What You Think

"Quistis, can I talk to you a minute?" Zell asked, blushing a bit and hoping she didn't notice.

She didn't. She was focusing on the stack of papers she was grading.

"Can it wait, Zell? I've got to have these all graded for tomorrow," said Quistis without looking up.

Zell scratched the back of his head out of nervous habit.

"Well, yeah, I mean, I figured you'd be busy, so, I mean-" Zell continued stammering for a moment, then took a deep breath and sighed.

Quistis glanced over her glasses for a moment. "Are you alright, Zell?"

Zell blushed, then scratched his head again. "I'm fine. You wanna grab something to eat? I mean, once you're done grading those papers?" Zell was now gripping the hair on the back of his head so tightly, he was in danger of ripping out his scalp. He let go and put his hands, which were now balled into fists, at his sides.

Quistis didn't seem phased at all at Zell's offer, however, and stood up, brushing off her skirt with her hands. "Actually, I guess I could take a break. I am hungry, after all."

"Great!" said Zell, unconsciously throwing his fist in the air.

Quistis raised an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry," said Zell, scratching the back of his head yet again.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Quistis asked.

"Nevermind," said Zell, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the door. "Let's hurry, before they run out of hot dogs."

. . .

"Ladies first," said Zell, gesturing for Quistis to order.

"Alright. One hot dog please."

"Here you go, Instructor!" the girl at the counter cooed. "Have you graded my paper yet?"

"Not yet, Zula," said Quistis.

"Oh. I'm sure you're busy. Take your time. See you later, Instructor!"

As Quistis turned to leave, she noticed a huge grin on Zell's face.

"What?" Quistis asked.

"Nothing. I just think it's cool how those Trepies look up to you."

"Trepies?"

Zell stuck his hands out, embarrassed. "Sorry, Trepe groupies. Irvine and I call them-"

"Trepies?"

Zell nodded.

"Trepies. I like it." Quistis smiled and walked over to an empty table.

Zell turned to make his order.

"One hot dog?" he asked.

"Sorry, Instructor Trepe got the last one."

"Friggin' hell…" Zell sighed, punching the air. "Not again… I guess I'll just have some French fries."

. . .

Zell and Quistis spent most of their time talking about classes, and occasionally the conversation turned to Squall and whether or not he was a good leader. Even though the discussion topics weren't exactly interesting, Zell continued to talk, because he didn't want to say good-bye, even for a single night. Eventually, Quistis stood up to go.

"I should get back to grading those papers," she said, wiping her hands on a napkin.

"I'll walk you," Zell offered.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to."

Zell walked Quistis to her classroom. They were silent for the most part. Zell kept his hands in his pockets, trying to hide the fact that they were sweating and shaking. When they reached the classroom, Zell leaned against the door, scratching his head once again.

"Something on your mind?" Quistis asked.

"Kinda," said Zell, trying and failing to make eye contact.

"What is it?" Quistis asked.

Zell tried to think of something to say. Anything to show her how he felt. But how did he feel? What if he thought he felt something but turned out to be wrong? Or what if Quistis rejected him? After all, they really didn't have much in common. And what if he didn't have what she wanted?

Sure I'm awesome, Zell thought. But what if that's not enough?

"Zell? What is it?" Quistis said, bringing him back to Earth.

"Nothing," said Zell. Then, before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed her face and brought it closer to his. He pressed his lips to hers, not even aware that he had no clue what he was doing.

Quistis stood, stunned. She didn't kiss him back, but she didn't fight either. At least, not at first. After a few seconds, she put her hands on his chest and pushed him back.

"Zell, what?"

"I'm sorry," said Zell. "I thought- you agreed to eat with me, I thought it was- I mean- I meant for it to be a date. I didn't know-"

"A date?!" Quistis exclaimed. "When you asked me to eat with you I figured you were just hungry?"

"Why would you think that?" Zell asked, pitifully.

"You're always hungry," said Quistis irritably.

"Oh," said Zell to his feet. "Sorry. I guess I'll just go."

Zell began to walk away. So that's what you think of me. I'm the guy who's always hungry. That's really it…

Quistis immediately regretted saying it. As soon as she saw Zell's face- his sad puppy eyes- normally Zell was too obnoxious for Quistis to realize that he was a human being with feelings. It sounded harsh, but Zell just wasn't someone you associated with sadness. Quistis knew immediately that it was a mistake, that she would regret it later, and Irvine or Selphie were bound to find out and then of course she would never hear the end of it- but for some reason, she hated seeing Zell like that.

. . .

Zell hated this. He hated crying. He didn't cry. Crying is for weak, less awesome people. His tears stung. As he reached his dorm, he realized he lost his key card.

"Friggin' HELL!" he exclaimed, punching the wall so hard he left a dent. The dent made him sad- or was it mad? Either way, he was shaking. When have I ever asked for anything? Couldn't I just get this one thing?

Zell put his forehead to the wall and covered the dent with his hand. It was still there- he couldn't see it, but he could feel it there, taunting him. Just like Quistis was probably making fun of him with Selphie and Rinoa right about now.

Zell felt a hand on his shoulder. Hell no. No one can see me like this!

But the hand was strong- at least- strong enough to turn him around, and Quistis was only inches away from his face.

"Quistis!" he exclaimed. "What-"

Quistis put a finger to his lips. "Nothing," she said. They embraced and were kissing passionately for a good sixty seconds before Zell fell backward into the wall.

"I don't want you to kiss me because you feel sorry for me," he said.

Quistis put her hands on his shoulders. " I do feel sorry for you," she said. "But I want to kiss you. For some reason, doing so makes me happy. It feels right. So please, for once in your life, Mr. Dincht. Shut up."

Zell let his lips curl into a half-smile. "Yes, ma'am," he grinned, and pulled her into his arms, unaware that he was still crying.

End