Author: Casandra

Email: rozwellrulz@aol.com Since my Fanforum account isn't working at the moment.

Disclaimer: Well even though the show isn't still in its first run, syndication will probably go on for eons, so I guess all this is still necessary. I of course don't own them, because if I did, things would have been a lot more on the slashy side of things. Alas, Mutant Enemy, Fox and Joss don't seem to think the way I do. Oh well.

Rating: PG-13 for now, just for the slash content. Minor swearing might be in here too, so be forewarned. I've been considering giving something a bit more naughty a try again, and if I do I'll give sufficient warning.

Warning: If the thought of woman in love and having a relationship bothers you, you better tear your eyes away quickly, because that's all you'll find in my fanfics.

Distribution: You can find my work at Realm of The Shadow (www.realmoftheshadow.com), Near Her Always (www.nearheralways.com) and I Kind of Love You as well. Anybody else, you're welcome to it, just please let me know where it's going.

Feedback: I, like every other author, adores it. So if you like my work, please drop me a line and let me know. It'd be much appreciated.

Spoilers: I have this tendency to reference just about anything. So if you haven't seen all 7 seasons and all 144 episodes, you might use caution in reading this. Not saying I WILL reference something, but I just might, so be aware.

Pairing: Buffy/Willow. But also probably a smidge of Willow/Kennedy too. Actually, I might have some Dawn/Faith in here as well, maybe as a backdrop couple. Who knows, I think I'm just making it up as I go along.. I'm such a UC ship ho! Might as well go for the gusto LOL

Summary: Post series finale. At least 6 months down the road, where the remaining Scooby gang is, where they're headed, are they together? Willow has to make another life changing decision, very reminiscent of her decision to stay in SunnyD back in 'Choices'.

Author's Note: Ok, I haven't written anything significant since Summer Confessions, and that one I started during the Summer of 2002. It's now June 2003 as I start this. So I am probably very rusty when it comes to fiction. All I've been writing is term papers for the last nine months. But I'm going to try my best here and see what I can come up with. It's also going to be mostly in Buffy's POV. I might switch over to Willow at some point, not sure yet. We'll see what happens I guess.

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It's ironic.

I've spent my entire adult life resenting the destiny that was thrust into my lap, always feeling obligated to it, trapped by it, scared of it. And now that I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders alone anymore, I feel incomplete somehow. I suppose I had just gotten so used to the fact that I alone was the person responsible for saving the world time and again, that now that the responsibility has been lifted from me, I almost miss it. That goes to show you just how messed up in the head I've become over the last seven or so years. The problem I'm having is, if I'm not THE Slayer anymore, who am I? I've defined myself solely on my mystical superstrength for as long as I can remember now. And even though yes, I do still have the same skills and abilities I've had since becoming a Slayer, I'm no longer the only one. I had enough trouble accepting Kendra, and later on Faith, being around. But I could chalk them both up to a small glitch in the Slayer system. After all, if I hadn't gone down to fight the Master, it never would have happened. But even after I had been dead set against never staking another vampire again, one look at Willow's tearstained face and I knew I couldn't fight my destiny. Because if I did I wouldn't be able to protect anybody from the harsh evils of the world. And more importantly, I would have been letting Willow fend for herself in that kind of violent atmosphere. There was just no way I was about to let that happen if I had it in my power to do something about it. Death be damned. If that's what happened, so be it. If I could take the Master out in the process, thus keeping everyone safe, most importantly Willow, than that was a chance I was willing to take.

But I digress.

So now I'm not THE Slayer anymore, I'm just A Slayer. Which technically I suppose is really the same thing. And I guess it might just be my over-inflated ego of seven years talking, but it really is bothering me. I would have thought I'd be hanging from the rafters in celebration if I ever got the chance to have a 'normal' life. But now, I'm starting to wonder, what's so great about normal anyway? The only normal friend I have anymore is Xander, and look what being normal got him. Or maybe it's more the fact that he's my friend that got him the pirate look permanently.


And the worst thing about ALL of this? I'm not Willow's Slayer anymore. Nope, the spell I insisted she do, the one that was my idea, took her away from me. If I'm really honest with myself, I had left Willow's side long before the spell, from my own free choice. At first I was angry at her, so incredibly angry, for ripping me away from eternal peace. I just couldn't get past the anger and hurt that the one person I relied on to always do the right thing screwed up. Yep, me, the queen of accidental mistakes condemned my very best friend because she did it. Once.

How much of a bitch am I?

She stood by me through everything, and she happens to make a mistake one time, and I drop her as quick as I possibly can. Of course we never once talked about the fact that we were best friends in name only for the past two years now. Me? Talk about a personal problem?

