ZADT... Zim and Dib toleration... barely

Zim, Dib... blah blah do not belong to me.

NOT SLASH!

Zim twisted the last bolt into place and stepped back from his creation. Progress had been slow and halted many times by GIR's antics of DOOM and DESTRUCTION but with GIR upstairs- watching the Scary Monkey Show- Zim had finally completed...

An irken birthing chamber.

A long time ago Zim had learned of the Tallest's dislike for him and known his mission was a farce. After many failed attempts to regain (if there ever was any in the first place) their respect- and a final blocking of his transmissions- Zim had resigned himself to living on earth for a while. Of course, that did not mean he couldn't take it over and continue to annoy the Dib-stink, if merely for something to do. However, after a while Zim began to realize that if he died on this filthy planet there would be no more Zim and no one to torment the Dib. So, in a logical leap of neurons, Zim had decided to clone himself. A neural implant in his Pak would constantly be in contact with another chip inside a blank Pak. At the time of his death all of his chips data would be transferred to the other Pak's chip. When his clone was born the computer would implant the Pak onto its back and he would LIVE AGAIN!

Zim admired his work. Amazing, as usual.He imagined the look on the Dib-human's face when his supposedly defeated foe appeared before him... AHAHAHAHAHA cough HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA...now to turn on the computer...

"INTRUDER ALERT!"

Zim flattened his antennae and glared at the ceiling. "COMPUTER!!!!"

"...mmmmmhmmmm?"

"What is this nonsense about an intruder?! In ZIM'S base?! IMPOSSIBLE!"

"It's Dib."

"DIB?!HOW?! HOW!? HOOOOW!? Zim's superior irken security should have squashed the pathetic earth monkey!" He entertained himself with images of Dib's gigantic head being squished beneath the MIGHTY FOOT of irken technology. "YES!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA Erk gag cough Squash the Dib! Squash him like a... eh, SQUASHY THING!"

"You want me to squash him?"

Zim jumped and hissed, glaring at the ceiling. "Eh? NO! Capture the HYOOMAN! No... WAIT! YES! YEEEESSSSSSS!! Squash him! Hmmm... NO! WAIT! CATCH HIIIIIMMMM! Actually..."

"Freeze alien scum!"

Zim jumped and whirled around to see the subject of his dilemma standing behind him with a spork in his hand.

"DIB-STINK?!How did you get here?"

Dib paused, confused. "I walked. Took the elevator... nothing stopped me."

Zim glared. "YOU LIE! Zim's superiorness... ness is superior to your patheticness, smelly earth-monkey!"

Dib paused once again, confusion flitting across his face before determination settled in. "Enough stalling, ZIM! Today... Today I will defeat you and expose you so all the world will know the TRUTH!"

"NEVER! I AM ZIM AND ZIM SHALL RUUUUUULE!! NO PATHETIC EARTH-STINK WILL STOP ZIIIIIM!" Zim readied himself to attack the Dib-

THUNK! "EEEEEEEAAAAAAAHEEHEE! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Agh! GIR! GIR! Get off MY HEAD!"

Zim flailed pointlessly while his S.I.R unit death-gripped his head and screamed incoherently.

Dib saw this as his chance and lunged sideways for... something to do... something to Zim's base.

Zim, partially blinded by a squealing S.I.R unit, saw Dib move. "NOOOOOOO!!! GIR! DEFEND THE BASE!"

GIR's eyes flashed red, "Yes, master!" The S.I.R leaped off its masters head and grabbed Dib's arm. Zim began laughing maniacally, hippo's of victory dancing in his brain.

Dib jumped at the touch of cold metal and paled at the menacing crimson eyes that glared into his. He went ashen when the crimson flipped to cyan.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!" GIR squealed, squeezing Dib's arm painfully. "I loves you, Big head boy! And PIGGIES! I LOVES YOU ALL!!"

