For The Love Of Revenge
Rating: Written for Mature Readers due to sexual and violent situations.
Genre: Drama, Erotica, and Romance.
Summary: She was the daughter of a Computer Mongol. She'd be damned to near hell if she was letting Kyouya get away with hurting her. The Ootori family would be dirt poor before she ever forgave him. Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.
AN: However, this fiction is unrelated to any story element from Ouran High School Host Club itself.
Fuck him.
Fuck him for running out on me. Fuck him for fucking with my mind. Fuck him for not knowing what he wants. Fuck him for dragging me into it. Fuck him for being such a fantastic kisser. Fuck him for ruining my favorite band. Fuck him for barely saying a word to me before he left. Fuck him for not waving. Fuck him for getting my hopes up. Fuck him for making my hopes useless. Fuck him for taking off with my heart.
Fuck me.
Fuck me for always getting into situations like this. Fuck me for caring. Fuck me for not knowing the words that would have made him stay. Fuck me for not knowing what I want. Fuck me for wavering. Fuck me for not kissing him back. Fuck me for getting my hopes up. Fuck me for not having more realistic hopes. Fuck me for keeping his fucking jacket.
Fuck.
I could feel everyone's eyes boring into the back of my head. My bottom lip quivered. I directed my eyes from his retreating figure to my shoes as if my they would suddenly tell me the answers that my mind kept asking. If I had been able to push through the crowd instead of being stuck inside it's eternal grasp, I would have gone after him. My fists clenched.
I hated him.
I didn't just hate him, I hated them. Together. As one. It sickened me to no end and I just… I wanted them to disappear. Scratch that, I wanted to disappear. I hated him. I hated her. I hated this town. I hated this county. I hated this state; I wanted to go home. Mustering enough courage, I turned around and glared at the crowd who'd been watching from the beginning.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" My nose twitched, a sure sign I was going to cry. Some looked away, but some couldn't drag their eyes away.
I wanted to hit someone, hit something.
Looking to my left was a conveniently placed glass vase; a beautiful display really. But I didn't want to admire beauty at this moment because for the third time in my life, my happiness had gotten away. I sent my fist crashing into the vase, shattering it and the lightly colored tulips. Some jumped, and the eyes jerked away. I walked away from the scene.
I couldn't think. I wouldn't think. My fists clenching and unclenching. Clenching, unclenching. Clenching, unclenching. My eyes brimmed with tears but I wanted so badly to just disappear. I wiped my eyes with my hands. I would not cry. I would not cry. I'm a big girl, big girls don't cry.
They don't cry until they're alone.
I sat on the park bench, and looked around before unleashing a flow of tears. My body shook, and I don't know how ugly I mustve looking to people driving by, but with this snot sniveling down a little I can tell it wasn't a pretty sight.
I checked my cell phone; a little before midnight. Oh the sweet irony. Blindly dialing the first number that came to mind, I put the phone to my ear.
"Yello?"
"Kel? Can you come get me?" I asked sniffling.
"Sadj baby, what's wrong and where are you?" My best friend asked, I could hear the shuffling in the background.
"I don't know, somewhere near Watsessing Park. He left me, Kel. He went back to his baby moth –"
"I'm on my way." Kel interrupted. I hiccuped in reply and hung up. Holding my head in my hands, I thought about everything that led up to this exact moment.
I should've known. He didn't love me, and I didn't love him. We just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, I was just too good for his ego. Or, maybe the fact that he made me feel better about my miserable life. Whatever it was, we didn't love each other. Because you don't destroy people you love.
I was a loner, and he was just that guy that everyone wanted. Successful, rich, powerful, intelligent, handsome. But I didn't want him for that. I didn't care about that. He knew that. That's why he kept me around. He always asked my opinion because he knew I was outspoken on paper but never in person. He knew I kept a lot of shit to myself because in reality, nobody really cared. But he pretended. He pretended to care to make me happy. That takes guts. To ask somebody how they're feeling and then encourage them to go into detail even when it's going in one ear and out the other.
I sat back in the bench, looking among the streets. Playing with my nails, I tried to drag my thought away from the situation. They kept going back. My eyes burned with unshed tears. I blinked them back. He wasn't worth it, and neither was I.
Him telling me he loved me wasn't the part that hurt. Him introducing me to his baby mother as a friend didn't hurt. Him telling her he loved her in front of me didn't hurt either. What hurt was that he said he owned me. And up until now, I believed it. He claimed me as his, and for awhile I believed that. I thought, so what if he was committing to her? He'd end up leaving her one day.
That one day would never come. The memories won't die until I do. I know that someday he'll be dreaming, thinking of his pain. I would hope he hears me in the street humming, softly breathing out his name. Even with the seams stitched tightly, the scars will remain. I'd dream that we'd scrape them off each other, and let them wash off in the rain. Then when it runs into the river, he'd laugh when the water complains. Even with the distance slowly wearing out his name, his hands would still catch the light the right way. Our hearts would still beat the same.
But that would never happen.
I looked up to Kellen pulling up to the sidewalk. She jumped out and came to comfort me. Wrapping her arms around me she kissed my chin. "Sadja, he was never worth it. Besides, we all feel a little fucked over sometimes. You'll bounce back in no time." She said to me in a whisper.
"I know he wasn't worth it. But I just thought that maybe this time I would be wrong." I replied to her, my voice cracking.
"I know, I know. I wanted you to be wrong. I wanted you to be so wrong." She replied, hugging me tightly.
"Can I crash at your place tonight?" I asked her weakly. She nodded before pulling me up and ushering me into the car.
I leaned my head against the window, and she got in from the other side. Patting my leg she turned on her truck and pulled off.
The entire ride home I could only feel my resentment for Kyouya grow every time we reached a stop light. How could he do that to me? He promised.
But then again, he'd always break a promise if daddy said so. He was Kyouya. He couldn't think for himself. It was stupid of me to think he'd ever have his own opinion. My head began to throb.
Mercilessly, and I could feel the muscles around my eye pulling lightly. I needed my glasses, a glass of hot chocolate, a flashlight and a book. I lowered my gaze as I thought less about him, and more about getting home, more so Kellen's home.
I don't see how my mother could pretend to be so happy around people like him. People like Kyouya were selfish, conceited, arrogant bastards that have never had a decent ass-whooping ever in their lives. And to think I wanted to be one of them.
Hah. I could never. I could never be like Kyouya, or Tamaki. Or even the Hitachiin's. I respect Haruhi, but I couldn't be her. Love wouldn't make me stay, especially under circumstances such as that. Pulling up to Kellen's townhouse, I unbuckled my seat belt, carrying my heels in my hands. She unlocked the door, and let me walk straight into the guestroom.
Kellen was like a sister to me. She was my better half, the optimistic and happy better half. But oh, did Kellen have a mean spirit. I was most certain that she wouldn't give either twin the time of day now. She and Tallulah would single-highhandedly demolish the entire club and all they would work for and leave a dollar behind as collateral. As for me, I would cease to exist. I would go back to Guam and live my life the way I had before my grandparents sent for me. Once I returned, it would be as if Sadja Ge'hilu had never been to Ouran.
But before any of that had to occur, Kyouya would get his comeuppance. And so would his greedy father.