A/N: Surprise surprise, another tragedy, another sob story, this time inspired by a Bob Dylan song. I'm not even gonna apologize.
And once again, this is one of my old, re-written stories. Reviews and criticism would be much appreciated :) Enjoy!
Summary: The steady, cold sound of ceremonial gunshots echoed in the silence of the military cemetery of Central city. Today was the day they buried Edward Elric.
I own nothing.
He was a friend of mine
Every time I think of him
I just can't keep from cryin'
'Cause he was a friend of mine.
The steady, cold sound of ceremonial gunshots echoed in the silence of the military cemetery of Central city.
The deafening noise that pierced through Colonel Roy Mustang's ears echoed inside his chest hollowly and tightened around his heart, making it tremble with the grief of loss and flutter in pain. Roy, in his formal uniform and a military hat to shadow his face, stood straight and still as he took a deep breath in a vain attempt to slow the fast beating of his poor heart, and lifted his head up to gaze straight ahead, trying to keep on his usually strong, stoic appearance. And yet, despite all of his desperate attempts to hold them in, traitorous tears silently rolled down his expressionless face, pale lips trembling and holding back a mournful sob.
Today was the day they buried Edward Elric.
He shoved his shaking hands into his black coat's pockets, but it did nothing to hide the occasional, subtle quiver of Roy's shoulders as the salty tears overcame him. And frankly, he didn't even bother to hide his sorrow anymore. It would be an insult to Edward's memory if he did, was the sullen thought that passed through Roy's mind. Therefore he stood tall, openly grieving without giving a single thought as to what people were thinking of him now. All that mattered to him now was the fact that Edward - his Edward - was gone. And Edward deserved nothing less than Roy's most honest feelings.
All of his thoughts revolved around the hot-tempered blond young man, who had the strangest ability to touch the hearts of everyone who ever met him. Edward had spirit. He had such blunt honesty and a brave heart that held up through so much and still kept on accepting more, and those wonderful qualities drew people closer to him despite his bad temper and his dirty mouth. He was rude and wild, free like a bird... But despite all of it - or maybe because of it - he still found his way into Roy Mustang's heart. His place there was so strong and solid, an integral part of his very soul, that the pain Roy felt when the news of Edward's death finally sank in, left an unbearably empty void inside the Colonel's now hollow chest where the place that was saved for Edward alone was torn out forcefully, bleeding in agony.
And Roy just couldn't keep from crying.
He didn't know if it might have been better had he never found out... but Roy knew exactly what happened and how Edward died. The team investigating that particular case was his, and he was the one who supervised the whole process of solving Edward's death. Not that he was ever going to allow anyone else do it instead - the same desperate need he felt when Hughes was killed to find out the truth returned with doubled determination, forcing him to face the pain directly and push through his greatest fears.
The official, final conclusion was that the tragically unfortunate accident was nobody's fault. There were no survivors, and Roy had no one to blame for the grief he now had to go through. It turned out that on that one fateful night that Roy had to stay overtime at headquarters to finish up his week's worth of paperwork, Edward had one of his occasional, rare urges to be a decent lover and surprise his partner at work with a romantic dinner. And like everything he did, he wanted this to be big and bold as well. taking Havoc's advice, he took their rarely-used car out and headed towards headquarters, only stopping shortly to grab some wine for them to add to the meal he already made for the surprise dinner at Roy's office. Everything was planned carefully, and Edward had been so excited to finally be spending time with Roy after a long day in which he hadn't seen him at all. He was so deep in his thoughts, so happy to see his lover...
And he didn't see the truck coming.
At first, Roy couldn't believe it happened. It was such a pointless death, he thought bitterly, heart clenching. Anti-climatic, almost should have died a hero, in a battle, not on the road. He knew Edward would have hated that if he knew. It was a death that the young Alchemist could have avoided with only a bit of more attention, Roy thought with an ache in his heart and a feeling of emptiness in his guts. It didn't suit Edward at all, actually. The Edward Roy knew would've kept a constantly alert eye on, would've kept moving forward and would've never stopped until he reached his goal. His Edward would never have died in such a pitiful way. His Edward was determined. He was strong, he was young.