"My head's not big!" Dib struggled futilely over GIR's screeching. He violently wrenched his arm and the dysfunctional robot let go, screaming his intelligible words at the top of his mechanized voice. Zim hardly noticed G.I.R's failure to comply with his orders as he was too busy laughing and watching victory hippos. He did notice, however, when Dib's (powerful!) spork slammed onto his computer panel.

"AAAAGH! What are you doing?!"

Dib glanced at his mutilated spork sadly. Last time I use common household utensils. "I'm defeating you, ZIM!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You defeat an irken elite?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"It's no laughing matter, Zim! I WILL return and next time... next time it'll be a spoon!"

Neither enemy noticed a curious robot approach the computer panel.

"WHAT'S THIS DO?!"

Zim glanced over just in time to see GIR press a large red button.

"NOOOOO!!! NOT THE RED BUTTON!"

Dib blinked, "what's so bad about the red button?"

Zim grabbed Dib's collar in his claws and glared. "The red button is always bad."

The computer seemed to take great pleasure in intoning at that dramatic moment.

"Sequence activated. Scanning for viable DNA."

A red beam shot out from one of the walls, sweeping the lab. Zim dropped Dib and rushed to the elevator, frantically pushing a button. The elevator did not respond and Zim kicked it angrily.

"AARRRGH! Why did I program this sequence to shut down all exits?!"

Dib threw up his hands, "what it going on?!"

Zim hissed and whipped around, pointing at his arch-foe.

"DO NOT QUESTION ZIIIIIIIM!!"

"Two viable DNA found. Acquiring DNA."

Zim shrieked as a giant claw descended from the ceiling and grabbed his pak, lifting him up.

"RELEASE ZIIIM!"

Dib yelped as a secondary claw grabbed him by the shirt. From his peripheral filed of vision he saw a very sharp needle coming towards his neck and frantically tried to twist away. He heard Zim's cry as the aliens needle pierced his neck a brief second before his own did. Dib barely had time to wince before the claw dropped him unceremoniously on the floor, a needle full of his blood moving away. Dib got up, still confused, and noticed Zim passed out on the floor.

It was just a... needle!! Zim's afraid of needles! Dib congratulated himself for finding another irken weakness and did an impromptu dance in the lab. GIR, delighted to see someone dancing proceeded to do his own routine that resulted in several pieces of smoking machinery.

"Combining DNA... DNA combined. Transferring to birthing chamber."

Dib paused in his victory dance (GIR didn't notice) and stared at the long, tubelike contraption as a tiny, formless blob was shot into whatever goopy substance was inside.

"What... is that?"

Zim came to at that and looked around frantically. "Huh? What?" His red gaze fell to the birthing chamber and the blob within. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My clone! Ruined!"

Dib whipped around, "Your WHAT?!"

Zim glared. "SILENCE, Dib-beast! You have destroyed my plans once more but never agaaaaain!"

"PIGGIES!!!!"

"What are you talking about? I don't even know what's going on!"

Before Zim could take a breath to start a tirade of MIGHTY proportions, GIR chimed in.

"Issa nother MASTER! With taquitoes! But now John has hisself in the hot dog!" GIR turned to the blob in the tube. "HIIIIIIIIIIIIII BABY!"

Dib scratched his head. "Wait... did GIR just say baby?!"

Zim, a little put out that GIR interrupted him, hissed. "Smeet, Dib-thing, SMEEEEET! It was a CLONE! Until YOU RUINED IT!"

Dib gaped. B-baby? But that needle... and Zim... and... "I'm too young to be a FATHER! I'm only FOURTEEN! AGH! ACK!"

While Zim would have loved to watch his most hated enemy twitch he had things to do and smelly pig-beasts to throw out. "SILENCE! You will now leave Zim's base! NOOOOW!"

Dib paused. "But... the... uh, smeet."

"What makes you think I'd EVER let you TOUCH ZIM'S DNA?!"

"Hey, it's partly mine, too!"

"NEVER! It shall grow up to be a GREAT IRKEN WARRIOR!"

"Not my baby!"

GIR sat on the lab floor, hugging his pig and rocking it back and forth, giggling maniacly.