- x –
Author's Note: Emma should write a BJu companion piece. Just saying.
- x -
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fire at me from a gun
Crack in the armor, yeah
I swim for better days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in, swim
- x -
"Brooke is going on a date with Julian!" Peyton screeches as she storms into the kitchen and Lucas looks up from his laptop.
The expression on his face is vacant and Peyton clearly expects more of a reaction out of him.
"Brooke's going on a date with Julian." She stresses again. "I went over to her house to talk about flowers for the wedding and I walk upstairs and she's primping in front of the mirror like she used to do in high school. So then she tells me that she's going on a date! With Julian!" His fiancée is frantically going through the mail that was sitting on the counter during her rant, slamming envelopes and magazines onto the marble counter. He almost finds it cute.
"Okay, so Brooke is going on a date. What exactly is the problem?" She continues to move about the kitchen until Lucas finally gets up, grabs a hold of her shoulders and forces her to look him in the eye.
"What's really wrong?"
"She's can't go out with Julian! He doesn't care about her. He's just doing this to try and make me jealous." Lucas sighs heavily and knows this isn't going to be a fun conversation.
"Go talk to her? Convince her not to go out with him –"
"I don't think that's such a good idea, Peyt."
"No, Lucas, she'll listen to you. You don't want her to get hurt do you? Julian obviously just wants to make me jealous and to mess with us. Go talk to her?"
He wants nothing more than to tell her no. That he won't do it and that she should just let Brooke be happy, no matter whom that is with. But he's never been able to say no to Peyton Sawyer.
So as he walks out the front door, keys in hand, he knows that this is not going to be good.
She opens the front door and he thinks she looks absolutely stunning. Her black dress clings to her curves perfectly, with a barely decent neckline and her red heels make her legs look like they go on forever. She used to dress like that for him.
"Lucas. Hi! What are you doing here? I was just about to leave…"
He shuffles his feet and rubs the back of his neck with his right hand. "Yeah, Peyton told me. With Julian, right?"
The gorgeous smile that graced her face when she saw him at her doorstep fades quickly into a frown and she looks down to her feet. He places a hand softly on her shoulder and she decides that he's not here for a fight. She moves out of the way and lets him step inside the living room.
He takes a set next to her on the sofa and waits for her to start talking.
"I know Peyton sent you over here." He nods, smiling a bit to himself.
"I really don't see what the problem is with me going on a date with Julian." Her voice emits frustration and he can't help but feel badly for her. Peyton most likely wasn't too pleasant during her earlier visit. "Do you know how many times he had to ask me before I finally accepted? He kept showing up at the store with flowers and I just couldn't say no anymore."
"Do you have feelings for him?" It's really not his place to ask, but maybe if she has feelings for him Peyton will just lay off and stop being selfish for once.
She hesitates for a moment and Lucas places his hand on her knee, encouraging her to continue to open up to him. "No…"
"But you could at some point in the future?"
She takes a deep breath and stands up, Lucas' hand falling into his lap. She stands above him and when his eyes search hers, he doesn't remember her ever looking as sad as she does right now.
"Do you know the last time I went on a date with a guy I actually liked?"
He stands up in order to meet her gaze, but he remains silent, internally cursing himself for not knowing her well enough to answer the question.
"April of senior year, when Chase asked me out." Her voice is soft and cool and memories of his senior year of high school flood through his mind. Him, Peyton, Brooke, Chase, Nathan, Haley, graduation, the sex tape, prom.
He breaks out of his reverie, images of their breakup fading to the back of his mind when she continues, "and you know what? I'm not sure I even really had feelings for him. He was cute and sweet and he liked me, but he was a rebound. Nothing more. I loved him for being there for me and taking my mind off of you and Peyton and us, but I was never in love with him."
Their eyes meet and he sees that hers are clouded with unshed tears. The pangs of guilt that stab through his heart feel just as prominent as they did in high school. Maybe he never really forgave himself.
