Like a Flame
Chapter 1: An End
From the very beginning until the day you died there was only ever you. Shining bright and burning like one of these beautiful and rare sunsets I was never able to witness myself unless I was with you. Because it was always you who pointed the most beautiful things out so blunt and unknowingly. While I only ever covered my mind in work you never understood the importance of. And that's how you became one of the most important people to me: by completely turning my world upside down.
But this is not a love confession -
it's a silent scream for vengeance.
It was just a moment's hesitation. I know you would have loathed me for it. Time and time again I told you to stop being so rash. But being the way you are, you never listened to me, instead you kept telling me how I was old and no fun.
And that's indeed what I am and was. A lot older than you. Calmer. There was no way I could behave the way you did. But I admired your liveliness above all other things. In fact, it was that spirit of yours I fell in love with. It was the reason why I never managed to avert my eyes from you.
And then that one time I did let you get out of my reach was the one time causing your death. I would have told you to 'not go', but I knew I had no right to. All you would have asked me was if I wouldn't have done the same if I was in your position. And I would have done the same. But not so rash. Not without thinking about my actions first. Because I always had everyone else on my mind at any time. And you never really thought about how what you do could affect others in the first place.
But really, how was it fair that our time ended so soon? How is it fair I never get to hold you in my arms again?
And this is where your journey ends. In a grave on one of the most beautiful islands of the New World, next to the grave of our beloved father. But this is not where it should have ended. You were meant for so much more, I knew it from the day on I first saw you. You deserved so much more than this. And even I – I deserved more than having to carry the people I loved most to their graves. Why do I always lose what's most dear to me? It's like a curse. It makes me wonder if I am even fit to keep on going as the captain of this crew, or if this road is bound to end in a disaster?
Because it's always me. It's always my fault. If I had just held you back. I should have told you it doesn't matter. I should have told you how important your presence here is. I should have offered to go after Teach together -
I should have prevented pops from exhausting himself so much during the battle -
I should have told Thatch to get rid of that Devil Fruit immediately -
I should have...
I should have known what Teach was planning and that he wasn't one of our brothers. I should have realized he would betray us in the end. But I would have never thought he would cause the death of so many of my nakama and even that of our father... and yours, Ace.
And now I'm left with nothing but regret. And it's eating me up. I don't know where to turn my anger to anymore. I wish I could smash Teach's brain in with my own bare hands and avenge the people he took from me.
But would following your example and acting so carelessly really solve anything at all? I have to take care of the Whitebeard Pirates now. I have to keep those safe that still carry pop's sign. There is no way I will let myself disappoint them.
I feel a firm grip on my shoulder. Red-Haired Shanks. I turn slightly. "There is someone I'd like you to meet." He says and his voice has this kind of undertone that says that he isn't sure he should be telling me what he's about to say.
"There's someone who might be able to help you." He elaborates, but then leaves it at that. I nod. I'm not sure what he's talking about, but there's not much we can do at the moment. Our ship is gone, the spirit of our people broken as they grieve for the once we've lost. It's going to be okay, even if someone else leads us for now. Until we get back on our own road and know what we should do. About Teach. About everything.