Cagney's Crisis Part 2
***Monday morning, Chris and David's apartment***
Chris had called the doctor and asked to be worked in. She wanted to discuss her test results as soon as possible. She had called Feldberg and thanked him for the flowers, and told him she would need to work from home this week as much as possible. He readily agreed and told her to take all the time she needed.
Bridgit had come by again on Sunday, and had brought Chris some of her favorite things- a gift card to the bookstore, a new blanket, and some of her favorite tea. Bridgit had introduced Chris to herbal tea, many moons ago when she came for a visit. After Chris stopped drinking, she began to drink the tea and now it was a staple.
David had been extremely helpful to Chris, changing her bandages, and trying to keep her comfortable. She had tried to wean herself off the pain meds by Sunday night, and it had been uncomfortable, but she was feeling better. She hadn't taken a drowsy pain pill since she woke up Saturday morning, and she was off the non-drowsy ones by Monday morning.
She and David had returned to their active physical activity, and she was loving every minute of it. The contractor was still slated to come this week to remodel their kitchen.
The doctor called and told Chris they could see her that afternoon at 1.
She agreed to the appointment, and then called David.
"I will be home at 12 for lunch, and I will take you to the appointment babe".
"thanks, love you!".
Chris took a shower, and tried washing her hair with both hands. It hurt, but she was able to do it. She dressed and got out some of the leftover lasagna for her and David. She had just finished warming it up when he got home for lunch.
She was nervous, but anxious to find out her results and what her treatment would be. She needed to put this chapter of her life behind her.
Chris and David ate lunch, and then he drove her to the appointment. She was quiet the whole way there, which he expected.
***Doctor's office***
The nurse ushered Chris and David into a room and told them the doctor would be in shortly. They sat there, on their phones while they waited. Chris texted Mary Beth and told her that she was at the doctor early, and that she would keep her updated.
She texted Bridgit asking her to come by the next day.
The doctor came in, and he had a big file folder with him.
"I am Dr. Davidson. I am the oncologist that your surgeon consulted with last week. I was present when your surgery was performed and I tested your tumor. I have a few options for you, and one that I think is best".
"Well, I am all ears, Dr."
"There is no doubt that your tumor was stage 2 cancer. This is the stage where it begins to spread, so we were lucky to catch it before that happened. I want to do an ultrasound, just to make sure that we got all of the tumor. I also want to do a Pet scan to make sure that we know where the cancer cells are in your body, if there are any left. And just to be on the safe side, I want to do 1-2 rounds of chemo on you to make sure that we eradicate everything. You have two options on the chemo- oral pills that you could take at home, or you can come here and we can do it with an IV. There are side effects, it might make you sick to your stomach a lot, insomnia, there is a chance of hair loss. Another option that you have is to do nothing, and wait and see if there's a recurrence. I don't recommend that as it could get out of hand pretty quickly, before you notice any symptoms.
Another option that's available to you, but pretty radical is a mastectomy and reconstruction. Very painful but a good number of women choose it because they see it as safer than hoping the cells are gone".
"I don't want you to choose today, take a few days and think about it. I just want us to do the ultrasound and then the PET scan today. We will have your PET results tomorrow, and we can talk more about this on Friday when you get your stitches out."
He had Chris lay on the table and he called for a nurse. The nurse came in and began to prepare Chris for the ultrasound.
She injected a local anesthetic into her breast so it would go numb and the ultrasound wouldn't be too painful. As the machine warmed up and they waited for Chris' breast to be completely numb, she decided to ask the doctor a question.
"Which of the options that you gave me has the quickest recovery time, and the least amount of lingering side effects afterwards?" Chris wanted to get back to work and her normal life as quickly as possible.
"I would say the chemo- your body only needs a few days to recover from each round, and there isn't any internal scarring or anything. That's why I suggested it to you as your best option".
The machine turned on, and the nurse touched Chris' breast all over, and Chris indicated that she couldn't' feel a thing there. The doctor began to do the ultrasound, and it made Chris a little squeamish, but she looked at the screen the whole time. He showed her where the tumor had been, and declared that he believed they did in fact get it all. Ultrasound images revealed nothing further to be concerned about.
"How big was my tumor?"
