Okay, Disclaimer, I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters featured in the afore mentioned show. I simply enjoy twisting their personalities to entertain my own insane ideas. The following is only an excerpt from my only slightly contemptible and twisted brainel area.
Warning: This story includes sensitive subject matter, (i.e. self mutilation) so if this an area you, the reader, are susceptible to such things or are bothered by the idea, I suggest perhaps finding a different story to entertain.
The cold blade seared his skin. A thin droplet of blood oozed from the narrow slit, dribbling down his forearm bleed awhile. He sighed as the pain penetrated through to his soul, touching him like nothing else ever could.
When his forearm was crimson and the liquid had soaked a spot on his black jeans, he stood to rinse the wound in the sink. He winced as the water pulled on the cell layers, forcing them down under it's stream. He quickly pulled a strip of toilet paper from the roll and wadded it over the cut, clotting the blood.
Again he slid back down to the floor, supported by the plastic hamper. Methodically he he counted the scars and scabs that covered him.
"384," he whispered breathlessly, "That still doesn't make up for the numbers I've destroyed."
His eyes closed and he sat for a minute. The masochism was, it seemed, his haven. Torturing himself was the only way to make up for his short-fallings--and the pleasure he sometimes enjoyed. The pleasure he had unrightfully taken from so many.
He sat abruptly. His eyes darted to the razor blade laying lonely on the floor. His fingers firmly gripped it, slashing three small, short, distinct line into his right arm. Tears fell from his eyes, but he did not cry from the pain. His damned soul did not deserve to weep in pity.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hilde walked through the front door, groceries in hand. The sounds of her grandmother's upright grand piano reached her ears from the living room.
"The Tempest*," she thought, frowning to herself. Duo did only play the piano when he was upset, so "The Tempest" seemed fitting.
She left the groceries sitting on the counter and went to Duo, who finished the piece promptly. Nuzzling his ear, Hilde wrapped her arms around him from behind.
Placing his arms over hers, he sighed. She took notice of the new scabs, but said nothing about them directly.
"You doing okay?" she asked.
"I guess," he shrugged.
"You sure?"
"I'm tired Hilde. Work was hard today." He pulled himslef away from her, wondering to the kitchen to explore the new goodies.
Hilde made her way to the bathroom, checking to see if he left any evidence of his masochistic actions this time. As usual, there was none. He was, after all, the master of stealth.
Duo was waiting in the kitchen when she returned. She stood in the corner, sipping from a plastic cup. Automatically she went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest, entwining her fingers in his braid.
Sipping his Dr. Pepper, he stood there. Then, he loosely placed one arm around her waist.
"I love you Hilde," he said.
Hilde looked up into his eyes and there was the Duo she knew and loved. There he was, looking down at her, honestly, saying with all his heart that he lover her. But as much as she wanted to believe that everything was alright, she knew that it wasn't.
Duo began kissing her in a desperate attempt to close the gap of separation he'd wedged between them. Setting his cup down, he kissed her hard and deep, searching for a bit of hope from the one in whom he placed all of his trust.
She felt his pain through his kisses. She sopped them up, returning them in a loving, supportive way. She prayed that her kisses heal him, but she knew they wouldn't.
[the next morning]
Hilde awoke expecting to find Duo in bed beside her. Instead, she found cold sheets His clothes were gone and there was no note.
Sorrowfully, Hilde got out of her lonely bed, showered and proceeded with her day as if nothing had happened, doing whatever she could to keep her mind off her husband's absence.
He wondered the streets of the colony, his hand's in his pockets. He expected to find something , anything to relieve himself of his sorrow. Still, he just wondered, to no place inparticular. Close to dusk though, he turned home, returning to his wife. His sanctuary.
Hilde said nothing when he came in. She simply watched him sit and remover his shoes. When he flopped back on the sofa she set down the book she hadn't really been reading and lie down beside him.
He accepted her. Holding her closely, he whispered again that he loved her.
"I love you too Duo," she offered him. He held her even tighter, relishing the warmth of her petitie body against his.
"You scared me..." she whispered after a few minutes. "You always do when you do stuff like that."
"I'm sorry," he responded. "I don't like scaring you."
"It's okay Duo." She didn't believe herself a she said it, but at least today there were no new scabs.
"I don't know how much longer it's going to be..." she whispered without thinking.
"How long what's going to be?" Duo's ear perked.
"Nothing."
"Don't bring something up and then not talk about it!" he scorned.
"I was just saying that I don't know how long I can be your crutch."
