"SAGA BERRY-LOPEZ AND FABRAY" was originally written in 2010-2011 in Portuguese
...
CELIBACY CLUB
(Quinn)
Sex. That's a delicate issue in my life. Like every girl, I have doubts about the first time. Would it hurt? When was the right time? Would I feel comfortable being naked in front of someone else? How should I talk about protection with my partner? On the other hand, there was all the curiosity to experiment, especially after watching porn videos on internet that one night alone in my bedroom. I blame Finn Hudson. I thought something was wrong with me because I've never gotten horny when we do stuff and I assumed I was just a frigid bitch, like as Santana accused me once.
I found myself very turned on by porn videos. Most of them were rude and disgusting in any combination. However, I saw one that showed two girls having sex as if they really liked each other; I think it's called femme-friendly porn. It looked so smooth and pleasurable and it made me wonder. If I was turned on by this, clearly there was nothing wrong with me so Finn had to be the problem, even if he was a good guy.
I didn't want to stay with him: I didn't like him, I didn't want to be touched by him. But it was necessary to stay in this relationship. Let's face it: I need to have a boyfriend so my parents won't think something is wrong with me. My relationship was one of the few good points of the constant comparisons that my father did with Frannie, my older sister. Since she moved last summer to Austin for the college, my father had openly discussed how much he wished for Frannie to be around and how he longed for things to be like "the good old days." Frannie was his favored and perfect daughter while I was the disappointment from the cradle.
When I was born in Cincinnati on July 10, 1994, the event was a double disappointment. First: I was a girl and my father wanted a boy. Second: my mother had pregnancy complications that precluded having more children. Adoption was taboo and my father was suspected of unfaithful in his marriage, but he wasn't the type of a guy that had children with the women involved in his affairs. Making matters worse, I could never compete with Frannie: I was a chubby, introverted child, hated football and baseball, and I enjoyed my camera more than boys... or people in general.
While Frannie was home, my father had eyes only for her. But now she was in college and I was at home. It seemed that my father had no alternative but paying attention to me. Dad was glad I had not wasted the legacy left to me by my sister at McKinley: the command of the Cheerios. Frannie taught me how to be a cold manipulative bitch and get what I want. Now, I had to keep my popularity and the key was Finn Hudson.
Unfortunately I'd rather be touched by Jack Torrance than Finn Hudson. I didn't want to move things forward. I couldn't. Finn didn't push me, but I felt I had to do something to keep him interested and, at the same time, away from certain parts of me. How? The answer came in a special sermon for teens in my church. The minister encouraged and supported waiting to have sex until marriage. He advocated the creation of clubs and pacts between friends to reinforce the idea that sex should be practiced only in marriage under God's blessing.
It took a day to make my plan and poured the novelty in the first week of my sophomore year.
"Celibacy Club?" Santana asked, puzzled. "What the hell is a fucking Celibacy Club? There's nothing stupider than a Celibacy Club to hormonal teenagers!"
"The Cheerios are recognized as a group of prostitutes who serve the athletes here. As captain, I want to change it. So, we'll call the main Cheerios to join the meetings. I'll be in charge of spreading Christian values and establish rules. We will also have meetings with the boys," I explained calmly.
"I'm Jewish ..." Santana said, still puzzled, "and I am not a virgin. I lost it a few months ago and you know that. Actually, you must be the only sophomore Cheerio that still is virgin."
"That doesn't mean you can't join the group and renounce a life of sin."
"Are you nuts?"
"If you don't do it, I will ask Coach Sylvester to revoke your privileges as second in command."
"Quinn Fabray still plays dirty..." Santana crossed her arms, "it's been awhile."
"Can I count on you or not?"
"After asking so politely, how could I refuse?"
"Great!" I smirked, "I knew you would understand my point of view."
"You always have good arguments."
"Today, while I helping the coach to organize the selection of recruits, you will call the other girls. Our meetings will take place twice a week after classes and before football practice."
I know Santana hates me. I can't blame her. If I was in her shoes, I would hate me too. These are things that come with power. And I know Santana won't try to pull me down because her popularity and current privileges are tied to my leadership. At least for now. Santana made a deal with me last year to protect Brittany. While I have the full confidence from Coach Sylvester and I'm known for keeping my alliances, I will be on top. That was how it worked in the social hierarchy at McKinley High.