Get real.

And it was that much worse because I didn't even bother to allow myself to worry about what my solitude was doing to her. I had Spike to keep me busy, what did I care? Willow had Xander, and even if they weren't together anymore, she still had Tara's love. She didn't need or want mine I assumed. Well you know what they say about assuming something. It makes an ass out of both 'u' and 'me'. Yeah, lame joke I know, I have no idea who came up with that one to begin with. But surprisingly it fits perfectly for what happened the last two years. Maybe if I would have been paying even a small amount of attention to her, things wouldn't have ended up the way they have.

Tara might still be alive. Willow more than likely wouldn't have had to hit absolutely rock bottom before becoming the goddess of pure benevolent magic that I always envisioned her to be. And then again, maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. She might have had to go through all those things she did, without me, to make her the incredible person she's become now. Not that she wasn't always incredible, I knew there was something magical about her from the very first time I laid eyes on my adorable witch. Of course she wasn't a witch then, oh no, she started practicing the dark arts for the sole purpose of helping me in my fight against the hellmouth.

So again, it all comes back to her association with me.

But now she's not even MY witch anymore, the same way I'm not HER Slayer either. Because now there's Kennedy. She's taken my place in Willow's life. ALL my places actually. She's her own personal Slayer/Best Friend/Girlfriend in one nice nifty package. Of course I've always only filled two of those three slots. But I've always wondered, and maybe even hoped, that we could go three for three someday. I may not have outwardly showed it the last few years, but it's always been in the back of my mind. Even when I was with my significant others. Even when I was ignoring her. It's always been there. And yeah, I'll even admit that Kennedy is cute. But that tongue ring comment, grr, I could have spit nails. But of course, mind on the mission, I had to focus, like always. Jealousy does not play a good part when it comes to averting yet another apocolypse.

I've always been a tad bit jealous when Willow was in a relationship. But never more so than now. Maybe it's because I don't like Kennedy, or maybe I feel even more threatened because I'm free and clear to make my move and once again, someone is in my way. The again, it could be the fact that Kennedy is a Slayer as well, so I know that it's not a put-off to Will when it comes to being romantically involved with someone. Of course it's more than likely the fact that I haven't seen Willow so outwardly affectionate with anybody like she is with Kennedy. They're constantly cuddling, or smooching to their heart's content.

In front of all of us. In front of me.

I'm really shocked at the self control I've shown. I haven't physically removed Kennedy's lips from Willow's yet, so that's a good sign I hope.

For the last five months or so all of us surviving Scooby members, with a few extra new club members added on, have been holed up inside what used to be an abandoned warehouse right outside of Cleveland. Somehow, and honestly I don't think I want to really know, Giles got the lease free and clear. Within three days of arriving here he had the place cleaned out. And in another week or so it was habitable, and very habitable at that. There's about 8 or 10 of us here on any given day, and it doesn't get crowded at all. We all have our own living areas, nicely decorated for the most part. And 8 bathrooms to split between us all. Certainly not a bad setup in the least bit considering the sharing that we all had to do back at my house during the height of the potentials' invasion. I still can't believe an old run down warehouse could be spiffed up to be so nice in such a short period of time. Not that I'm complaining at all, really. It's just I do worry sometimes HOW we ended up with such nice digs. Giles year long siesta in England must have either been very profitable, or he managed to snag back most of his connections that he had before he met me. And with the Watcher's Council for the most part non-existant, I wonder who's paying the bills now. Did they have a secret stash hidden somewhere that wasn't blown up by preacher boy?

In any case, no matter who is paying the bill for our swanky new living area, its nice to not have to be the sole supporter. Although most of the gang wasn't in favor of mooching off of whoever is our secret benefactor.

Almost as soon as we set up Slayer central here, Xander went out job hunting. Apparently Cleveland is having a big real estate boom at the moment and is in dire need of construction workers. I think it helps him grieve for Anya by having a nine to five job again. I've never seen Xander as quiet as he was on the trip cross country. I know he still loved Anya intensely. And I have to wonder if it made it worse or better them never marrying last year. He refuses to talk about her, mourning in his own private way. And me being the queen of solitude, I can understand that. I miss her too actually. We might not have always gotten along, and I did try and kill demon Anya, but I did consider her a friend, her human self at least. And she died fighting a battle meant for me alone. And considering I have a guilt complex a mile long, besides feeling sad for the loss of my friend, I have guilt for it too. But she made her choice to fight, and in the long run, I think she knew she was doing the right thing, fighting the right battles, on the right side.

