Hello! I was annoyed with the first version of this, so I'm redoing it. Lol. But anyway!

Welcome to the first chapter/story of my collection of random IZ crap! If all goes well, each chapter will be a new story. Some might be longer than others, but they will mostly all be short.

So, here's the first story. I honestly have no idea where this came from. It has no plot. I dunno. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING.

He watched the alien's mouth move as if in slow motion. It's voice sounded as if it were underwater, extremely muffled and incomrehensable. He blinked slowly as his vision blurred, his sight of the creatures' mouth slurring into blobs of color. His head slowly tilted to the side, suddenly too heavy to hold up straight. He blinked again, brain going on idle.

"Zim!"

He jumped and his vision snapped back into focus with a start. He quickly turned around and blinked at the source of the voice, startled. "Huh?" he said dumbly.

The big, purple eyed Irken with a scar over his left eye and a fry cook hat glared at him from behind the kitchen counter, gripping it angrily. "What are you doing?" he snarled over the harsh banging of the kitchen drones and the angered shouts of the customers. "You haven't filled out an order in ten minutes and there's a huge line. Get back to work!"

Zim blinked his magenta eyes blankly. The bigger Irken waited for him to comply. When he didn't he bared his teeth and growled. Zim jumped at the sound, instantly alert. "Yes Sir," he said, turning back around. The alien that was talking earlier had a furious expression on it's face, as did the several other people in the line behind it, all shouting angrily.

Zim stared at it for a second. Then he shook his head. "Uh, so..." he stood there for a second. "What were you saying?"

Several people in the line groaned and started shouting again, even more angry than before. Behind him Sizzlor rolled his purple eyes and shook his head, getting back to work. As the aliens started yelling again Zim lowered his head, focusing on the register in front of him to retrieve the customers refund it was demanding. 'I hate this planet,' he grumbled in his head, tossing the money in the creature's direction and getting it out of the way of the next customer. Why is it that whenever he's on a planet, either he hates it, or it hates him? Or both?

'I'm not even getting paid for this!' Exile was a total bitch, he decided as the next alien stepped up to demand it's order of this resturants nasty food. Zim punched in the code for Sizzlor to see in the kitchen. "It'll be ready in a minute," he muttered to her, tossing her a number card and shooing her off with one gloved hand, the other holding his head up. She curled her lip as she walked away, looking him up and down in disgust.

"Stupid Irken," she said. Zim raised his head from his hand, watching as she turned around with an incredulous look on his face.

'I didn't even do anything!' he cried indignantly in his head as the next customer stepped up. "Welcome to Shloogorgh's," he muttered absently, still glaring at the female that had insulted him. "What's your order?"

He didn't even hear what he said, just pushed a few buttons and hoped it was right. Apparently it was, because when the customer got it there were no complaints. He waited for the next person to come up, but the fat female from before shoved in front of them, making them angry all over again.

"Where is my order?" she demanded. "I ordered 4 minutes ago, and I still haven't gotten it. That man that was just in line already got his order, and he was in line after me!"

"He just wanted a drink," Zim replied, staring at her in slight annoyance. She waved it off.

"That's irrevelant. I was in line first, so I should get my order first!"

"You ordered half the menu," he replied dryly, baring his rounded, zipper-like teeth the tiniest bit. "That takes a while to make."

"Are you calling me fat?!" she shrieked. "Are you favoring people that order less because you think that I'm fat?!"

"Well you certainly aren't going to wither away to nothing, that's for sure!" Zim yelled right back. He stabbed one claw off to the left where he had shooed her off to earlier. "Now go stand over there so Zim can take the orders of the other people here without your flabbiness in the way!"

She made an incredulous sound and stormed away. Sizzlor seemed to notice.

"Zim!" The tiny Irken turned around, fuming, to face his boss behind the counter. "Are you yelling at the customers again?!"

"No!" he cried. "Zim wasn't yelling!"

"You're yelling now!"

"I'm just trying to-"

Sizzlors eyes flashed and he leaned forward with a growl once again. "You're really pushing your luck, defective," he snarled.

