A/N : This is my own season 3. Everything happened as it had in the finally except Chuck doesn't come back and tell Blair he loves her. C/B/D , Ca/S , N/V.
Chapter 1 Awakened.
Blair sat in her room alone. She didn't feel anything. She was numb. Ever since Chuck left to Europe she turned frozen. She cant feel her body , her heart , it is like she is dead. Cold and freezing, she needed warmth even in the middle of summer.
On gossip girl , she is seeing pictures of Chuck. With models in Italy, with a German actress , with gorgeous French woman , and she doesn't feel a thing.
It is as if she is an observer, analyzing her life as if the beautiful brunette staring back from the mirror is not her. She finished packing for college and she walked out the door to leave for college. She was not excited and not emotional , she finally turned into the ice queen she always feared to be. Not one tear , not one tear fell .
*****
Serena woke up in pain. Her head felt so heavy. She took in her entourage , where was she? Then she saw Carter Baizen eating breakfast. She looked at her self. She was dressed , good. She checked her cell phone and she saw twenty missed calls from Lily , Rufus , and Blair. Panick surged through her , what was she doing here?
She then saw the date , she was supposed to be leaving for brown.
"Oh my God! What the hell happened Carter? "
Carter looked up and said :" You were so drunk you passed out , so I got you here. You have been sleeping it off for a whole day."
Serena snapped at him :" You should have woke me up , I have to go to brown today!"
"You are welcome , and if you knew you have to get to Brown you shouldn't have partied last night."
"Now , I wont be able to get there !"
"Talk about getting what you wish."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean."
" You know what I have to go." Serena said . She really needed to get away because he is getting too close , too aware of what she feels and thinks.
Carter watched as Serena walked out. He looked around his room and it somehow looked empty without her. It was then that he realized he is going to miss her , miss saving her.
*****
Vanessa entered her dorm room , and she froze in her place. There , her roommate , was Blair Waldrof.
Perfect , perfect Blair Waldrof. Perfect curls , perfect body , perfect face , she looked like a delicate porcelain doll.
Blair said meanly :" This got to be a sick joke."
Vanessa said :" We will just pretend like the other does not exist."
Vanessa couldn't muster a mean reply because she was exhausted , emotionally.
She was surprised Blair did not reply in a mean or cold way , but Blair looked far away as she unpacked. Maybe she was tired too emotionally , but it did not seem so for she seemed so cold as a painting not a human being , and that it what scared Vanessa from Blair most , her perfection.
After Vanessa finished unpacking , it was dark outside , and she decided to sleep early to wake up early for classes. Where the hell was Dan?
She dropped that thought as she walked back to memory lane , as she thought about traveling with Nate.
******
Nate and Vanessa were in Italy. They had tried their best to act as friends , in a a normal way. They avoided talking about anything serious , but they spent all their time together. They were eating their breakfast in silence.
Vanessa's eyes were demanding explanations but he did not know what to tell her. He was lost and he found clarity and comfort in his first love , and he was sick of Vanessa acting like she is always right. She slept with Chuck , his best friend. He really was hurt from Chuck and he was …. Jealous. Chuck took Blair's virginity the first time, and the second time Nate tried with Blair she had feelings for Chuck.
The girl who promised him , always have always will , told him it already feels like a memory.
She loved him as a teenage fist love , but she loves Chuck a true love. His best friend and first love found true love in each other , and as much as he loved both he hated them . For a while he hated them a lot , but then he grew to realize that Chuck was meant to take Blair's virginity not him , Chuck was the always have always will , not him. He hated it because it made him feel like he was the intruder who was coming between them , not the other way around.
Vanessa said :" You are thinking about her?"
He looked up at Vanessa startled and she saw that he was.
She stood up abruptly and entered the bedroom.
Bur Nate also grew to realize that Vanessa was the one for him, she gave him direction , she was his moral compass, and he had true feelings for her. When she believed in him , she made him want to be better .
He got up and followed her. Vanessa had tears in her eyes and she was packing her bag to leave.
Nate held her by the elbow and said :" No please. Why are you leaving?"
Vanessa said , her voice shaking :" Because I had enough! I know we are trying to be friends , but I cant. Do you know how it feels to be with you , when I know that every time you have a faraway look you are thinking of her? I had enough of you running away from every serious conversation. I had nough of thinking that I am not enough,"
Nate said :" You are enough , you are more than enough. I want you , and I am sorry and-"
"Shut up Nate. You are just saying that now because I am leaving , because it seems right , but you could have said it a long time ago."
"Vanessa…please , you want to talk seriously let us do it.'
"Its too late Nate. You lied to me and ran off to Blair at the first opportunity you got , then she dumped you and you expect me to be all yours again? I tried to be mature and forgiving and I came here with you as a friend , and you did not even try to make things go well!"
"Vanessa…. Jut stop packing , sleep on it , and we can talk about it tomorrow."
Vanessa nodded and walked out the room.
Later that night , they were both asleep each on their bed.
He got up from his bed and sat on the bed on which Vanessa was a sleep. She looked so beautiful and so at peace when asleep. The thought of her leaving tomorrow killed him. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. She smiled in her sleep and woke up. She sat up quickly. She said :" What are you doing?"
"What I should have done a long time ago."
