes in front of Elsa's door. They were able to hold several meaningful conversations, however. Progress was definitely being made. They had discussed what happened in the past that separated them for so long, and Anna felt they had grown closer as a result.
Still, Anna could never tell what was going on behind her sister's sharp eyes and furrowed brow, and Elsa seemed to find talking difficult sometimes. Anna could tell Elsa still felt guilty about the times she accidentally harmed Anna, but Anna's attempts to address and absolve her sister's needless guilt had been awkwardly ineffective at best.
Their relationship progressed well for a few weeks after the thaw, but then Elsa seemed to deteriorate. She became quieter and more solemn - something Anna was astute to notice through her own talkative nature. Elsa didn't shut her out like before, but it seemed like they never got any closer than just out of arm's reach. And Anna wanted to be closer than that. The redhead soaked up physical affection like a parched desert seeks water, but Elsa was oh so timid. She had been timid ever since they reached the shore the day of the thaw. Anna thought she got her sister back, but had she?
Aside from the embraces they had shared on the ship, Elsa seemed reluctant to be physically close to Anna. She would cringe away, and Anna knew not to push her too hard now. She wielded this restraint not out of fear, but out of love and compassion for her tormented sibling. Anna could see how hard it was for Elsa to fight her fear, and she intended to help her by slowly and gently rehabilitating her. Shocking her back into unfamiliar human contact would help no one, so though it pained her to do so, Anna held back too.
The past few weeks seemed different, though. Elsa seemed more exhausted than usual. She rarely had a smile that didn't look weary or rehearsed. She seemed to be going through her duties rather mechanically. Her eyes seemed vacant, empty, almost haunted at times. And they only softened when she looked at Anna.
"Elsa?" Anna asked quietly one evening, "Are you okay?" Elsa pulled away from her desk and turned her tired face to her sister.
"Yes," she said stiffly, almost formally, "why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just that…" Anna stammered, "You don't look well. You don't look… happy." Elsa turned her eyes to the ground and didn't answer.
"Is it something I did?" Anna asked, her voice shaking a bit. Wide blue eyes snapped up to meet hers.
"Anna, no! Never. You have done nothing wrong!" Elsa exclaimed, suddenly more animated than she had been in weeks. "Please don't blame yourself for my…" she choked on her words, "my behavior." And there was the formality again. The darkness in her eyes returned and she stood back, clasping her hands in front of her.
Anna was shocked to see that Elsa was wearing gloves again and her forehead creased in concern. Elsa saw her sister's gaze turn to her fabric-clad hands and her eyes fell in shame. Anna could practically see the cold, isolating walls rebuilding around her silent sister and it was all she could do to keep herself from wrapping Elsa up in her arms and refusing to let go until she really felt how much Anna loved her.
"I wish I could hug you," Anna murmured almost to herself. She glanced up to see a horrible look of pain cross Elsa's face before the queen turned away, bowing over her desk.
"Elsa…"
"I'm so sorry Anna. I… I wish you could, too." Anna's eyebrows shot up.
"Then… I will," she said, somewhat confused, and eagerly started to move forward before Elsa raised a hand.
"Wait," her voice sounded thick with unshed tears, "wait until after dinner. I have an idea. It… it might work."
"What do you mean? An idea for what?" Anna's voice was so soft and gentle, as if something might shatter if she spoke too loudly. She crept forward another step, aching to dissolve this stiff figure into a warm embrace.
"I… no, Anna. Please. Don't come any closer," then in a whisper, "it isn't safe."
Fortunately for Elsa, Anna did not see the crystalline tears falling from her eyes as she said this. Anna could only see the tenseness of her shoulders and those terrible gloves clenched in fists on the desktop. And though every fiber of her being wanted to envelope Elsa in a warm hug, Anna held herself back. The last thing she wanted to do was traumatize Elsa further. Truth be told, she was worried she might drive Elsa back into solitude if she wasn't careful.
"I'll see you at dinner then?" the princess asked hopefully. The figure before her just nodded, once.
"Okay," Anna said, trying to keep the dejection out of her voice.
"I love you, Elsa," she called gently from the doorway, before stepping outside and closing the door behind her. She waited for a moment in case Elsa changed her mind and called her back, but the only sounds that came to her ears were muffled sobs. She reached back and softly touched the now-cold door with her hand, tears starting in her own eyes. But she did not want to press too hard. So, her heart breaking for Elsa, Anna walked away.
