Hey guys! So after an age of absence here's a new story, this time about Girl Meets World! I'm a little obsessed with it right now, lol (btw, this hiatus till January is torture!). Anyway, for you fans of the show, what has really bugged me, and I'm sure some of you agree, is that we hear a lot about Riley's feelings and Maya's feelings, but the show has hardly mentioned anything about what Lucas might be feeling about all this. This story started as a sort of venting technique about that, but once I finished, I figured I'd go ahead and put it out there. In my head this is sort of a multi-chapter thing looking at different moments of Lucas's growth, but right now I'm unsure of whether I'll officially write additional chapters to this. For now, it's a one-shot that I'll leave "in progress".

I'm not saying right now what my head canon suggests; I'll leave that for you to interpret from this. I think however that it'd be really intriguing if the writers did end up going this route with Lucas. It doesn't have to be too dramatized, just something to show how much of a struggle it is to grow and find yourself at that age. I know when I was in middle school, I had NO idea what to do with all these new feelings. Heck, I'm an adult, and I STILL don't know what to do with my feelings.

Ok, so I'm going to go ahead and say that I in no way intend to debunk any ships. This seems a little Rucas favored, but honestly I think Lucaya is wonderful too. My only thing is that I personally feel like Lucaya doesn't seem to have developed as organically to me; I didn't notice any feelings in Season 1, and now poof the feelings are there. But at the same time I can still understand the feelings being there; it's all new and confusing the heck out of these poor children, so perhaps Lucas and Maya are gaining new feelings they can't understand. I think the writers have done a beautiful job portraying the painful confusion these kids are going through in a way that I haven't really seen anywhere else. It's real; kids that age DON'T understand the things they're feeling. So I KNOW whatever the writers do, whichever characters they pair off, it's going to be so adorably amazing. It's like Topanga said on BMW, "I do my thing, and you do your thing. You are you, and I am I. And if in the end we are together, it's beautiful :). Quite frankly, I'd like it if the main characters ended up with people other than each other, have love be an individual journey for each one, but that's just me.

Anyway, that's my looong author's note, lol. Reviews are very welcome and very appreciated. I'd love to hear your thoughts and theories on what could happen on GMW! Merry Christmas, and hope you enjoy :)!

Disclaimer: I do not own Girl Meets World, or Boy Meets World. I also do not own Sense and Sensibility or The Great Gatsby (by the way, the green light reference refers to something that you wish for and strive for but cannot attain). However, I do own copies of both books, yay!

New Year, New Feelings

"It's midnight," Maya Hart finally stated, after a terrifying silence that followed Farkle Minkus's revelation.

After another pause, Riley Matthews decided to respond. "Here we are."

But all Lucas Friar could do was sit there, not uttering a single word. Too many thoughts and feelings were swimming around inside his head, and he had no idea how to handle it. Briefly, he glanced at Riley, the recent information giving him a familiar yet also new perspective. He knew the "you're my brother" confession didn't make sense; Riley NEVER felt like a sister to him. But he loved her, and he cared about her, so he let it be and didn't question her feelings (he wasn't voted "Most Likely to be OK with Anything" for nothing). But here they were again, the truth finally out, and while Lucas wasn't entirely surprised by it, nonetheless he couldn't be happier for it.

Yes, Maya was great; she was funny and smart and strong and was never afraid to speak her mind to him. When he slowly realized that her feelings might be more than they seemed, he gave her consideration. And once again, when Riley essentially pushed the two together, he didn't question it, didn't question either girls' feelings, and decided to just go with it and see what could happen. He continuously second-guessed his emotions, however; they were all so new, and honestly he wasn't sure if he really did feel something more for Maya, if she was the one he considered a sister, or if he was just seeking unconditional approval from the girl who always teased him.