Surprisingly, Faith is still hanging around here with us. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. I'm over my anger at her for everything she's done in the last few years. I can see the changes in her. She's not the same hotheaded kid that we all met in Sunnydale 4 years ago. She's more grounded, more focused. And she cares about more than herself. It's a rather shocking change to believe, but I see it, and I believe it. We're still not friends, we tolerate each other, we work together, but we're not to the point yet where we can really call ourselves buddies. But I think eventually we'll get there. I'm happy for her, she seems more at peace with herself than she was. She takes an active role in everything that we do around here. She even got herself a job as a bouncer at one of the local nightclubs. Can't say that line of work surprises me, even if it is at a gay nightclub. Faith never did 'out' herself, but it's safe to say that Willow is not the only sometimes Sapphic member of the gang. Not that it bothers me of course, considering I'm having tendencies towards the ancient Greek poet side of things lately. Or maybe not so lately as the case really is. I know the Xena reruns aren't helping to take my mind off of it. But I swear, if Faith brings Dawn home one more time from those under 21 parties they have at the club, I'm going to seriously reconsider the friends idea.

Of course blaming Faith for being responsible and actually watching out for Dawn is kind of ridiculous, even I admit that. But it's one of my issues, because I'm beginning to think that all of us girls are giving the lesbian life a try. I don't doubt that Dawn goes to see Faith at work. They've become very tight lately. And as much as it would have bothered me before, Faith DOES look out for her like no one else. And that's saying quite a bit considering what all of us have gone through to look out for Dawn in the last few years. My problem is if Faith *isn't* the reason Dawnie is going to that particular club. I really don't mind if she is indeed inclined that way, hell, if she's made from my blood, it actually makes quite a bit of sense. But I don't want her thinking she can't talk to me about it. I guess that's another thing I have to schedule in, a heart to heart with my little sister about her sexual preference. That should be fun.

I wouldn't dream of asking Giles to sit in on that one. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't. About a month after getting us all settled in here he took off back to England. I think he's in Bath this time, wherever that is. He didn't really go into a lot of detail about why, but I figure it has something to do with corralling all the other new Slayers that'll be popping up in the next few months. Willow gets emails from him on occasion. Which is rather shocking, I didn't know Giles went hi-tech, let alone knew how to go about sending email. Hell, it took Willow how many hours to teach me how to instant message and email people using her laptop. And I'm not nearly as technophobic as Giles. Of course he's changed quite a bit in the last few years since he's been back on his native soil. Always surprising me with the things he says and does when he's around. I'm still not sure whether I like that or not. But I do find myself missing the old Giles, the stuffy librarian Giles that we all loved to tease about his affinity for tweed everything.

For example, Robin going to England with Giles. That I didn't see coming at all. Going from mild mannered high school principal to Slayer command. Sure, he has it in his blood, but I thought for sure he'd return to his educational ways. I guess he liked the demon hunting business. It's good that Giles has a partner over there though, makes me worry less about him being all by himself. Of course it gives my overactive imagination way too many visuals that I could really do without. Ewww isn't a strong enough term in the least bit!

Hmm, Willow should have been home by now. She said that she was only going to be about an hour at the Best Buy up the street, and it's already going on two. Will's been all cybery again since we got settled. She's been constructing databases using her cyber and wiccan skills to help the Slayers decide where they want to go based on the most demony activity she can sense.. All but three of them have headed off on their own, making a new life for themselves with their new powers. Of course Kennedy is still here. Willow's still here, which means there'll be no getting rid of Kennedy either. She's a good Slayer, she patrols every night, and has a part time job at one of the karate centers downtown. But she's constantly around whenever Willow is, so I never get any time alone with my best friend.. It's ironic that now that I want to be with Willow, someone else is constantly in the way. Figures that's just my luck. That's the reason I wish Will would hurry her butt up. I have the day off from my classes at the police academy and I know Kennedy is going out with Vi and Rona tonight. So I figured I could have Willow all to myself. I know I won't make a move on her, because even though Kennedy and I aren't the best of friends by any means, I still respect the fact that Willow IS her girlfriend.

