This story is for my wonderful fantastic Bones-friend Angie...Nothing makes me happier than writing a story for one of my favorite people in the world...Happy Birthday, Angie! I hope your day is half as spectacular as you are. 3
Stress Fractures
"Dr. Brennan? Are you there?"
Brennan pulled the phone away from her ear and glared at the display. Aside from the screen flashing Sweets' name, the other thing drawing her attention was the time…5:30 AM.
"Sweets, why are you calling me this early? I know it's not for a case, Booth calls me for those. And you are most certainly not Booth." She groaned lightly and turned back over on her back, burrowing into her warm, comfortable bed again.
Sweets cringed at her invocation of Booth's name. He knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Dr. Brennan, there isn't a case, but this is about Booth. Or, about your partnership. I need to see you today as soon as you can make it in to the lab."
Brennan sat up, pushing her irritation at Sweets down and letting her worry for Booth rear up with a vengeance. "What? What happened? Is Booth okay?"
Sweets sighed. "I don't know, Dr. Brennan. I was hoping you and I could talk about it."
"Me?" She was already up and out of bed before the word had left her lips. "I don't know anything, Sweets! What is going on? Tell me!" The panic was overwhelming her, and she stalked over to her closet to grab the first clothes she could get her hands on.
"I can't tell you, Dr. Brennan, because I don't know what is going on. All I do know is that Booth was in late last night to talk with Cam, who then called me. She asked me to call you and get you in here by 6 AM this morning, which is what I am doing right now."
A sick feeling spread through Brennan as she pulled her jeans on and struggled to get her shirt over her head without losing her phone. "I don't understand…"
"Just…just get here soon, Brennan. Please."
~B~
When Brennan entered the sliding doors of the lab, the twisting knot in her gut had not abated one bit. She was now chewing on her lower lip and trying very hard not to completely lose it as she crossed the lab proper and hovered outside Cam's open office door. A soft 'come in' answered her knock, and she entered slowly, trying to get her bearings as she took in the other occupants of the room.
Cam sat off to the left near the windows, an expression of sympathy mixed with regret on her face as she greeted Brennan. Sweets sat to Brennan's right as she took the chair Cam offered her.
Clearing her throat nervously, Brennan spoke. "Can someone please tell me what is going on? Is Booth alright?" She directed the last question to Cam.
Sighing, Cam sat behind her desk, not sure if she actually needed the barrier between her and Brennan, but unwilling to even chance it. "Physically, Booth is fine. He is unhurt."
"Physically…" Even Brennan could discern the implication in Cam's statement. "But not emotionally."
"Not in the least. Seeley is a mess, Brennan. He's struggling with something that none of us have been able to help him through." Cam thought both Brennan and Booth deserved the unvarnished truth.
"But…I thought he was doing better. How did I not notice it?" Brennan shook her head. "What, exactly, do you think he is struggling with?"
"I think I might know, Dr. Brennan." Sweets spoke for the first time, trying to look Brennan in the eye without his voice breaking. "Booth…he's been very lost lately. He's been doing his job, partnering with you, seeing Parker…but since he and-" He stopped for a moment, not wanting to invoke the name of Booth's former girlfriend again, with whom he had broken up several months ago. "Since he hasn't been dating, I think he believes his life has gone back to the aimless existence it was before. He believes that he doesn't deserve to be truly happy, as evidenced by his recent break up and by…"
Brennan watched, almost fascinated, as Sweets struggled to verbalize the painful truth that he believed Brennan needed to hear. "By my turning him down."
"Yes. Down deep, Booth understands why you did what you did, and even though he wishes you had chosen differently, he knows you better than anyone…and I believe he feels as though he pushed you."
Brennan sighed and leaned her head back, feeling her neck crack. "I should have said something to him."
"Yes." Sweets knew that sugarcoating the situation wouldn't help. "May I ask why you didn't tell Booth that you had changed your mind about him?"
