March 2019
THE LAST SCROLL
[ "Listen to My Story About Gabrielle" ]
This, obviously, was not the last scroll Gabrielle wrote. She and Xena traveled together several more years before that most unfortunate trip to Japa. I suppose it could be called "The Lost Scroll" since, until recently, it was lost to history. But because it is the last one to be found, so far, I have decided to call it "The Last Scroll."
When Xena and Gabrielle were trying to find the Mystic Diamond that Aphrodite wanted for her own, Aphrodite put spell on Xena to make her obsessed with fishing, hoping she would forget about the diamond. She also put a spell on Gabrielle to make her obsessed with herself. (And one on Joxer, which we won't mention – again – ever!)
But unbeknownst to Xena, Gabrielle had written many verses touting her unique Specialness. And just as she was beginning to recite them all, Xena shushed her.
Here, now, are those verses, translated using the most up-to-date computer algorithm available.
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Well, listen to my story about Gabrielle
A cute little gal that's lookin' really swell
Perfect hair, such a lovely lass
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Nice round breasts and a firm young ass
There is so much to say about Gabrielle
Many, many things needed to tell
I'm quite a beautiful sight, you see
Just by being me, Me, ME!
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Everyone wants more of Gabrielle
"We can't get enough", they all yell
How very wonderful it would be
If there were three, yes, three of me
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So much talent has Gabrielle
Way too much to want to sell
And never, ever would it be lewd
If we three danced in the nude
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So many skills has Gabrielle.
Even the future she can foretell
So many men will fall at my feet
And even some women. How sweet!
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All of the gods love Gabrielle
They say, ''On Mt Olympus you should dwell''
But I would never leave my worshippers behind
Though they are dirty, smelly and unrefined.
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No flower can compete with Gabrielle
Not with its beauty and not with its smell
My skin and hair are wonders to behold.
Worth so much more than silver and gold
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You don't need to bow to Gabrielle
Not when greeting her and not in farewell
Everyone's the same through and through
Just not as wonderful as You-Know-Who
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But there is so much more to Gabrielle
More than the body you love so well
When I walk by, no one can think
It's plain their sanity is on the brink
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So now you know of Gabrielle
With verse after verse you'll often retell
But there's one last thing before it's too late
You should call me 'Gabrielle the Great'!
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