"My crutch?"
"Yes. I don't know how long I can let you lean on me for support when I'm made out of Jellon myself. I don't know how much longer I can take it."
"Hilde...."
"Sometimes," tears began to form, but she held them back. "Sometimes I think that it would just be better to let you go, but I hold on because I know it's always for the best. But sometimes--just sometimes I think that maybe it would be better if I weren't around anymore."
"Hilde stop. I need you. I love you," he pleaded.
"I love you too."
"Then stop this. Stop it!" The two stood, separating themselves.
"I can't, I have to tell you that it just might be better if you and I didn't depend on one another so much. Perhaps it would be for the best if I left." The tears poured.
"I need you here. You're what keeps me going."
"All the more reason I should leave. You need to find more of a reason than me to live."
"I don't deserve to live..."
Hilde became frustrated with him and grew cold. "Then don't," she snapped. "Don't live, because for some reason you think that spilling your own blood will make up for all the mistakes you made. Well Duo," she grabbed his arm, "every single one of those scars on your arm has ripped my heart out. Every single one is like killing me over and over and over again!"
"There is no reason for you to do that. You can't keep dwelling on your past. So, you might have made some mistakes. So what? That doesn't make anyone love you any less. None of that make you less human, or less deserving that anybody else. It doesn't make you a screw up."
"If I'm not a screw up, how come I've managed to screw us up too?"
"Duo, all I'm saying is that maybe you need some time to yourself, to think, and straighten yourself out. Try loving you before you keep loving me."
"I can't do that without you."
"How do you know? You certainly haven't done it with me..."
"Do you love me Hilde?"
Her eyes softened in reaction to his desperate inquiry.
"You know I do."
"Then don't leave. THe reason I put so much into you, is because I know that you will stay with me no matter what. I need you to keep going."
"But why? Why is it me that you depend on?"
"I already told you Hilde. You give me reasons to keep going." He wrapped his arms around her, no longer in desperation, but as an act of protection. "You know I need you around or I'll never get any better. Without you I don't have motivation. It's just the point that I'm at right now. It'll get better I promise." A little of his old spunk returned to his voice and he drew her closer to him.
"Just don't try dealing with all of this on your own anymore. It's not worth it. Turn to me at least," Hilde smiled into her husband's chest, feeling the absolute love and adoration radiating from him once again.
Warning: This story includes sensitive subject matter, (i.e. self mutilation) so if this an area you, the reader, are susceptible to such things or are bothered by the idea, I suggest perhaps finding a different story to entertain.
The cold blade seared his skin. A thin droplet of blood oozed from the narrow slit, dribbling down his forearm bleed awhile. He sighed as the pain penetrated through to his soul, touching him like nothing else ever could.
When his forearm was crimson and the liquid had soaked a spot on his black jeans, he stood to rinse the wound in the sink. He winced as the water pulled on the cell layers, forcing them down under it's stream. He quickly pulled a strip of toilet paper from the roll and wadded it over the cut, clotting the blood.
Again he slid back down to the floor, supported by the plastic hamper. Methodically he he counted the scars and scabs that covered him.
"384," he whispered breathlessly, "That still doesn't make up for the numbers I've destroyed."
His eyes closed and he sat for a minute. The masochism was, it seemed, his haven. Torturing himself was the only way to make up for his short-fallings--and the pleasure he sometimes enjoyed. The pleasure he had unrightfully taken from so many.
He sat abruptly. His eyes darted to the razor blade laying lonely on the floor. His fingers firmly gripped it, slashing three small, short, distinct line into his right arm. Tears fell from his eyes, but he did not cry from the pain. His damned soul did not deserve to weep in pity.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hilde walked through the front door, groceries in hand. The sounds of her grandmother's upright grand piano reached her ears from the living room.
"The Tempest*," she thought, frowning to herself. Duo did only play the piano when he was upset, so "The Tempest" seemed fitting.
She left the groceries sitting on the counter and went to Duo, who finished the piece promptly. Nuzzling his ear, Hilde wrapped her arms around him from behind.
Placing his arms over hers, he sighed. She took notice of the new scabs, but said nothing about them directly.
"You doing okay?" she asked.
"I guess," he shrugged.
"You sure?"
"I'm tired Hilde. Work was hard today." He pulled himslef away from her, wondering to the kitchen to explore the new goodies.
Hilde made her way to the bathroom, checking to see if he left any evidence of his masochistic actions this time. As usual, there was none. He was, after all, the master of stealth.