Regardless of his feelings about Maya though, Lucas KNEW how he felt about Riley. That little ray of sunshine never left his heart from the second he first caught it. Every moment he shared with her through the past year and a half, the times in and out of class, their first date, their first kiss, their first fight, was magical. There was literally no other word to describe it. Riley had made such an incredible impact on his life, and during that one glance at her, he recalled everything he knew and loved about her as vividly as a freshly painted canvas.

I could really love her, was the thought that came to his mind.

And that was when he tore his gaze away. In all honesty, that thought sprung up quite often in the past half-a-year, about both girls, but for some mad reason he never ACTED on any of it, and that was what truly terrified him. It was definitely true; he really could love Riley, and he could legitimately picture them marrying in the far future and actually having a family of their own.

So why could he not bring himself to actually do it?

He wished he could be with them, either of them. He wished he could be with them so bad it hurt every part of him. But somehow he just couldn't bring himself to do any of it, to actually consider his "date" with Maya an actual date, to formally ask Riley to the semi-formal, and on that note to actually make their "unofficial thing" an official thing by ACTUALLY asking Riley out like people normally do. He didn't do those things, because no matter how much he wanted to, something was always holding him back, haunting his mind like the eerie ghost of an unfamiliar face, and he had NO idea what it was.

He didn't ask for this; he didn't ask for TWO girls to have such confusing feelings about him when his feelings for both of them were just as confusing, if not more, than theirs. It was getting too much, and Lucas barely noticed his breathing getting shallower. Internally, he was panicking.

After even more awkward silence, Lucas had had enough. "I- I'm sorry, I need to be alone for a while…I'm really sorry." He got up, realizing perfectly that being alone with his thoughts was the worst thing he could do right now, but he was going to go mad if he was near these girls any longer. He stopped briefly at the doorway before leaving the roof. "Happy New Year," he declared. He didn't even look back. Without any further haste he left the roof, heading back down to the Matthews' apartment. Why he was going back instead of just leaving and going home, he didn't know, but something in his mind told him that's where he needed to go.

He walked inside the apartment to find Mr. and Mrs. Matthews cheerfully chatting with Farkle and Smackle, which was quite a strange picture but admittedly pleasant. The Matthews noticed him come in and perked up. "Lucas," Cory Matthews began, and Farkle and Smackle turned to see the young Texan, "had a good time?"

Lucas easily forced a charming smile. "Yes, sir, it was fun. The fireworks were pretty awesome. I can't even believe it's already 2016."

Cory smiled back, "That it is; new year, new possibilities." He sensed something. "Are you ok?"

Lucas was almost taken aback; he half expected the teacher to show some signs of anxiety over his daughter staying up till midnight with a young boy, namely Lucas (though really that didn't happen). But Cory was genuinely concerned, not for a friend of Riley's but for Lucas Friar. He appreciated that. "Yes, sir, I'm fine," he simply said, trying so hard to keep up a front despite the hurricane happening inside.

"Are you sure?" asked Farkle, his eyes wide with intense psychoanalysis.

"Yeah, I'm ok; I'm just, really tired, that's all." He was trying so hard, but even he could sense himself slipping.

Farkle didn't say another word. Instead he whispered something in Smackle's ear, waited for her acknowledgement, then promptly stood up and walked across the room to the hallway. He turned to look at Lucas and gave just a knowing nod before walking further inside the house. Lucas took a deep breath before following him; he knew where his best friend was going.

"""

The young cowboy walked into Riley's room and saw Farkle sitting patiently by the bay window. Upon noticing him, Farkle gave him a small smile, and Lucas moved to join his best friend. He sat awkwardly for a moment, not sure of what to do, oddly afraid to even speak. He then forced himself to make small talk. "It's kinda weird, being in Riley's room without Riley."

Farkle lightly chuckled, "Yeah, it kind of is." Another pause before he got right to the point. "What happened?" It wasn't a demand, just a simple question.

"I left," Lucas answered simply. Before Farkle could question again, he continued, "No one said anything; we were just sitting there. I needed some time alone, so I left."

"And yet, here we are," Farkle stated.

