A/N: Written for 15pairings at LJ. I'm a little skeptical about posting this, because it all sort of came together slowly and I wanted to make it flow right, but don't know if I did. I don't have a beta or anyone that could have read it over before I posted it so. . . it's all instinct here. Feedback is encouraged.
Also, this story features Ellie/Alex as the predominant pairing. Yes, it's unconventional. I'm aware of that – you don't have to tell me. I don't care if you don't think it could ever happen. I like it.
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A tentative silence befalls them, both of them – the redhead and the girl from the wrong side of the tracks. The redhead's staring at her shoes – well. . . her combat boots, the ones she bought back in grade nine. She'd begged her dad for the money, and he gave in, of course, because he was her daddy, but didn't wear them like she'd promised. She already had three other pairs and something about these weren't exactly as magical on her feet as they looked in the store. They collected dust in the back of her closet, next to those sparkly heels she wore once in grade six as per her mom's request when they went to Aunt Eileen's dinner party for the first and last time.
She only wore the boots once he left. She wears them sometimes still, like now, when she misses him.
Alex is staring off into the horizon. It's dark outside today and cold – the news says to expect snow. Alex hates the snow. She remembers how serene everything looked the last time it snowed, blankets of it covering the ground so peacefully. She remembers watching it fall from the other side of the window when her mom burst through the door, waving her arms dramatically and saying, "Alex, I'd like you to meet Chad!"
Alex can't stand the snow.
"Are you going to say something?" Ellie asks finally, being brave for once and confronting the other girl. "I'm tired of the quiet."
"I just. . . I don't know what to do, okay?" She tries to come off harsh and dismissive, but it backfires, because she really just sounds tired and afraid.
Ellie sighs, doing that faint eyeroll thing that drives Alex crazy.
"You look like Paige when you do that."
The mention of Alex's exgirlfriend causes Ellie's breath to catch in her throat – and definitely not in the good way.
"Thanks a lot," she mumbles, staring at her feet again, trying to mask her annoyance. God, sometimes Alex could be so stupid.
"Look, I don't know if I'm going to see her, okay? Stop being such a drama queen."
"She left a message on your answering machine," Ellie says strongly, bitterly, looking back up at Alex. "I heard it, okay? She's back from Banting, you haven't seen her in months. Of course you're going to go. You heard the way she was talking – so put together and confident. You don't honestly think I'm that stupid, do you? She was your first girlfriend – I know you want to see how she's doing."
"What you are trying to say, Ellie? Jesus Christ. Stop being so goddamn vague and avoidant – just say what you mean. Are you jealous that I'm going to see Paige, is that it? You don't want me to be near her without you there to watch over us because you're afraid that I'll run back to her, right?" She says it harshly, narrowing her eyes, challenging Ellie. "God, just say it and stop being so immature."
"That's not what I'm trying to say," Ellie says meekly, swallowing hard, her pride shot to hell.
"Then what?"
"All I'm saying is that you've got two choices."
The statement is out there, lingering candidly and vulnerably in the air. They can both feel it.
Alex doesn't say anything for a minute. She bites her lip a little, thinking before saying anything rash – something she'd admittedly learned from Paige.
"I just need to see her," she says, her voice soft and a little out of place.
Ellie shakes her head in disbelief, tightening her lips together and blinking hard to fight back tears. "Fine. Take all the time you need."
"Ellie, stop it."
"Don't tell me what to do." Anger runs hot in her veins. She makes a move to turn away, but then stops dead in her tracks and spins back around. "Alex, just tell me one thing. While Paige's been in Banting all this time – promising she'd be back for Thanksgiving and then standing you up, missing phone calls and taking weeks to get back to your emails – who's been there for you? You know what? I hope Paige is happy. God, I hope she's so happy without you."
Sharp winds brush across Alex's face, whipping back strands of raven hair. Her nose and cheeks are pink, just like Ellie's - though hers may just be that way because of rage. She can feel her own fury building up in her body, so hot she thinks that if it were fire it'd be summer all over again and it might as well be because she's being left again just like Paige did in summer and Ellie's doing now.
Ellie throws her hands up in surrender. Her arms are covered in those black armwarmers Alex got her for her birthday. She sees them, and just as Ellie opens her mouth to say, "I'm done," Alex says, "You're right."
Alex isn't sure if Ellie is right at all, but it's the first thing she can think of to make her stay.
"What?"
"Don't make me say it again," she snaps. She hates being this vulnerable, even if she's not sure.
Ellie's stunned with silence. She was seconds from walking away and forgetting about Alex and now she's here in front of her admitting weakness and suddenly all Ellie wants do is hold her tight.
"I'm sorry," Ellie says, taking one step closer and Alex shrugs.
"It's fine."
"It's not. You know I just don't want you to get hurt, right?"
Alex smirks. "Or you just want me to pick you."
"God, you really know how to ruin a moment." Ellie wonders if she does it on purpose.
She wants to be mad again, to yell at Alex, but it can't happen because she's stepping even closer now and lacing their fingers together and Alex is stroking her hand, well, her thumb, really, because it's the only flesh she can touch through those damn armwarmers.
"I need to see her, okay?" Alex says and the redhead nods, and she can relate a little. Hell, she's even a bit jealous. When it came to her and her past relationships, Ellie never got real closure and that's what Alex needs right now.
"You have to do what you have to do," she tells her honestly, not sarcastically, for once.
"Yeah," Alex agrees softly, a faint smile playing at her lips, but inside she's scared as hell.
The phone in her left pocket vibrates. She knows who it is. Tempted to answer it, but reluctant to ruin another moment, she lets it go. Ellie doesn't notice.
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"Hey, it's Paige. So great to see you last night! It was the best first night back I could've asked for. I think you were right about what you said. You know. . . about maybe starting things back up again? I think we could really make it work this time, Alex, I'm serious. So, are we still on for tonight? You seemed a bit out of it last night. . . hopefully everything's okay? I still have so much to tell you and you mentioned something about Ellie? You seemed kind of serious. Okay, I've gotta go. Call me, hun - I'll be around."
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Inside, Alex is scared as hell.
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Ellie's real – she's here, Alex can touch her and she's really pretty when she smiles. She hates when she cries, because she does it's usually because of her and she just wants the tears to stop but she doesn't know what the hell she wants.
Paige is far away, forbidden almost, and it must be Alex's wreckless, bad girl behavior coming out to play because Paige is like a drug and she could never say no.