Brennan's head snapped up. "That is not true! I never changed my mind about Booth! I changed my mind about whether I could give him what he needed! I always knew…I always had faith in him." She looked down at her hands, twisting them almost violently. "Just not in myself."
"Alright. Then why didn't you tell him?"
"Because he…" Brennan looked around the room, not sure she wanted to reveal too much to them, even if she did consider them family. "He looked so sad. I assumed he was mourning the loss of his romantic relationship with…" Even now, Brennan had trouble vocalizing Hannah's name.
"If I told you that were untrue, that what he was mourning was the loss of his close relationship with you…what would you say?"
Brennan sucked in a breath. "I thought he had moved on. I tried…to compartmentalize the fact that he didn't feel that way about me anymore, and I thought I had done that."
"But you hadn't."
Brennan shook her head.
"And you now realize that he still feels the same way about you."
Brennan nodded.
Sweets stood suddenly. "We need to find Booth."
"Now?" Cam stood as well, unconsciously holding out a hand to Brennan, who took it without question.
"Now. I have a suspicion where he might be."
"So do I." Brennan said. "But I think I should go myself. This is my mess to clean up, not yours, Sweets."
Hiding his smile, Sweets nodded. "Alright, Dr. Brennan. But if you could at least let us know when you find him…?"
"Of course." Brennan grabbed her bag and impulsively hugged Cam. She turned and nodded to Sweets. "Thank you for letting me know about this." And with that, she was gone.
Cam sank back down in her seat in tandem with Sweets. "Thank God. Do you think we did the right thing?"
Sweets shook his head. "If this ends up the way it's supposed to? I hope she sees the logic in it."
Cam covered her eyes with her hand and sighed. "I just hope to hell they can fix this."
~B~
Brennan paid the cab driver and stepped into the early morning dusk surrounding the area around the reflecting pool. She only had to look for a moment before she found where Booth was perched, sitting on their bench, obviously waiting for the coffee cart to open for business.
For the first time in months, Brennan looked at Booth closely, cataloguing every inch of his long frame with dismay. His face, normally ruggedly handsome and tanned, was pale and heavily lined. He not only looked exhausted, he radiated pain and anguish, so much so that even Brennan could feel it. She took a tentative step forward, and then stopped in utter shock as Booth dropped his head into his hands, bereft. A slow curl of dread snaked its way through her gut and she forced herself to move, finally sitting softly on the bench next to him. Without warning, Booth's entire body swiveled and he dropped his head in her lap and wrapped his arms around her waist, shuddering. As a tear slipped down her face, Brennan did the only thing she could do. She leaned down and covered his back with her own body and began rubbing slow circles along his sides, muttering nonsensical, soothing words into his ear as he held onto her for dear life.
They sat there, rocking back and forth slowly, ignoring the increasing number of passersby who slowed to stare at the two of them curled into each other on the edge of the bench. Eventually, Booth moved from Brennan's lap and sat up, wiping his face and sliding away from her on the seat. For a moment, Brennan was hurt until she realized that he was embarrassed by his extreme show of emotion. Taking a page out of Booth's own book, Brennan reached over and took his hand in hers, rubbing his knuckles with her thumb and sighing.
"Talk to me, Booth." She continued to look forward, not wanting to crowd him and giving him a chance to pull himself together.
Sniffing, Booth shook his head. "There's nothing to talk about, Bones. I'll be fine."
"Would you let me get away with that?"
"Not before…no. But now, I don't…"
Brennan waited for Booth to finish his sentence. After a moment, she turned to look at him. "You don't, what?"
A sigh. "I don't have the right to ask you to tell me anything."
"What? Why?"
He finally looked back at her. His eyes were red-rimmed and his face, if possible, was even paler. "I failed you, Bones. I failed you and I failed us."
Brennan jerked in shock. "How could you have possibly failed us? Me? You've never failed me, Booth. Ever."
His whispered confession made her stomach drop and her eyes prick with fresh tears. "I failed at moving on, Bones."