Duo was waiting in the kitchen when she returned. She stood in the corner, sipping from a plastic cup. Automatically she went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest, entwining her fingers in his braid.
Sipping his Dr. Pepper, he stood there. Then, he loosely placed one arm around her waist.
"I love you Hilde," he said.
Hilde looked up into his eyes and there was the Duo she knew and loved. There he was, looking down at her, honestly, saying with all his heart that he lover her. But as much as she wanted to believe that everything was alright, she knew that it wasn't.
Duo began kissing her in a desperate attempt to close the gap of separation he'd wedged between them. Setting his cup down, he kissed her hard and deep, searching for a bit of hope from the one in whom he placed all of his trust.
She felt his pain through his kisses. She sopped them up, returning them in a loving, supportive way. She prayed that her kisses heal him, but she knew they wouldn't.
[the next morning]
Hilde awoke expecting to find Duo in bed beside her. Instead, she found cold sheets His clothes were gone and there was no note.
Sorrowfully, Hilde got out of her lonely bed, showered and proceeded with her day as if nothing had happened, doing whatever she could to keep her mind off her husband's absence.
He wondered the streets of the colony, his hand's in his pockets. He expected to find something , anything to relieve himself of his sorrow. Still, he just wondered, to no place inparticular. Close to dusk though, he turned home, returning to his wife. His sanctuary.
Hilde said nothing when he came in. She simply watched him sit and remover his shoes. When he flopped back on the sofa she set down the book she hadn't really been reading and lie down beside him.
He accepted her. Holding her closely, he whispered again that he loved her.
"I love you too Duo," she offered him. He held her even tighter, relishing the warmth of her petitie body against his.
"You scared me..." she whispered after a few minutes. "You always do when you do stuff like that."
"I'm sorry," he responded. "I don't like scaring you."
"It's okay Duo." She didn't believe herself a she said it, but at least today there were no new scabs.
"I don't know how much longer it's going to be..." she whispered without thinking.
"How long what's going to be?" Duo's ear perked.
"Nothing."
"Don't bring something up and then not talk about it!" he scorned.
"I was just saying that I don't know how long I can be your crutch."
"My crutch?"
"Yes. I don't know how long I can let you lean on me for support when I'm made out of Jellon myself. I don't know how much longer I can take it."
"Hilde...."
"Sometimes," tears began to form, but she held them back. "Sometimes I think that it would just be better to let you go, but I hold on because I know it's always for the best. But sometimes--just sometimes I think that maybe it would be better if I weren't around anymore."
"Hilde stop. I need you. I love you," he pleaded.
"I love you too."
"Then stop this. Stop it!" The two stood, separating themselves.
"I can't, I have to tell you that it just might be better if you and I didn't depend on one another so much. Perhaps it would be for the best if I left." The tears poured.
"I need you here. You're what keeps me going."
"All the more reason I should leave. You need to find more of a reason than me to live."
"I don't deserve to live..."
Hilde became frustrated with him and grew cold. "Then don't," she snapped. "Don't live, because for some reason you think that spilling your own blood will make up for all the mistakes you made. Well Duo," she grabbed his arm, "every single one of those scars on your arm has ripped my heart out. Every single one is like killing me over and over and over again!"
"There is no reason for you to do that. You can't keep dwelling on your past. So, you might have made some mistakes. So what? That doesn't make anyone love you any less. None of that make you less human, or less deserving that anybody else. It doesn't make you a screw up."
"If I'm not a screw up, how come I've managed to screw us up too?"
"Duo, all I'm saying is that maybe you need some time to yourself, to think, and straighten yourself out. Try loving you before you keep loving me."
"I can't do that without you."
"How do you know? You certainly haven't done it with me..."
"Do you love me Hilde?"
Her eyes softened in reaction to his desperate inquiry.
"You know I do."
"Then don't leave. THe reason I put so much into you, is because I know that you will stay with me no matter what. I need you to keep going."
"But why? Why is it me that you depend on?"
"I already told you Hilde. You give me reasons to keep going." He wrapped his arms around her, no longer in desperation, but as an act of protection. "You know I need you around or I'll never get any better. Without you I don't have motivation. It's just the point that I'm at right now. It'll get better I promise." A little of his old spunk returned to his voice and he drew her closer to him.
"Just don't try dealing with all of this on your own anymore. It's not worth it. Turn to me at least," Hilde smiled into her husband's chest, feeling the absolute love and adoration radiating from him once again.