A/N: Hi y'all. Here's a Marauders one-shot that popped into my head the other day and that I wrote at two in the morning a few days ago. To set the scene: they're all passing notes during a particularly boring lecture. However you'll soon see that something's a bit off. . .
Enjoy!
Mr. Padfoot is bored
Mr. Prongs is bored
Mr. Moony says that his mates should stop passing notes and listen to the lecture
Mr. Prongs has heard it at least five times before and does not see the point
Mr. Moony recognizes this fact, but it still remains that Mr. Moony has not heard it yet
Mr. Padfoot has heard this lecture twice, and tells Mr. Moony to just get the abridged version from Mrs. Prongs who actually pays attention to the damn thing every time
Mrs. Prongs says that Mr. Padfoot would do well to actually listen to somebody for a change
Mr. Padfoot is outraged
Mrs. Prongs says that Mr. Prongs does not count
Mr. Prongs is outraged
Mr. Moony thanks Mrs. Prongs for her input, and reminds his mates to stop passing notes
Mrs. Moony thinks that Mr. Moony is being a stick in the mud, and reminds him that he was always shushing her during Order meetings. Mrs. Moony agrees with Mr. Padfoot. This is boring.
Mr. Moony is miffed.
Mr. Prongs would laugh
Mr. Padfoot is laughing
Mr. Prongs compliments Mrs. Moony on her very attractive purple hair, and wonders how on Earth Mr. Moony could have married such a fine woman since he is such a stick in the mud
Mrs. Moony thanks Mr. Prongs
Mr. Moony would like to draw Mr. Prong's attention to Mrs. Prongs, who is currently ignoring him
Mr. Prongs says that Mrs. Prongs is a wonderful, beautiful woman and cannot believe she ever deigned to even look at Mr. Prongs
Mrs. Prongs is appeased and is no longer ignoring Mr. Prongs
Mr. Padfoot tells Mr. & Mrs. Prongs that public snogging is gross and they should get a room
Mr. Moony threatens to tear this bit of parchment to shreds if his mates keep using it to pass notes instead of listening to whatever that man is saying
Mr. Prongs says this lecture is a bunch of useless nonsense because he knows that the rules of being dead are not that complicated. Also, Mr. Prongs knows that Mr. Moony is a smart fellow and can figure them out himself.
Mrs. Prongs reminds Mr. Prongs that he has broken a fair number of the Rules of Death, and agrees with Mr. Moony that Mssrs. Prongs & Padfoot would do well to listen
Mr. Padfoot would like to come to the aid of Mr. Prongs and say that Mrs. Prongs & Mr. Moony are being gits
Mr. Prongs heartily thanks Mr. Padfoot for his contribution
Mrs. Prongs calls attention to that time Mr. Prongs broke a couple of the Rules of Death and got in a load of trouble four years ago
Mr. Prongs has no idea what Mrs. Prongs is talking about... and reminds Mrs. Prongs that he saved thirteen-year-old Prongs Jr. from Dementors so Mrs. Prongs should be happy and not whining
Mrs. Prongs defends that she is not whining, merely proving a point
Mr. Padfoot remembers this bit of rule breaking from when he was alive
Mr. Moony recalls that night as well
Mr. Padfoot wholeheartedly encourages no more listening if it leads to more rule breaking like the aforementioned example because Mr. Padfoot was very attached to his soul and hated to see it almost get eaten
Mr. Moony points out that Dementors do not eat souls; they are sucked out of the body of the victim and dissipate into the atmosphere where the positive energy is absorbed by the Dementors
Mr. Padfoot neither knows nor cares for what Mr. Moony is writing about
Mr. Moony hesitantly agrees with Mr. Prongs and concedes that if not listening to the lecture results in rule breaking like that, then it may not be too bad to pass these notes
Mr. Padfoot can't believe Mr. Moony is encouraging not listening and rule breaking in the same sentence
Mr. Prongs would like to throw a party
Mrs. Prongs sternly suggests that Mr. Padfoot and Mr. Prongs be quiet and sit down
Mr. Padfoot establishes that Mr. Moony is no longer a stick in the mud
Mrs. Moony congratulates Mr. Moony on his promotion
Mr. Padfoot wonders why Mr. & Mrs. Prongs cannot kiss like Mr. & Mrs. Moony.