"But…"
"I tried. I loved Hannah and she was perfect for me, and I still couldn't get past you. I can't. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, you're a part of me I just can't shake."
Brennan nodded in despair, finally grasping how badly she had hurt him with her refusal. "Would you prefer that we terminated our partnership?"
Booth's head jerked up. "What?"
The shock in his eyes confused her, but she continued. "I mean, I understand it. I know we haven't been comfortable…or normal since Hannah showed up and I really tried to be supportive…"
"No!" Booth slid to his knees in front of her, grasping her hands tightly. "No. We have to find a way to work this out, Bones."
"But…you're so sad all the time. And I cannot bear that I am the source of that pain. You were better when we were apart all those months…maybe, if…"
He sighed and sat back on his haunches, running his hands through his hair. "I wasn't better, Bones. I was in denial."
Brennan sat stock still for a moment, and he could see that she was processing…something. He just didn't know what, and the knowledge that he didn't know her as well as he used to rocked him to his core. He stood and offered her his hand. "Come on, Bones."
Brennan took his hand and stood, a little surprised when he didn't let her go right away. "Where are we going?"
He looked at her sideways, exhaustion and pain still written all over his face. "My apartment, if that's okay. We really do need to talk."
Agreeing, Brennan let him lead her to his car. She had taken a cab to the Mall, not even thinking about why she had done it but now glad she had. "Are you hungry?" He asked as he slid into behind the wheel.
"Not particularly." Brennan deliberately turned her head to look out the window, still heart sore about how defeated Booth had been looking and how it had escaped her notice due to her own emotional pain. She felt like the most selfish person on the planet, ignoring her best friend's pain in favor of her own jealousy. Hopefully, after this talk Booth was determined to have, they could get back to some semblance of normal and he could move past everything that had happened in the last year.
~B~
Brennan followed Booth into his apartment, stopping with shocked realization just inside the threshold. Except for one visit right after Hannah had moved in with him, Brennan hadn't set foot in Booth's place more than once or twice since before they'd left for their respective trips, when before that she'd spent several nights a week there. The knowledge of that, that they had changed so much in such a short amount of time…it was overwhelming for her. So overwhelming, in fact, that she was riveted to the spot.
Booth walked into the living room, intent on sitting down and finally having this talk with Brennan, when he noticed that she was no longer behind him. When he turned and looked for her, his heart broke all over again. She was standing at the door, rooted to the spot, a look of total devastation on her face. It took him about five seconds to realize that she was realizing the distance that had opened up between them, and it was knocking her for a loop. He moved to stand in front of her, taking her elbows in his hands and pulling her completely into the apartment.
"C'mon, Bones. Sit down. Let me get you something to drink and we'll talk." He studied the panicked look that slid across her features. "You…do still want to talk, right?"
Nodding numbly, Brennan allowed Booth to pull her forward, only looking around when she realized that they were standing in front of his sofa. "Sit. I'll go make some coffee." Booth pushed her softly, and she gratefully let her legs collapse as she plopped down.
While the coffee was brewing, Booth headed for his bedroom to change. He wanted to be comfortable for what was sure to be a difficult conversation, but he also needed to give Brennan some time and space to finish processing this new information she was taking in. He had realized early on in his relationship with Hannah that Brennan wasn't coming over as much as she'd used to, and while outwardly he knew that was a good thing, that she was trying to be supportive despite the discomfort of the situation, deep down he had missed her presence in his home…and in his everyday life. Until that moment that he saw her frozen at the doorway, he wasn't always sure that she had missed it, as well. A small, selfish part of him that he rarely acknowledged was glad to know that he wasn't the only one who felt the loss.
Walking back out into the living room, it was Booth's turn to stand frozen in the doorway. Looking more lost and lonely than he had ever seen her, Brennan sat on the far end of the sofa, curled into herself, a tear tracing a path down her cheek. As guilt washed over him at his earlier satisfaction, Booth hurriedly moved to the kitchen to give her a few more minutes to gather herself. The last thing he was sure she needed was his hovering over her.
