I updated this chapter just a little bit. When I use thoughts instead of dialoge, I tried to Italicize it to distinguish it in the story.
All characters, unless ones not recognized, are the proprety of Charlaine Harris.
I stood at the edge of the woods, crying as I saw the movers filling up the u-haul in the driveway. I knew she was leaving, but couldn't help the despair I felt as I watched them move item and after item of her life into the truck. I wasn't entirely sure if the despair I felt was hers or if it was my own. You see, I am vampire and I had shared blood with the beautiful blond several times before, but it had been a couple of weeks and I thought the effect would have worn off since then so I was pretty sure the despair was my own. I could occasionally still tell how she was feeling at any given moment, but it had faded over time. I was miserable but so was she. Her misery was almost entirely my fault.
I reflected on the night she had broken the news to me as I continued to watch the movers fill up the u-haul. She told me two weeks ago outside Merlotte's Bar, the place she worked and the place we had met so many years ago. I went into the bar that night for a bottle of True Blood and to tell my favorite waitress that I'd be out of town for a couple of weeks. I liked to let her know when I was leaving since I watched over her almost every night. I never really knew if she could feel me watching her or not. I didn't mind if she knew, I did it because I care. It was my secret passion. Much to my surprise, she asked me to meet her in the employee parking lot when she got off work that night.
"I have something to tell you," she said as she was taking my order, a deep unhappiness on her face.
"What's wrong?" I questioned a look of worry on my face. I hated it when she looked like that. I looked up into her eyes, trying to see if I could figure out what was wrong, but she had blocked me out. I could occasionally pick up little bits and pieces from her brain, but tonight her shields were up and she was working harder than ever to block everyone out. "Did someone besides me hurt you?"
"We'll talk about it later," was all she said. She walked over to the bar and spoke with Sam, her boss and best friend. Sam looked over to my table and gave nod of acknowledgment. A few moments later, he walked over to me and sat down. My guess is that she told him to have a chat with me about what she was going to tell me.
"Hi ya Bill."
"Hello Sam. What can I do for you?"
"I know what Sookie is going to tell you and all I can say is, please take it easy on her. She hasn't had it easy the last few years and the last thing she needs is for you to go ballistic on her. Just listen to what she has to say and try to understand the best you can. I know it's going to be hard for you, but in time, I think she'll come around. It was hard for me to hear as well, but I know that it's just something that she needs to do."
"Thanks Sam," I said hoping he wouldn't catch the hurt in my voice. I knew that Sam wouldn't lie to me. "I'll take it easy on her. I've already hurt her enough and that regret is something I'll carry with me always. I still love her." Sam and I didn't always see eye to eye, but where Sookie was concerned, we had been nothing but truthful with each other.
"I know you do Bill," Sam replied as he got up from the table. "I think somewhere, deep down, she has forgiven you, but I don't know if you'll ever have what you had before. I've seen Sookie go from an upbeat telepath to a deeply depressed young woman over the last couple of years. I just wish things had been different somehow."
"As do I," I replied. I sat at the table her entire shift pondering Sam's words. 'Have I hurt her too much?' I thought. 'Of course I have. She doesn't love me anymore. I guess I will just have to finally accept that. I wonder what she wants to tell me.' She would look over to see if I needed a refill on my blood, but I didn't want one. I still couldn't figure out what was wrong and it pained me to see my Sookie so unhappy. Well, she wasn't my Sookie any longer, but in my thoughts, I would always call her that. Finally, at 1:30 am Sookie got off work and beckoned for me to follow her out of the bar.
"Hi again Bill," she said as she placed a kiss upon my cheek. It was a friendly kiss, nothing more.
'At least she still considers me a friend,' I thought. I felt a response from my body that I hadn't felt with anyone since Sookie. This little blond waitress from small town Louisiana made my body react in ways I never thought possible. In the almost 200 years I had been alive, Sookie was the only woman who could make me wish I was human again. I knew that I loved her, but she didn't feel that for me anymore. "Hi my Sookie," I replied as I took her hand.
