A/N: You don't hear much about Nigel Griffin and I think he has something to say and a story to share. So this obviously AU and very out of character. Please review - I would really like to know what you think!
Happy Days :-)
A Father I Am Not – A Story Of Nigel Griffin
It was a long times ago and a mistake that I have never been able to rectify with consequences I could never live with. It was the night I lost my closest friends. The rain ceased to beat against the pebbled path outside my window. It was a continuous rhythm and with each droplet I could envision the acts my closest friend had committed. The innocent lives he had taken and destroyed. John had never thought of those women as people, as human, only weak prey falling to a superior hunter. Maybe it was this thought or realization that sent me down the path which I could never redeem myself from.
We were all friends, that was one of the things that made us The Five. However, we all knew and accepted the fact that Helen was John's. Nothing was ever going to change that fact. Not even that miserable night – the night which changed us all.
The three of us – James, Nikola and myself – knew that Helen should not be by herself after the events that occurred with John. The only problem was that we could not decide who should stay. As I said before The Five of us were all friends, though it was commonly acknowledged that we were not exempt from the standard rules that plagued ordinary groups. Some of us were closer than others; John/Helen, James/Nikola & Helen/myself. It was the binds of our friendships that caused the predicament in deciding who stayed. James could not handle the guilt that surged through his veins. To his dying day there were times when he still could not bare to look Helen in the eyes. It would seem most appropriate for Nikola to comfort Helen – only he yearned to see his young niece and her mother. I believe that he desired this to prove John did not destroy or hurt everyone who knew him. It was by these circumstances that I – with no ill thoughts or impure intentions- was nominated to bare witness to Helens pain that night.
Maybe if our friends knew what would occur over on the following hours they would have decided differently – I would have. Both Helen and I desired to forget our 'deceased' friend by any means and there was three welcoming, inviting bottles of whiskey. Part way through the third bottle my memories of the following events are not clear. All that I could ever remember was Helen's undeniable yearning to forget and I participating in the worst in my elongated life.
We never forgot John that night, nor did we ever forget awaking in the same bed with no clothing. I have never been able to remember what occurred directly after awaking but I managed to arrive home in a reasonable state to my unquestioning wife. Helen and I were never alone again and I never forgave myself for my actions. It was never mentioned to anyone. Not even two months later when we discovered Helen's pregnancy. Nikola and James believed with justified evidence that the unborn soul was out of Helen and John's union – we never corrected their mistake.
Ashlee Maree Magnus was born after I died. She was not created out of romantic love, the type that all children should be, but of the love of friends needing one another. I am not her father, I have never influenced her life, I am merely the one who aided in the existence of it. That will never result in me being her father, I am simply a man who loved her mother for a single night and lost everyone in return.