Brennan watched gratefully as Booth went directly to the kitchen, pointedly ignoring her distress as he prepared their coffee. He lingered over stirring hers, waiting for her to compose herself. With a sigh, Brennan sat up and tried to smile.
"Is the coffee ready? I could really use a cup."
Booth nodded, picking up the coffee cups and heading into the living room. "Scoot over." He nudged her knee with his leg, forcing her to move more to the center of the sofa. After setting the cups on the table, he settled next to her, looking both relaxed and uncomfortable. Brennan wondered at the incongruity.
"Booth…if you're not up to talking now…"
"No, Bones." He turned more towards her, taking in her rigid posture with a sigh. "We need to do this now. If not…"
"We won't be able to work together."
"Right."
"I'm sorry I turned you down, Booth."
Booth's eyes widened considerably as Brennan's gasped confession clicked in his brain. He was thankful he hadn't had his coffee in his hand; he knew he would have dropped it in shock. "What?" He managed to whisper.
Brennan took a long, deep breath, steeling herself. She knew, beyond everything she had ever known or ever would know that this would be the most important truth she ever uttered, and she wanted to get it right. She could only hope that it wasn't too late to make amends.
"I realized my mistake fairly late, long after we had returned from our respective trips, but by then…" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that I did the one thing I swore I would never do, and in the process I almost destroyed what we've spent six years building."
"Almost?"
With a slight nod, she leaned towards him. "I believe, I have to believe that we can fix this. Since the moment I stepped on that plane to the Malukus, I've felt as if a part of me is missing. I know it's irrational, but no matter what I did, your absence in my life was palpable. Painfully so. But when we were called back early, I was terrified that you weren't going to forgive me, that I had decimated our partnership beyond repair. And believe it or not, finding out that you had Hannah…as much as it hurt, it also helped."
Booth shook his head. "It eased your guilt."
"Yes. And I know that is both selfish and self-sacrificing at the same time, but I can think of no other way to explain it."
"No, I get it, Bones. And I'm sorry about that. I admit, a small part of me wanted you to be jealous, just for a minute. I realized pretty quickly, though, that I was really just glad that you were home and safe and willing to still work with me."
She raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I have wanted to work with you? You were the one who…"
"I know. But I thought Hannah would be a problem."
"I only wanted-want you to be happy. And if she was able to provide that…I was grateful. It was something I wasn't able to do."
"But you said.."
"I realize it makes no sense. I believe it was a mistake to deny your romantic overture that night after we left Sweets, but at the same time…I simply wasn't able to offer you everything you needed. Not then. The dichotomy is absurd, but it's how I feel." She shook her head with a small smile. "I'm sorry. I know this is confusing. It's confused me for months."
"No, I think I get it." At her disbelieving stare, he chuckled darkly. "I do. You do realize, though, that this is all my fault, right?"
"No!" Brennan reached for his hand, grasping it tightly. "You did nothing wrong. You put yourself out there, metaphorically stripped yourself bare, and I rejected you. I was at fault, Booth."
"Bones. I screwed the whole thing up. I pushed you, ignored everything you were saying after I heard the word 'no'…had I listened, really listened to you, I would have been able to tell you that despite what you thought, I didn't need you to change. I was completely aware of your beliefs about monogamy and long-term relationships and I still let you believe that you weren't enough for me. Bones, I screwed that up so badly, I couldn't even wrap my head around how badly I screwed it up. You would think I would have gone over that night in my mind, over and over…"
"Y-you didn't?" She was completely perplexed.
"No." His refusal was emphatic but gentle. "I just couldn't. I buried it so far down; I could barely recall the specifics even when I did try to remember. Which wasn't often. And if I hadn't done that, maybe…" He stood and picked up their now-empty coffee cups, depositing them in the sink in the kitchen. He stood with his back to her, hands grasping the edges of the sink, knuckles white. "Maybe, if I had managed to quit feeling sorry for myself, I could have salvaged the most important relationship I've ever had with a woman."