"About 2 inches long, and 4-7 cm wide, and approximately 3 cm thick. You could compare it to a walnut or an avocado seed, for reference".
David held Chris' hand as they completed the ultrasound. The nurse cleaned the gel off her breast and then helped her sit up. They gave David some information to read up on about each option that had been presented.
"One more thing- we had to take some tissues from the surrounding area after we removed the tumor. In most cases, the tissues will regrow themselves, but it is common in a small percentage of cases for it to not. Therefore, you might end up your right breast being slightly misshapen, and it's normal, so don't worry. The swelling should go down in a few weeks, and you will be able to tell what it's going to look like then".
"Thank you so much Dr. I appreciate your time and wisdom today".
"thank you Dr. We will be in touch".
Chris got redressed, and with tears in her eyes, she looked at David and simply said "Take me home".
***Chris and David's apartment***
David got her to the car. He held her hand the whole way home, and she was pretty quiet. He got her settled and then made her some tea.
"I know you have to go back to work, it's ok, I will be ok".
"Nope, I took the whole day off. My boss knows that you come first, Chris, because you do".
Christine was touched. "I don't deserve you, David. You are so good to me".
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.
"I promise you one thing Lieutenant, you and I are going to get through this-together. This is not a you thing, it's a we thing. Whatever you decide, I am right there with you the entire way".
"Will you still love me if I am bald from the chemo? Or if my breast looks like a deflated balloon?" Christine had always been very concerned about her appearance.
"I didn't fall in love with your hair, Chris. I fell in love with you. And I will love you and your hair and your boobs, regardless of what they look like, forever".
He kissed her then, and she leaned back on the couch, bringing him with her.
"I love you, Chris" he whispered as he went to kiss her neck.
"I love you too, Counselor".
They made mad passionate love on the couch, and fell asleep together, under a blanket. David woke up before Chris, and started a fire in the fireplace. He kissed her forehead while she slept, and then went to the kitchen to make himself a snack. He decided to go ahead and cook dinner for them that night, and began to marinate some chicken for them.
He knew that even though these next few days were going to be rough, he was glad to be here helping Chris, as he couldn't imagine life without her.
***Chris and David's apartment, later that night***
Chris slept on the couch for several hours. She needed that sleep to help her body recover from everything. She woke up to find that David had started a fire, and prepared dinner, and was working at the kitchen table. She also woke up to find it was past time for an Alleve, to stay ahead of the pain. Most of her pain was coming from the anesthetic wearing off, but Chris didn't realize that. She sat up and wrapped the blanket around her. She moaned in pain as she stood up and walked to the kitchen.
David jumped up to help her, and was quickly standing next to her.
"Easy does it, Chris…."
"I just want some water and an Alleve or two". She stood by as he grabbed those things for her. She had the blanket wrapped around her, and as she drank the water, he rubbed the sides of her arm. She set the glass down on the counter, and leaned into him, as he wrapped his arms around her.
"How about a shower, while I prepare dinner? Chicken alfredo sound good to you? I marinated the chicken while you slept, and I made the alfredo sauce. All that's left is bake the chicken and then make the noodles".
Christine looked at the clock. It was almost 8:30. A shower sounded wonderful. So did chicken alfredo, and David made some of the best she had ever had.
"Ok to everything you said. After we eat, can we just spend time together?" Being with David was the best comfort of all to Chris right now.
"Anything you want, babe". He kissed her tenderly, and then she went off to take her shower. She showered and changed into her pajamas and came back into the kitchen.
"Thanks for making dinner, David. I promise you a home cooked meal when I get back to normal, babe".
"Nobody is keeping score, Chris. Let's eat".
Christine was ravenous so she had a huge helping of Chicken alfredo and salad. She would never be able to repay everyone for all the meals and concern they had shown her over the past few days, especially David.
The evening was slow for the most part after that. David and Chris snuggled up on the couch and watched TV, until she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. David promised himself that after this Cancer mess was behind him, he was going to be intentional about spending more time with Chris like this.
***The next morning, Chris and David's Apartment***
David left for work around 8 that morning, after Chris assured him 1000 times that she would be ok. He was going to come back at 11:30 to meet the contractor. Bridgit showed up at 9:30, and was glad to see her Aunt Chris looking better.
