Any Day but Today
Mark, camera in hand, scarf around his neck, headed for the door. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun shining, not a cloud in the sky. A completely un-NYC day. A great day, a day good for spitting at the past, a day good for forgetting, for moving on. A day good for living. He hoped they opened the window in Mimi's hospital room.
Mimi… Mark bit his lip, not wanting to think about the young woman, the girl who was going to die far too young. Mimi was fading, just like Angle had faded, and every day Mark steeled himself for her death, though he knew it was going to be the biggest impact on his life since… since Angel had died.
Of course, he knew Mimi would love today. It was so flawless, so unnatural. The sun rarely showed its face here in Bohemia. Mark wanted to see the shocked looks on the faces of all the New Yorkers as they wandered the streets, stunned by the simplistic beauty.
The phone rang. Mark paused to see who the message was from. Probably Benny demanding rent. Or maybe Collins was back… he hoped so. It would be a great day for a reunion.
Speeeeak. Mark couldn't help but crack a smile. It made him giggle inside every time.
"Hey, Mark, it's, uh, Roger. Uh…" Roger paused, breathing heavily.
Mark, instead of running for the phone, slowly went over, and was just about to lift the receiver when Roger spoke again.
"Uh… Shit. Mark? Are you there? Mark?… I guess not. Uh… shit. You really shouldn't hear this over the phone, but uh…" Roger's voice sounded cracked, as if he'd been crying. He paused, obviously trying to collect himself.
"Uh… Shit, Mark. Shit! Mimi, she… she…" Roger faltered again, unable to go on. In that moment, Mark knew. He stood, frozen, hand about to pick up. No. No!
"They… they said she slipped into a coma yesterday. Uh… she just, uh… oh shit, Mark! Shit! Why'd it have to be her! The fuckin' monitor, it was fine one moment, then the next, it, it… Shit. Her heart, Mark. Her damn heart! I…. I don't know. I don't know, Mark! Shit. Just… can you get down here? She, uh… she needs you, Mark. Shit, I need you." Roger hung up.
Mark stood, frozen. No. No! NO! It couldn't be happening. Not on a day like this. Not today. Any day but today. Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Mimi… Mimi was… dead.
Mark stumbled back a little, then collapsed on the ground, felled by the truth. He shivered, suddenly freezing cold. All the warmth in his body had gone, replaced by emptiness.
You're always preaching not to be numb, when that's how you thrive; you pretend to create and observe when you really detach from feeling alive. Mark remembered those words, Roger's words. How he wished they were true, that he could detach from this emptiness. He supposed that some would say detachment from life could be described as emptiness, but this emptiness, it was the pain-free that could be described as being numb, it was… pain. Loss. Mimi had seemed so alive, so vibrant, so ready to live today. No day but today. All days ended here. There were no days left.
Love heals. Mark's face twisted into a frightening half grin, half grimace at the thought of that hopeful mantra. Love heals. Mark knew at this moment how false that statement was. Love heals. Mark knew love didn't heal. Love heals. No, all love did was hurt, destroy. Love heals. It entered your heart and ripped it to pieces, shattered your soul, again and again, until you were just a mass of shreds that had been someone capable of love, a shell of a human being. Love heals. It ripped you until you died, killed you bit by bit, crushed little parts of your heart until you had nothing left to live for.
Mark knew this feeling. He could hear screaming in his ears as a little bit of his heart wasted away, just as Angel had wasted away, just as Mimi had. No day but today. Why now? Why not tomorrow, or the day after? Why not a week later? Why not 525,600 minutes later? Why today? It couldn't happen today. Any day but today…
Mark, despair clinging to him like so many ghosts from his past, feeling a little bit sick, went out to face the happy, sunshine, beautiful day that shouldn't have been…
A/N: Please review.