Chapter One
Why Do We Even Have These Meetings, Anyways?
A large calloused hand slammed on the long circular table, silencing the various conversations going on in the room.
"Everyone shut up so we can begin the CARICOM conference," Guyana yelled, his heavy Guyanese drawl masked by a faint English accent, "We have to get something done in this meeting if we don't want America breathing down our necks again." A collective groan echoed throughout the room.
"America will stick his nose in anyway; it's just the way he is." Haiti commented. She stretched, purposely hitting Dominican Republic in the face with her arms, "Besides, nothing is really going on in my house except I recently got a new boss." Dominican Republic scowled at his neighbor before shoving her hands away.
"I pity any person who has to deal with you," He said, returning the childish gesture and hitting her on her nose, "You're always so vulgar; nothing like a proper lady." Haiti's eyebrow twitched.
"What? Just because I'm not on my knees sucking you off I'm a man now?"
"I didn't say that. Thanks for the offer but I have no idea where your mouth has been. Could've been sucking face with a pig for all I know." The Haitian's eyes glittered dangerously.
"What did you say, bata?" The Dominican smirked.
"You sucked face with el cerdo. A pig; perhaps a certain American one?" Haiti blushed lightly before whipping out a cleaning utensil; a mop
"Okay, Okay, break it up guys," Dominica interrupted, coming between the two, "Domi,No need to get personal. We need to finish this meeting." Her protests came on deaf ears, like always, and Dominican Republic whipped out his own utensil: a baseball bat.
"I will kill you for that suggestion, posin"
"Bring it on, puta"
The pair began their mandatory argument and the room erupted in chaos.
"Seems like hermano and Haiti are fighting again," Puerto Rico said nonchalantly, sipping her Pina Colada, "They're always butting heads." Her friend Barbados nodded.
"Nuh, Rivalry does that I guess," She commented. She took a brief glance at her phone and sighed, "I hope we can still leave at the same time. I have a meeting with China."
"You're still trying to court him…even with the restraining order?" Puerto Rico questioned thoughtfully.
"He did not get a restraining order! He just said that I was 'over-exuberant aru' or something like that," Barbados said exasperatedly. Her eyes began to sparkle with determination, "My Bajan spirit will not rest until he is mine!"
"Good luck." Puerto Rico said lazily, switching her gaze from her ranting friend to her other neighbors.
-OoOoOoO-
"Those two never stop going at it, don't they?" Tobago said with a touch of amusement. He along with his brother and their neighbors sat at the far end of the room, away from the mainstream action. His expression morphed to a scowl as an identical arm slung over his shoulder.
"They should be more like me and you, Tobago," Trinidad said, grinning widely and showing his dimples. "We never have problems like those two. You love me and I love me!" Tobago shook his twin's arm off and shoved him to the side, earning a pout from the older island.
"Now that you mention it, I want independence." Tobago glared at his twin. Trinidad latched onto his leg with a sob.
"No! Please don't leave me! I need you bro!" The teen collapsed into hysterics as other tried to shake him off. St Lucia sighed into her tea.
"You guys are all such children," She scoffed, catching the attention of the fighting teens, "I wish you would cease your arguments. Use some class and leave the quarrels at home," She gestured to St. Kitts and Nevis. "Take these two for example. Nevis hates Kitts with a passion but has the class to keep the fights in the bedroom."
"That's right. It's not like he gets anything in the bedroom anyway," The other nation flinched under her frosty gaze. "I wish my people would vote for independence so I can leave him already."
"But, Nevi~"
"Don't call me that! Or wife, girlfriend, hunny-bunch or other shit! I hate you!"
"No you don't, you love me!"
"NO I DON'T! SHUT UP!"
"See what you started," Grenada said from St Lucia's side, lighting a cigarette, "You just ignited the fiery blast that is Nevis."
"Oh shut up," She snapped. She wrinkled her nose as the Grenadian took a drag from his cigarette, "And go smoke that thing outside with Cuba and Jamaica."
"And get rid of that stupid helmet too." St. Vincent added cheerfully while patting the Grenadian on the head, earning a glare from the country. And yet another argument erupted.
"I really need new neighbors…" St Lucia muttered into her tea. She took a dainty sip and continued to read over her notes.
-oOoOoOoOo-
"I wish I had stayed with England, "Bermuda said with a sigh, watching as her fellow nations fought over nonsense, "At least whenever he has fights, there's always booze at the end."
"Yeah and big brother England is very funny when he is tipsy," Cayman Island giggled from her sister's side, "I remember he thought he was a pirate and tried to conquer us again." Bahamas snapped her gaze from the window and narrowed it at the young country.
"…Don't speak of those times so frivolously." She scolded calmly but with a hit of venom. Cayman Island blushed and looked down in shame. Bermuda glared at older country.