They chatted over coffee and juice, and before they knew it, David was there. He walked in the apartment to hear them having a conversation about what Chris was about to deal with.
Bridget: "You are the most vivacious, active relative I have, Aunt Chris. That's why I want to be like you, and we get along so well".
Chris: "I don't know how active and vivacious I will be after I get through this, Bridgit. Will you still want to be like me if I am bald? Or have a deflated boob?"
Bridgit: "Of course, I will! Don't be silly! You are my one and only Aunt Chris, and nothing, not even some damn cancer is going to change that!"
David: "Amen to that! Cancer doesn't change anything about you, Chris. Trust us, we are still going to love you and care about you in spite of the cancer, even more so."
Chris nodded. She had never been so insecure about anything, and she hated it. She hated that cancer was showing her how much she had to lose, and how scared she really was.
The contractor came and got to work pretty quickly. He had pre-built the pieces and brought them with him, so that he wouldn't have to completely take over their house with noise and spend the whole day there. He and his partner got to work removing the stove top, and preparing the space for the fridge to go.
Bridgit and Chris continued chatting on the couch while David was working in his office.
"Have you decided what you are going to do, Aunt Chris?"
"I think so. I am leaning towards the chemo. I would pick the mastectomy if the cancer was in both breasts or if they hadn't gotten it all. But they are telling me that the recurrence rate is low, so that seems silly. I think I want to do the chemo, and then if my breast is deformed, maybe in a few months have a reshaping done, and a lift".
David's phone rang while he was in his office. It was Chris' doctor.
"Hold on one second Dr. I will let you speak with her". He carried the phone to Chris, and handed it to her.
"Hello, Dr. Davidson".
She listened as Dr. Davidson gave her the results of her PET scan, and after confirming her appointment on Friday to have the stitches out, she hung up.
She handed the phone back to David. "He said the PET scan indicates a small number of cancer cells are still in my breast, but not in my lymph nodes. He reiterated that he thinks a couple rounds of chemo is still my best option, and that my other breast is clear. He told me I need to decide between oral chemo or IV chemo by Friday, and whichever I choose, I will get my first dose of at Friday's appt".
Bridgit hugged her. "I'm all right Bridgit, honest. I am going to be ok. Just have to pick which path to choose and hope I picked the right one".
David came and sat by Chris as well.
She looked at him, and sighed. "I hate needles". He nodded. Oral chemo it is.
She grabbed her phone and texted Mary Beth.
Mary Beth responded with a sweet message indicating how she was thinking of her and that she was making the right choice.
Bridgit stayed a little bit longer and then headed home. Taking the subway at night was pretty risky, and she wanted to get back to her building before dark.
Chris settled herself into bed for a late afternoon nap. She had grown to really enjoy those. David got her tucked in, and then went and did more work while she slept. It was 3:45 when she fell asleep, and David worked till 7. He came to a stopping point, and went to check on Chris. She was still sleeping, so he laid down next to and cuddled her. She woke up a few minutes later and settled back in to his arms. She drifted back to sleep and didn't wake up until she felt David kissing her neck and rubbing her shoulders.
"Sleep good, babe?" He kept on kissing her neck and moved up to her ear, which he knew was a weak spot of hers.
"David….the contractor might see us". Christine rolled over in his arms to face him.
"He left 2 hours ago, while you were sleeping. We are alone in the house Christine, for the first time in days".
"Well in that case, Mr. Keeler…." She kissed him hungrily and rubbed her hands up and down his back. He took her pajama pants off her, and then jumped out of bed and took his jogging pants off. He quickly jumped back under the covers, and kissed her again for several minutes. He put one hand under the hem of her shirt and was moving it up her chest, when she stopped him.
"No, David. Please don't do that…". She pushed his hand away. He could see there were tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong, Chris? Are you in pain?"
"No, it's just…." Her voice trailed off.
"Christine, I love you regardless of what you look like. You could have a brown paper bag on your head and I would still want to make love to you. You have to believe me. I love you regardless, 100%. It's not 99% and a boob, its 100%. More even….. I swear, Chris, I really do".
"Just be patient with me, David? I am trying, honest".
