Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chare (both anime and manga)

Warnings:

Mild spoiler: I did not actually follow the exact plot and flow to the detail, but if you haven't seen anime or read the mange, you might want to skip this story.Disturbing: some concepts here you might find a little odd, weird, and a bit unsettling, especially since we're talking about kids who had barely struck puberty.Amu-centric: the first few chapters will center on Amu, or at least will center on the boys centering on Amu.

Pairings: still to come, but we'll stick to Amu like I said.

POV: 1st person during the first few chapters

Setting: somewhere within the anime – I'm not really being chronologically considerate here, so please forgive me.

All kinds of opinions and comments are welcome

That said, I hope you enjoy this work.

The Dancer

I like hiding secrets. Not because I like hiding the truth, but because I think that truth is a treasure shared with people we trust, people who are important to us. People bond with secrets.

Among others, I have a lot of secrets to hide, known by few, and understood by fewer still.

I dressed and lived a girl's life during early elementary days. The school principal knew this, and supported me.

When Tsukasa introduced me to the 10 year old blonde boy, along with the truth that I hide, he was very much surprised. I thought he would think I was weird. I thought he would not want to be involved with someone like me. I thought he was too young to understand the concept of dedication and sacrifice.

But then he smiled, his face shining with kindness and appreciation of a new encounter. He leaned towards me and softly whispered, "It's our secret. I promised I won't tell anyone."

I was so happy that I finally found someone I can trust, someone who I can rely on. I share my secret with Tadase, and I freely act like a boy when we're alone. We became good friends immediately after that.

"Thank you for not telling, Tadase." I said once when we were eating lunch.

"It's not a big deal. We'll be working together from now on, we might as well be friends. And friends trust each other, right?" he answered sweetly.

"Right."

Students thought we looked like a cute little couple eating together like that. They squealed, and cheered, and even teased us as they passed by. I felt bad for Tadase. He might be bothered by it. He might think it gross.

But he just waived at them, cheerful and unconcerned.

"Maybe we shouldn't hang out so much." I said, feeling a burden's guilt.

"Why not?"

"Because people would think strange stuff."

"Well, I'm fine with that." he said like it wasn't so much of a big deal, "Besides, I don't mind being mistaken to be your boyfriend. You're a very pretty girl, Nadeshiko."

He winked at me after saying that in a proud and powerful voice. It made me realized how much of a remarkable person he is. From then on, I decided I would look up to him, and do my utmost to be the best friend he could ever have.

But that is only in concept. I could never afford to be with him as much as I want. I want to play with him, talk to him about manga and t.v. shows, but I can't. I have to act out with girls, and try to understand them more. I often walk down the hall with a couple of friends, and see him by himself. He would smile at me, and give me an ok signal, telling me he'd be fine.

But I want to spend some time with him.

Deep down, I felt angry, and anxious, and bitter. At some point, I began to feel hatred towards the girls I was supposed to imitate.

One day, I stole a chance after school and talked to him with my normal voice. I shared with him my feelings towards the entire pretense, and how not being with him is really difficult and infuriating.

"It's okay," he said, "I'll always be here. I'll always be your friend. But I know how important this is for your dream, so you shouldn't let our friendship get in the way. Please don't be mad at this, or at the girls, or at your mom."

We talked, and talked, about our dreams, our hopes, our goals. It felt good to go back to the trigger that lit the spark, to the roots of our dreams.

I realized then that I could not hate this secret of mine completely, because it was the bond that brought me and Tadase together.

I felt powerless, and at the same time I also felt strengthened. The dream that almost slipped past my hand was renewed, but I want to do more for Tadase, to be the one who will receive his trust with something.

But Tadase has no secrets to hide. Everything about him is exceptional, nothing that needs to be hidden, nothing that I could use to prove that he can trust me, as much as I trust him.

I admire him so much that it saddens me that I couldn't do anything for him.

Then she came into our lives.

His world turned upside down within the first few days of the 5th grade. His face became stiff with false smiles in public occasions and warm with flustered, dreamy blushes in private ones. Guardian duty was neglected with his constant daydreaming. Our conversations became duller, forcing me to take up the pace while he stared blankly in midair.

Something was going on. I was concerned, but I was also excited, because finally I will be able to do something for him.

"Tadase-kun," I called out, forcing his attention back in the real world, "Is something bothering you? You've been acting really strange, lately."

"Oh, um, have I?"

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I asked, hopeful, inviting, and at the same time nervous.

He looked from all directions making sure no one else was there to hear. He then leaned towards me and shared the one secret the Guardian king has been hiding for the past few days.

"You – are in love with Hinamori Amu?" I asked, accidentally using my male voice and in a high volume as well.

"Shh…" he covered my mouth out of embarrassed reflex, and for good reasons. A couple of students were walking by, and almost caught our topic. When they saw the scene of a boy with his hands on the lips of a supposed girl, they just giggled and walked away.

