The Last Will and Testament of Fred Weasley
So...my name is George Weasley...yeah, I know, you thought it was Fred, right? Well, guess what? I AM FRED! FOOLED YOU AGAIN! But anyways, I never actually thought I'd write my will, but with the war and everything, and with everyone we lost, I couldn't help but wonder, well, what if I'm next?
I suppose I should start with my possessions, then? Well, Weasley Wizard Wheezes obviously goes to George, and if George can't take it, it goes to Ginny (sorry, Ron, but George and I don't trust you at all). I would like a special box of Extended Ears to be given to Harry Potter, too, so he can eavesdrop or do whatever. Hope they help you in your ambition to become an Auror, buddy.
And I want all the Pygmy Puffs to go to Ginny. She could train an army of them and they could destroy enemies with their adorableness. (Just kidding, Mum and Dad, don't worry)
As for my funeral...there had better be cake, alright? And invite the Gryffindor Quidditch Team while you're at it. I betcha the Beaters will have a pretty good go with the Pinata, wouldn't you say? Oh, and fill the Pinata with all our prank candies, George. That'll be a laugh.
And something else you could do at my funeral: pretend you're me, George, and that George actually died. Insist it as though your life depends on it, so that way even in death, no one will be able to tell us apart.
Don't mourn me, guys, please, either. I mean, it's okay to feel sad - an amazing person left your life, of course you'll be sad - but don't overdo it, alright? Remember me, but don't mourn me. Celebrate my life with all the pranks you can muster! Overdo April Fools Day! Make EVERY DAY April Fools Day! And when the anniversary of my death rolls around, DOUBLE YOUR EFFORTS!
Now let's be serious for once. I have some notes to give out (he he he):
To Mum and Dad: I love you guys so much. And I thought you should know, two years ago for Christmas, George and I swapped sweaters, and you didn't even notice it. I just thought you should know. And don't mourn me too much, alright? Remember me as the son who turned all the chickens purple and I would have died in peace.
To Bill and Charlie: I don't actually know what to say to you guys, but yeah, I'm going to try to say something noble...ah, sod it, I can't be noble. Charlie, remember: speak kindly to an enraged dragon, and do NOT poke them in the eyes while they're sleeping. Bill, take care of Fleur. I know she's annoying and all, but take care of her.
To Percy: You're still a pinhead, bro, but I love you.
To George: Don't miss me too much. Pretend to be me every once in awhile, just to throw people off. MAKE THEM QUESTION WHICH ONE OF US ACTUALLY DIED! I love you, George. Have a great life!
To Ron: Remember that time the broom closet was blown to bits and you insisted George and I were behind it and we insisted you were behind it? Well, guess what, little bro? WE WERE BEHIND IT! By the time you read this I'll be glad I'm not alive, because you would HATE me! Well, so long, Ron. Even though you're clueless and annoying I love you. (P.S., You still have to pay for everything you buy at WWW at regular price. NO SIBLING DISCOUNT FOR YOU!)
To Ginny: PYGMY PUFF ARMY, MY SISTER! Well, Mum and Dad would probably never approve of that, but you can have all the Pygmy Puffs in the shop if you want them. Give Arnold a friend, you know. Have little baby Pygmy Puffs! Love you, little sis (I need to think of something to say other than "I love you". It's becoming tedious).
To Harry Potter: Thanks for all the Galleons you gave me and George, Harry. You gave us the jumpstart for the greatest joke shop in the world, and I couldn't thank you enough. Remember what I said when you visited: our shop is your shop! Anything you want is free as long as you promise to use it for a worthy prank! Oh, and Harry...please, if I died in the war, don't blame yourself, okay? Because I know you will, and it'd kill me (if I wasn't already dead) to know you blamed yourself. I chose to fight, and it was one hell of a ride, too, so thanks for that. Oh, and by the way, take care of Ginny. I know you love her.
To Hermione: I leave you all my useless school books! You can have them if you want them, anyway. You don't have to take them. You probably have a dozen copies of each one, but whatever. Oh, and also: Ron loves you, but he'll never tell you that, so I just wanted you to know.
P.S., This is to Mum and Dad: I'm sorry, but remember that time I jumped off the roof with an umbrella to see if I could fly? Oh, no, wait, you were at Diagon Alley that day...erm...nevermind. Forget I said anything.
Well, anyways, I love you all! Enjoy life!
Yours Sincerely,
George Weasley
(Haha, no, I'm actually Fred)
(Or am I?)
(The world will never know…)