"Don't call me that, please," she pleaded. "I'm not your Sookie anymore." The look on her face pained me beyond words. "Saying that won't make this any easier." She pulled her hand away and turned away from me.
I started to reach for her shoulder but pulled back my hand. I knew that would only make it worse. I wanted her to be able to tell me what she needed to say. "I'm sorry Sookie. I didn't mean to upset you further. Please, I just want us to still be friends. Let me know what is wrong."
"It's ok Bill. Of course we are still friends. That's why what I have to say isn't easy for me, but I wanted you to hear it from me rather than someone else." She turned to look into my dark brown eyes. I think she saw the pain within them because she frowned even more. I wonder what she is thinking. She stared at me for a few moments before continuing.
"I'm just going to give it to you straight. I'm leaving Bon Temps, Bill," she said as the tears started to roll down her face.
I was shocked. A deep sadness rolled over me and I wasn't sure I could continue to stand. Vampires are supposed to be strong, but whenever I was around Sookie, I felt like the human I used to be. I gathered her close, knowing that my eyes were holding tears as well. "Why?" was the only word I could say without crying as I held her, stroking her back in the way I knew that she liked. I hoped I could contain my sadness enough to comfort her.
"Because, I can't take it anymore," she said as she pulled away to look at me. "Between you, Eric, Quinn and vampire politics, I just can't take it. You broke my heart. Eric and I have this stupid blood bond that I didn't want in the first place but he did to save me from Andre. Quinn can't put me first and every time something goes wrong in the vampire world, I almost die. I have to get out of Bon Temps and go somewhere far away. "
I looked at her for a brief moment and then turned away. I knew she was right, but couldn't bear to let her see me cry. If I had a heart, she just smashed the few remaining bit into a million little tiny pieces.
"Bill, look at me," she pleaded, sobbing quietly, yet loud enough for my vampire hearing to pick it up.
"I can't," I replied. "Please don't cry. I know I've hurt you, but I never meant to drive you from your home." I kept my back to her. I felt her hand on my shoulder and I brought my hand up to hers and wrapped her hand in mine. She turned me around and I finally let her look at me. I knew that she would see the tears on my face. I had wanted to be strong for her, but I just couldn't. Not when she was telling me she was leaving.
"Oh, Bill. Please don't cry." She took her had from my shoulder and wiped the tears away from my face. "This isn't entirely your fault. I just need to move on. I need to try and find a life away from vampires for a little while."
"But Sookie, I love you."
"I know you do Bill. Sometimes I think I might be able to love you again too, but not right now. I need to get out on my own and be alone for a little while."
"When do you leave?"
"Two weeks."
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I'm not going to tell you," she replied. "I know that if I tell you, either you will come looking for me or Eric will try to get you to tell me where I am. It's bad enough that Eric might be able to find me through the bond."
"Sookie, I know I don't have any right to say anything, but please reconsider moving. I stopped by the bar tonight to tell you something as well," I said cupping her cheek, not wanting to tell her I was leaving, especially not now. "I'm leaving for Paris tomorrow. I'll be gone for 2 weeks. Eric is sending me to work on my database. I can tell him I won't go if you need me."
She removed my hand from her face and looked up at me. "Thanks for telling me Bill. I'm sure I'll be ok. If you're back before I leave, please come say good-bye."
"I will." She turned to head towards her car, but at the last minute, she turned and ran back to me.
"Kiss me, Bill?" she asked. I could see the need in her eyes as she silently pleaded with me to kiss her.
I cupped her face in my hands and looked at her closely. She wanted me to kiss her. I think it was her way of seeing if I would be okay. I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. She turned her face so I had to kiss her on the lips. I quickly pulled away. I couldn't take the pain kissing her would cause either one of us. "Why are you doing this Sookie?"