Mr. Prongs wonders when Mr. Padfoot ever became such a prude
Mr. Padfoot insists that he is not a prude. Rather, Mr. Padfoot would like to not leave the room and vomit into the nearest container every time Mr. & Mrs. Prongs show each other affection
Mr. Prongs offers to Stun Mr. Padfoot each time he snogs his wife, since Mr. Padfoot objects so strongly
Mr. Padfoot retorts that he would be out cold for approximately four hours each day
Mr. Prongs does not see the problem
Mr. Moony still fails to recognize anything wrong with the solution Mr. Prongs proposed
Mrs. Moony thinks that Mr. & Mrs. Prongs have the right idea
Mr. Prongs is pleasantly surprised at Mr. Moony's snogging abilities
Mr. Padfoot requests to be Stunned. Now.
Mr. Prongs thinks that it's about time Mr. Moony got some action
Mr. Padfoot wonders why he is still conscious
Mrs. Prongs once again points out the lecture should be listened to since Mr. Moony is too occupied to resume the remonstration of his mates
Mr. Padfoot reminds Mrs. Prongs that she is the only stick in the mud left
Mr. Padfoot says that physical violence is not necessary and would like to hit Mrs. Prongs back, but he was taught not to hit a girl
Mr. Prongs invites Mr. Padfoot to a duel whenever the lecture is finally over for disrespecting Mrs. Prongs
Mr. Moony sighs
Mr. Padfoot accepts Mr. Prongs's invitation and would like to say that Mr. Prongs's hair looks like a crow's nest
Mrs. Prongs tells Mr. Prongs to stop messing with his hair
Mr. Prongs wonders if it looks that bad
Mrs. Prongs tells Mssrs. Padfoot & Prongs to drop it because she can take care of herself
Mr. Padfoot invites Mrs. Prongs to a duel since Mr. Prongs has been relieved of his duty
Mrs. Prongs politely refuses
Mr. Padfoot warns Mrs. Prongs that she is missing out
Mrs. Prongs says that if it's another duel where Mr. Padfoot ends up on his backside with a pair of antlers – Mr. Prongs's speciality – then Mrs. Prongs firmly refuses
Mr. Padfoot insists that everything was going to plan and Mrs. Prongs had just come in at the wrong moment
Mr. Prongs reminds Mr. Padfoot that he was wandless, Immobilized, Silenced and cowering under the kitchen table
Mr. Padfoot would like to reiterate that he was fully in control of the situation
Mr. Prongs asks Mr. Padfoot to stop making him laugh so hard
Mr. Moony sighs again
Mrs. Prongs says this is enough and reminds Mr. Padfoot that it took her a week to find a spell to remove the gorges from the wood underneath the table
Mrs. Moony wonders if they have always been like this
Mrs. Prongs sadly replies in the affirmative
Mr. Padfoot wonders how much longer this lecture will be because Mr. Padfoot is starving
Mr. Moony wonders what there is to eat
Mrs. Prongs replies that there is food at the Prongs' residence
Mssrs. Moony, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to know Mrs. Prongs and her wonderful hospitality
Mrs. Moony didn't know eating was possible after death
Mr. Padfoot assures Mrs. Moony that it is
Professor Dumbledore would like to address Mssrs. Moony, Padfoot and Prongs and draw general attention to the fact that the lecture is over and so passing notes is no longer necessary
A/N: Basically my idea was that after death there's an intermission time where people meet up with their closest deceased relatives or friends to catch up, cry together, whatever. After they die, people are transported to this huge hall with a bazillion other people because it contains everyone who died in the time since the last lecture was given. Then they all are roped into listening to some wizard drone on about the importance of not interacting with or attempting to contact the living (which James never bothered to listen to). As James has been dead for a while, he's heard it five times - four people who had been close to him while he was alive died after he did. I imagine Dumbledore is there for Remus and the many others who died in the Battle of Hogwarts that day.
Loved it? Hated it? Totally confused by it? feel free to say so in a review!