Disclaimer: I don't own Free! Or anything else...Except maybe Haruka's babies! *Teehee!*
NO FLAMES! If you don't like it, don't read it!
Written by me and my bestie last night!
The Magic Pool
Haruka stared longingly out at his love, ignoring Makoto behind him.
"What about me, Haru-chan?" Makoto simpered. "Pay attention to me!"
Haruka said nothing, all his mental energy going into eye-fucking the body of water in front of him.
"Pool," said Haruka finally in his flat emotionless tone that had the other members of the swim team drop what they were doing and stare at him adoringly, like he was Queen Beyoncé.
"I have the pregnants." He held a positive pregnancy test out as proof, causing Rin to stare guiltily at his feet, Rei to have a blood nose, and Nagisa to flop about in such a homosexual manner that he drowned in pussy, the sly fuck.
"It's a virgin birth!" Makoto beamed and wrapped his arms around Haruka. "I'm going to be a father!"
Rin and Rei both coughed guiltily while Nagisa full out laughed from his throne of bitches.
Haruka looked at him, blank eyes glimmering soullessly.
"You are not the father; the water is. A killer whale cannot reproduce with a dolphin."
Haruka stripped off and jumped into the pool, taking his contaminated pee stick with him. Makoto began to cry.
Finally, it was time. Haruka sat on the pool tile ignoring Makoto as the other man breathed exaggeratedly next to him. A contraction hit, and he let go, giving birth to a school of full grown mackerel. The fish flopped about, apparently inheriting Haruka's dead-eyed stare.
"Mother," they said collectively in English, before swimming off into the water. A tear glimmered on Haru-chan's cheek...no, wait, it was chlorine.
"Pesky Bee!" said Neel, and author insert, who is ripped and muscular and stuff. He swatted a mackerel, causing Makoto to gape at him in horror.
"No! My step-fish!"
Rin looked up at the commotion, a mackerel gripped tightly in his sharky teeth.
Makoto squealed and then fainted. Haruka stripped and dived into the now unguarded pool, giving no shits like the autistic little fuck he is.
While Nagisa, Rei, Rin and Neel watched, kawaii Haru-chan stuck his penis into the water jet, and thus begun the cycle of fish anew.
Because seriously, where else would he get all that mackerel?
Review! Haru will give you a butt-fish and a seductive glazed stare.