Written for The Hogwarts Oneshot Wars. This was beta-ed by the wonderful Gitana de Sol, without whom this fic would not be what it is.
Narcissa was bent over her schoolwork, studying the book before her until her eyes crossed and her vision blurred. Her head was beginning to pound and she wished nothing more than to throw the book, her school work, and quite possibly her entire education out her bedroom window. Of course, if she did that, then Merlin only knew what would happen to her.
Her father would certainly be displeased, to say the least.
It was only the Christmas break for her first year, but already, Narcissa was feeling the pressure from her family to do this, to do that, to be this person (but not too much like that person because you also had to be this person), to do better than everybody else.
Bella was a Prefect this year, and Andi was at the top of her class. It was expected of Narcissa to follow in their footsteps, but she didn't know how she was going to catch up.
Narcissa felt like she had been thrown in the center of the ocean, and she didn't know how to swim.
"Cissy?" she heard a soft voice say next to her, and despite herself, she smiled.
Out of all her family members, Sirius was her favorite. Five years younger than herself, her little cousin always seemed to save his brightest smiles for her. When he was born, Narcissa would sneak into his nursery and just watch him sleep, fascinated by the new little life in her own. Often she would fall asleep in there, only to wake in her own room after her father carried her in.
Afterwards, Narcissa had begged her parents for a little brother. She hadn't noticed nor cared about her mother's grimaces and her father's stony expression.
"What is it?" she asked as she looked down into Sirius's innocent gray eyes. He looked around covertly despite the fact that everyone was downstairs talking, and Narcissa struggled not to laugh. He was so cute, and really the only thing she looked forward to on her trips back home from Hogwarts. She loved Regulus too, of course, but her youngest cousin was far too quiet, more than what she thought was normal, and he always seemed to be stuck between Aunt Walburga's skirts. She didn't know him like she knew Sirius.
"Guess what I can do?" he said after he was positive that no one was around.
"What is it?" she asked again. She wondered what was so important that Sirius needed to make sure it was an absolute secret.
Sirius, finally satisfied with the fact that no one was watching them, walked over to Narcissa's bedroom window. She turned to watch him, her curiosity growing by the minute.
His eyes narrowed as he focused intently on the ivy growing on the sill. For a minute, nothing happened.
Then the ivy burst through the window and Narcissa gasped, nearly jumping out of her chair.
"What do you think?" he asked, turning to her and smiling widely, his tongue poking through the gaping pink hole between his teeth. She focused on the incredible amount of magic she had just noticed Sirius displayed.
Most accidental magic was born of the pure emotion in a small child, most of who could never focus on it properly enough to use it day to day.
Sirius could though, and even as she praised him and voiced her pride, there was something not quite so proud bubbling in her chest.
"This is amazing," she muttered, walking up to inspect the ivy, careful of the broken glass around it. Sirius watched her face closely. "When did you learn to do this?" she asked, keeping her tone even as she bent over his work, not turning to face him.
There was something wrong with the fact that Sirius, who was five years her junior, was almost as good as Narcissa was. She pushed down her rising feelings of jealousy. She refused to allow herself to concern herself with them.
"I did this one day in September when Mother was yelling at me. I just got really, really mad and sad, so I ran up here and then the window exploded and the ivy grew and I didn't know what to do. Aunt Dru found me and she fixed it up without telling Mother or Father or Uncle Cyngus, which was good. But I really wanted to show you that I could do this, so every day I went outside and I practiced and practiced and practiced until I could do this." Sirius paused and made a face. "I can't fix the window though," he admitted.
Narcissa snorted, though she knew it was not very lady-like. "It's alright," she said. "I'm sure my mother won't mind if I get her to fix the window again."
"She won't," Sirius said confidently. "She's just like you."
Narcissa blushed under the praise and ruffled Sirius's hair. "Thank you," she said honestly. "That means a lot."
Sirius looked at her curiously.
"Why? It's the truth," he asked.
Narcissa sighed, truly feeling their age difference for the first time.
"Sirius, the truth is always something that means something. Whether it's a lot or a little, it'll still mean something. Just make sure that it counts."
Sirius scrutinized her face before piping, "Okay, Cissy." He looked at her books and parchments on the table and made a face. "I'll leave you to your studying now."
Narcissa just watched him scamper away. For the first time in her life, she was glad to see him go. The ugly feeling was still lodged somewhere deep inside her chest.
Narcissa had always had to strive to compete with her sisters. Now she was going to have to worry about Sirius outshining her, too. She gazed at her textbook forlornly.
She would never stand out.
She would never be more.