Lucas looked up at him. "Yeah, here we are…" He turned his gaze. Too many emotions. Too many feelings he didn't understand.

Farkle looked like he was struggling with something, then burst out with it. "Lucas, I'm really sorry; I knew it caught everyone off guard and it didn't seem fair to you and it DEFINITELY didn't seem fair to Riley, but you guys are my best friends, and I don't want to spend the new year lying to each other all the time-"

"Farkle, it's ok. Don't be sorry. I'm glad you said it. You're right; we shouldn't be lying to each other." After a pause, he continued, "You're a really good friend, Farkle. A great friend…" Again he looked at Farkle. He saw those soft, caring brown eyes and wanted to cry. Too many emotions. Too many feelings.

He's your BEST FRIEND. You can TALK to him. At this point, Lucas was terrifyingly unsure what that meant anymore. But he knew this was madness; he needed to say SOMETHING to SOMEONE or his brain would explode. He turned back again and prepared himself, half staring at the floor as he began to speak.

"No girl has ever liked me before," he finally said.

Farkle looked at him. "Of course not. This is the first time we're having these feelings; the idea of people having crushes is new; it's scary-"

"That's not what I mean."

"Well, then what do you mean-"

"All of my friends were guys." He blurted it out, without a second thought, surprising himself. This was the first time he was really talking about his Texas childhood in a long while, and he didn't exactly understand what made him bring it up. But he pushed on anyway, determined to get it off his chest and figure out SOMETHING. "Close friends, I mean, back home. I talked to girls all the time. But, every time I tried to get closer, I'd- I'd just be abandoned. The guys were great friends and all; I loved hanging out with them. But the girls were so beautiful and so kind, and it didn't make sense! I couldn't understand how people who were so nice could keep their walls up and just, turn me away…" He could feel passion seeping into his voice, and he realized how much of a burden this really was. "It was like, like…"

"Like the green light," finished Farkle, "from The Great Gatsby."

Lucas couldn't help but smile, recalling the book from their English class. "Yeah, just like the green light."

Farkle gave a sad smile in return. "I'm really sorry, Lucas. That must have been really frustrating."

Lucas sighed, "It was, and maybe that's why I got so…aggressive. Well, one of the reasons, at least. But then I moved here, and I met Maya, and Riley, and…they changed everything. For the first time, I actually met girls who not just liked me but cared about me, who would do anything to protect me and make me a better person. That made me feel really good."

Farkle nodded. "And now you have feelings for two girls who both have feelings for you, and you can't decide who you love more." He had his own reservations on what exactly everyone was feeling, but decided to put that aside for the sake of his friend.

Lucas let out a laugh in spite of himself. "I never expected one girl to like me, let alone two." His expression sobered, eyebrows scrunched in slight confusion. "That's not exactly it, though."

Farkle stared at him, confused as well. "What else is there?"

Lucas took a deep breath. "I really want to go out with Riley. She's so positive, and really smart, and really kind. And we both like each other a lot; it makes perfect sense for us to go out." He pointedly ignored the lesson about Sense and Sensibility. "So, why can't I actually do it? Why through all this time have I not been able to bring myself to do anything about it?"

"Maybe because of your feelings for Maya?" Farkle posed.

"It's not that. Honestly, I don't really know what I'm feeling for Maya."

"Oh, you don't." This was interesting information, but not too surprising either. Before Farkle could ask more, Lucas began to explain.

"In Texas, when Maya and I were at the campfire, we started talking, then we started arguing, then she started rambling, and then I tried to stop her by grabbing her face…" He paused for a minute, noting how weird that sounded. "I could have kissed her. In that moment, we were right there, and I could have kissed her. I tried to kiss her. But I couldn't. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it. And something tells me it wasn't because of Riley either," he finished, knowing what Farkle was about to suggest.

