"I want to be around forty years from now"

The words linger as you watch her face intently. A smile creeps on her face as she finally realizes your point.

But it's not a real smile. Not the smile you'd so happily witnessed on the vent , or the coy flirtatious smile she had when you mentioned your fascination with the nape of her neck

You want that smile.

You want her lips on your lips , you want her lips to be yours forever.

The thought of those soft ,tender lips on any other man's claws at your insides with enough power to destroy buildings.

More than anything, you want those eyes that take you in without judgment. Those eyes that see you. They see you.

But she doesn't say anything. This impromptu confession on your part was a surprise to you both. Not that you'd ever doubted your feelings towards her.

Christina yang was not a woman who you ever doubted. You took what she gave hungrily.

A desperate kiss in an empty street

A few hours of sleep gripping her slender abdomen.

A lustful touch in a crowded hospital hallway.

You took what you were given, or rather took what you knew she would not oppose.

And then she looks up and searches deep into your eyes

"Promise not to leave?"

And that's when your heart swells . she wants you to stay. She wants YOU to stay. What you don't understand is the ridiculous thought that would ever make her think you would leave.

You need her. Owen Hunt does not NEED anyone, but you need her more than anything you've ever needed before.

You don't say anything. For a moment you just think about those forty years.

What they would be like . What they WILL be like.

This is Christina yang so you don't see a picket fence. You don't WANT a picket fence. You want her hair on your pillow, her scent on your sheets-

Her genes in your children.

You want her in every single way possible

So for that moment, you don't speak . you dream of the future .

He doesn't speak. Why is he not speaking.

You watch as he looks down at his shoes in silence.

You asked him not to leave.

God, why did you ask that?

He doesn't know what to say, why did you expect him to know what to say. He's probably regretting saying he wanted forty years with you. You're not denying that you want them too.

But why did you have to ask that?

You pick up your coat and quickly leave the crowded bar.

It's your fault, what were you expecting him to say. More than expected, what had you WANTED him to say.

And then you feel the hand on your shoulder. It startles you and you stumble back a few feet before your body decides to completely collapse on the floor.

Stupid Stupid body.

Now he has to help you. Now he has to save you again. Now you want him to save you.

Except that Christina yang does not need saving, does not NEED anyone. Yet you do. you need him

Now his hands grip you from the waist and pull you up into his arms while his blue eyes burn into yours.

she fell.

After she left.

Why had she left. He'd sat there for just a few seconds before deciding that if he was to spend the rest of his life with this woman then he'd better go after her.

You run outside and touch her shoulder. You just want to touch her. Just want to hold her. You don't want to admit it to her but that night when he held her and slept in the on-call room was the first time since your return that you've slept.

You slept peacefully and that's a gift she gave you that you never want to return.

She stumbles back, surprised at your presence.

And then she falls.

She calls it your savior complex, and sure, you don't like to see people hurt, you're a doctor. But its seeing her hurt that makes you wild. It gives you an overwhelming desire to FIX her. You know you're the one who needs the fixing. It's ludicrous to think that Christina Yang needs someone to fix her. But that doesn't mean that you don't want to.

You're not talking about the fall. You know she barely even felt that. But the hurt on her delicate features, the pain she is trying so hard to compress, that you want to fix.

She's in your arms now, you have a tight grip on her waist and you look into her deep brown eyes trying to figure her out.

Did she not imply she wanted you around forever? And then she speaks

"You don't have to …um promise. I mean I understand. I know it's too big a promise. I mean people leave. I get it. You don't know if you'll be able to stay. So you don't…um…have to promise"

She tries to squirm out of your arms and then realizes its pointless to try . But now you're kind of mad. Did you not tell her you wanted forty years? Did you not tell her she was the only one who saw you and made you feel alive?

But here she is, doubting herself. Doubting the fact that someone loves her and wants her. Why is she doubting this, whatever this was? Who or what did this to her? That's what you're mad at. The fact that she trusts you but is scared to. Why is she scared to trust you?

You let her go. You watch as she stands there looking at her feet, unsure of what to do. And then she notices the anger in your face.

"What's wrong?" she asks, her beautiful features scrunched up in confusion.

"What's wrong? Do you not remember me telling you that you were the only one who knew me now? Or that I want to be with you for FORTY YEARS? Did you not hear THAT? "

"owen, I- I heard it..."

"Then what is your problem? How could you believe that I couldn't promise to stay? Is that your way of telling me that you don't want forty years? It is NOT to big a promise; you can't assume everyone will leave. I won't leave!"

Again, her head fell to her shoes. And then she picked at her nails, unsure. She was never unsure. She finally looks up and there are tears in her eyes. Tears that you caused. Maybe you didn't, but seeing her watered eyes breaks something inside you and you reach for her. But before you get to tell her you're sorry and before you get to tell her that you're not angry at her, you're angry at whatever put doubts in her head, before you get to tell her you LOVE HER more than anything you've ever loved, she speaks

"He left me" and then the tears escape her eyes