Anna eagerly made her way to the dining room for dinner. She hoped some good food would lift Elsa's spirits so they could talk about whatever was bothering her. The room was deserted when Anna arrived early for the meal. Elsa was nowhere to be found, but Anna saw a note lying on her empty plate. She sat down and unfolded the paper to reveal her sister's penmanship.
Dearest Anna,
I know I have been distancing myself from you, and I am so sorry. In truth, I am terrified of losing control and hurting you again. I think I have found a way to render my powers incapable of damage. I hope I can soon be close to you without the fear of harming you, even if it's only a temporary solution. By the time you get this note, my task should be complete and I won't have to shut you out any more. Come find me in the forge.
All my love,
Elsa
Worry creased Anna's face, her eyes narrowing in confusion. She left the room and made her way through the dark stone passages. Down several flights of stairs she went, until she reached the north side of the castle. The royal blacksmith shop was on the lowest floor, built on a ledge over the fjord. Within, fires raged around the clock in hot furnaces and metal could melt like butter in the roaring smelters.
"Elsa?" the princess called, her voice rising with concern as she stepped into the oppressive heat. She listened closely and heard a strange hissing noise from the back of the room. She passed furnaces and smelters on either side as she made her way farther into the room. Some were still radiating scorching heat. Some, to her surprise, were quiet and dark. Cold and crusted with familiar frost.
Rounding the corner, Anna stopped short. Before her stood Elsa, both arms extended in front of her and her back braced against the stone wall, furiously shooting ice into the heart of a struggling inferno. Sweat beaded on the queen's brow and dripped off of her chin, but her eyes were bright with purpose. The stream of ice faltered briefly and Elsa staggered a bit. She swiped an arm across her face and resumed the icy assault, her teeth gritted in exertion.
Finally the red of the smelter was replaced by a silky darkness and it filled with ice, as still and silent as the five that had preceded it. As Elsa lowered her arms finally, she noticed Anna watching her.
"Wait, wait!" she cried, ice flaring from her feet. "I'm not done! Just a little bit more. Please stay back, Anna."
Before the girl could reply, Elsa turned to face a seventh roaring furnace. With a panicked glance at her younger sister, the queen unleashed a torrent of ice into the heart of the flames. Anna stumbled forward, her features twisted in confusion, concern, and fear. Afraid of me, afraid of this nonsense, Elsa thought. The torment and sadness that thought produced strengthened the jets of cold. Yes, yes! Soon…
"Elsa!" the cry reached her ears. Her sister was walking closer. Panic set in as Elsa sensed Anna approaching. She clenched her eyes shut and redoubled her efforts. Fear sent her power coursing through her battered hands. Anna was at her side now, calling her name, telling her to stop. I can't! I won't! This is for you, Anna! I'll be safe for you soon, you'll see!
She felt more than saw Anna reach out a hand to touch her and all conscious thought was lost to fear. Elsa's dwindling strength melded with her pain and raw terror, and her magic formed a bright sparking ball in her hands before it crashed mightily into the depths of the furnace.
Elsa could feel her sister's hands grabbing her arms, pulling them down, trying to stop her, but she had finished. Just in time. The magic, the ice in her body, was a tepid rawness instead of the unbearable vortex of cold it had been. She felt like she was floating, all other sensations dulled but the warmth of her sister's hands on her arm. Even the panicked voice of the one she loved most was dulled, as if heard from underwater. Her eyes became unfocused as her view of the now-dead forge was replaced by the charred ceiling and a blur of ginger hair. She numbly felt her body slam to the ground before her vision went dark all together. The last thing that registered in her mind was the unfamiliar but comforting touch of warm hands cradling her face before she fell deeply and willingly into blissful unconsciousness.
Elsa slowly became aware that her surroundings had changed. She no longer smelled the metallic grit of the forge, nor felt the stinging heat of the flames. She felt nothing at all for a long while, drifting on nothing, sensing nothing. Then, slowly, the tingling started in her body – all over – and it got stronger and stronger. It became a persistent, stabbing ache in all her joints and all over her skin. It hurt, and she found that she couldn't move or escape from it. Her hearing came back with a whoosh and an echoing high-pitched ringing sound, as if she had just hit her head. Did I hit my head? She wondered to herself through the pain. Everything was dark and she found she was unable to open her eyes. She would have panicked, but she was so tired. So she waited, suspended in this unique kind of apathetic agony.