"I know, Chris. I just want you to remember that nothing, absolutely nothing between us has changed".
She nodded. He held her until she drifted off to sleep once more.
***Thursday, Chris and David's apartment***
It had been a rough few days. Chris had been emotional and doubting herself, which was to be expected. David was hanging on trying to get her through each moment. Mary Beth had come by and boosted her spirits a few times. Bridgit had helped too. David was appreciative for them and the smiles they put on Christine's face.
He brought her home flowers, he made her favorite dinners. He held her while she cried. He was doing everything he could do, and was hoping it was enough.
When Bridgit had come by today to sit with Chris and wait for the contractor, he decided to go to the office and work and not work from home. He kissed Chris goodbye and told Bridgit to call him for anything they needed, and headed out. In the car, he called the doctor's office and asked to speak to Dr. Patterson. He was told Dr. Patterson would return his call within the hour.
***David's office***
He was sitting at his desk working on a brief. He was trying to not look at the clock, or call Bridgit and ask if everything was ok. This was the first time he had left Chris alone since she had told him how she felt.
His phone rang, and he saw that it was the doctor's office. He had told his secretary he didn't want to be disturbed, so he knew that he had the freedom to talk for a bit.
"Hello, David Keeler".
"Mr. Keeler, this is Dr. Davidson".
He and David exchanged pleasantries, and then he told him he was concerned for Chris and wanted to get his professional opinion, but didn't want to embarrass her at the appointment. He told her about her concerns with her body image, and how that wasn't like her. Chris had always been conscience of her body and appearance, but that was about being healthy. This was damaging her self-worth. He explained that she was scared and anxious all the time because she feels like people aren't going to want to be around her if she loses her hair, or if her breast is misshapen. He explained that he was just trying to get her through each moment, and that he just needed some reassurance that he was doing it right and that she was experiencing what other patients do.
"Everything you have described is completely normal. I see it all a lot, and I see a lot worse. Cancer has a way of ripping out the insides of a person's body, while simultaneously putting their emotions into a blender and leaving the top off. What they are going to feel from moment to moment is anyone's guess. What I can do, if you would like, is suggest to her that I prescribe her a mood stabilizing medicine. I can't make her take it, but I can suggest it. I can also suggest that she attend a support group, where she will see that this is normal and she isn't alone. In the meantime, I would just suggest that you and she resume as normal a life as possible, and be as flexible as possible with the curveballs."
"Thank you so much Dr. Davidson. I will see you tomorrow with Chris at her appointment".
They hung up, and David worked a few more hours. Bridgit had texted that Chris was napping and that everything was fine and she could stay as long as necessary.
He stayed till about 3, and then packed up and headed home. He had decided he was going to let the doctor suggest the medicines and the support groups. And he was going to ask Mary Beth to go with her to the support group if she wanted to go.
He turned off the lights to his office, and told his secretary he was working from home the rest of the week, headed to the parking garage and left.
***Chris and David's apartment***
David stopped and got fresh flowers for Chris on his way home. It was cold in NYC today, so he picked up her favorite soup-Italian Chicken Chowder- and some homemade meatballs from a deli near their building and headed home.
When he walked in, the apartment was strangely quiet. Chris was still napping and he could see Bridgit on the terrace, on the phone. He put the groceries away as quietly as he could, and noticed the kitchen was finished. It looked great! He was very pleased, knew that Chris would be too.
He opened the door to the terrace to tell Bridgit he was home. He stopped when he heard her conversation.
"…she says she's gonna be ok, but what if she dies, Dad? I can't live without my Aunt Chris! I am so scared for her…" David could hear her crying. He wanted to hug her, but that would be awkward. He wanted to help, but didn't know what to do. So he closed the door back ever so quietly, and let her talk to her daddy. He decided he would see if there was a family member support group and suggest that to Bridgit.
He tiptoed into the bedroom, and saw that Chris was sleeping on her stomach. That's a good sign, that meant that she wasn't sore anymore where her incision was. She had kicked the covers off, so he covered her again, and kissed her head and whispered "I love you".
He tiptoed out of the room and again, and found Bridgit coming back in from the terrace.
"Hey, I'm home".