Zim visibly cringed as if he had been slapped. Which, in Irken culture, he might as well have been. He felt his face and blood heat up in humiliation and his anteannas dropped. "Yessir..." he said quietly, turning back around. He didn't look at anyone in the line, but he could hear several snicker as Sizzlor dissappeared. He sighed and closed his eyes, covering his face with his hand. He heard the next person step up.

"Hello, Zim."

He hated it when people read his name tag and pretended that they knew him. And he was already in a foul mood, so when he spoke it was short and snappish.

"Hi. Shloogorgh's. What do you want?"

"Oh, just to laugh at the humiliation of an old alien nemesis of mine..."

Zim's eyes flashed open. That voice...

He looked at the creature through his fingers, then his hands slammed down on the counter and his eyes went wide.

"Dib!"

And there he was, in all his filthy Dib-stink glory. His golden eyes were narrowed behind his circular glasses, and his sythe-like hair had a small kink in it. He had his hands on his narrow hips, hero-style, and a huge smirk was stretched across his pale face.

"Hi, Zim."

Zim sputtered, pointing at him dramatically.

"Dib!" he said again, apparently at a loss for words. Several things ran through his head at once, but the first thing that stuck out to him was that he actually had to tilt his head back to look him in the face. The Dib-human was huuuuge. His head was still anatomically large for his body, but still. The height. It angered him. But he was currently too shocked at the fact that the human was standing in front of him after all these years, so his anger was forced down at the moment.

Dib rolled his eyes, grin fading. "Yeah, Zim. You already said that," he replied in annoyance. He shook his FREAKISHLY LARGE HEAD, and his smirk returned. He looked at the Irken smugly "Anyway, hi. It's been a while. I see that you still haven't gotten a life yet."

Zim stared at him for several seconds, blinking stupidly with his arm still extended. "Dib!"

Dib glared at him, smirk gone completely. "Yeah, Zim. You said that. Stop it."

"Dib!"

"Dammit, Zim, we are NOT doing this again!" Dib clenched his fists, and they both seemed to totally forget about the angered crowd behind him. "Seriously! It's been, like, nine years. Grow up. You can't tell me that you're still the stupid little spaz that you were when we were kids, can you?"

Zim stared at the human with wide magenta eyes, his uniforms' goggles making them darker than they usually were. Dib glared at him with his hands on his hips, looking as if he were just daring him to say it again. Zim blinked.

"Dib!"

"For the love of-!" Dib facepalmed, closing his eyes. He knew that Zim would probably never really change, but this was just ridiculous. He sighed and raised his head, containing himself. "Look," he stared, opening his eyes. "The reason I'm here is to-" He stopped mid-sentence and stared.

Zim was... gone. The human blinked, surprised. "What the-?"

"KYEEEAH!"

Dib didn't even have time to react before he was brutally smacked in the side of the head with something solid. He fell to the hard metal floor and stars danced before his eyes. He heard several customers in the line behind him shriek and scramble around, and with a groan he managed to open his eyes. His vision was hazy and he blinked it away, feeling a horrible headache coming on. He turned his gaze upward to look for his attacker, and as soon as his vision cleared he found him. The overhead lights cast the tiny psychotic Irken into a dark sillhouette, his stupid Shloogorgh's hat having been discarded and exposing his sythe-like anteannas, which were standing above his head like freaky little devil horns. His narrowed eyes glowed red in the dim light and he held his weapon above his head with both hands. He opened his mouth and his teeth flashed viciously.

"For the Empire!" he cried. Then he screamed like a banshee and dove down on the terrified, shrieking Dib, with every intention of killing him where he lay.

-XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX-

"So..." Agent Darkbooty said, lacing his fingers together and leaning back in his chair, "Let me get this straight... What you're trying to tell me is that you found the target," he counted on his thin fingers, "you confronted said target, the target recognized you, played stupid, then," he threw his hands up in the air, "tried to behead you with a mop?!"

Dib winced at the volume of his superiors' voice, holding his icepack over his swollen eye. He lowered his gaze to the floor broodingly. "It was an alien mop..." he muttered indignantly.

Aaaand then I gave up.

I hate the word "Shloogorgh's."

I hate it.