"Hello hot stuff," Puck said as he mischievously approached and kissed Santana square on the lips. I don't know what happened to these two, but they certainly seemed to have seen each other a good bit over the holiday. I know were looking cozy at Azimio's party three weeks ago. Maybe they agreed to act as a couple at school, which would be very strange given Puck's reputation. "Any plans for tonight?" he said in a lecherous way.
"I'll let you know if I am in the mood," Santana sneered. Maybe they're not dating for real.
"Ouch! Did you wake up in the wrong side of the bed?"
"Fuck off, asshole ..." Santana pushed him and went to class.
"What's going on?" He turned to me.
"She's just being Santana."
"Okay, if she doesn't want, then I'm free. Would like a date, miss Fabray?" Puck was a jerk, an incorrigible womanizer.
"You do understand I have a boyfriend, right? And he's one of your best friends."
"Finn? The way you deal with him doesn't seem like you're so interested. But I can give you a good time. I'm sure you'll love it."
"I don't think so."
"You won't find out until you try ..." he grinned a cretin smile and walked out like a boss.
This approach confirmed that I was on Puck's list, just as the gossips had said. On the other hand, who wasn't a gossip at that school? I was sure Puck fucked everything that had a vagina. If the crazy Suzy Pepper opened her legs, he'd be in.
On the other hand, Puck had more charm and appeal than my own boyfriend. Frannie said it is better to lose your virginity to that kind of a guy because he knows how to do right. Who knows? Maybe Puck is the right guy to cure this itch and my bad desire to try girls, especially Rachel Berry-Lopez? I will have sex some day, and I think Puck is a better choice than Finn Hudson. I remember how disgust I was when Finn ejaculated in the hot tub last weekend. I get chills just thinking that my skin had contact with his semen through the water. But Finn was the new "face" and "hero" of McKinley High.
I spotted Finn entering the halls in his red letter coat. I forced a smile. He was my man, right?
"Hello!" I faked enthusiasm and kissed him. "Don't you look handsome with this jacket."
"And you are as beautiful as ever in this uniform."
We held hands and walked to first period. I saw a great opportunity to tell him my news.
"I just chatted with the girls this morning and we'll be starting a Celibacy Club. Isn't that wonderful?"
"You what?" Finn was shocked.
"Celibacy Club. I'll be the president," I informed with all my sweetness.
"What does that mean?" Now Finn was confused. He looked around and lowered his voice, "that we will never ..."
"It means there are limits," I said seductively. "We can kiss, exchange caresses," I pressed my index finger lightly on my boyfriend's chest and drew patterns with it on top of his t-shirt. "But we only have sex after wedding!" And I walked away resolutely. "Our generation is headed towards a dark place, Finn, and we need to be the spark of resistance to maintain family and Christians values. We should obey what the Bible says."
"Okay?"
"I'll tell you when it happens the first meeting."
"What ... but?"
"Of course you will give me all the support I need as good boyfriend."
"Of course!" Finn couldn't be more confused.
"Great!" I gave him a peck.
...
(Rachel)
The first week of school should be like January 1st: World Peace Day. Everybody is still recovering from a drunken night and silence reigns, mainly because everyone is hungover and extra sensitive. Not at William McKinley High; the battlefield on campus was constant. Starting with the bad news I heard first thing this morning: Sandy Ryerson was still head of glee club. Not for long, I swore to myself. If he continued to ignore me, maybe I will visit the principal and enlighten him on how Mr. Ryerson was trying to get into Hank Saunders' pants since last semester.
But not now. First I needed to change my clothes because of a lemon slushie. If I had to choose, it was my favorite slushie because it didn't have enough dye to stain my clothes. I grabbed my backpack from my locker and pulled out the spare shirt I stored there. I passed by the gross "Fuinn" couple in the hall and rolled my eyes. I had no patience for them, especially her. The only place Quinn Fabray ever left me alone was in my house when Santana held parties at our house. There, she couldn't call me "Ru Paul", "Man Hands", "Treasure Trail", "Stubbles" and "That Thing". Did I forgot some?