"Too young." Roy whispered under his breath.
And Roy cried. He cried until he felt he no longer could. Until there were no more tears left.
He didn't deserve this, Roy wanted to scream. His Edward had never done any harm to anyone. True, he might have angered many people in the past, but never caused real harm, never intentionally hurt anyone. He was a hero.
"He was a good kid," People used to say sadly when they found out that he died. "Rude, and too loud at times, but still a good kid."
Roy didn't agree with them. Edward was no longer a child. He was a young man, beautiful, spirited, couragous. And for him, Edward was the love of his life. He was everything.
Just thinking about how close to him Edward was, the night it happened... Just thinking he maybe could've saved him. If only he had a clue, if only he was faster, if he only would have noticed and heard the screech of tires on the road a second before it all became too late...
Too many 'If only's, and they were all pointless. Too little, too late.
And Edward silently shifted from being so close to being too far away, much too far. He was beyond Roy's reach now, lying still and silent, six feet under the ground. Cold.
Yet, it didn't stop Roy's prayers. He prayed to whatever deity might listening - be it God, the Truth, or anyone else he could ask for just a little bit of grace - wishing his Edward could at least somehow still know just how great was Roy's love to him.
The ceremony was almost over when the priest climbed off the tiny makeshift stage the new Fuhrer had kindly arranged for the speakers, and so, different people began to approach the fresh grave, one by one, to say their final goodbyes and gratitudes to the dead Fullmetal Alchemist. And every time someone mumbled, whispered, cried his name... Roy's heart felt closer and closer to a breaking point. New waves of quiet, hot tears hit him as people kept whispering farewells, his throat blocked and his chest tight with the grief he tried not to give in to, not yet. Across the fresh grave, Roy's eyes met Alphonse's golden-green ones, and the pain in them reflected his own in such accuracy he had to avert his gaze away, else he'd crack. But by now, though, the pain increased and became too much already, and Roy wasn't even sure he could hold back long enough, until he was alone.
And then the realization hit him.
Once the funeral is over and everyone leaves to go to their respective houses to mourn with their families or go back to their normal lives, Roy will have to go home alone. Back to their now empty, silent home.
He couldn't bear the thought of a house without Edward, so quiet and cold without the blond's lively spirit to bring some color and noise into their otherwise empty house, without his wonderful presence to turn the house into a home. He couldn't bear to think about what would happen when he would finally step through the front door into a darkened hallway, with no one to call his name in the hoarse, sweet voice of a young man, without those strong arms around his waist and a kiss on his lips to greet him and welcome him home like they always did.
He had no one now.
And once again, his walls crumbled, and he couldn't keep from crying.
Because without Edward, he could imagine no future. He was his best friend, his advisor and most trusted ally, the one person he could trust his life with and be sure he would never be hurt again. He was his one and only love.
But hurt he was, and it was... unbearable.
Even so, when the last person'd finally finished one last broken speech, Roy closed his eyes for just a moment to breathe in deeply. Edward's bright face flickered in his memories, and the ghost of a wavering smile twitched at the corners of the man's lips at that tiny moment of grace. And it was enough for him for now. Therefore, he squared his shoulders and wiped his tears away, dark eyes opening again to give the fresh grave one last, wistful look before he swallowed his tears and turned around. He walked slowly away from the weeping crowd, back turned at the sight he could no longer take, heading out of the cemetery without looking back.
He would have to learn how to live again, Roy thought with a sad smile as another traitorous tear slipped past his guard. It would take time, probably much longer than he could ever hope it would take... but he hoped that one day, maybe one day...
Maybe one day the pain in his heart would ease a little, and the pain that now accompanied his visions of their time together would turn into fond, bitter-sweet memories. And he dared hoping... that maybe one day he would be able to say Edward's name again.
And smile.
Every time I hear his name.
Lord, I just can't keep from cryin'.
'Cause he was a friend of mine.
A/N: So? What do think? Tell me how bad you want me to die in the reviews, and if you have any pointers I'd love to hear them.
Lots of love,
-Tamyou
(P.S. I made those of you who are interested a list of planned stories and things that are on their way :) Because I'm that awesome and have nothing better to do)