Willow and I have been much better in the last few months. And for that I'm eternally grateful. In fact it was her idea that I join the Cleveland police department. Honestly, I never would have thought about it. But with my strength, speed and agility, not to mention my recuperative powers, it makes perfect sense. And as much as I was enjoying the guidance counselor gig, there's no way in hell I was going to be able to get another job like that without a college degree of some kind. And that was definitely lacking with the turmoil of the last couple of years. So when Willow suggested that I attempt to be a police officer, I admitted to her, and to myself, that it seemed to be the perfect line of work. Of course there was the pesky problem of my prior warrants for murder back during the summer of 1998, but Willow was all up for taking care of that minor detail. It turns out she didn't have to. When Sunnydale went kaboom, all their records went with it. All local registries were wiped out, including my criminal record. Which is fine by me, once less problem to worry about coming back and biting me in the ass sometime in the future. So for the last month I've been studying at the academy to become a specialist in combative situations. That's what Willow calls it at least. Personally I think the captain of the academy just thinks he can eventually break me by giving me the most physically demanding challenges he can think of. But I haven't failed one yet, so that must mean something. I just wonder where the force is going to put me if and when I graduate.

"Hey Buff, you still around?" How is it that I didn't even hear her come in? The doors to this place are anything but quiet.

"In here Will!" I call out to her from my reclining position on my bed. Deep thoughts require nice cozy bed goodness. Otherwise it gives me a headache.

"Tell me you didn't go back to sleep after I left." Willow plops herself down on the foot of my bed and reclines herself lengthwise across the bottom, the hand she's not using to prop her head up on absently playing with the laces of my tennis shoes.

"Nope, just thinking. You know me, gotta be comfy lest the smoke start coming out of my ears." I casually picked up one of the smaller pillows on my bed and toss it at her head. I'm careful not to throw it too hard though. Ever since that night a short time after I moved to Sunnydale. Willow was over at my house trying to get me caught up on a few history assignments, so we were both sprawled out on my bed. I was too busy *not* paying any attention to what George Washington apparently did with his troops in Concord during the Revolution. Before I knew what was happening I was eating feathers from the pillow Will had tossed at me. I wasn't going to let her have the last word, or in that case, the only one, so I grabbed the offending pillow and launched it back at her.

I forgot about Slayer strength and all that. Because the next thing I remember, Willow is sprawled flat on her back on the floor, my toss knocking her clear off the bed. She had the most dazed expression and I was sure that I had given her a concussion or something equally traumatic. I was scared to death. Here I had just made a really good friend, not to mention she was cute as all get out. And I had to go and ruin it because of stupid Slayer powers. Midway through my spazzout I realized that she was laughing. Full throated giggles. And I knew that everything was going to be ok. But ever since then I'm very careful when we get into a pillow fight.

"So what took you so long? I thought you just had to grab some kind of thingie for your laptop. You weren't flirting with that cell phone tech again were you?" She blushes and I realize that she probably thinks I'll never let that one go. She's probably right.

It was a one time thing. Kennedy was on patrol and Willow needed to go and get an adapter for her printer. Me being the over protective best friend that I have been lately, insisted that she didn't walk alone to the store. Long story short, the girl behind the cell phone counter started hitting on Willow while I was looking at cover plates for my Nokia. Will, still sometimes a shy insecure woman, casually flirted back, but nothing compared to how blatant the sales girl was being. I of course was practically foaming at the mouth watching the girl's display. So as soon as I found an opening I linked my arm through Willow's and drug her off to her adapters, leaving a very petulant looking Best Buy employee behind.

"Actually I was with Kennedy." She looks a tad bit guilty for some reason as she looks down and starts playing with an imaginary piece of fuzz on my bedspread. I thought Kennedy was going out with the other girls tonight?

"Oh, I thought she had other plans?" Yep, that sounds good Buff, just inquisitive, not jealous in the least bit. Not like you were anxiously waiting for Willow to get home so you could take her out to that bar of Faith's and maybe, just maybe, get her to dance her ass off with you.

"She did, well she does, I mean she just grabbed me before she headed out with Rona and Vi. Of course not that kind of grab you know, because we were in a public store and all, but I mean, we just talked. And that's why I was late." Oh that can't be good. I haven't heard her babble like that in a long time. And her babbles generally only kick in when she's nervous or guilty about something. Either one usually is not that pleasant a reason. So something has to be up.

"Is everything ok? I mean it wasn't anything demony was it?" Right, because that would be a hell of a lot easier to deal with than something relationshippy.

"No, not really. Nothing you need to worry about Buff." She plasters on one of her fake smiles, the kind that tell me something is certainly not right in Willow world. But it's also a sign that she's not ready to talk about it just yet. So I'll let it go. For now at least.

Might as well try and cheer her up. And if we happen to end up having naughty friction as a result of her frown upside downing, so be it! "Ok, well if you're sure?"

"I'm positive"

"Well then, since Kennedy is out with the other girls, I thought maybe you and I could do something? It seems like forever since it's just been the two of us hanging out." And it really has been. I miss Bronzing with Willow and Xander. Of course that was never the two of us, but still, we were together. The three musketeers. It hasn't been like that for a long while now.


