Disclaimer: I don't own Alice and Wonderland, nor did I create When Curiosity Met Insanity.

This is based off of Bri-Chan's When Curiosity Met Isanity. If you've never heard of it, then you need to march yourself on over to http:// community. livejournal. com/ curiousinsane/ Remove the spaces, of course.

Pickles and Tea

Reginald came stomping up to the March Hare, who was sitting quietly, sipping leisurely on his cup of tea. "You're late," Ears acknowledged with a hint of irritation.

"I don't understand why she just won't pay attention to me!" he whined, slamming a jar of pickles on the table and picking one out of the jar, completely ignoring the caustic glare his furry eared friend was shooting at him.

"Pickles…?" Ears questioned.

"I went to the grocery store," he replied all to quickly.

"Ah, I see. The one next to the book store?"

"Yes, the one next to the book store. Now, Ears, before you start to make assumptions, it was purely coincidental that I chose to go to the one beside the book store. It was vitally important that I--"

"Buy a jar of pickles?" Ears cut in teasingly.

"Yes. My vitamin C is low."

Ears groaned and set his tea cup down. "What did you do, Reggie?"

"Me? Wh-what did I do?" Reginald gaped in astonishment, "I didn't do a thing. I merely offered her a pickle, and do you know what she did? She slapped me, Ears!" He furiously took a bite out of the pickle as he continued to rant and rave. "Just out the blue—whap!" He paced up and down. "I just don't understand it at all. I tell you, it's quite—"

"Reg, if you say, 'it's quite a pickle I'm in,' I'm going to slap you."

"I was going to say, it's quite a lovely day today." he replied, in mock innocence.

"…Reg, as a general rule, women don't quite appreciate men who make it a habit to wave around…pickles. They seem to think it's…suggestive. Lewd, in fact."

"…Why?"

Ears watched as Reginald licked a droplet of juice from the pickle. "…No idea."

Reginald grabbed a clean cup and poured himself a glass of tea. "I just don't understand."

The Ears stared on warily at Reginald as he took the pickle he had been flinging around and began to stir his tea with it.

"How can she not be attracted to me?" he continued on. "I dress nice, right? I am a snazzy dresser."

"Among other things," Ears replied.

"My dear rabbit, are you mocking me and my pain?" he replied, pulling the pickle out of his tea and flailing it around.

"Of course not, I was merely agreeing." Ears replied. Reginald once again put his pickle back into his tea and began to stir furiously. Ears was torn between disgust and amusement. "Reginald--"

"It looks like I'll have to go with plan B."

"You don't even have a plan B," he replied. As the pickle was stirred around and around in the tea cup, all Ears could do was follow it cautiously with his eyes. "My dear friend, you seem to have a pickle—"

"By the end of the night, I shall have a plan B and maybe a plan C in case of emergency." he said. Reginald pulled the pickle out of his tea and Ears sighed in relief, only to shudder violently as Reginald took a bite.

Reginald grimaced as the sour taste mixed with the bitter liquid of his tea. He looked down and the pickle in his hand, and then to the cup of tea on the table and merely shrugged. "Hmm, needs more sugar."