"I'm sorry, Brooke." She nods and takes a deep breath, running a finger beneath her eye, willing away the tears and smudging her eyeliner in the process.
"It just hurt so much back then, watching you two together. And it hurt when Peyton and I moved to LA and she would stay up late on the phone with you. It hurt even more when you broke up and kissed me in New York."
He wants to make it better, so he attempts to reach out and touch her, his hand barely grazing her arm before she steps back, throwing her hands up in an attempt to push him away.
"It hurt watching you almost marry Lindsay and as much as I loved having you around when I had Angie; that hurt too. Because we were playing house and it reminded me of everything that you and I would never have together. It still hurts, Lucas, now that you're back together with Peyton and I have to make her wedding dress. It kills me." By now the tears are streaming down her porcelain cheeks, taking her mascara with them.
"But I have this chance, Lucas. To be happy and move on with someone else. Someone who genuinely seems interested in me, not just my body or my fame or my money."
He takes a deep breath before replying, "Peyton thinks that he only asked you out to make her jealous."
Brooke lets out a hollow laugh. "Well, Peyton always has thought that the world revolves around her."
Lucas smiles and nods. As much as he loves Peyton, she has a way of making the entire world about her and constantly focuses on how things affect her, never thinking of others. It amazes him how he fell in love with two completely different women.
He looks up and the tears are still streaming down her face, so he finally just steps forward and wraps her in his arms. He hasn't held her like this since that day in the airport. Her hiccupping sobs muffled by his strong body and his fingers trace through her hair, just like high school when she used sleep in his arms.
When her tears begin to slow down she untangles herself from his arms, but he doesn't let her step away from him, his hands grabbing her hips forcefully. "I've hurt you so much. I am never going to forgive myself for it."
"Luke…" her graceful hand reaches up and brushes his cheek. "I've forgiven you. It's time to forgive yourself."
"As long as you're in my heart I'm not going to forgive myself." Her sharp intake of breath is the only sound in the room and she knows that she needs to get out of this situation now.
"We can't let this happen," she reasons, her breath mingling with his.
"I know." He shakes his head, looking defeated, but knows that this isn't the time nor the place to reignite the doomed love triangle he, Brooke and Peyton have been drowning in for so long.
He finally takes his hands off of her hips and she backs up a few feet, before looking into the mirror above his shoulder.
"Oh god, I'm such a mess" she muses as she grabs a tissue to blot her eyes with and runs her hands through her now messy hair. "I can't go out like this."
Lucas's eyes meet hers in the mirror and he whispers into her ear, "You look beautiful. Julian isn't going to know what hit him."
The smile she gives him is so genuine that her dimples return and she turns around to face him.
"I'm going to be late."
"Don't let me keep you anymore." He picks up her black cashmere pea coat from the back of the couch and helps her into it. She looks gorgeous and he wishes that it were him she was going out with tonight, but he has his own woman, waiting patiently for him at home.
As she walks towards the door, he makes a decision, not between Brooke and Peyton, because Brooke made that decision for him long ago, but a decision about his relationship with Brooke.
He loves her and he's hurt her so much, too much for her caring and selfless heart, and he vows to himself to never let anyone else ever hurt her as much. "If he hurts you, Brooke, tell him that I'm coming after him. You deserve so much more than I could ever give you."
Brooke smiles shyly and her soft lips brush against his for just a moment, only long enough to say 'thank you' and 'I'll always love you'.
He walks her to her car and closes the door once she gets into the driver's seat. Leaning against the window, he kisses her cheek and whispers into her ear, "I'm always going to love you, Brooke Davis. But let Julian make you happy. As much as I may hate him sometimes, he's a good guy."
She takes in a shaky breath and starts her Lexus. She flashes him one last smile and parts with a simple "wish me luck".
He watches her SUV back out of her driveway and gets into his own car. He sits for a moment, gripping the steering wheel tightly, not really wanting to go home. But he has to. For himself. For Peyton. And most importantly for Brooke. Because if they ignited that dreaded love triangle again, he has no doubt in his mind that this time they'd all just drown.