When I entered the usual bathroom, I was surprised to see it occupied by an Asian girl in gothic clothes. She must be a freshman because I've never seen her at school, unless she was a mysterious member of the skanks.
"You're lucky. Your clothes won't be stained!" said, making small talk as the lemon slushie continued to saturate my clothes.
"How do you know?"
"Lemon slushie. My friend Artie told me."
"Freshman?" I asked. She nodded. "Nice to meet you, I'm Rachel Berry-Lopez," I reached out and she accepted my handshake.
"Tina Cohen-Chang."
I went back to the sink to wash my face.
"Artie said the grape slushie is the worst," she noted while offering me paper towels. "They always attack with grape or raspberry when you wear white clothes."
"I hadn't noticed!" I took another good look at the girl. "This is why you dressed in black? To avoid grape slushies?"
"Oh no! I have a certain look I'm going for," Tina said seriously and I could hardly believe I was being snubbed by a freshman.
"Well... as long as you're happy with your style," I retorted with cynicism. "It's important to have one."
Tina left from the bathroom with a scowl on his face. Glad. Was not one of the best first impression, I had to admit. I finished cleaning myself up and put my best Rachel Berry-Lopez smile on my face. There was a battlefield waiting for me out of that bathroom and I was determined to power through thanks to my talent.
...
(Santana)
I hated Quinn Fabray. I hated her with all my might. Only a prudish, false-moralistic twat would found a fucking celibacy club. It was embarrassing having to break the news to the other girls in the first week of class.
My bad mood was even greater because I hadn't seen my Brittany yet. Her family spent over a month in California. Mister P, a journalist and cartoonist, went to Comic-Con in San Diego and signed a contract to do a special project for the Los Angeles Times. Brittany couldn't explain it very well, but I think he'll write a comic in a similar style to Joe Sacco. I knew Brittany arrived home last night, but I was unable to talk to her. I barely spoke with anyone during vacation. By the time I had come home from Chile, Brittany had left to travel to California with thousands of miles separating us for the duration of the summer. I ended up spending the rest of my summer break with Puckerman and he was more interested in certain parts of my body than in being my friend.
I crossed paths with Brittany in the hall between classes right before the lunch break. My heart jumped. She was beautiful with her new haircut. Now she has longer bangs to be put aside. It was chic. We hugged in the middle of the corridor.
"I missed you," I said softly in her ear. I wanted to kiss her, but we couldn't.
"Me too."
I raised my pinky and she linked it with hers. I would love to talk more with her, but I still had to talk to the other Cheerios about Fabray's latest crazy order. I thought skipping a class sounded more appealing at this point; anything to spent extra time with my Britt Britt.
"Didn't see you first thing this morning in our usual spot," I said.
"I woke up a little late."
"How were things in California?"
"It was incredible. Mama took me to watch a dance performance. They had amazing choreography. And I took a two-week class with one of the companies. I can show a few steps I learned to the Cheerios."
"I'm sure the coach will approve. You're perfect." My admiration for her talent was genuine. That always brought good memories. "I was thinking ... how about we take a little time to spend time in our special place? Make up for lost time?"
"I'd love to."
Hormonal kids go to the janitor's closet for quickies. That place was much like an express whorehouse: a couple goes there, do stuff and then the space turns over to the next in line. Brittany didn't deserve such a place and I was much smarter than that - people also got caught there a lot.
I took my girl to the ballet room, which was only used after classes. Much better. The only problem was I was skipping another geek class. My parents swore to ground me if I failed another class like I had last semester. Well, I am a natural with math and I should go to the class with the super-geeks because the regular school program doesn't challenge me but I don't want to do the work since it gets in the way with my social life. Nobody knows I'm crazy good with numbers - except Rachel, Brittany and the other five guys of that class, including Mike Chang, I have just deal with it or else they could ruin my reputation. Patience.
Britt and I didn't do much. Just some sweet lady kisses and girl talk. We left the ballet room and went directly to the cafeteria, when I broke the news to the others Cheerios. They freaked out, of course. But I didn't care; my mission for the day was complete.
