Listeners, I have exciting news! We have a new sister city! It's called Storybrooke, and it's the cutest little hamlet. Apparently it's a relatively new city-just popped onto the map in the last thirty years or so when an evil queen cursed everyone to live there. If you know your fairy tales well, you'll recognize some of the residents: Snow White, Red Riding Hood, and Gnat Biter are all there, as well as other less well-known heroes like Buttons, The Bloodhound of the Wild, and that puppet guy whose name I can never remember. I guess they all have different names here, though. Well, we may have them in longevity, but they've got some great backstories.
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You know, I'm really glad I subscribed to the Storybrooke Mirror. It seems like there's always something interesting going on in that town. Why, just last week they had a wraith flying around. Those are nasty-but most people know not to pick up strange medallions anyway, right? This week they have a feature on the ice cream shop. Eighteen homemade flavors. Yum!
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Regular listeners might remember I mentioned the ice cream shop in our sister city, Storybrooke, a few weeks ago. Eighteen homemade flavors, and I bet they're all delicious. Well, it turned out the proprietor of the shop was an evil Ice Queen out to recreate her long-lost family and the citizens of Storybrooke had to band together to bring her down. But good news, listeners-I'm told the shop has new management and intends to keep the tradition of unusual flavor combinations alive! They're starting with fall-inspired treats like pumpkin marshmallow and chocolate sweet potato. Sounds delicious.
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And now an update from our sister city, Storybrooke, Maine. That place never quits! This week it's a new Dark Curse, which sounds so interesting…
"There're quite a few more segments, but you get the idea," Belle said, grimly.
The mayor's office was packed with just about every notable leader in town, all looking a little nervous. Belle had just played them a handful of recordings that talked about their town-and about what happened in their town-in great detail.
"This is bad," David said.
"How can they possibly know about all that stuff?" Leroy said. "Has someone been talking?"
The room erupted into a buzz of discussion, accusations, and defensive posturing. The only people who appeared to be immune were Regina and Archie, both of whom were listening intently but without getting drawn in themselves. Regina gave Archie a slight nod and he returned a smile before raising a hand, holding it aloft quietly until one by one everyone stopped talking and looked at him. "Pardon me, but isn't this a fictional…"
Belle supplied the word. "Podcast."
"Yes. That. Won't the people who listen to it assume that Storybrooke is also fictitious? Or at least, that our town isn't, in fact, the fictional town referenced in the podcast?"
Belle sighed unhappily. "I thought so, but a few of the fans have a message board and it appears they've become somewhat obsessive about Storybrooke. They're planning a road trip here. Next weekend."
The room erupted again.
"Can they even get in?" Leroy shouted.
Regina signaled and the room went still. "As everyone in this room knows, the barrier that was the product of the latest Dark Curse went down when that curse was broken."
Most of the people in the room looked uncomfortably away from Emma, who shifted in her chair.
"As far as we know, anyone can come to or depart from Storybrooke at any time," Regina continued.
Archie raised his hand again. "What about erecting another barrier?"
There was widespread agreement at this idea, but the magic users in the room all shook their heads.
"It's too big a project for such a short time," Blue said.
Emma snorted. "Not to mention that it would be awfully suspicious if people who actually planned to get here couldn't."
"The good news is we have time to prepare, thanks to Belle. We're just going to have to lay low for a weekend," Regina said. "Refrain from using magic or talking about our past lives. I'm sure these people will get bored and spread the word that we're just an ordinary seaside town with nothing much to recommend it."
A few of the others looked doubtful, but David said, "We'll spread the word. Everyone uses their cursed names, no one uses magic." He smiled. "We can do this, people. We lived these identities for twenty-eight years. We'll be fine."
As the meeting disbanded, Emma leaned over to Regina and muttered, "I give it two hours."
WTNBWTNB
Two hours proved to be overly generous, but what could you do when a whole cloud of magical bats attacked right at sunset?
Emma put on a light show that took care of the bats but also drew everyone from Granny's-including their visitors.
"I knew it!" one shouted. His name was Jimmy. He was a photographer who mostly did arty black-and-white wedding photos, according to the website Belle had found. He had been the one asking pointed questions about ice cream flavors and mining unions (the dwarves had all come in for a beer after work looking a little… sparkly).
His girlfriend Celeste, who had clearly been vacillating between boredom and embarrassment all day, gaped. And kept gaping as a rogue bat swooped directly for her head-
Regina fried that one just before it got to her.
The girl put up a shaky hand. "I-I felt that… it was hot."
"This is the best town ever," Jimmy said emphatically.
Emma exchanged a look with Regina, who raised an eyebrow and mouthed, "Memory spell?"
Emma shook her head and pointed to Jimmy's hand, where he was shooting live video on his phone.
"Well, fuck," Regina said.
WTNBWTNB
They needed a new plan, fast, and it was Belle who came up with it.
