Immutable

by MrGrayson24

Follows Steve and Bucky's relationship, starting when Bucky comes back in Winter Soldier and up through Civil War. CIVIL WAR SPOILERS. This story acts as the 'between-the-scenes' to show what Steve and Bucky had to do to stay together.

Title: Immutable

Author: DestinyIslander24

Rating: T

Chapters: 1/1

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to anything mentioned here and I sure ain't making any money off of it.

Author's Note: Been in the worst writing lag of my life but I've been wanting to do Stucky for a while so I'm hoping this opens me back up.

-x-

It was weird. Weirder than Steve thought it would be, to see all your accomplishments lined up in a row for spectators to admire. In retrospect, each moment of his life was regarded as a heroic triumph, but at the time, it had just been survival. Steve debated how much glory he deserved for that although that was nothing new. It was always in the back of his head that it could just as easily of been somebody else being adored in the Captain America costume; he had just been the one lucky enough, or unlucky enough, to have been the one chosen to wear it.

He started where the rest of the tourists did, his life before the serum. A small set had been designed to recreate his Brooklyn apartment with the original furnishings. There was the dining room table he read at, the impossibly small kitchen he had once set on fire, and the chair that belonged to… him. Steve crossed his arms over his chest and continued to his times during the war, in which he took some pride in seeing his defeat over the Red Skull. Then there was the debris from his crash crash and a documentary on his disappearance with interviews from everyone he had known. They talked about how much they missed him and how much he had meant to America. It was sad, but more then that, it was frustrating.

Steve never wanted to be here. When he became Captain America, his world had been turned upside down. But he'd been home, and Peggy was there. And Bucky. And just when Steve thought he could adjust to his new self, time jumped forward, and not only did he feel like a stranger in his own body, but now he was truly alone in the world.

Things had gotten a little better since then. The Avengers had happened, for one, and while Steve wouldn't necessarily call them all friends, he knew they had his back, and that gave it's own level of comfort. And while Steve Rogers might not have a place among modern America, it seemed America still kept a place for Captain America, and he had no other choice then to fill it.

The exhibit stretched beyond the main wing broke off into a small hallway of relics. His old costumes were displayed at the head, like they were watching over the room, and groups of tourists gawked at alien fragments recovered from New York. But something across the hall caught his eye and his stomach dropped as he approached the memorial to Bucky.

He was just as handsome as Steve remembered him. With the broad, all-American smile and dark curly hair; even in death, Bucky seemed warm and inviting. The speaker from atop the glass case narrated Bucky's story of heroism and sacrifice, but Steve didn't listen. Every thought about Bucky brought with it an insatiable desire to go home, though that wasn't possible for Steve. Home was 50 years ago. And Bucky had been dead just as long.

Steve pulled his hat down and headed for the exit. It seemed ironic that the only one who had truly known Captain America was being honored beside him, a hero in his own right. Steve didn't know how the world would react if they knew the true nature of his and Bucky's relationship, but he also didn't plan on announcing that part. It wasn't any of their business. As the Captain, Steve had given his life and freedom to protect the country. Everything else had been Bucky's, and although he was gone, Steve intended to keep it that way.

-x-

Steve played the memory of the bridge over and over in his head, but every time it seemed less real.

He had been fighting, a drill Steve had gone through a thousand times before, but there was something different about his exchange with the Winter Soldier on the DC bridge. It wasn't until they were pushed apart and his opponent lost his mask that Steve realized who he had truly been fighting.

It was Bucky. Exactly how he remembered him.

He'd called out his name but Bucky didn't seem to remember him. That had been the hardest thing for Steve to come to terms with. He had, against all odds, seen the love of his life again. And Bucky had no idea who he was.

-x-

The Winter Soldier had been warned about Captain America. The United States's blonde haired, blue eyed savior that carried a red, white and blue shield. Bucky hated him the moment he'd seen his picture. So, when it was finally time to take him out, Bucky felt a rare swell of excitement in his stomach.

But he'd gotten away, and Bucky would be punished for that. Though, it wasn't his escape Bucky dwelled on as he was wired into HYDRA's brain programmer, it was the man's face when Bucky had lost his mask. It was like they'd known each other, but Bucky couldn't place him, as hard as he tried. But the feeling Captain America had given him was still there as a small spark in the bottom of his stomach.

HYDRA turned on the machine and began to tear apart Bucky's mind, erasing all memories and thoughts of Captain America. But, when they were done, and the Winter Soldier stood, there was a warm feeling in his stomach that he couldn't quite place.

-x-

He was running out of time. In thirty seconds, the ship would lock onto its targets and hundreds of thousands would die. Before he could press the list of new targets into the guns programming, Bucky appeared from nowhere and tackled him to the ground.