I went home with my sister by bike. We were 15 and half and my fathers told us our birthday gift would be a car. Until then, Rachel and I biked when I wasn't able to arrange a ride with Matt Rutherford, the one who lived closest to our neighborhood.
"How strange," Rachel said when we saw both my father's cars at that time of the day.
We left our bikes in the garage and went into the kitchen. I did not expect to find daddy there with a creepy smile. Bad sight.
"Hi daddy," I said. "What's up?"
"Something happened, Dad?" - Rachel asked beside me.
"Nothing special happened. Why do you think so?"
I wasn't liking his tone. It smelled problem and a potential sermon whatever the reason was.
"Seriously, daddy. What happened?" I insisted.
"Stay calm, because everything is okay." I shrugged and went to my room. "Except one small detail," he said before we had a chance to leave the kitchen.
"What's that?" Rachel asked.
"Your father is in the den with a calculator in hand. Would like to join us?"
Calculator in hand and a request for our presence could only mean one thing: credit card. I panicked. Rachel and I followed my dad into the library. We found Papá looking at papers, glasses on, clearly not happy.
"Sit down, girls," Papá said with a smirk on his face, which caused such fear. Rachel and I sat at the sofa and looked at each other. We were nervous. "This month's credit card statements are very interesting," he said, my blood running cold. "I was surprised when I discovered that I have a debt of nearly three thousand dollars made by the card of miss Santana Berry-Lopez and other almost two thousand dollars from miss Rachel Berry-Lopez."
"Well, Papá, I spent that money on essential things," Papá rubbed his hands. Not good.
"Likewise!" Rachel was paralyzed face with a smirk on.
"Let's start with Santana. You spent $ 347.39 at Victoria's Secret. What is essential about it?"
"My social life requires I need to be always well presented!" I explained.
"Presentable in underwear," Rachel rolled her eyes.
"So the $460.00 at GAP and $546.32 at Diesel was for the sake of your social life?" Papá continued with the frozen smirk.
"You got the spirit!" I knew a joke wouldn't save me. I just couldn't avoid them.
"What did you buy that cost $432.90 at Target?"
"My new phone and Britt's! It's her birthday in two weeks."
"And the $470.80 on Amazon?"
"Rare DVDs and CDs."
"$143.20 at Breadstix?"
"Actually is $157.52 at Breadstix counting with 10% of the tip. Puck isn't a gentleman and I paid for the meals. It's better than leaving the restaurant without paying..."
"Really?" Rachel stared at me. "You can just rattle off the additional tip from the top of your head?"
"I just did the math in my head."
"And you spent a little over $400 in other small shops!" Papá continued with his inquisition.
"Oh, Papá, those were for things like movies, popcorn, magazines, pizza, Chinese food, accessories, cookies that you refuse to include in the shopping list... "
"Really, Santana? Clearly that makes sense," Daddy said, voice loaded with irony.
"And you, Miss Rachel," Papá continued. "What are these charges for $1,043.90 at Amazon?"
"This was to supplement my rich collection of music, a new tripod and camera to record my clips at MySpace, and some memory cards. You shouldn't scrimp on investments when looking to build a bright career, right Daddy and Papá?"
"Um... and the $530.87?"
"Clothes!"
"She buys everything at Sears," I rolled my eyes. "That's why it's cheaper."
"You think this is a joke?" Papá fired off. "Do you think I made a fortune each paycheck or your father studied to discovered a hundred dollar bill tree? If I remember, especially with you Miss Santana, this is the third time you blew the credit card limit. That's enough and it ends here and now. I called the credit card company minutes ago and asked to reduce the limit of both cards for $300 per month."
"Papá, no!" I stood up with shock. "You'll ruin my life!"
"You'll make us go into massive debt! If you don't like your allowance, then get a job!"
It felt as if my parents threw a knife in my back and cut off my wings. It hurts. It was humiliating. Tears ran down my cheeks and I ran to my room. Life was so unfair.
"Thanks for screwing up, Satan!" I heard Rachel scream from my bedroom door.
"Fuck off, diva from hell," I shouted back .
What would I do with only $300 per month? I would have to make a reasonable financial plan to survive this.
…
Author notes:
Music of CELIBACY CLUB: "First I Look At The Purse" – The Contours