Gradually the sharp stabbing sensation lessened and the ringing died down. No longer overwhelmed by the pain, Elsa could sense that she was lying on something soft. She lay flat on her back, her head gently cushioned on a pillow. She couldn't bear to move at all yet, and wasn't sure she could even if she wanted to as she slowly became aware of a weight resting on her chest. Confused but not frightened, she struggled to open her eyes. The tingling increased and she stopped, not wanting the feeling to worsen. She tried to be as still as possible, and as she lay in increasing awareness, she noticed that heat seemed to be radiating from the object on top of her. It was also pressed against her entire left side and she thought she felt it move rhythmically, as if it were breathing.
She fought down a sense of panic at the close presence of this foreign being. No living thing should ever get this close to me. It's not safe! She tried to will her eyes open; she had to know what it was. Ignoring the increasing pain as she put forth effort, Elsa managed to open one eye just a fraction. Though the pain was intense and caused a hitch in her breath and stars to explode behind her eyes as the open one fell shut, she managed to identify the person in bed with her. Just a glimpse of familiar, beloved red braids cushioned on her chest put Elsa at ease. She remembered now – the plan. It must have worked! Anna was safe. She could be close now.
Elsa could feel even more certainly the deep breaths her sleeping sister took pressed against her side. There was even a belt of warmth at Elsa's waist - probably Anna's arm draped across her body. And that dear head that rested just below Elsa's collarbone... Elsa never knew she could feel such peace. Though the pain was less than desirable, the warmth of Anna's body soothed the ache and knowing her sister was safe from her powers was a huge relief for the young queen. She finally allowed herself to enjoy Anna's presence without having to worry about hurting her. Elsa couldn't remember the last time she felt so safe and content. She felt her strength ebb away as she slipped into unconsciousness once more.
When Anna woke, she was in exactly the same position in which she fell asleep. Before she even opened her eyes she could hear the steady beat of Elsa's heart right under her ear. She pulled her sister closer and snuggled into her side. Elsa was very warm. Anna wasn't sure if that was a normal thing for her or not. The cold might not bother Elsa, but she was still human with a normal human body temperature, right?
Anna didn't know. The thrumming of Elsa's heart only reassured Anna that her sister was alive, not that she was okay. Anna clung to the slim, unmoving body as fears assailed her mind. She revisited the panic she had felt as she entered the forge to find Elsa trying to purge the frost and magic from her own body. All the emotions that had been warring against each other in that moment were still a bit overwhelming to recall. Fear for Elsa's safety, concern for what Elsa was doing to herself, compassion for Elsa's obvious torment, regret that she hadn't done something different to prevent this, panic when Elsa collapsed, and love for Elsa. Always love, because if there was one thing Anna wanted it was to love Elsa well. She was at a loss as to how to do that since Elsa had been pushing her away again.
Anna shuddered as she left the frightening recesses of her mind and focused on the present. She lifted her head and leaned on one elbow to survey her slumbering companion. Elsa hadn't moved at all in almost six hours. Six hours since Anna watched Elsa crumple to the ground lifelessly, her eyes white and her body limp and cold on the floor of the forge. Six hours since she cradled Elsa in her arms, just as afraid as Elsa must have been all those years ago in their childhood winter wonderland.
Anna smoothed a stray lock of hair away from Elsa's still face and sighed. After bringing Elsa to her room, Anna had spent some time analyzing and re-analyzing the note and her sister's panicked shouts before her collapse. She had pieced together a vague idea of what Elsa was trying to do.
"Oh Elsa," she murmured to the sleeping form, "your magic is just as much a part of you as your heart and your bones. You can't separate yourself from… yourself." Her brow furrowed at the realization that Elsa's actions were nearly tantamount to a suicide attempt. A burning fury flooded her veins. She could have DIED! And she probably knew it, too!
"How dare you try to take yourself from me," she hissed. "What on earth would I do without you?" Anna scowled, tears leaking from her eyes. "Your magic is beautiful. It is a gift, and I'm not afraid of it. I'm not afraid of you!" But her anger faded for the sole reason that she understood. She understood Elsa's reasons however much she disagreed with them. She hoped she could change Elsa's mind about herself and about her powers. She hoped she could help Elsa with love instead of with the fear that had dominated her childhood. She was determined, at least, to try.
Anna carefully climbed out of the bed and pulled the blankets back over Elsa. It was the middle of the night but she needed to stretch her legs. She was too wound up by her whispered outburst to sleep again anyway. A tray of food had been left outside the door by the thoughtful and concerned staff, and she picked sparingly at the snacks for a moment. Anna wandered quietly over to the window and opened the curtains slightly. The night's lightshow shone down brightly onto the young woman. A wistful smile rose to her lips. Elsa, the sky's awake.