Despite the danger, Steve couldn't help but feel relieved at seeing his lost lifeline. After playing the moment on the bridge in his head a million times, a crack of doubt had developed that told him Bucky hadn't really been there at all. But even with the mask, and the metal arm, and the relentless attacking, it was still Bucky, and Steve was still happy to see him.

"Bucky… stop! You know me!" Steve jumped back as Bucky pushed forward and launched another punch.

Bucky clenched his jaw. "No! I don't!" He kicked Captain America in the stomach.

With ragged breaths, Steve forced himself upright. "You know me." He said, desperate.

"Shut up!" Bucky tackled Steve and brought them to the ship's glass covered lower landing.

"I'm not going to fight you." Steve dropped his Shield and it disappeared into the afternoon sky. "I love you, Bucky."

Bucky looked torn. "...You're my mission."

"Then finish it." Steve held his arms open. "Cause I'm with you till the end of the line."

-x-

Steve didn't remember much after that. The ship had broken apart, he'd fallen through the glass and into the lake. Someone with cold hands pulled him to shore and just as he came to, he saw the blurry outline of Bucky walk away. He wanted more then anything to go after him but before he could push himself from the ground, darkness filled his vision and he passed out.

-x-

"You seem more broody than usual." Tony looked Steve up and down. "Not enough whey protein this morning?"

"It's nothing." Steve kept his arms crossed and eyes glued to the floor as the team fluttered about the Avengers headquarters in preparation for their raid on Von Strucker's compound.

"Could've fooled me. Except that you didn't." Tony adjusted the output on his cannon. "So, what's the deal? You aren't still pouting over your boyfriend with the grungy hair, are you? What's his name? I want to say Barney..."

"It's Bucky."

"Exactly. But, if I may-"

"Tony, I don't want-"

"-I think you're better off without him, if you ask me."

"I didn't."

"Speaking from personal experience, assassin's don't make the best boyfriends. Or girlfriends. Or any kind of friend for that matter, am I right Barton?"

"Screw you, Stark."

"You see? Super temperamental."

-x-

Steve's eyes were glued to the screen while his heart hammered in his chest. He had seen the clip over a hundred times now and it still gave him chills.

There was no doubt, Bucky, The Winter Soldier, was active again, Steve tried to convince himself there had to be an ulterior reason. Bucky saved him from drowning, hadn't he? There was still good in him, that much Steve was certain. But he didn't know how much. And for how long.

-x-

"I'm going after him." Steve told Sam. "He would do the same for me."

"Yeah, but he didn't." Sam felt bad when he saw the Captain's expression. "Sorry, I know he's important to you but he's HYDRA, how do you know we can trust him?"

"He's not HYDRA." Steve strapped the shield to his back. "He's Bucky. And that's all I need to know."

"But he might not even be the guy that you knew. They've messed with his brain for years. There's no guarantee he's going to be the same."

Steve thought for a moment. "You're probably right. All the more reason I need to get to him, fast."

-x-

As the months wore on, Steve had slowly adjusted to the idea of Bucky being alive, as crazy as it might have seemed. But now they were together, all the adjustments he'd made went out the window. Steve had gone from a civilian, to a soldier, to Captain America, to an Avenger, and he let those things define him for half a century. But none of them felt right, none of them made him feel the way he felt around Bucky.

Sam was right, he wasn't the same Bucky that Steve had known. But it didn't change anything and, in a way, Steve wished it did. There was the same buzz in his head that came whenever he was around. The buzz that made everything less important until it was all drowned out and all he could see or hear was Bucky.

"Do you want some water?" Steve wanted to roll his eyes at his own offer but it was all he could think to say.

Bucky didn't respond. He just studied Steve.

"Well… let me know." Steve shuffled from the room and joined Sam on the other side of the doorway.

"Anything?" There was a hint of frustration in Sam's voice that Steve couldn't blame him for. They had been at this for days with almost no progress.

"I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I wonder if he's even still in there."

"He is." Sam shook his head and chuckled. "I don't want to encourage you, cause we still got a shot at staying on the Avengers, but I can tell, by the way he looks at you."

"A lot of good it's doing us."

Sam peered into Bucky's room. "It will. He's gone so long without feeling anything, he probably forgot what it's like."

-x-

Bucky lay on the cool concrete ground and stared up at the ceiling, his hand cuffed to the steel pipe next to him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept, there were flashes of different lives that crossed his mind whenever he closed his eyes and all of them felt… wrong. Except the ones of Steve. After days where it seemed like his mind might betray him, those thoughts were the only ones that felt like they belonged.

Across the room, Steve grunted and rolled on his side. Since they'd taken Bucky to… wherever they were, Steve had slept on the ground by the door. It wasn't necessary, Sam had made sure there was no escape for the Winter Soldier so Steve must have meant it as a way to make Bucky feel safe. And it was working.

