A meeting was taking place at the WWE headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut, as Vince McMahon listened to the various pitches his creative team threw at him.
"How about we build Goldberg as the beer-chugging, finger-flipping, boss-hating working class kind of man who embarks on a long feud with Bischoff?"
"Oh, yeah, that'll really stop the Goldberg-Austin comparisons!"
"Well, then, what if we do this angle where Stacy and Steiner break up, and Steiner gets Victoria as his valet, but as he's fighting Steven Richards and subsequently loses, Victoria turns on him and starts beating him down, causing all his steroid-pumped muscles to jiggle rather unattractively and prompting Stacy to run in from the crowds and miraculously beat up Victoria and chase her and Richards away, and she then turns to Steiner and they exchange emotional looks before embracing, and we have this lovely tear-jerking moment, and--"
"And won't that be just a fabulous mid-card rehash of the Miss Elizabeth/Randy Savage storyline?"
"All right, how about this: we forget about good storylines or feuds, and gun straight for the publicity jugular? A massive, over-hyped, gimmick-driven WWE extravaganza of some sort, one that will draw a lot of cheap media attention and sucker in thousands of new fans?"

Vince straightened up at this new suggestion, tapping his chin thoughtfully and murmuring to himself, "Hmm, that just might work." The writer who'd made the suggestion smirked triumphantly at his boss's approval, but one little sentence from Jim Ross happily propelled the entire WWE creative team back to Square One.
"Only problem is," good old J.R. pointed out, "what kind of extravaganza will generate so much good publicity?" At that, the writers and creative consultants all leaned back in their chairs to brainstorm, but Vince wasn't too worried by such a minor setback--after all, this was the same creative team that had come up with such groundbreaking ideas as the Katie Vick necrophilia angle, Dawn Marie humping Torrie's father to death, and giving Billy Gunn his 17897378909th failed push. They were sure to come up with at least one innovative idea for a publicity-sucking WWE extravaganza.

Five Long Hours Later...

"How about a WWE jingle-writing contest...?"
"A soap opera starring our best-established Superstars, with Sable and a re-signed Hulk Hogan as the female and male leads. We can call it The Old And The Useless."
"A partnership with Hershey's--I can see the slogan now: Bite Into Your Favorite Wrestler."
"What do you think of a WWE amusement park--WrestleMania Land, The Crappiest Place On Earth!"
"Hey, we can always go for another gay wedding, you know..."

Vince, meanwhile, stood in a corner, vigorously tying the last knot on his noose and preparing to hang the first of his writers, when a sudden loud snore caught his attention, and he crossed the conference room to slam the door wide open. Chris Jericho's body promptly spilled forward, the first in a long line of WWE Superstars who'd been eavesdropping on the meeting from behind the door but had all fallen asleep as one lousy and/or boring idea was tossed out after another.
"Ahem." Vince crossed his arms and impatiently tapped his foot until Jericho gave one last loud snore and finally woke up, gulping nervously when he found himself staring right into the boss's face.
"Care to explain yourself?" Vince demanded pointedly, causing the blonde Canadian to nervously pull at his collar while mumbling, "Sure of course. We were, uh, we were all just, you know...Here, Christian'll be able to explain this much better than I ever can!" And he quickly grabbed his fellow Canadian and shoved him forward, still asleep. Christian gave a loud snort, right into Vince's face, causing him to step back in disgust and Jericho to mumble, "Or maybe he won't."
"Is that Chris Jericho by the door?" Pat Patterson's voice floated over from somewhere in the conference room. "Tell him I said hi, Vinnie, while I go and change into something that's more flattering to give him a very special welcome!" Jericho gulped in dismay when he heard those words, before quickly ranting, "I've gotta go, but, uh, the little green-haired comic book geek behind me can tell you all about it, kay, see you around, Vince!" And he scampered away from the room like a blonde bat out of Hell, kicking up a makeshift little dust trail behind him.

Vince now turned his attention to the luckless Shane Helms, who'd unfortunately just woken up from his superheroic nap and now stood ready for questioning.
"We were, uh," he stammered so very intelligently, "we were...Tell him, Matt!"
"We were...Shannon, why don't you tell him all about it?" Matt Hardy quickly unloaded all the responsibilities onto shoulders of his little MF'r.
"We were eavesdropping on your executive meeting, sir, but all fell asleep because your ideas were boring beyond belief," the fair-haired cruiserweight answered truthfully, causing his fellow North Carolina natives to simultaneously smack their foreheads in exasperation.
"Well, at least I can admire your honesty there, young man," Vince muttered darkly, causing Matt to gulp and pipe up in an effort to repair some of Shannon's honest damage, "And now we've woken up to present you with a great idea for the publicity extravaganza!"
"We have?" Shane none too subtly elbowed him in the ribs, hissing in a lower voice, "You'd better make this good, Hardy."
"Shut up, you SHIT-master," Matt hissed back from the corner of his mouth, plastering on a great big phony smile for Vince while fumbling around, "Of course we have, Your Majesty. It's, uh...You see, summer music festivals are all the rage these days, and they have such a great publicity-drawing history, like Woodstock and Ozzfest. At least that's what I think, Jeff tends to exaggerate when he gives his reports, especially if he's giving them right after Skittles Time."
"So what you're saying, Hardy," Vince murmured thoughtfully, beginning to catch on, "is that the WWE's big publicity extravaganza should be our very own summer festival?"
"That's right," Matt nodded enthusiastically, while Shannon piped in, "Hey, you can even call it a combination of Woodstock and Ozzfest, like Woodfest!"
"Not a good idea, Shan," the Innovator of Mattitude (Version 1) quickly shushed his sidekick.

"WWE Does Beverly Hillbillies!" a writer called out his suggestion, and Vince cringed at the crappiness of the idea, before turning back to his wrestlers and saying brusquely, "All right, Hardy, we'll do your festival. Anything's got to be better than a jingle contest or another gay wedding!" Matt brightened up.
"Great. Does that mean I get a raise?" he ventured hopefully.
"No," came the equally bright response, as Vince looked at his watch and frowned. "Now all we need is to recruit the bands that will play in this summer festival alongside the WWE Superstars."