Worth The Wait
She hadn't heard their voices in days and it was a welcome reprieve. She knew how much they hated her thoughts, but for her it was different, the only female sharing the same collective mind as 5 males, adolescent males at that, was difficult. It was so much harder for her. They never understood her anger, her bitterness. But she had to admit, being in Jacob's pack made things much easier.
There were still many things she was bitter about. Being the only female. Actually, being the first female really put a thorn in her paw. She had no idea what to expect. All the unanswered questions made her uneasy all the time. Was she able to have children? Was she able to imprint? Each day the answers seemed more and more obvious and that scared the hell out of her.
She hadn't changed in 3 days, that's why she had had so much peace. If she wasn't in her wolf form, then her thoughts were her own. It had been 10 years since the showdown in the meadow. They had continued their relentless protection of La Push and Forks, never sure when the Volturi would be back for Nessie. Considering almost everyone had imprinted, the need to grow old was starting to weigh down on most of the members.
Except her. She grew more sullen and angry each day. 10 years of wondering, watching as both Seth and Jacob found happiness, unable to be truly happy for them. She supposed it was her own self pity but she couldn't control it. She just wanted to survive now. It was beyond the point of hope. She was never going to have the things the other members of the pack were given. She had to accept that. She just didn't have to be happy about it.
About 5 years ago, when Seth imprinted, she moved to a small house on the edge of La Push. The reality of it was that she wanted to move out of Washington altogether but knew that, being what she was, she could never do that, so she moved as far from the pack as she could. It was a tiny two bedroom house with the forest in her backyard. The one small pleasure she allowed herself was the open wilderness surrounding her home. She was able to run free and not worry about anything. Those were the times when the pack preferred her because she would stop thinking and just be. She hadn't been able to do that in 2 months. Not since she found out that Sam and Emily were going to have their second child. Her pain over Sam had abated greatly over the last ten years but that never stopped her jealousy or her self loathing.
Pulling herself from her thoughts, she grabbed her jacket and decided to head to town. As she walked out her front door, she wished that she could have been normal, like the rest of the pack.
Well, as normal as a werewolf could be.
She pulled into the parking lot and turned off the car. Her loneliness was the worst whenever she was around a lot of people. It was a constant reminder of what she would never have. Couples walking hand in hand, mother's pushing their children. All these things started to eat away her anger, leaving nothing left but a hollow void. Taking a deep breath, she made her way to the second hand book store she visited once a week.
Walking in, she expected to see the little old man who owned the store, standing behind the counter. He would always smile at her, remembering her from the week before, but he never made small talk. It was hard to forget all six foot one of her though. Looking around the store briefly, she headed to the classic fiction section. One would never guess that she would be a lover of classic novels. She was always the tomboy, never seemed interested in anything but sports and getting dirty but as she grew older, she found comfort in the worlds hidden between those pages.
Skipping right to the Mark Twain novels, she looked for a new copy of Huckleberry Finn. Searching through two rows of Twain books; she found nothing new and dropped her shoulders with a sigh. Feeling defeated she turned toward the front door to leave. As she reached the door, she heard some shuffling in the back of the store.
"Wait….I'm here, don't leave yet." Came a deep voice from somewhere in the science fiction section.
"Umm…I was just…"
"Just hold on, I'm coming right now..."
"O….K…." she replied, curious to see who the voice belonged to. In the 3 years she had been visiting this small bookstore, the only person she had ever seen working here was a small, old man, with silver hair that hung just below his shoulders. He never spoke of anything other than a suggestion once in a while.
Stepping around a book shelf, a man, about six foot four, with shaggy blonde hair and light green eyes, carrying a stack of books, headed to the front of the store.
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting but I…" He trailed off as he looked up at her. The second their eyes met, he fumbled and dropped the stack of books. He bended over and so did she, both picking up a book or two.
They both straightened and look at one another. She had never seen anyone as beautiful as him. The silence stretched on as he just looked at her. Feeling nervous, she looked away and turned toward the door.
"Wait…umm...didn't you find what you were looking for?" He asked just as she placed her hand on the door handle.
Pausing slightly, she turned her sad, dark eyes to him, she said "Yeah, I think I did" then turned back toward the door. Never in her life had she wanted to be just a normal girl, than at that moment. She needed to leave before she made a fool of herself. Just then she felt his hand on her shoulder. Turning back once again she realized he was so close she could feel his breath on her face. For the first time in her life, she actually had to tilt her head back to look up a guy.
"I think I found what I was looking for too." He said in a slight whisper. "My name is Tom."
Just then she knew. She had waited her whole life for this moment. She let the feelings rush through her, closing her eyes and savoring the joy for the first time in 29 years. She could feel again.
Reaching out her hand to his face, she smiled and said "I'm Leah" hoping to imprint her name on his soul, the way he had just done to hers.