So….Recently, Mom and I got an HDMI cable, and we've been watching Dharma and Greg on the big screen via YouTube. We were going through Season 1 and got to the part in the episode "The Ex Files" where they use the FBI video tech to isolate the audio…and then I remembered Thomas Gibson's other role….

Dharma and Greg © 1997 Chuck Lorre

Criminal Minds © 2005 Jeff Davis

Why did he ever agree to this?

Oh yes—because his father and father-in-law were locked in yet another argument, and they wanted some help clearing it up. Oi.

"Thanks, Greg!" Larry said.

"No problem, Larry," Greg sighed. "The FBI keeps rooms like this just for disputes like this."

"So this is where Big Brother watches us."

"Yes, and I'd like to get this wrapped up before he gets back."

"What's all this?"

Greg spun around at the new voice—oh boy.

"Pete, get this fixed up," Greg said, pointing at his law partner as he beelined for the door.

He steered Rossi out of the room before he could say any more.

Rossi gestured to the room. "What is this? Why are they using the video tech?"

"Well," Greg hedged. Oi. "It's complicated—"

"Hah! See?" Larry crowed, pointing at the screen. "Right there—your patsy tells you what cards I have!"

Rossi did a slow take to Greg. "What?"

Greg waved his hands, feeling some grief at this. "Don't tell Morgan—I got married—"

"Oh, congratulations!" Rossi said, smiling. "When did you meet the lucky lady?"

"Last week—"

"Last week?"

"We eloped. But my parents wanted a proper wedding—"

"I wonder why."

"And during the reception, my father and my father-in-law were playing gin—"

"Okay, I'll get rid of the background noise," Pete announced.

"And now my father-in-law thinks that my father fleeced him."

Rossi pointed at him. "All the unsubs we face on a regular basis, all the weirdos out there—and this gets you all bothered?"

"I wasn't married to the weirdos' daughter before."

The video's speech came in clear: "Say, why don't you let this guy win a hand?"

"I'm trying," video-Edward said. "But the guy's a freakin' moron!"

Silence.

As Larry apologized to Edward, Greg pointed to Rossi. "This doesn't leave this room."

Rossi's expression was devious. "Right."

About a month later, Greg ducked into the office.

"So what is this for?" Dharma asked.

"I just have to get a file real quick, this'll take five minutes," Greg said, flipping the lights on.

"Surprise!"

Greg yelped in alarm as the BAU unit leapt out.

"So!" Morgan said, shaking Dharma's hand. "You must be Greg's wife! Do you have any good dirt on him yet?"

"Oh hi!" Dharma chimed. "Who are you?"

"I'm Morgan—"

"Hi, I'm Spencer," Reid said, waving over Morgan's shoulder. "Is your name by any chance inspired by the dharma of Hinduism—"

"What is this?" Greg asked Rossi.

"We thought a surprise party was in order," Rossi explained. "And besides, this gives us the opportunity to profile you."

"Well," Dharma said. "Greg does have an order to cleaning himself—"

"Really?" Morgan asked.

Greg woke up with a start.

"Nnh?" Dharma noised, jostled awake. "Greg, what is it?"

"I dreamt I worked at the FBI," Greg said, rubbing at his head. "They threw a party for me…and you were telling them how I bathed….And they had my funny bone mounted and labeled on the wall."

"Hunh," Dharma noised. "Maybe tomorrow we ought to call Abby up and she can do some dream interpretations."

"Dharma," Greg said, slowly. "How about we just pretend it never happened?"

"But then you get those feelings bottled up and we know how that gets."

"I'd rather not go to Abby with this and hear Larry rant in the background."

"Ooh, I know! We can bury it! Like Abby and I did with my fear of the dark!"

Greg gave it some thought. "Okay, that could work."

"Well, they did some digging, but no bodies yet," Morgan said, walking through the park. "But they did find a Lyle Lovett lunch box," he added, holding it up.

"Was there anything in it?" Hotchner asked.

"They scanned it, but there was nothing inside," Morgan said, shaking it and then opening it to demonstrate its emptiness.

Hotchner blinked furiously for a moment and shook his head. "Morgan, was I ever married to a woman named Dharma?"

"'Dharma'? Did you have a trippy high school or something?"

Hotchner gave it some more thought, then shrugged.

"Well, it was the nineties."