Disclaimer: This is the 19th story in The Songs of EO. It will NOT have a sequel, it is finished. The song used is Probably Wouldn't Be This Way, by LeAnn Rimes. Elliot is dead, and Olivia can't get over it. As always, nothing that is known to be someone else's is mine. And as always, reviews are welcome! PS. This is set during the current season.
Probably Wouldn't Be This Way
By Julia
Got a date a week from Friday
with the preacher's son
Ev'rybody says he's crazy guess I'll have to see
I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves
I'm probably goin' on and on it seems
I'm doin' more of that these days
Olivia Stabler sat down next to her husband's tombstone. He was gone, and in the worst way possible. A suspect had gunned him down. It had been absolutely horrific. She had been there with him when it had happened. What was the most terrible is that she hadn't gotten to say 'I love you' before he was gone. He'd died instantly. She had collapsed on the pavement, screaming his name.
Now, she tried to keep the tears at bay as she began to fill El in on her day. ''Hi, baby, it's me. Today was hard. They finally told me that I was getting my new partner. I still need time. I told Don that, and he told me that it's been five months. He thinks that's enough time to heal. That I should be 'over' you. You are in my heart always. I may never marry again. It took seven years to be Mrs. Elliot Stabler and I don't ever want to be anyone else.''
She paused again. ''They keep treating me like porcelain, like I'm going to break. Like you used to when you were being over protective.'' She started to cry. ''I really miss you doing that.'' She said through her tears.
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured ev'ry minute without you in it
oh you left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance
to love this much
God give me a moment's grace
'Cause if I never see your face I probably wouldn't be this way
Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talkin' to this stone
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
but I just take it day by day
She finished crying and got up to go back to their empty house in Brooklyn. The kids had never really accepted the fact that she and Elliot had gotten married. They'd liked her until she and El had gotten together. Especially since they'd only dated for a couple of months before getting engaged. Then, they'd married after only two months. They'd known each other for seven years before they got married. Then they'd been married for four years before he had been taken from her. She knew that she would eventually get over him if she ever stopped seeing his face everywhere she turned. Everything reminded her of him. She missed him so much it hurt. Everytime she closed her eyes, she saw his blue eyes, his ear to ear smile, and there were days that she could still feel his arms around her.
She got home and groaned. The twins were home. She still had time before she had to pick up Eli and her own child, hers and El's, up from the babysitter's. She entered the house, finding the twins in the kitchen. They were cooking, and it smelled amazing. She was very surprised to find them there.
Olivia said as much when she got inside. ''What are you guys doing here? You haven't been here since before your dad, well, you know.'' She still couldn't bring herself to say ''passed away'', or ''died''. She wasn't ready yet. She'd completely considered walking away from the Unit and going back to Computer Crimes. She wasn't sure that she could do it anymore without him.
Dick, who refused to be called ''Dickie'', replied, ''Liz and I just really needed to get away from Mom. She keeps acting really strange. She's really freakin' out about Dad.'' You could really hear his Queens accent coming out even more now that he had hit puberty.
Olivia looked surprised. ''What do you mean? Why is she acting strange? Does she need psychiatric help?'' She was actually kind of angry that Kathy was acting like the wounded widow when she was in real pain. It made her more angry than she wanted to admit.
Elizabeth shook her head. ''I don't think that she needs any help, she's just using Daddy to make people feel sorry for her. It was making Dickie and I really angry.'' She waved her hand at her brother's noise of protest.
Olivia took a deep breath, trying to ignore the white hot rage that suddenly engulfed her. She wanted to go to Queens and kick Kathy's ass. She hurt so much some days that she couldn't breathe. How was it fair that Kathy got to say 'oh poor pitiful me'? She really was angrier than she ever had been. ''I'm going to go to Queens. I'll be back.''
She left, leaving Dick and Elizabeth in complete shock. It didn't take her long. Queens was in theory, only a half an hour away, but Olivia managed to make it in twenty minutes.
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured ev'ry minute without you in it
oh you left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance
to love this much
God give me a moment's grace
'Cause if I never see your face I probably wouldn't be this way
Kathy answered the door almost immediately. ''Hello, Mrs. Stabler.'' She said, a little woodenly.
Olivia got even angrier. Kathy was putting on the 'act' and it was making her so pissed, she couldn't see straight. ''Why are you acting like you're the one who lost your husband? I am in so much pain all the time, that I can't breathe. Why are you acting this way? Do you want people to feel sorry for you? What's the deal?''
Kathy seemed reluctant. ''I don't know what you're talking about. Where are you even getting this? What did Dickie and Elizabeth say to you?''
Olivia said, ''They told me that you're going around acting like you're the one who lost your husband. You lost him years ago. Why are you doing this? It's OK for you to be upset if you truly are, you used to be married to him. But this, that you're doing, it's making your kids not want to be around you. What you're doing hurts me even more than I already do. So cut it out.''
She left, not wanting to hear Kathy's excuses. It was so hard without Elliot. She was starting to wonder about her own sanity.
Probably wouldn't be this way
Got a date a week from Friday
with the preacher's son
Ev'rybody says I'm crazy
Guess we'll have to see
Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it! I've got computer issues, so it might be awhile before Heartbeat is finished. But since I'm using a notebook for Right There All Along and Wedding of the Year, as soon as I finish those chappies, they'll be posted. So yay! In the meantime, you know that you want to leave a review for this!