It started a year after her games, when any sort of novelty and disgust at being at The Capitol had dissolved into a discomfort. At one of those dumb Galas the Snow keeps putting on in order to keep tabs on us. She stood on the sidelines watching the others dance; she couldn't help but watch Finnick glide his latest assignment across the dance floor.
"Oh no," A voice said behind her.
"What?" She turned to see Haymitch, drink in hand. He was the first and only friend she had made since winning the games.
"I know that look; it's not going to happen."
She pointedly ignored him. She was an 18 year old girl, her having a crush on an unattainable guy was the only thing remotely normal in her life. As far as she was concerned, Haymitch should be encouraging her.
"You see the red head over there?" He pointed his glass to the other side of the room, where a girl stood in a sea-green dress swaying back and forth absentmindedly to the music.
"That's Annie." Johanna said, she's met her a few times. She was nice, a basket case, but nice. She met Haymitch's eyes and frowned. "Her?"
"So it looks like you've got yourself some competition." He winked and walked away, probably to refill his glass.
She huffed and followed him to the bar, she walked quickly not exactly looking where she was going. She didn't know whether it was the high heeled shoes or floor length dress but with one step left between her and the bar she tripped grabbing whatever was in front of her. What she grabbed wasn't the bar but Finnick Odair. Both of them hit the floor and Johanna knocked her head against the oak bar.
He got up to a sitting position holding his head. "Are you ok?" he asked
"Yeah, I'm fine." She caught his eyes full of concern, but looked behind him to see that everyone had turned to stare at them. Finnick turned around and saw them too. He got up and offered her a hand which she denied. She got up on her own but quickly grabbed his shoulder again as her head spun.
"I'm going to take you home." He said, the crowd going back to their previous occupations. She opened her mouth to protest but decided home was exactly where she wanted to go. So she nodded and followed him out of the room. Not before catching Haymitch winking at her.
Once outside she had to jog a little in her heels to keep up with his long strides. "I thought you had some job to do."
He turned around and gave her one of his characteristic grins. "My job tonight was to mingle, which I did." He turned his head back around to let her know that was all to be said on the subject.
"This isn't fair, I didn't even do anything fun to deserve this." She said to herself more than to him, but Finnick still heard her and laughed a little.
She entered her room after the tribute parade and tossed her discarded costume in the fireplace across from her bed. The flames were synthetic and didn't produce heat so the clothing wouldn't burn but it made her feel a better to watch the flames lick the fabric.
She laughed to herself "Whose the girl on fire now?"
She turned around and what happiness she felt evaporated when she saw a little white folded bit of paper on her pillow. I guess Snow wanted his money's worth while he still had her. Johanna opened the envelope and sat on her bed and her worries left her as quickly as they came.
Meet me.
She smiled and went to the closet to put on some more comfortable clothes before leaving her apartment.
"Where do you think you are going?" asked her chaperone, Claudia. To Johanna Claudia looked like a tiny little toothpick with a pile of curling orange hair. Everyone in the Capitol was trying to achieve the Effie Trinket look after last year's games. Johanna allowed a smirk to grace her features at the image.
"I'm going out." She pushed the buttons of the elevator with a little more force than necessary and the doors closed before she could hear any of Claudia's protests.
She got up to the roof and allowed herself to be taken aback at the beauty the Capitol could achieve at night before walking around the entrance to the roof to the other side. There she saw most of the other tributes, minus the careers. She took the empty seat next to Finnick on an abandoned storage container and looked over the faces in the room. Blight, Seeder, Chaff, Beetee, Wiress, among others that Johanna didn't know well. Seated in the center of their little half circle like a king presiding over a court was Haymitch. She wasn't surprised by this. It was normal for the victors to come up here like this for what usually ended up being a mock group therapy session yet it was who was sitting next to Haymitch that gave Johanna pause.
"What is he doing here?" She pointed at Plutarch Heavensbee.
"Calm down, Johanna he's on our side." Haymitch said, Johanna didn't even realize she was standing until she looked down and saw Finnick's hand on her wrist.
She sat down. "Am I supposed to believe that the Head Gamemaker is on our side?"
"Yes." Haymitch said simply in a tone that said he wasn't about to discuss the matter with her. "Now listen to what the man has to say."
Heavensbee went on to talk about his plans for revolution, how district 13 was alive and well and they needed Katniss to be their symbol. "Listen to me, it is of the utmost importance that Katniss makes it out of that arena alive."
"So what you're saying is that you want us to sacrifice ourselves to let her win?" Beetee interjected and there was a murmur discontent rumbling through the other victors, tributes now, Johanna corrected herself.
"Isn't she the reason why we're in this mess?" Johanna said, ever since Katniss's rebellion in the games last year Johanna and the rest of the victors had their every move monitored and scrutinized. She knew she wasn't alone in thinking that this fabulous Quarter Quell twist had more to do with Katniss's actions than tradition.
