Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.
Zoro was lounging on a couch with one of his arms on an armrest while the other was lining up with the back. He was dozing off when he felt a sudden weight on his lap. He cracked open an eye and saw that Mihawk's head was on his lap and lay parallel with the couch. His hat was off so his thick dark black hair prickled as some punctured through Zoro's pants. Curious, Zoro stroked Mihawk's hair gently. His hair was actually soft to the touch.
"Did you know you're quite famous between the Marines?" Mihawk said suddenly. Zoro stopped the stroking and faced Mihawk's golden eyes.
"How so?"
"There are hundreds of underground fan clubs specifically for almost every pirate out there. Although it is strictly forbidden for the Marines to form any kind of group, but who listens to the law these days?" Mihawk gave a smug smile, "I used to have Marine followers when I was a pirate."
"Hou." Zoro raised an eyebrow. He was trying to hold back his smile. It gave him chills to see such a handsome man smile like that.
"Out of your crew, I think seven have fan clubs. The Cyborg Franky just became a pirate so not much information is known. As for Brook, Marine Headquarters thought he died so no fan clubs for him either."
A thought just passed Zoro's mind and being the Tsukkomi he is he realized that this was the most random topic he ever heard from Mihawk.
"Out of the seven, I think Monkey D. Luffy and you are the top most popular, then the ladies, the pet, and the hero." Mihawk shifted his body around a little, "The most unpopular is Black leg Sanji."
"Why is that?" Zoro snickered, "He seems to at least attract males."
"Well," Mihawk answered quickly, "It is because Black leg Sanji always fights in the back. He never appears in the main, like you idiots, so for the Black Leg Sanji fan Marines, they aren't many of them. That is also why his bounty picture is a sketch not a photograph. The photographer could only get one shot of him and that picture was a failure. When the higher Maine members asked for his sketch most of the physical qualities were received from the secret Black Leg Sanji fan Marines. I don't even know what he looks like."
"I thought you did."
"No."
Zoro raised a finger, "Remember at the ocean restaurant Baratie? The blond hair? He was in the crowd."
"Did he have the large tall hat?"
"...that proved your point." Zoro titled his head to the side, "Well anyways, they got it perfectly."
"Really?"
"Yeah. The eyebrow, the hair, the goatee...they got it right. It looks exactly like him."
"That is good to know." Mihawk closed his eyes but suddenly opened them, "That reminds me, there is a bet going on. It is about you." Zoro quirked an eyebrow, "It is a bet to guess who you are having relationships with."
Zoro leaned in, "What kind of...pairings am I with?"
"Well, some are betting you are with the navigator, some say you are with the archeologist. Some say you are having some twisted relationships with your pet. A small quantity of others are betting on the hero. They heard rumors that you and the hero were handcuffed at the time. All in all, majority say you are either with the captain or the cook."
A vein popped on Zoro's forehead, "What about you?"
"Me?"
"Yeah you." Zoro's voice sounded irritated, "Did you make a bet?"
Mihawk's eyes averted his, "Yes, yes I did."
"Unbelievable." Zoro snarled and turned away, "Who the hell did you bet for? Luffy or Sanji?"
"Well," Mihawk scratched his goatee with his fingers, "I saw the list of bets and I had a selfish heart and put my money on something else."
Zoro still kept his head sideways and didn't reply, so Mihawk continued on, "I was betting on that you were single." Zoro then finally looked back at the other, "So, was anyone right?"
Mihawk's lips were met with Zoro's warm soft ones. It was a gentle kiss and the master swordsman accepted it. He closed his eyes and he could smell his delicious scent. He reached over and stroked his hand through Zoro's short green hair and over the ear with the three golden earrings. It jingled as his fingers flicked them.
Zoro pulled away and leaned back against the couch. He looked straight into his eyes. "You guys are all wrong."
"Hm, I guess so."
The End
A Tsukkomi is a person who interrupts the Boke. It's a term Japanese comedians use. Mostly always, the Japanese comedians come in a pair; one is a Boke and the other a Tsukkomi. The Boke is usually the dumb one and says something dumb and the Tsukkomi's job is to say, "You're dumb" and slap the other on the head.