"You'd be more comfortable on a cot." Bucky knew Steve was awake. Captain America slept about as much as he did.

"Only got one cot and Sam's not big on sharing."

There was a long silence. "You don't have to do this, you know? I'm not who you think I am. Or if I was, I'm not anymore."

Steve turned to face Bucky. "I'm the only one who knows who you are, Bucky. That's why I have to do this. None of this was your fault. You're a good person."

"I don't think that matters at this point."

"It always matters. We'll figure this out, you just have to trust me."

"I have this memory… or at least I think it's a memory." Bucky's eyes scanned the molded wood rafters. "I'm at this old theater, and you're there…. We're sitting on a balcony when these men run up from behind us, screaming… but I don't remember being scared, I feel… happy. And you were really short."

"It is a memory." Steve chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest. "We were at the movies. You were obsessed with seeing Mutiny on the Bounty for some reason, but we couldn't afford it so you suggested we sneak in. I was a nervous wreck but you laughed the whole time. Even when security came to kick us out, you acted like it was all a big game."

"And us escaping out the back, that happened to?"

"It did."

"How about what we did in the alley afterward?"

Steve turned a bright shade of red and cleared his throat. "Yep…"

Bucky tried to find some order, some connective thread between memories that would tell him what were his own thoughts, and what were HYDRA. Dawn would come soon and start them on another day closer to being found. Whatever Steve hoped to see, whatever Bucky secretly hoped was true, needed to make itself known soon. He was running out of time.

"Just in case you were still wondering." Steve rolled back toward the wall. "You were right about that day."

Bucky craned his neck. "What about?"

"You were happy."

-x-

The flight had been completely silent but his time with Bucky had prepared Steve for that. The Winter Soldier had begun to open up, slowly and there was still so much Steve knew he wasn't telling him, but all that could wait. Everything that had brought them to this moment could be sorted out later. right now, Steve just had to keep Bucky with him.

"You know, if you still aren't ready, that's okay." Steve fumbled with his words and stared directly out the windshield.

"I didn't need you to protect me before, I don't need you now."

That one hurt but Steve tried not to show it. "I… you've just been through a lot."

"Which is why it's best we end this now. I don't want to run anymore."

Steve went to grab Bucky's hand but had to stop himself. Even after 50 years, old habits died hard. "You won't have to."

The silence returned and wrapped itself around Steve. He didn't know what to do. He would have given anything for the chance to comfort Bucky again, and now he had the chance and couldn't find the right thing to say. He didn't even know if there was anything to say.

He dared to look over at Bucky, and was surprised to see something more than pain behind his eyes, and something more than fear. Grief.

Bucky turned to Steve. "It's hard for me to, you know?" He cleared his throat. "The only good memories I seem to have are with you… but I don't know what they mean."

Steve couldn't help but smile. "It means there's still some of the old Bucky in there."

"I wish there wasn't." Bucky's voice was strained and his eyes glossed over. "Then I wouldn't have to feel like this, and you would be able to move on." He took a deep breath. "I should tell you, even after all of this is over, I don't think things can go back to the way they were. I… I don't even recognize that life anymore."

"I understand." Steve nodded.

"I did love you once, though. I'm pretty sure." He gave Steve a broken smile. "I'm sorry I can't anymore."

"It's never been your responsibility to love me." Steve tried to grin back.

"It's not you I can't love." Bucky sighed. "I don't think I can love at all."

-x-

The fight at the airport was over and while Steve and Bucky got away, it was clear they hadn't won. Once the hatch was closed, Steve had the plane off the ground in a matter of minutes. Bucky sat in the loading bay with his head down. When they'd reached a safe altitude, Steve engaged the autopilot and joined Bucky in the back.

"Buck… I know things didn't go well back there but-"

"Please, stop." Bucky shook his head. "Don't say this wasn't my fault."

"It wasn-"

"Shut up!" He pushed Steve back against the wall of the plane. "Stop acting like I'm innocent in all this!" Bucky ran his hands through his hair "It's because of me so many people are dead, and it's because of me they keep getting hurt!" He sighed. "If you really want to help me, just let me go!"

Steve's chest heaved with deep breaths and he muttered to the ground. "This isn't completely about you."

The frustration inside Bucky threatened to tear him apart. "What're you talking about?"

Steve looked up. "Having you back is all I ever wanted. I know it's selfish, but it's the truth. " His voice was low but clear. "I can't go through losing you again. If you don't see yourself as worth it, that's fine. I'm not sacrificing anything. Because, without you, none of this was worth anything to begin with."

There was something inside of Bucky that broke open and he pushed himself against Steve and kissed him. It wasn't based on memories, or even rational thought. There was just a small spark in the bottom of his stomach that told him it was the right thing to do.