"I'm not asking you to let her win the games. I'm asking you to protect her until we secure the means to get as many of you out of the area as possible." Haymitch seemed to be the only one buying this plan, and of course he was the only one whose life wasn't on the line. "You are all valuable to this revolution I need as many of you as possible if we are going to win."
"We're just not as important as her." Johanna muttered loud enough to know Heavensbee would hear her. "You're head gamemaker, if you want her out of there so badly why not just call off the games." She paused daring him to respond. "I mean if she's 'pregnant" Johanna put air quotes around the word "then it would make sense to at least let her go."
"You're very perceptive." He said in a way that made her think he was storing that information away for later. "Yet you and I both know that this is a game of chess and I can't reveal my hand until all my pieces are in place."
"I see so if this is a game of chess, I'm assuming we're the pawns, and Katniss is the queen. What does that make you?" Heavensbee relaxed into his seat giving her a silent touché.
"Katniss did her best to help my niece, I shall return the favor." Chaff said putting his hand in the center.
"I will help too." Seeder's hand joined Chaff's. One by one each of the tributes placed their hand in the middle. When Finnick went to move his hand Johanna didn't realize it was still holding onto her wrist until she felt its absence.
Johanna looked around the little half circle at all the faces waiting for her to join them, but it was Haymitch's look of plea that finally made her say "Ok fine." And she placed her hand on top of the others. They dispersed quietly putting the various things they were sitting on back to their original position and back into the building.
When Johanna reached the landing where the elevator stopped Finnick grabbed her arm to stop her from going back to her apartment.
"What?" She asked him after they were alone.
"You know what." He said giving her a daring look.
Johanna scoffed "I wasn't going to not help."
"It sure looked like it."
"It's not like that. I'm just tired of people telling me what to do, what to fight for, and when to die."
He nodded, he understood how she felt. Anyone in their situation would understand. "You're going to help protect her right?"
"Yes," She said "To the death." Something about her words made it seem so final. He looked up at her like he wanted to say something else but shook his head and called for the elevator. She rolled her eyes and followed him.
"He's never going to love you." The words echo in her head every time she saw that stupid grin on Finnick Odair's face. She knew it's never going to happen, he's so head over heels for that basket case Annie, She's a very nice girl but still a basket case. She tossed and turned in her bed on what could be the last night of her life. She pushed the covers back and tip-toe out of the apartment. She wasn't sure where she was planning on going but somehow she ended up at the door of the only person she felt she could talk to.
Johanna pushed open the door quietly to see him sound asleep, curled into himself in the middle of the bed. She slipped into bed next to him and waited for him to wake up. This wasn't the first time they'd shared a bed. After living through the games, it was hard to sleep alone. Like all tributes, Finnick was a light sleeper.
He rolled over to face her. "You ok?" he asked.
"What do you think?" He shifted so she could curl up against him while he held her, she didn't need to talk and he didn't need her too. After a short while she felt his breathing slow as he fell back asleep. She shifted a look at his face, he really did resemble a Greek God with his strong features slightly softened by sleep. She took a deep breath a bent down towards him "He's never going to love you." Those words echoed in her head but she ignored them for once and pressed her lips softly against his. It didn't matter they'd both be dead soon anyways.
She felt him wake against her as he slowly returned the kiss. She pulled away quickly and sat up on the bed. "Johanna" he sighed she turned around to see his pained expression.
They stared at each other in the darkness neither really sure what to say. "I'm sorry." Johanna said not knowing what else to do.
He sighed again, "You know I love you."
"I know, just not like that." They never had this conversation yet they both knew where they stood with each other. It was one of the things she liked about him, she never needed to say a word.
"It's not like that, it's just-"
"Not like her." He nodded slowly, like he didn't want to admit it. She nodded in understanding, and pealed the covers off of her getting ready to leave.
"I should go." She said looked at him waiting for him to protest.
He nodded in agreement but said. "Stay." She got up anyways. "Stay. Please Johanna, stay?"
She sighed in defeat climbing back into bed with him in their previous position. It didn't matter, neither of them should be alone tonight.
Somehow the games felt normal like she never really left. Once away from the cornucopia with her trusty axe in hand Johanna watched Finnick with Mags on his back, and Katniss and peeta ran into the jungle on the opposite side of the beach. "Finnick!" she called in vain. He was much too far away and focused to hear her.
"Ok, let's go." She said to her own group consisting of Blight, Wiress, and Beetee. She didn't know where the rest of their little resistance ran off too but they would be fine on their own. Together they trudged into the jungle.
They found a little clearing Johanna didn't know how far off into the jungle to rest and make a small camp. They would take turns sleeping during the day and keep moving and their wits about them at night, which was also known as prime career hunting time.
Johanna figured out how to get water by cutting into the tree with her axe and then settled down to take a little nap. She wasn't worried about being attacked by the rest of her group, they knew they could live without killing each other, besides Johanna was the scariest one out of the four of them. With this thought in mind she let herself drift off to sleep.