"So I'm awake," she whispered and turned back to the bed. She climbed up to sit beside Elsa and took her limp hand. She leaned against the headboard and just listened to Elsa breathe for a time. She began to sing softly to keep herself company in the quiet darkness. "For the first time in forever…"
Elsa felt the heaviness of sleep giving way. The pain was much less than before, and her mental faculties came back faster this time. For instance, she was quickly able to feel a warm hand in hers, the weight of another person sitting on the bed beside her, and a hauntingly lonely voice singing a familiar song.
"… you don't have to live in fear," a gentle hand running fingers through her hair,
"cause for the first time in forever," the other hand laced their fingers together and held on tight.
"I will be right here." A song and a promise - Elsa could tell it was both by the steel in Anna's tone even though she kept humming. Elsa struggled to twitch her hand just a bit to let the girl know she was alive. She wasn't able to move very much, but Anna reacted immediately with a gasp. The bed leapt as Anna twisted around to kneel beside Elsa. Her hand was released and two soft palms cradled Elsa's face.
"Elsa?" a small, hopeful voice called.
Anna waited with bated breath for Elsa to open her eyes. Though she was too weak to open them very far, Elsa lifted her heavy eyelids enough to find herself iris to iris with the frightened blue-green eyes of her sister.
Tears sprang unbidden to Anna's eyes as emotions surged within her.
"Elsa," she breathed. "You're okay!" and she promptly collapsed, sobbing, onto Elsa's chest.
"I was s-so scared, Elsa! You just… and you didn't… you weren't… you almost… you can't, you…"
She grabbed fistfuls of the blanket and glared into shocked blue eyes.
"Don't you ever leave me, Elsa!" Anna's eyes were streaming with tears. "You could have died! You almost did! I almost lost you! Again!"
Their faces were mere inches apart. Elsa was too weak to move anything but her eyes and Anna was straddling her torso, practically sitting on Elsa's stomach. Still pressing close, Anna stifled a sob and caressed Elsa's cheek with a shaking hand.
"Just… please don't ever do anything like that ever again," Anna sighed, her voice raw from crying. "I was so worried. I'm still really worried about you, Elsa. I love you," she murmured and leaned forward to press a teary kiss to Elsa's forehead.
"Now," she sniffed back more tears, "I don't know how long it's gonna take to get you better, and I don't care how long it takes. I'm going to be right here." Her tone was firm, and more serious than Elsa had ever heard her speak before, yet so very gentle and loving at the same time. Anna smoothed back Elsa's hair and internally reveled in the ability to touch her once-estranged sister. She suddenly wondered if this was making Elsa uncomfortable – this unprecedented closeness seemed like a bit of a stretch compared to their previously limited contact.
"I'm sorry if me being this close is bothering you, Elsa," she said and got off of her sister. Anna knelt beside her but continued touching Elsa's face with gentle fingers. "But I was so afraid that I had lost you! I… I need to be close. Is that okay?"
She looked intently into Elsa's eyes but didn't see any discomfort or distaste in their blue depths. Anna wasn't sure she was reading Elsa's gaze correctly, but she thought she saw acceptance and a fondness no longer tinged with fear.
Anna gently lifted Elsa's limp arm and held her hand. "Can you squeeze my hand?" Elsa's eyes fluttered shut, but she responded with a weak squeeze. "There you go! You're gonna be okay." The relief in Anna's voice was palatable and Elsa's face developed a small smile.
"You should probably rest," Anna suggested quietly. "Would you like for me to hold you?" she asked hesitantly. "If that's okay, squeeze my hand again."
Anna's face lit up at the slight pressure on her hand and she almost squealed in delight. She propped some pillows up against the headboard and sat back comfortably. She lifted Elsa's upper body, careful to support her head, and shifted her sister into her lap. When Elsa lay secure, reclining against her body with her legs framing Elsa on either side, Anna let herself relax.
Elsa sighed audibly, surrounded by the gentle warmth of her sister's loving embrace. Anna pulled the blanket over the two of them and hummed a gentle lullaby until Elsa's breaths were long and even, then she joined her in a peaceful slumber.
Elsa was the first to awaken the next morning. Soft light came streaming in through the open curtains. Elsa felt very little pain upon returning to consciousness. No weird ringing in her ears, no stabbing sensation on her skin, just warmth comfortably surrounding her body. She opened her eyes and was pleased to find that it wasn't hard to do this time. Now that she was able to hold her eyes open without such difficulty, she was able to examine her surroundings. She was mildly surprised to find herself in Anna's room. Elsa deduced that the snoring princess on whom she was lying must have brought her here last night.