"Hey, lay-off on my sister Bahamas," Bermuda retorted, enveloping Cayman Islands in a comfortable hug, "She didn't mean anything by it."
"I was only trying to teach the young one about the horrors of British colonization. It was no joke." Bahamas said simply.
"Still," Anguilla decided to cut in, "You don't have to be so…intimidating." Bahamas glared at the nation before turning her attention back at the window. "You people don't get it…" she whispered to herself. Anguilla sighed at the female nation's sulking. He turned his attention towards Bermuda and Cayman who were now watching intently as Turks and Caicos was working on a ship in a bottle.
"H-Hey isn't it time we try to get this meeting back on track?" He asked the group.
"Guyana has been trying for over 30 minutes now," Antigua answered, gestured towards the Guyanese male now scolding the arguing Dominican Republic and Haiti. He snatched the objects from their hands and the fighting ceased for only a moment. It later resumed with the parties sword fighting with actual swords, "We might as well go home. I know Curacao and Aruba left to go hang out with Bonaire. Belize, Colombia, Venezuela, and Mexico never even came. It doesn't really matter since their not real members anyway." Her shy brother Barbuda nodded in agreement.
"I see…" Anguilla muttered. His gaze shifted towards his old alliance partners Nevis and Kitts who were in a pretty heated disagreement themselves, "Well I better make sure those two don't kill each other. Are we still planning to visit England?"
"Yup, I bought the tickets and everything." UKVI said, flashing the tickets in her right hand. Anguilla nodded and sighed, making his way towards the arguing couple.
-OoOoOoOo-
"Why do have these meetings anyway?" Guyana grumbled to his half-awake sister, scowling at Haiti and Dominican Republic. "Those two always end up ruining the meeting with their fights. It's even worse than the ACS meetings." Suriname raised her head and yawned.
"Honestly, the meeting was ruined after Vincent and Lucia got into that argument about banana trade." Suriname said, stretching. Guyana nodded and sighed.
"Might as well end it and go hang out with French Guiana like we promised," Guyana said, rising from his chair, "Wait…where is Cuba and Jamaica?"
"Outside smoking. They left after your introduction," Guyana walked towards the door silently, "Where are you going? Gonna yell at them or something?" Suriname questioned.
"No actually, I really need a smoke right now." He left hastily and slammed the door, effectively silencing all of the countries. There was an awkward silence.
"Uh does that mean we can leave Suriname?" Montserrat asked sheepishly.
"Yes."
And then everyone ran. Except for Montserrat, who limped.
Guess what everybody? I'M BACK FROM THE SCHOOL YEAR FROM HELL. AND WITH CARIBETALIA! A remake of HWHC. There is way too many countries here so I'll introduce them more within the next couple of chapters. Mostly dialogue but it will be more description and character development in the next chapters! So stay tuned!
-Bata-Bastard in Haitian Creole
-El cerdo-the pig in Spanish
-posin-swine in Kreyol
-puta-bitch in Spanish
-And yes, Haiti has it pretty damn bad for America.
-Dominica is like the Canada of the Caribbean. Extremely beautiful but always over-looked. Usually referred as "that girl"
-Hermano-brother in Spanish. And yes, Puerto Rico likes Pina Coladas and is related to Dominican Republic.
-Barbados and China have very close relations. Barbados, of course, developed a crush on the Chinese. China does not want.
-nuh=eh
-Tobago was once considering independence (?) but the Prime Minster was like "Trinidad needs Tobago and vice versa" Of course this means Trinidad has separation issues.
-Nevis has been trying to divorce Kitts since their marriage. But, too many of her people ship them. Go figure
-Bahamas has a bad past with English Pirates. Same thing with Jamaica.
-Belize is a full member of CARICOM. Venezuela, Colombia, Mexico, Dominican Republic (because he is too rich), and Puerto Rico are observers (plus others…look it up).
-It used to be Anguilla-St. Christopher-Nevis Island. But, Anguilla got sick of Kitts and went back to England.
-ACS is this group+ more Latins. Almost gave poor Guyana an ulcer.
-St. Lucia and St. Vincent are rivals in the banana trade but get along every time else.
-Montserrat limped because a volcano destroyed half of his country. Poor Monty :C
MORE EXPLANATIONS COMING IN THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS! Next Chapter? Probably some conversation between Jamaica and Cuba while this cracked-up meeting was going on XD. If I have some mistakes or you have something to add about your country, please mention it! I'm kinda rusty
Btw, I need a Venezuela OC (for Guyana) to make a cameo in the later chapters. The other Latins are optional but mostly I need a Venezuela. Preferably female (because homosexuality doesn't really fly in Guyana…or in any Caribbean Nation actually…)
KTHXBAI