She felt the drips but it was the screaming that woke her up. Johanna was soaked to the bone in hot liquid and more was coming down but she ignored it Wiress was the one screaming curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth. Beetee was rubbing her back trying to calm her down. Johanna didn't understand how someone could be so afraid a little bit of water, but when a bit ran into her mouth she understood. This was no water, it was blood.
"Come on guys let's move." She said picking up her axe.
"With this…"Beetee searched for the right word. "rain our visibility is quite low, it is safer to stay where we are until the storm passes."
"Well Nuts here just told everyone in this jungle where we are, so we need to get moving." She said taking off, not caring if they followed.
"Johanna is right. It's not safe to stay here." Blight said. "Let's get back to the water so we can wash this off." Johanna turned around in circles, the darkness and chaos ruined her sense of direction. "I believe we want to go this way." He said pointing in the opposite direction Johanna was thinking. He seemed more confident that her, and she honestly didn't care either way so she said.
"Lead the way."
They walked, stumbled really, through the darkness for what felt like forever until she heard a sickening crack stopping Johanna and her companions dead in their tracks. Blight bounced off the force field in front of him and bounced backwards like a ragdoll. A cannon blast went off a moment later.
Wiress let out another scream "Will you shut her up?" Johanna said while she bent down to check Blight's pulse. She knew it was no use, he was already dead. She got up and guided her group in the opposite direction of where they were headed. She heard the hovercraft coming for his body and allowed herself a moment of grief.
The sky had lightened and the rain had long gone by the time they finally made it out to the beach. Between her exhaustion and Wiress's mantra of "Tick-tock" she was ready to let the water take her when she heard her name.
Johanna whipped her head around at the sound. "Finnick" she called hoping his voice wasn't a manifestation of the fact she was really losing it. There he was Finnick Odair, looking like Johanna felt running towards her on the sand. She met him half way pulling him into a tight hug. "I was worried about you." He whispered into her ear. "I'm ok." She said back. He let her go nodding to let he know he was ok too.
As the six of them settled into the fish Finnick caught she thought she might make it out of here with her sanity intact. She was wrong.
Johanna was woken up by a hand over her mouth. Her eyes opened wide and she tried to scream when she saw the man in a peacekeeper uniform standing over her. She quickly calmed down and realized this wasn't one of her normal wake-up calls because usually they didn't care if she screamed. She also knew this wasn't a dream because the man picking her up and carrying her out of the room wasn't Finnick.
Normally she would protest anyone carrying her anywhere but in her current condition she didn't trust her legs. "We're bringing you back to 13." He whispered. Johanna would have laughed if she wasn't so relieved, she guessed Heavensbee wasn't lying, she really was making it out of this alive. Everything was a blur of movement as she was carried from hallway to hallway and onto a truck and placed in a gurney. Someone put a mask over her face and all she saw was darkness.
District 13 was monotony. She did the same thing every day, at the same food, wandered the same corridors and went to sleep in the same room at the same time. Johanna didn't expect Finnick to come to her, he had Annie, and she always knew that despite everything when it came down to it she was her replacement. Yet when rumors trickled down that Finnick had proposed to Annie she couldn't help but feel hurt.
A few days after hearing the news, Johanna ran into Finnick in the hallway. Literally ran into him. She looked up at him waiting to say all the things she had wanted to say since she had been captured who knows how long ago. Yet all she could say were three little words "How could you?" Tears threatened to form in her eyes, Johanna was never one to cry but being tortured and then having your heart broken can change that.
He sighed, one of those sighs he seemed to save only for her and dragged her into an empty room. "Johanna." He started.
"No, don't Johanna me. How could you Finnick, how could you abandon me like this?"
"Abandon you!? Johanna, how have I abandoned you?"
"I was left in the damn Capitol for who knows how long."
"I didn't have any control over that."
She put a hand up to stop him. "I know that. You haven't talked to me once since I got out."
"Well I was busy."
"Yes, busy with Annie I know. Annie comes first."
"Yeah she does."
"Why?" Johanna knew she was being ridiculous but didn't care enough to stop. She needed this fight. She needed to fight with someone.
"Because she's my fiancée." She didn't expect the words to sting so much.
"Why are you marrying her?"
He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Because I love her, that's why." He say the defeat in Johanna's eyes. "Johanna…"
"I know, I know you love me. I know you love me different."
"That's not true."
"You love her better." He shook his head. "Then why."
"Because she needs me." He said as if he was getting something off his chest.
"I need you too."
He shook his head. "You don't need me you only thing you do."
"You're wrong."
"Johanna, you are smart, you're strong, you're beautiful. You're-" She cut him off with a kiss. This wasn't like the last one, which was tentative, testing the waters. This one was meant to show him what he'd be missing. He kissed her back matching her energy but when he pulled away he looked defeated.
"I can't, it's too late."
"I know." She said, he couldn't call of any engagement now.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"I am too." He left the room first, Johanna watched him go. It didn't matter, He was never going to love her anyway.