"Hey, I didn't hear you come in".
"That's ok. She is still sleeping. Thank you so much for staying with her today, I really appreciate it. Chris does too".
"I am happy to help out. I am so glad she has you to lean on, you are really good with her and for her".
"I know that you two are really close, and I wanted to tell you that I spoke to her doctor today. He assured me that her cancer situation is better than it feels to her or us, and better than we all think it is. Simply put, we have first-timer's syndrome. How she is feeling is totally normal, and how we are feeling and reacting to her feelings is also normal. There are support groups that they can recommend to us, and to her. Would you like to come with us to the appointment tomorrow to ask the Dr. some questions?"
"I have to work, but thank you. If you could get a pamphlet for me on the support group, I would be interested in that".
She left a note for her Aunt then, and grabbed her things. She said goodbye to David and headed to the door.
David began to make rice to go with their soup and meatballs. He was famous for making rice with chicken and diced veggies and putting it in a bowl of soup to thicken it. Chris asked for it all the time when they dated years ago.
He chopped up the veggies and the chicken, and measured out the rice. He preheated the oven and put the rice and chicken mixture into a pan. At the last minute, he decided that dinner could wait. He turned the oven off, put the lid on the pan and put it in the fridge, and went and laid down with Chris. Savor every moment…
***Chris' doctor's appointment, the next day***
Chris and David arrived for her appointment to decide and start on a treatment and to get her stitches out. The nurse showed them to the room and had Chris put on a gown.
A few minutes later, the nurse came in and took some pictures, and then began taking the stitches out. Chris barely felt a thing the entire time. The Dr. came in and shook hands and admired how well her incision had healed.
Chris told him she had chosen the chemo, and that her first choice was the oral version. She hates needles. He asked her how she was, and she decided to be honest.
"I feel like I have been on a roller coaster, and that I put my family through one as well. My emotions are all over the place, and I never know how I am going to feel about something, or how I am supposed to feel about it. I am finding myself with all this energy, and then drop dead tired a few minutes later from having done nothing. Am I going crazy? I know I am driving everyone around me crazy…"
David assured her that she wasn't driving him crazy. "Except in the good ways".
The doctor agreed with David. "This is all completely normal. And your lack of energy comes from the mental stress that knowing you have cancer and being uncertain about your future can bring. I can put you on some medicines to even out your emotions if you like. Or I can recommend a support group, if you feel like talking to others in similar circumstances would help you". He wrote out the prescriptions for her chemo meds, and told the nurse to give her the first few doses today to take with her.
"Both of those options sound really good, Dr. Davidson, thank you." Chris seemed relieved.
He wrote her a prescription for Zoloft, one for the lowest dose and then one for the next dose up. He instructed the nurse to give her a copy of the support group registry.
"With your chemo, you are going to take 7 pills in the morning. After breakfast. You don't want to take these on an empty stomach. You are going to take 4 at lunch, again after you eat. And take another 7 after dinner. These meds are going to make you very, very thirsty. So keep a water bottle with you as much as possible. Water is the best beverage to drink with this, since it's the cleanest beverage there is. Tea and coffee are ok, but in limited amounts. And as far as food goes, you might think that a food upset your stomach. The reality is, it was most likely your meds upsetting your stomach. So don't blame it on the food right off. Eat what you feel like eating, these meds can mess with your appetite when it's high dollar fancy foods and when it's not. Bath soaks with lavender and ginger can help you feel better and help you sleep. If you have any questions, call me. Oh and on your Zoloft prescription, fill the first one for 10 mg. Take all of them, then upgrade yourself to the 20 mg. Once a day, in the morning."
"Thank you Dr. you have been most helpful".
They agreed that she would check in with the nurse every Friday and that she would call if she had questions. She and David checked out up front, and began walking to the car.
"So what do you want to do today, anything special?
"I would love nothing more than to get a bacon egg-white omelet with peppers and mushrooms, tomatoes and cheese, some hash browns, and go home and take my meds. I think it's best if I stay home today to see how I am going to react to my meds."
"Good plan. I took the day off, to be with you, so we can watch movies or take a Jacuzzi, whatever you want".
She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I don't deserve you, but I am sure glad you are mine".
To be continued…