The de-animator kicked in the Doctor's hands, leeching the lightning out of the nearest Frankenperson's body. Its stitches ruptured open and it literally fell apart. The Doctor grimaced. Rose stifled the urge to scream and/or vomit.

"Mr. Stoker," the Doctor said to Bram, "I know you can't rush genius, but you're going to have to overcome writer's block and fast or Frankenstein's children are going to destroy the concept of the vampire, monopolizing the Jungian subconscious and taking over the world!" He smiled. "By the way, big fan of your work."

"Doctor!" Rose cried.

The Frankenperson (no one who saw it could think of it as having life, much less sex) was literally pulling itself back together. Like mercury drawn to a common source, its body parts stuck to each other and the stitches retied themselves. Rose grabbed a sword from the wall and swung it, separating the green head from the bolted neck. The cranium rolled off broad shoulders; the Frankenperson felt at its empty headspace for a moment before falling to all fours to look for its head.

"I can't believe I just did that," Rose said.

"They're running on over five thousand dream units!" The Doctor shot it with the de-animator again and looked over the ramparts of Slains Castle. "Damn, they've surrounded the TARDIS. It looks as if this old keep's gonna play the fort one last time. Rose, lower the portcullis."

"You mean that rising-lifting gate thing?"

The Doctor kicked apart the body parts of the Frankenperson as they crawled towards each other. "Yeah, that. Look for a lever."

"So, wait…" Bram Stoker was confused. "That big box… what is that, a coffin?"

The Doctor began to shake his head, but Rose stopped him.

"You say it's from your home?"

"Yup. Got all manner of Time Lord memorabilia in it. Like this handy thing." He waved the sonic screwdriver before plunging it into the Frankenperson's still-beating heart. "There, ya beastie. Let's see you cause any more trouble with a heart full of cardiac arrest."

"And these Time Lords…" Bram searched his memory from all he had overheard regarding the Doctor. "You're immortal?"

"More or less."

"Shape-shift?"

"I have had my face done, from time to time."

Rose ran back into the courtyard. "Doctor, I managed to raise the drawbridge, but they're trying to pull it down with surgical wire. The portcullis is jammed with rust."

"Fantastic!" He held up his sonic screwdriver. "I've been waiting for a chance to use the de-rustifier setting on this!"

"And you travel with a beautiful woman," Bram observed.

"Women, plural. Sometimes men."

Rose elbowed him in the ribs. "The author of Dracula just said I was beautiful! …does that make me a goth?"

Bram was stroking his beard, an idea hatching in his head. "Tell me, sir, I must know… what's your name?"

"I'm the Doctor!"

"Doctor who?"

"Just…"

"Acula," Rose said quickly. "Dr. Acula."

Outside, the hordes of Frankenpeople dropped re-dead. The Jungian subconscious had moved on.

"Oh my," Bram said excitedly. "How catchy is that?"