-x-

The last few days had been the best, and the worst, of Steve's life. Him and Bucky were on the run, a position Steve had made sure he would never be in, until Bucky came back. The constant stress that they would be found and Bucky would be locked away forever was too upsetting to think about, but Steve couldn't stop.

But he had Bucky back and even in the midst of all the chaos, Steve was thankful. The two of them would talk late into the night. Sometimes about the Avengers, or SHIELD, but mostly, it was the trivial things. About their amazement at a microwave, the decline of popular music, the two new stars on the American Flag. Nobody understood the shock Steve had gone through when he'd woken up, but now someone did. And it was the only person Steve wanted to share his experiences with.

"So... " Buck rested his head on the wall behind him. They were both seated on the floor. As the conversation had progressed, they'd moved closer until they sat next to each other under the window. "What happens if we survi-"

"When we survive this…"

"What could ever happen between us?" Bucky looked pained. "You can't stop being Captain America. And I can't stop being the Winter Soldier. I keep looking for a happy ending…"

"Hey…" Steve grabbed Bucky's hand and felt a wave of relief. "I've seen New York devastated by aliens, a robot try to use a city as an atomic bomb, and the guy I love came back with a metal arm. There are no happy endings. There's the good, and there's the bad, and there's what you do with it… We'll make it work."

"...I don't know if I ever said thank you."

"You can thank me when this is all over."

Bucky sighed. "How can you still have so much faith after everything we've been through?"

Steve smiled at him. "I got you back, didn't I?"

-x-

"Tony, STOP!" Steve dove from the higher ledge and onto Tony's back as the iron man flew toward Bucky.

"Sorry, Cap. No can do." Tony turned in the air and Steve was forced to let go and drop to the ground. "This is between me and your Russian lover."

"It wasn't his fault!" Steve rushed up the metal stairs. "He didn't have a choice!"

Tony kept his vision focused on Bucky. "Neither did they."

He aimed his cannon and shot but Bucky managed to roll away at the last moment and escape through the open hatch that acted as the room's ceiling.

Tony flew after him but Steve grabbed his ankle. "We can talk about this."

"I'm done talking." He kicked free and disappeared through the hatch with Steve right behind him.

On the roof of the compound, Bucky waited for Tony to emerge and jumped when he saw the red suit fly from the room.

-x-

He regretted leaving it behind the moment his shield landed in the snow. His arm felt so light without it but he couldn't go back. Tony was right, the shield wasn't his to begin with and if obedience was the cost to keep it, then maybe it had been too heavy all along. Bucky limped next to him, his weight rested on Steve's shoulders as they left Tony behind, the Iron Man suit still sparking.

Steve knew the moment would come where he would have to make a choice. And this was it. He could go back to Tony and try and sort this mess out, be reinstated into a government run Avengers and hopefully clear the Winter Soldier's name. Or, he could go with Bucky and abandon everything he had achieved in his new life to try and regain a piece from his old one.

He expected to feel guilt, or shame, or sorrow as he boarded the plane with Bucky. His time with the Avengers had been meaningful and he'd accomplished more with them then the boy in Brooklyn could ever of dreamed. But as the plane took flight, and Bucky sat beside him, Steve found that he couldn't stop smiling.

-x-

"You don't have to do this, you know?" Steve pushed Bucky's hair from his face. "We can find another way."

Bucky glanced at the pod behind them and a small spark of fear raced through him. He'd been held captive by HYDRA for years, this was nothing, but the idea of being caged almost made him want to reconsider.

"I have to." Bucky smiled at Steve. "I need to know for sure that HYDRA is out of my head."

Steve nodded. He understood. But he didn't like it. Though he stood by his decision, it would be easier not to question it if Bucky was with him. But they both knew this was the safest and most effective way to get the old Bucky back and Steve would have done anything for that. But he still feared being alone and left to wonder what his next step would be. With Bucky gone, he was alone in the world once again.

Bucky must of noticed Steve's expression. "I'll be back…" He kissed Steve on the forehead. "Haven't you learned by now you can't get rid of me?"

Steve looked up with a broad smile. "I can't remember the last time you made a joke."

"And there will be a lot more." He pecked Steve on the lips. "I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"Having to leave again. I don't want you to be alone."

"I'm not." He sounded confident. "And I need you to get better."

"I'm getting there." Bucky pulled him close. "There were moments when HYDRA had me where whatever crap they fed into my brain lost it's hold and I felt a little like myself again. In those times, I wanted to scream, or run, or die. But I didn't. Because at least a small part of me knew I had to see you again."

Steve kissed his cheek. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

Bucky looked him in the eye. "I thought that after everything I'd been through, I couldn't love anymore. I didn't realize until it was over that loving you was the only thing that kept me alive."