The younger boy closed his mouth, processing the story and trying to make sense of it. He hated that his best friend was struggling so much and he had no idea how to fix it. He felt bad that Riley and Maya were nearly tearing themselves apart from their feelings but Lucas was just there, being "ok" with it all, going along with everything just because it was all he ever wished for, not bothering to even think about his own troubles and just wanting everyone to be happy (Farkle internally smirked; Lucas and Riley really were so much alike). Nevertheless, sometimes what you wish for isn't what you really need. Something started to click with that thought, but Farkle couldn't wrap his head around what exactly clicked, much less what it could mean.

Farkle was saved from trying to think of a productive question when Mr. Matthews walked in, politely knocking on the door as he entered the room. "You guys handling everything ok?" the teacher asked.

Lucas answered with a smile, small but genuine, "Yes, sir. We're talking."

Cory nodded. "May I?" he asked, gesturing to the bay window.

Lucas's smile grew warmer as he and Farkle scooted over and let Cory sit down beside them. Both boys were silent at first, not quite sure how to approach the problem they were just discussing. Luckily, they didn't have to.

"You know, I was just as confused as you are at your age," Cory stated.

Farkle looked up, "Really?" he asked, not believing that someone as good of a teacher as Mr. Matthews could ever be confused.

"Of course! I was a mess in middle school; insecure about looks, relationships, "reputations"." He chuckled. "You should have seen me when we had to watch an old awkward video about puberty… Actually, you should have seen my best friend Shawn. He was a riot; he couldn't stop giggling at every girl he saw!" He was really laughing now, but he soon sobered up once he realized he was slightly off topic. "My point is, you're going to have these feelings, it's going to be confusing, and it's going to be scary. But you'll all get through it. With time, patience, and faith in yourselves, you'll figure things out eventually."

Both boys smiled, encouraged by his words. Farkle then spoke, "Did you and Shawn ever fight over Mrs. Matthews?"

Cory had to laugh at that. "Actually, Shawn never really had a crush on Topanga. Yeah, she's pretty, and she's wonderful; anyone can see that. But he was never "in love" with her. Honestly, if anything, it was the two of them who would fight over me." The boys raised their eyebrows skeptically. "Hey, it's a thing!" Cory retorted. They merely shook their heads in disbelief.

Lucas pondered for a moment, determining how he could ask the question sneaking to the forefront of his mind. "Mr. Matthews, if you wanted something, if you really wanted something…what could be a reason for holding yourself back?"

Cory thought about it for a minute. "Well, if you're holding yourself back, maybe whatever it is isn't really something you want."

"But what if it is?" Lucas pressed with an almost pleading tone, "What if it's something you KNOW is good, something you know would make you happy. Why in the world would you hesitate so much to get it?"

"Perhaps it scares you; perhaps you don't know if you're ready for it."

"It's, it's not that." Lucas decided he might as well be out with the truth now. "I- I feel…haunted. And I don't know why," he ended with a sigh.

Cory sighed as well, seeming to get what the issue was. "Do you want to hear a story about me when I was younger?"

Farkle's eyes grew wide with excitement at the prospect of hearing a juicy story about his teacher. "Yes yes yes yes yes!" he exclaimed with glee.

Cory chuckled, "Very well then. When Topanga and I were engaged, I ended up having these nightmares a while before our wedding day."

Farkle interjected. "Were they of your marriage crumbling into shambles and the two of you hating each other for the rest of your lives?" Cory gave him a severe look, and the young boy shut his mouth. Cory softened his expression and continued.

"Actually, they were about Shawn, specifically of him being murdered by me in many creative ways." Disgust spread across his face, and he shuddered at the images that came back to his mind.

"Wait, you KILLED your best friend in your dream?" Lucas asked, horrified.

Cory nodded sadly. "It really confused me, because I had no idea what would cause me to do anything to hurt my best friend, even in a dream. At first I thought I was holding a grudge subconsciously, so I tried "forgiving" him, but obviously that didn't stop the dreams. Then one night, after realizing that my dreams always stopped before he actually died, I made myself finish the dream to see what could happen next. Turns out it wasn't just him; I ended up killing every one of my friends and family. I turned around, and I saw Topanga in a beautiful wedding dress. I told her that I killed everyone, for us. And that's when the dream ended."