A brilliant smile, this time completely genuine, lights up her face. It makes me feel like melting into a puddle of Slayer goo right on the spot. "That sounds great Buffy! And I know what you mean, it's been way too long since it was just you and me." She sighs a bit and the smile falters just a tad. And I wonder if she missed it just as much as I have. "So what did you have in mind?"

I'm trying so hard to hold the mischievous expression from crossing my face. What do I have in mind? I can only begin to imagine the possibilities of going to Club Olympus and dancing the night away with my favorite red headed goddess. But I wonder if she'll go for it. "Well it's a surprise, but I think it's a place you'll like." Yep, Will is a big fan of Faith's place of employment. For obvious reasons. "So, grab your jacket and lets motor." It's actually not that far from our place, a few blocks maybe, but hey, I'm trying to make this as date-ish as possible, so we can't be walking when there is a car at my disposal. Another perk Giles refused to disclose about. But again, not complaining. A nice shiny purple Mustang is not something I'm going to argue with Giles about. If he wants to give his Slayer expensive fast presents, well then that's his perogative.

"Come on Buffy, don't be a hold out, just tell me!" Oh there is nothing in this world that can crumble my willpower like a Willow Pout. She looks downright adorable. And that's putting it mildly. I always cave. Always.

"Willow, don't be like that. You know I can never resist it when you turn up the Willow charm." Ok why did I say that!? The Willow Charm? I mean sure she has it. In spades. Spades upon spades. But she so does NOT need to know what effect said spades of charm has on this Slayer. No siree.

"Ok fine, but let it be stated that I do this under major grumble grumbles. You know how I hate surprises." She grabs her leather jacket off the coat rack at the front door, mumbling all the while about Slayer's and their secrets. It's not so much that she hates surprises, it's that she has zero patience when it comes to things like this. I swear she's still that 16 year old kid that thought Slayer T-Shirts would be cool. But it makes me love her all the more. Knowing that she's still essentially the same person deep down that I met all those years ago. Even after all the hell she has gone through because she chose to fight alongside me. If there is a God out there, I give my thanks a thousand times over for that.

As soon as we start heading for my car, instead of the opposite way down the alley that leads to the main street, Willow grabs my arm and snaps me around to face her. The expression on her face is priceless.

"Buffy, I am NOT getting in that car with you! Never again!"

Now, it wasn't all that bad. So I decided to see just how fast my new little sports car could go. And just how well she cornered. How was I supposed to know that it was trash day on the west side of the city. Besides, I mean that trash collection guy really shouldn't have been hanging off the side of the truck like that. The near miss TWO months ago is still apparently fresh in my best friend's mind though. She looks terrified! I try to reason with her though, because really, driving with me is not all THAT bad. "Will, you want to get where we're going don't you? I don't think you want to spend our girls night out in a yucky alley do you?" Logic, that is always the way to go with a brain like Willow's.

"And just why can't we walk? It's not that far is it?" Ok, well apparently I didn't look at all the logical points. So now, big question. Do I lie and say, yes it is too far. Or do I concede where we're going, ruin the surprise, and have her talk me into walking there, thus blowing the entire date like principle of driving in the first place. Gah! I'm having way too many complex thoughts. I'm getting a headache and that is not in the plans for tonight. There can be no bumping and grinding with Willow if I'm popping Advil's at the bar all night long.

I wonder if guilt tripping her and using the utter truth disguised as a ploy to get my way will work? Doesn't hurt to try at this point. I take both her hands in my own, for a moment enraptured with how soft they feel against my own callused palms. I had almost forgotten what is was like to hold hands with Willow. I don't think we've done this since that day I helped her meditate and heal her stomach. God, that was a year ago! I shake myself out of my reverie and look up earnestly into her confused emerald gaze. "Will, do you honestly think I would do anything to put your life at risk? Do anything that would hurt you?" And seriously, that's the last thing in the world I would dream of doing. She's far too important to me. We've survived 7 years on top of a portal to hell. There is no way I'm losing her to a stupid car accident, and especially not one of my own doing.

I see her contemplating my statement, her eyes softening and a small smile touches her lips. She squeezes our joined hands tighter and starts pulling me towards my car. I guess that's my answer. She does know.

"You just better hope that I like this surprise of yours Buff." She teases me as I close the car door behind her, quickly moving around to the drivers side and slipping into the soft leather seat.

"Oh you'll like, I'm sure of it." It's just what I have planned for her that I'm not positive she'll be receptive to.