"Keep it down, okay? No one should ever know about this, not even Yaya or Kukai."

I looked at him, first in disbelief, then in astonishment, and then finally I decided I was just simply happy. My ear to ear grin confused him for a bit, because that was the last thing he was expecting when he admitted something so critical. But I had all the reason to be overjoyed at the moment, because finally I get to do something for him.

"You got it."

The day that followed I immediately exposed myself to everything about Amu. From the descriptions of her fans I could definitely call her an enigma, also with how the ambiguous 'cool and spicy' label gets her through the day. Adored by some, coveted by others, but definitely admired by all – needless to say the girl has a very affective and influential nature, although it doesn't look like she is concerned about all that.

But looks alone cannot deceive the eyes of one who has always done the deceiving. I laid eyes on her for the first time, and I immediately knew she had a secret.

My approach was professional – to recruit her for Guardian service. Thanks to the accidental intervention of Ikuto, that part was easy. My intentions were dark and personal – to know more about her so I can bring her closer to Tadase. As soon as she became part of our little circle, I knew I had her. All I had to do was pull her closer by inserting myself in her life.

Girls are simple and easily manipulated. Their subconscious is predictable, their likes boring even with the color they add to it, their preferences are mediocre.

I treated her like the simple girl that she is, despite the elite status the school has crowned her with. Truly she is a simple person, but in that simplicity, things became complicated.

Her three Charas reflect the kind of person that she is, and the expectations she has of herself. Being simple was not an interference to being remarkable, and like Tadase, Amu is one remarkable person. Her mind is flexible, attentive to concerns other than hers. Her skills burdened with lack of experience, yet heighten with the compensation of hard work. Unlike all other girls I have tried to imitate, she is not the center of her own world.

And her world is an honest world, made bright with her pure heart. Still like Tadase, she has no secrets, other than her true self which she tries to hide- her vulnerable, and at the same time, strong self.

I was pulled into her pace before I even became aware of it. She was not boring, because she doesn't ask selfish questions which I can anticipate. She was not predictable, because she goes by the flow that she does not set on her own. And she is not mediocre, because she strives for more than what she has already done.

She is different, and not as simple as I hoped.

She started calling me her 'best friend.' I once swore to dedicate that title only to Tadase, but I could not bring myself to deny her that, not even mentally. Mostly because she is very much like Tadase – she is honest, she is remarkable, and she has nothing to hide. They would really suit one another.

Me on the other hand – I could never consider myself to be honest, especially with all the secrets that I hide. Secrets which were once as simple as cross-dressing, became complicated during one particular night when I went to her house for a sleep over.

"I'm really glad to have you as my best friend, Nadeshiko. I get to share so many things with you that I couldn't tell anyone else."

"I'm happy too, Amu-chan, that you are my best friend."

Those were the last words we exchanged before she closed her eyes. Her sleep came swiftly because she was happy, and she knew someone would be greeting her in the morning – someone she could TRUST. She did not know that deep down my heart was far from settling into sleep.

I have forgotten my initial intention for befriending Amu. In fact, for the past few days since I started hanging out with her, I barely had Tadase in mind. I initiated this sleep over with one purpose – to confirm the feelings that grew over the weeks we spent together.

Her face was so innocent and so beautiful while she slept, head turned to my side, lips slightly parted in subtle, slow breaths. As nervous as I was with what I was doing, I did not have to push myself to do what I intended to do.

I leaned my head towards her, and placed my lips on her soft ones. My heart fluttered into heights I have never felt before. It felt good, so I kissed her again, this time, a bit longer. I pulled back, then stared at her, breath-taken by her moonlit face, and then kissed her again.

Hinamori Amu - so beautiful, and so vulnerable – because she thought I was a girl, and because she trusted me – the same way Tadase trusted me with the truth of his feelings for her.

The rest of the night passed without a single wink for my eyes, because they were too busy crying. I felt utterly disgusted towards myself.

Morning came. School came. Our guardian sessions came. Nothing was different, because I was already used to hiding things.

Only this time, the secret that I was hiding was too heavy. I need someone to share it with. But who?

Tadase looked at me during our break time. He seemed hopeful. He knew I was getting along with Amu just fine these past couple of days, and I told him I could help him get closer to her.

Amu was chatting with Yaya. She caught my stare, and then smiled at me.

I always thought secrets were supposed to bond people. That's because they involve trust, and sincerity, and fortitude for the truth. I have secrets to hide, but not all of them are worth keeping. As I sifted between my two 'best friends', I feel I have just made all reasons for them not to trust me.

My biggest secret is not that I dress as a girl - I've fallen in love with the same girl whom my best friend loves, and stole said girl's kiss.

My biggest secret – I've betrayed both of my friends.

I guess some secrets are just not comfortable to keep.