FAITH
a Hanazakari no Kimitachi E (HanaKimi) fanfiction by mjolk
Disclaimer: Hanazakari no Kimitachi E belongs to Hisaya Nakajo and Hakusensha.
When he jumps, all he sees is the sky. Blue, unending sky. Sometimes as he stands outside, his hands resting in his pockets, he looks up. Seeing the sky makes him long for something. Longing to jump and feel the wind in his ears. Longing to jump and have his father catch him as he falls, just like when he was small. Longing to jump and hear his mother give him a cheer as he is suspended in the air for a few mere seconds.
Sometimes when he is sleeping he replays these memories, half-realizing they are mere memories, mere dreams. When he wakes up, he is surprised on how vivid they are to him. He forgets about them during the day, but they come to him often during the night.
Are they happy dreams or nightmares, he can't tell. Are they really memories or just dreams and imaginations, he is often unsure.
"Is the sky all that you see when you jump?" she had asked offhandedly.
You, I see you too, he had been tempted to answer, because he honestly loved her and so it was only appropriate. But he had merely smiled and had told her, "Maybe."
Maybe, he doesn't see her like he does the sky. Right in front of his eyes, all its blueness and expanse offered to him in that moment. But sometimes as he trains alone in the late afternoon, as he jumps he imagines he sees her there at the sideline, watching him. He imagines he can see her out of the corner of his eyes. When he lands on the mattress, he turns his head immediately, but there is no one.
It continues even after she left. The feeling that she is there. The feeling that she is watching. So maybe she is. She had followed every news about him before she had come to Japan, so why not now when she is no longer in the same country as he is? He likes to lay there on the mattress for long moments thinking of her.
"I don't want you to go," he had told her.
He still remembers the myriad of expression on her face when he had said that. Joy, confusion, sadness, confusion, joy, confusion, sadness, confusion.
"But why?"
He had wanted to tell her, he had really wanted to tell her right then and there, that he needed her, that he wanted her, and that he had fallen for her.
Instead he told her another truth: "I knew all along. I knew that you are a girl. I knew that since you first came."
She had been in shock. Somehow to him, she recoiled away from him, unable to understand. She had accused him of lying to her, of deceiving her, of making a fool out of her.
"What was I to do? Get you exposed and expelled like what is happening now?" He had shouted angrily.
She had closed her eyes, tired and angry and sad, and tears just suddenly came. He was caught offguard by them. He reached out to touch her, wanting to make those tears stop, but she shrank away from him. She picked up her bag lying on the floor of the room they had shared for almost two years and looked up at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Goodbye."
With that she turned and fled the room, straight to the cab waiting downstairs to take her to the airport and away.
"Sano," a voice breaks his reverie. An achingly familiar voice.
He turns his head and thinks his imagination has run away with his mind, because he really does see her standing there on the sideline.
"Ashiya?"
She gives him a tentative smile.
"What are you doing here? Why are you in Japan?"
He sits up and walks toward her.
"I thought we still had things to talk about," she says warily. "I guess I left in a hurry and didn't really finish that conversation we were having. It was really a poor goodbye, wasn't it?" She finishes with an embarassed laughter.
"Yeah."
For a moment, their eyes meet and they are silent.
"You know, when I jump, I see you too," he finally tells her.
Her eyes widens. "What do you mean?"
"Are you going to stay longer this time? Because I meant what I said. I don't want you to go."
She looks straight into his eyes. "Julia told me many things. Gilbert said several things to me too. Not to mention my brother... They said..."
She stops and looks down. "I don't want to go away again, either," she says in a small voice.
He reaches out and ruffles her hair affectionately like he often did. "Stay then."
He sees her mouth curled up into a smile beneath her long bangs.
"Okay," she says.
He straightens his pose and gazes at the setting sun, hanging low by the horizon. "Wait here. I'll do one more jump and then we can go."
This time, as he jumps, he keeps his eyes closed and he sees her. Only her.
END
Notes: This is written WAY before the series ended so by now it probably could be classified as AU laughs I found it while backing up my old laptop and wondered why I never posted it here. So there.