It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen

All dressed in white, going to the church that night

She had his box of letters in the passenger seat

Sixpence in her shoe

Something borrowed, something blue

And when the church doors opened up wide

She put her veil down trying to hide the tears

Oh she just couldn't believe it

When Peggy was younger, she dreamed of being saved by a prince and marrying her true love. Having the typical wedding, with white dresses and flowers and happiness. By the time she was 10, she understood that such things were not possible. The only person she could trust to save her was herself (and anyways, she was much more capable than most of the loudmouthed, pigheaded men she knew). Men were something either to be wary of or to beat. There was no such things as true love or a prince waiting to rescue a girl. She changed her dream to being recognized as an equal to men and cut love out of the picture entirely.

That changed when she met Steve. There wasn't a single man Peggy knew whom she would describe as good; and yet here Steve was, in his innocent, golden glory, being kind and brave and determined and smart, just a kid from Brooklyn. At first, she saw him the way everyone else did (a scrawny boy who wouldn't last a day out there in the battlefield). But through the training, she saw that he was much more than that. When he jumped on that grenade, something that she had never seen men much bigger and stronger than Steve do, without a moment's hesitation-that was when she realized what only Dr. Erskine had been able to see. A true Captain America both inside and out.

She didn't want to fall for him, but when she did, she fell hard. Peggy Carter, known for being calm and cool and emotionless, was feeling jumbled up and confused but happier than she could ever recall being.

Because of Steve, her careful, well built walls were crumbling down. One night, she even dreamed of a wedding like the ones she wished for when she was younger. In the morning, she tried to tell herself it must've been a memory of her best friend's wedding, which had been two years ago (but she had been the one to wear the dress, with blue earrings and a necklace borrowed from her grandmother).

Peggy knew it was foolish; it was a war, after all, and a World War no less. He was Captain America, for goodness' sake. There was no person that Red Skull would rather see dead. But somehow, her treacherous heart had tricked her into hoping they could both make it out together. Somehow, she had allowed herself to dream of a forever with Steve, of having so much more than hasty kisses and jokes. (dancing together, just the two of them, his eyes looking at her like he was drinking it all in). Her dream that night brought back her childhood and she began to hope for it to come true.

Then Steve captured the Valkyrie and all of it fell apart.

She remembered his voice clearly (too clearly, it haunted her every night), her trying to convince them both that they could fix it, that she could somehow save him from this certain death. But Steve, too selfless for his own good, knew he had to put her down. There was no other way. It was like the grenade he had jumped on, only this time it was real.

And so Peggy listened helplessly as he told her to save him a dance (one that would never happen) and as he flew down to his own death, saving millions of people above himself.

Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go

I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

I can't even breathe

It's like I'm looking from a distance,

Standing in the background

Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,

This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream

Afterwards, Peggy just sat there, numb, waiting for the radio to crackle to life, to hear Steve's tired and weary voice one more time. He was Captain America...surely he'd come back to her. He had to.

And even when the Commandos were grieving for their Captain, and even Colonel Phillips was lamenting the loss of a good soldier (not just a good soldier, a good man), Peggy sat frozen, barely breathing, unable to grasp the loss of this man who had changed her forever. He couldn't just be gone. Peggy Carter wouldn't allow it. It must be her mind playing tricks on her, punishing her for any sin she'd ever committed.

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up
And sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag

She went to his funeral (they must be mistaken, this wasn't really his funeral, because he wasn't dead). Millions of people came, and even more watched it on grainy black and white TVs. Steve hadn't just been her Steve Rogers, he'd also been Captain America, the hero of the war, who had saved all of these people streaming to the streets to watch the long procession. The preacher prayed for him and millions of voices sang together, saluting one of the greatest men who lived. And even though it was supposed to be comforting, Peggy couldn't help but hate the flag that waved so carelessly in the wind, the flag that represented him and all of what he stood for and gave up for.

And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could've been
And then guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

There was funeral for him, the grandest military burial ever. They had spared no cost in making a tribute to him. At the end, the traditional 21-gun salute was shot. As the guns rang out, it finally hit her like a speeding bullet, the mass of grief and loss. The numbness broke, and a wave of anguish overcame her. It was getting harder and harder to believe that he was still coming back. If what everyone around her was saying was true, she would never again hear his voice, never again see his bright blue eyes, full of hope and light. Never again fight side by side with him, the two of them working to eliminate evil. For just a moment, she allowed herself to feel the loss. And for days after, everything seemed to remind her of Steve. The people walking on the streets, whom Steve had sacrificed himself for. The buildings, that all displayed flags in his memory.

Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance,
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

He'd been so alive just the day before (she could still taste him on her lips from that one hasty kiss). Everything seemed so mundane and far away. She closed her eyes, recalling her best memories with Cap. The time she wore a dress and he looked at her like he couldn't believe who was standing in front of him. The time he brought back all the soldiers and she told him he was late. She decided the numbness and denial was better. Those memories were so vivid, so real, more so than what was happening around her now. She moved slowly, as though treading through water, as everyone around her broke down and tried to comfort themselves and her. But I don't need comforting, she wanted to say. This isn't really happening, it couldn't be. This is just a dream.