The town meeting after the bat attack was even louder than the first one. People shouted over each other. Some of them were already packing to leave. There was talk about using the current crop of beans and talk about how ridiculous it was to want to go back somewhere there were ogres running around unchecked.
Through it all, Belle had sat quietly and scrolled through pages on her phone. At a brief lull in the general noise, she looked up and said, quietly, "We don't have to do anything."
"Yeah!" Leroy said, who had been in favor of sending out a small party to find and "persuade" Jimmy and his girlfriend to recant their story. "That's what I've been-what?"
Belle stood up and took the podium. "We don't have to do anything. Over half of the people on the forums think's Jimmy's making it up himself. Almost everyone thinks that even if he isn't making it up, it's not real magic."
She scrolled through her phone and read out a section. "It's clear that we can rule out magic. If there were such a thing, don't you think we'd already know it? Maybe some improv troupe in Storybrooke got wind of our forum and decided to have fun with it. That's what I would do if I knew there were idiots making a trek out to my town in bum-fuck nowhere to find out if we were fairy tale characters. Good for them for getting a laugh out of it-I'm just glad we got to see Jimmy's face when he turned on the camera. Classic!"
Everyone was silent for a moment as they digested this.
"So…" Snow said, "what should we do, then? Let it die down?"
Belle was already shaking her head. "There are at least five other people planning to visit. But!" she held up a hand. "But I think we can turn this into an opportunity. We just go about our normal lives, let people visit, let them overhear our conversations about magic and kingdoms and ogres and whether or not the clock tower looks better than it did before Zelena smashed it to bits. They think we're actors. If they see magic, that's fine too. In fact, it's better."
"What? Why?" shouted someone from the back.
Belle grinned.
"They'll tell their friends on the forum, and it'll leak to the local news, and then…" She paused dramatically. Everyone leaned forward in their chairs.
Belle looked significantly at a few of the storeowners. "Tourists," she said.
WTNBWTNB
Once the business people got that gleam in their eye the matter was pretty much settled, and over the next few months a small trickle of tourists turned into a nice, steady stream. Mostly the tourists seemed harmless-they took pictures, they wandered, they oohed and awed over the playground castle, and some of them discussed at length the power of mythological tales and subverting stereotypes. (Archie and Henry were having the time of their lives.)
There were a few who spent their time trying to "get the locals to crack," by which they meant acknowledging magic was real and that they were fairy tale characters. These were easily handled by either telling the truth and then rolling one's eyes or by ignoring them until they left, disappointed.
The main problem with tourists, everyone agreed, was that they couldn't allow any of them to actually get hurt or injured or even killed when strange creatures and witches and what not showed up. That would 1) be terrible and 2) be terrible business.
So the sheriff's department expanded to six people, and then ten, with a citizen's network that gave stipends to people who reported any issues-with the result that the town was the quietest it had been since the curse was broken.
"We have a problem," Granny said.
Emma looked up from her computer, trying to keep herself from looking too hopeful. She hadn't had anything to do for days that wasn't filing paperwork, and she was starting to think she might need to actually go to the gym to keep in shape if this kept up. "Really?"
Granny shook her head and Emma settled back into her chair with a sigh. "This latest group leaves today and they haven't 'seen anything cool.'"
Emma blinked. "Well, but that's good, right?"
Granny glowered at her. "The tourists come because there is always 'something cool' to see. No more magic? No more tourists."
"Oh," Emma said. She was momentarily at a loss. "So…"
"So get your magical butt out there and throw some sparks at something!"
WTNBWTNB
It was really a blow to one's ego to have to pretend to do one's very important, magical job, but Emma managed. They got one of the high school theater students to be turned into a wolf and act like a rabid werewolf (which Granny did not think was funny in the slightest, but it was short notice Granny, and what can you do?) and Emma threw completely harmless sparks at him until he curled up at her feet, a lovable wolf cub.
The tourists, who were right in the middle of loading their cars (it was very short notice), ate it up. They took video. They called their friends. They wrote long posts on the forum. They drank a lot at the 'celebration dinner,' hit up the White Rabbit for the 'after party,' lost happily to the local pool sharks, and stayed an extra night. It was a good night for quite a few people around town.
And so the Storybrooke Coalition of Businessowners and Thespians was born.
WTNBWTNB
"This is getting out of hand," Regina said one day, after witnessing a trailer full of props being lugged down the street outside her office window.
Emma waved a hand. "It's fine. It's keeping people busy. And it's great cover."
Regina sighed and said, "Well, it is doing wonders for the town budget-and there are quite a few people talking about being able to raise their prices to account for the curse inflation." She brightened. "We might even be able to fix some of the potholes next summer."
"Dream big," Emma said dryly.
WTNBWTNB
Listeners, you'll never guess what happened in Storybrooke last week…