A smile lifted Elsa's face as she sighed peacefully. Her head and shoulders rose and fell with each gentle breath her sister took. Elsa let herself enjoy the sensation of being held. Anna was very soft and warm, and Elsa could hear her sister's heartbeat if she listened closely enough. One of her arms was wrapped protectively around Elsa's midsection, anchoring her safely in the embrace.
A soft snore echoed around the heartbeat and Elsa smiled. She tried to move her hand, but found that she couldn't. After a brief moment of panic she realized it was because her arm was pinned under Anna's. Her movement made the snoring suddenly cease and Anna sighed and twitched. She seemed to freeze for a moment as she woke disoriented, but then relaxed and bent her face down to Elsa's hair. She took a sleepy deep breath and kissed the top of Elsa's head. Elsa moved again, and Anna reacted carefully by holding her tighter and sitting up a bit.
"Elsa?" Her voice was rough with sleep, yet hopeful. Elsa smiled and moved her hand again. Anna carefully slid out from behind Elsa and settled her back against the pillows.
"Hey," she said with a smile, kneeling again beside her sister.
"Hey me?" Elsa replied. Her voice was incredibly weak and cracked but her eyes were brighter.
"Elsa!" Anna exclaimed in delight and embraced her. "I take it you're feeling better!"
"Thanks to you," she whispered.
"Let me get you some water," Anna said as she hopped off of the bed. As Elsa tried to lift her arms to receive the cup, Anna shook her head reproachfully and held the cup to Elsa's mouth for her. After a few sips, Elsa spoke again and her voice was much stronger.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome," Anna murmured lovingly, smoothing a stray lock of hair back from Elsa's face.
"Your room, huh?"
"Yeah," Anna said, fidgeting with the cup and looking around. "I wanted to take care of you here. I'm sorry if you'd rather I had taken you somewhere else."
"No, it's fine. Did you have the guards bring me here?"
"Well, no. But they helped. They opened the doors for us," Anna said with a small smile.
"You carried me here all by yourself? Why didn't they help you?"
"I wouldn't let them," Anna insisted strongly. "I didn't want anyone else to touch you! I didn't think you'd like that. Also, I can be highly protective of my sister. Especially when she's hurt. What if they scratched you with their armor? Or dropped you? Or didn't support your head right? Or let you hit the doorframes? Or didn't walk smoothly? Or looked at you wrong? Or-"
"I'm not made of glass, Anna," Elsa interrupted gently, "but thank you. You were right. I… you know I struggle with trusting people. But there's no one I trust more than you. I'm glad it was you."
"I'm glad it was me, too," Anna said as she gently caressed Elsa's face. The older girl leaned into her touch with a smile and it was warmly returned. Then Anna's smile fell and she became serious.
"We need to talk about what happened," she said. Elsa's face fell and her eyes shifted away, ashamed.
"Elsa, please look at me," Anna pleaded, leaning forward.
"I'm sorry, Anna," Elsa murmured, her voice cracking. "I didn't know…"
"That it would almost kill you?" Anna replied, her tone sharper than she had intended. Elsa flinched a little and Anna's anger was gone in an instant.
"Oh Elsa," she said softer, "I didn't mean to snap at you. I just… wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I wish you could see your powers the way I do." Elsa's eyes turned to hers finally in curiosity.
"Your power is just as much a part of you as your bones and your skin. It's not meant to be separated from you. It's beautiful, Elsa. You are beautiful. I know you're afraid of hurting me, but I know you won't."
"But I did," Elsa interrupted in a choked whisper. Anna shushed her gently and continued.
"I forgive you for that," she insisted. "You don't have to feel guilty any more. Things are different now. I'm here, and I love you." Tears started up in Elsa's eyes, and Anna gently wiped them away as they ran down her face.
"Love will thaw, remember?" Elsa could only nod in response. Anna carefully pulled her weak sister into an embrace, hoping to comfort Elsa with her love. Still holding the shaking girl, Anna continued.
"It's gonna be okay. We'll get you better, and I'll be right here. I promise. I love you." Elsa's breath hitched a little bit, and Anna rubbed gentle circles into her back.
"It's all right. Things are different now. It's going to be okay. I'm not going to let you be afraid any more. Please don't ever shut me out again, Elsa."
"I won't," came the muffled, teary reply. "I'll do my best to never do that to you again."
"I'll help you. We're going to be okay. Together."
Elsa nestled into Anna's warm embrace and sighed,
"Together."
