A Star… or a Droplet of Water?

Chapter one- A Decision

By- IceWind

A/N:

Disclaimer: This is a Sailor Moon/Gundam Wing fanfic. The names, places, thing, ect are all credited to Naoko Takeuchi (creator of Sailor Moon) and Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and whoever else has claim to this anime (creators/franchises of Gundam Wing). The ideas and whoever else comes up is mine and cannot be taken without my permission. As long as the flames are not for idiotic things and have reasons for why you do not like the fic (and they better be valid) then I shall accept them with grace (hehe). This story is PG-13 for anything that I may add.

*looks up* Long disclaimer… *sweatdrop* oh well! Anyway, this chapter is more of a prologue than anything else and it's in first person PV. The coming chapters will be in third person. Just to tell you… this is a little short and the coming chapters will be longer. Do you people know how hard it is to come up with good plots? *sighs* Oh well… Just remember to review k? *smiles* I am not going to be working on a fic that isn't read by people and the only way that I know that you guys are reading it is by your reviews. *gives a nod* So go read now!

A couple more things… the title, it isn't very good and it's something I came up with last minute. Sooo… yeah, I might change it later on. One last thing… this story may have some spelling/grammar errors since I look it over by myself *sighs* and I don't look it over more then once. *bows slightly* Enough rambling, just read and review!

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Destiny…

How can one work fill me with such hate, such loathing? I do not believe that I hate anything as much as that single, seemingly insignificant word. Every time I hear it my hand's clench, my stomach turns, and I feel cold. It fills me with dread. This mask I wear… it protects me. In reality, I wish it were me. Mother and Pluto believe that I act the way I do because I'm doing my own tests for the senshi, and the senshi think I act this way because I am immature and will grow up when I'm older. They are all wrong.

The mask I wear… it shows how I truly wish to be. Maybe not so much as a ditz or klutz, but rather as that cheerful person that brightens up the day. Each time I fall over, I get an answer wrong; I feel as if I can stave destiny off, at least for another day. I wish to be insignificant, unknown, someone people wouldn't expect great things from, that is the reason why I act the way I do.

The real me… she is someone that everyone expects I should really be like; graceful and elegant, intelligent and just. But… that is what destiny has laid out for me, so I try to go in another way, act differently then what I am. Who I really am is not the way I want to be. Everyone expects so much, but what if I want to stay behind my mask? At least I can hide for a little while longer from destiny that way.

'You remind me of a star' is what Mamoru once told me, 'Burning brightly as our hope.' Inside of me I screamed when he told me. I do not wish to be like a star! At a distance they all sparkle in the night sky, seemingly together, but when you go close, you discover that each one is galaxies apart from the others; alone. They are distant, impersonal, each one burning brightly for a short time until they abruptly die out. What I truly wish to be is a droplet of water. Some might see me strange to want to be something as common as that, but then, they don't truly know how water is.

A droplet of water is never alone and each one attracts another. They are calm and unchanging inside, even though their exteriors may seem chaotic. One of the reasons I admire Ami and Michiru so much is that they are like water, and water is eternal.

Some may think that I am being unfair, selfish even, since I try to shy away from destiny, from who I truly am. I understand, truly I do, it is just you do not, and will not, experience the pull of destiny to do something which you do not want to do. How you hate the fact you drag in your friends to just die for you, over and over again, just for something called destiny. Whoever said that destiny is what you make of it is mistaken, you think that you make your own decisions, but they will always point to your fate, what has already been destined for you.

'It is for the good of the future' is what people have always been telling me. But is it? Maybe peace and happiness can be achieved without following what destiny has laid out, but I can never voice what I think. They are already set in their ways, they think that there should be only one future. I am undecided, hasn't Pluto always said that the future is subject to change? Then why do they all think that it must turn out with Crystal Tokyo?

My senshi and Mamoru will not understand. They think that I am the lucky one, the gold child, the one that will end up with her heart's desires. But if I had a choice, I'd switch places with any normal human with a normal life. There maybe, destiny would not pull at me as hard as it down now. I do not know if my senshi are lucky or unlucky. Destiny also has a path for them, though less of a pull then for me. They can live reasonably normal lives, fall in love with who they wish. Yet in the end, they too will have to die for destiny's cause, for mine.

Cosmos, the power of cosmos is nothing to wish to have. It is my curse that I have been born with. Do you know how much my heart anguished because my senshi died in the battle between Chaos and I? Just to give me this power? Of course they were all brought back to life when I used the ginzuishou, and with all their memories and powers intact, but if I could spare them an ounce of pain, no matter how minute, I'd give up being Cosmos in a second. My soul aches for my friends, my protectors, they were given such a gruel task, just for my sake.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if there was no such thing as destiny. Would I still be with Mamoru? With Chibi Usa later on? Would my senshi not have to fight anymore? Questions, my head is full of questions that will probably not get answered.

No! I will not accept that anymore! I will not accept forever what I have been given. I am sorry my protectors… my friends, but I cannot accept destiny as easily as you all have. I must find out and learn for myself what the word destiny truly means, if I am a star… or a droplet of water. I hope that my senshi and Mamoru do not worry too much, this is something I have to discover on my own. Not my destiny, not my fate, but my own decision.

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A/N:

Hmmm… well there is the first chapter for you all! *grins* I'll get to the Gundam Universe next chapter or at the least, the third chapter. Promise! One last thing… my knowledge of Sailor Moon is limited, I've only seen the dubbed version and haven't even seen the ones with the Sailor Stars. *sweatdrop* So do any of you have/know sites I can go to for the information? That would be great if you do. Oh, by the way, I'm using the Japanese names and stuff *grins* I know enough for THAT much lol.

Remember to review to keep Icey happy! ^.^ Ja ne!

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My e-mail address is flyby311@hotmail.com and put Star/Water, so I know what the e-mail is about. Anything you want to add/criticize/comment/whatever you guys just review it… please? Thanks for listening to me ramble.