"You don't think we can?"
Shaking his head sadly, Booth turned and leaned against the counter. "I wish I could say for certain that we can, Bones. But…okay, you want honesty. Truth, above all else, right?"
"Yes." She whispered desperately.
Booth regarded her closely for a moment, trying to gauge whether or not she really, truly meant that affirmative. Finally making his choice, he took a deep breath and tipped forward in freefall.
"I just don't know if I can work with you and not have you."
Booth expected a few different reactions from Brennan, but what she did in that moment was the one thing he never saw coming.
She smiled.
~B&B~
Epilogue
"Hey Bren, could you hand me that hairclip? Emi's got that Hodgins hair going on, it's completely unruly." Angela juggled her five month-old daughter in one hand as she held the other out for the clip Brennan grabbed from the vanity.
"Ang, I'm still unsure what my duties here are. You and Hodgins know that I don't believe in God, so while the fact that you chose me as Emi's godmother is flattering, it's still confusing." Brennan's brow was wrinkled as she smoothed her goddaughter's curls aside for her mother to fasten down.
Angela stood and handed the wriggling infant to Brennan, grinning broadly. "Because you are my metaphorical sister, and traditionally the godparents are entrusted with the care of the child in the unlikely event that something happens to both parents…and Jack and I couldn't think of two more qualified people to ask to raise our child."
"Booth is a very good father, but I…"
Taking her friend's face in her hands, Angela leaned forward. "You, my dear, dear friend, are loving, caring, dedicated and true. Any child would be lucky to have you to care for them." She took Emi back and held her close. "Now quit questioning and just accept. It's showtime."
Nodding, Brennan followed Angela and Emi out of the pastor's room and into the sanctuary. As they crossed the stairs to where Booth and Hodgins were waiting, Brennan looked out into the pews, where their little extended family was sitting, waiting to watch Emi's christening. Angela stopped next to her husband, and then handed Emi to Booth, who took the baby into his arms and smiled down at her with the goofiest smile Brennan had ever seen.
Brennan moved to stand next to Booth in front of the minister, who began the ceremony with little fanfare. Once the baby was christened, Booth passed her back to her father and reached for Brennan's hand.
"It was nice of you to do this for Angela, Bones. I know it means a lot to her." He absently rubbed her knuckles with his thumb, a habit he indulged in frequently but Brennan had yet to get used to. In fact, any kind of intimate contact with Booth had been a strange adjustment for her, but she was learning every day that it was an integral part of who Booth was as a romantic partner, and she tried to enjoy it as much as she could.
"I know. And now that it's done, I don't feel as uncomfortable. It was really quite…a lovely ceremony." She smiled up at him, taking his breath away for at least the one millionth time.
"It sure was. And now…off to Chez Hodgins for celebratory grub!" Booth looked around at the rest of their group. "Does anyone need a ride over?"
Cam and Michelle, Daisy and Sweets, Caroline and the interns all replied in the negative, so Booth led Brennan down the aisle and out into the un-seasonally warm day. They crossed the parking lot and headed towards the SUV. Once there, Booth looked around, and then turned Brennan, pressing her back against the door and bending to kiss her. She allowed it for a moment, before breaking it off and grinning conspiratorially at him.
"Is there something naughty about making out in a church parking lot that has you aroused?"
"Bones!" Booth huffed for a moment, looked around, and then bent his head back to her with a smile. "Yeah, okay…maybe a little bit of that attraction to the forbidden." They kissed again, getting lost in each other as they frequently did, breath and tongues mingling together softly.
When they parted, Booth's mouth was slightly open and his eyes were hooded with desire and wanting. It still rocked Brennan to her core that she was the reason he looked like that, and she closed her own eyes for a moment, thankful to whoever was responsible that her life had turned out nothing like she expected.