He leaned in to kiss her , she turned her face and he only got her cheek.
She said : " Do you still love her? If she did not break up with would you have even thought of wanting me back?"
Nate did not say anything because he really did not know what to say.
She said:" Nate, I am sick of being your last resort. When you found out Chuck slept with Blair last year , and you stopped talking to them , and you had problems with your dad you came to me. When you had problems with the duchess and you dad again , you came to me. And now when Blair broke up with you , you come to me . I am sick of it."
Nate said , hurt making his voice unstable:" And I am sick of you acting like I am the only one who screwed up between us. Vanessa you slept with Chuck. Chuck is my best friend , even after everything , and you slept with him."
Vanessa said , holding back tears :" I was hurt and-"
Nate interrupted :" See? You are so self righteous! For one minute we are talking about me , the other its about you."
"Self righteous?! You are the one constantly judging me and judging people when you were the Duchess' whore, when you slept with the best friend of your girlfriend. When you-"
Nate interrupted:" Enough!"
Then he got back to his bed. He turned his back to Vanessa and she did the same.
*****
Blair could not sleep. She just lay there in the strange bed of her dorm. Vanessa had been sobbing all night silently and it was pissing Blair off, because she envied her at that moment. She wanted to cry and fell but she couldn't. Finally she said :" Vanessa! Stop crying it is pathetic."
Vanessa said :" Why are you still awake?"
Blair replied:" I cant sleep."
Vanessa said :" Me too."
There was an awkward silence and Blair was sure Vanessa had fallen asleep , but Vanessa said :"Are you asleep?"
No I am not , I am thinking about how chuck slept with you , Blair wanted to say but instead she said :" No. Vanessa get some pride and don't cry in front of someone who hates you. At least Nate took you to Europe , Chuck left to Europe alone."
The night passed in silence and Vanessa stopped crying.
******
Blair and Vanessa were as mean in the morning as usual and they pretended as if they did not speak anything yesterday night. The school day passed quickly for Blair was dazed . In the end of the day , Dan came over to her.
He muttered a hey but she ignored him and kept walking. He said :" We have a problem . Not that my problem is your problem , but w share someone who has a problem , not that we share anything-"
"Get to the point Humphrey."
"Serena needs help , she did not go to brown."
"_Why!? What did Lily say?"
"She doesn't know. They all think she is at brown. But she told me in confidence , that she is staying at Chuck's."
Blair slowly exhaled at the mention of Chuck's name , and if Dan notice his expression remained impassive.
Blair said :" We should go tell your dad. Lily is out of town."
Blair and Dan sat in the taxi in silence.
Then came a message from gossip girl. It was a picture of Chuck and a Model in New York. So he is back , and he did not even try to contact her , and again she felt nothing.
Dan looked at his phone too and he said :" I am sorry."
Blair said :" Whatever Humphrey. Blair Waldrof is not pitied."
Dan said :" But he loves you , remember prom? He was helping you be prom queen , not the other way around."
Balir did not say anything. Because even when he said that Chuck did something romantic and sweet , she still did not feel a thing.
******
Dan and Blair walked into lily's house. Then Blair heard a voice that made her freeze in her place.
"Thank you for the waffles Rufus." Chuck said.
There he stood , more handsome than she remembered. All her thoughts and dreams did not do him justice.
Chuck turned to see who came in.
His face was filled with intense emotions , but instantly he recovered.
Hi whole face had a cold exterior but the warmth in his eyes was dominant.
Dan looked at them and grabbed his father's arm and dragged him out the room winking at Blair. Blair rolled her eyes at him .
Then as soon as they left the room , Blair was scared.
Fear this is the first feeling she had had in months. Fear of the way chuck was looking at her , embracing her in his warmth. Fear of the love. Love for him that is what she is feeling.
Chuck said : " Hey." His eyes were observing her , contempling her as if he is trying to memorize every part of her , as if this is the firt time he sees her , as if this going to be the last.
Lust, his voice made her want to jump him. She said in her coldest voice:"Hey."
In her weakness she found strength, and she walked by him to go follow Dan and Rufus.
She couldn't do this. Chuck held her by the elbow. Warmth surged into her. She could feel her blood rush into her feet , her legs , her whole body , and pump into her heart.
She said preserving the cool exterior:" Let me go Chuck. "
Then Chuck brought her closer. Her back was presses to his body and his head was lost in her strawberry scented hair. Both of them closed their eyes. Lost in the moment , hanging in the moment.
She was feeling again, love and need. Lust and want. But with all that came the pain. The pain that she had not been able to feel in the past months , and now she was awakened..And when it came it came in such a force it almost knocked her out of place. It woke her up. She opened her eyes and untangled herself.
And she left not listening as Chuck called after her.
She was scared, scared that if she listened to him he would lure her back to his games , to his world , to his warmth. So she ran.
She waited for Dan outside, and after a couple of minutes he came outside. They sat in the taxi as Dan babbled on and on about what Rufus said , but Blair did not listen to a thing.
Because the tears that she couldn't cry for the past months, decided to come at that moment. She cried silently looking straight ahead in a way only Blair Waldrof can. She didn't think Dan noticed , she did not even notice Dan's comforting hand on her thigh.
Hope you liked it. Review please.
X0x0