Farkle internally gasped; he figured out what had clicked before. "You weren't afraid of losing your marriage, were you? You were afraid of losing everything else."

Cory nodded in approval. "Part of me was afraid that by marrying Topanga, I'd be abandoning a life that could have so many opportunities. But I knew that wasn't true; yes, life would be different, but I'd still have my best friend and my family, and Topanga understood that perfectly. I wasn't losing a part of myself by marrying the love of my life, but it did take time and growth to understand that myself." Now he looked directly at Lucas. "I know it may not seem like it now, but you're still so young; you have a world of time and space to learn from and explore. And, maybe you couldn't act on your feelings because you're afraid you'll miss out on a part of yourself you hadn't discovered before. There might be a life you haven't dealt with yet, or one you don't want to leave because of what you feel." Suddenly he wished these kids could go back to when the only things that mattered were baseball and dollhouses and science and art and not when feelings made everything so complicated.

"Mr. Matthews, if you don't mind, I think I know what's happening," Farkle spoke up. Cory gave a gesture allowing the scientist to speak, and the boy turned to his best friend. "What is it, Farkle?" Lucas inquired.

Farkle smiled. "You're growing up." After a moment, he continued. "When the yearbooks came out, I went through an identity crisis, and that's when I had decided to make some changes to myself. I knew I was more than just a nerdy little scientist, so I started my "experiment" to find out what that "more" meant. Remember when I asked you to help me run some tests?"

"Yeah, of course," Lucas replied.

"Well, allow me to do the same for you. I've taken time to search for myself. Now it's your turn."

"Farkle-"

"We both know you're more than just a chivalrous Texas cowboy, and I'm going to help YOU find out what your "more" is."

"I…" Lucas didn't know what to say; all of his feelings were still spiraling around his brain like a Texas tornado. "I'm scared," he finally admitted, his voice wavering.

"It's ok to be scared," Cory said, "Learning who you are as you grow is one of the most terrifying things about life. But you've got your friends and your family on your side to figure it out with you." Lucas subconsciously tensed, and Cory noticed. "And you've definitely heard me stress before that family is not just blood-based." The boy seemed to relax at that. "Hey, you don't have to worry right now about something you don't have to be ready for just yet. In time, you'll know what you feel is right and what you feel you are ready for."

For the first time, a bright smile grew across Lucas's face. "Sir-" he began, feeling incredible gratitude at the care his teacher (Riley's dad, no less) was giving him. But Cory stopped him before he could utter another word.

"Your name is Lucas Friar. You are growing up. Find yourself." And with that, Cory Matthews got up and left the room, leaving the two boys alone at the bay window.

They sat in silence for a while, each deep in their own thoughts, wondering what the new year would bring for all of them. It was true, these feelings were confusing and would only get more confusing and complicated the older they grew. But at least they'd be together, and if one of them became too scared to grow, the others would waste no time giving that one the strength to move forward. That's how much their friendship meant; that's how secure it was.

Lucas kept pondering the journey he would soon have to take. It did scare him; it terrified him beyond his wits, for he had no idea what he would find. But he knew that despite anything else, he would find something, and that brought him some comfort.

Suddenly, he was struck by a funny thought. "Hey, it's a new year, and it's after midnight."

Farkle looked up at him. "Yeah." A moment passed, and he reached the same thought. "And here we are."

Lucas looked at his best friend, his loyal, kind, perfect genius of a best friend. Too many feelings, too many emotions. But they didn't scare him anymore. Now they were warm; now they were almost…comforting.

"Yeah," he said, and despite everything else, despite the jungle of pain and confusion he would soon travel into, he couldn't help but smile. "Here we are."

Farkle smiled in return, happy in the knowledge that no matter what, he would always be there for his best friend. "Happy New Year, Lucas."

"Happy New Year, Farkle."