Disclaimer: Gods -- I mean Pein -- no.
A/N: Well, this is a oneshot written for a coompitition between me and my friend, Siggy. I'm not entirely sure if I succeeded, but it was fun to write anyway. Besides that, this is my first attempt at an all-dialouge fic. Hope you enjoy.
"Get out!"
"Relax. I'm not here to fight."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes."
"You'll excuse me if I don't believe you."
"What cause did I give you for untrustworthiness?"
"You work for Orochimaru. I need no other reason."
"Point taken."
"..."
"What?"
"Come to think of it, if you're not here to fight, then why are you here?"
"I have my reasons."
"You'll have to tell me what they are, otherwise I'll have to choice but to kick you out."
"You're ever so kind, Shizune."
"Don't expect it to last."
"Hm."
"...why am I even talking with you?"
"I haven't a clue."
"Why do you work for him, anyways?"
"Hm?"
"Don't tell me you forgot who your employer is."
"Fine. I won't."
"Orochimaru?"
"Ah, yes."
"Why do you work for him?"
"I'm not entirely sure."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"What?"
"I can't belive this."
"What?"
"Kabuto, you're telling me that you don't know why you work for the creepiest ninja ever to walk the face of the earth?"
"Yes."
"I give up."
"I suppose it's in part because I get a chance to use my medical ninjutsu."
"You could do that here too, you know."
"Is that an invitation, Shizune?"
"What -- I -- of course not!"
"You're blushing."
"I AM NOT!"
"You're quite cute when you blush."
"I AM NOT BLU -- what?"
"I believe we were discussing my employer?"
"Um...sure."
"He's insane, you know."
"I do have something in my head, you know. I'm not an idiot."
"I take that to mean yes?"
"Yes? Yes to what?"
"How should I know?"
"You are the strangest man I've ever met."
"Including Orochimaru?"
"I've never met him."
"Ah."
"Besides, strange is not the word. Insane is more like it."
"I see your point."
"..."
"He does some interesting experiments."
"Such as?"
"I'm not entirely sure you want to know."
"That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of."
"Are we talking about the same thing?"
"How should I know?'
"I don't know."
"Neither do I."
"Anyway, what I meant was things like injecting blood and DNA into people to enhance their powers, graft appendages onto people, things like that."
"Oh."
"Why, what were you thinking?"
"None of your business."
"..."
"What?"
"I just figured out what you were thinking."
"So?"
"You're right, that is disgusting."
"Indeed."
"Rest assured, Shizune, that I never have, nor ever will, do something like that."
"I wasn't suggesting you were."
"You're blushing again."
"...I hate you."
"A fact I was aware of."
"Then why are you here talking to me?"
"Oh, let's just say that I'm here to change your mind."
"Change my -- and just how do you expect to do that?"
"My methods are my own."
"Try anything and I'll--"
"Muder me in cold blood, cut my body up into little pieces, then hang them up for the world to see."
"That wasn't exactly what I was going to say, but it works."
"Why the strange face?"
"Are you sure you don't have, you know, romantic reasons?"
"For what?"
"Working with who you work with."
"Despite what everyone seems to believe, I am not gay."
"Really?"
"Would I lie?"
"Yes."
"..."
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"
"Don't tell me you can't recognise a kiss."
"I know what a kiss is."
"Good. I was worried for a moment."
"And I repeat: What the hell was that for?"
"Changing your mind."
"I am going to kill you."
"Then do it."
"..."
"Cold feet?"
"No."
"Hm."
"..."
"..."
"Why did you do it?"
"Maybe I'm playing with you."
"Um..."
"Maybe I'm distracting you so that my master can take over Konoha."
"Do you really need to be so close?"
"Or maybe I like to see you blush."
"..."
"..."