Chapter One
He was more mature now. Being in love, out of love, hurt and put upon, happy and sad had taught him that much. A level of responsibility.
It wasn't supposed to make him cold or uncaring about the one thing… one person… that had taught him. Maybe he'd learned from the best.
It was raining outside. Crunchy leaves from the autumn season were turning into mushy, soggy piles. There was no joy in the air. Maybe goodbyes were made for days like these. It was the end of November. He'd slept in that day, and awoken to an empty bed beside him. The house was cold, freezing really and he wrapped a blanket around himself to ward off the nip.
It was also silent. No television buzz, no kitchen utensil clack or coffee grinder scrape. No computer key snap. There wasn't even an eerie feel to the silence. It was flat.
"I'm leaving."
He jumped at the unexpected sound, and the gruff appeal to the voice. He turned around to face his lover and narrowed his eyes.
"You always seem to be leaving."
"I mean it this time."
He shrugged. "Fine. I'm sick of chasing after you anyway."
There was a pause of shock. He was supposed to keep him there. To say something, anything at all. He wasn't supposed to give up. Not that easily.
"Good to know." He pushed past him to grab a coat, his wallet and his keys. "The apartment is yours, if you want it. Sell it if you don't."
"Kay."
"Good Luck you damn brat."
They were back to nothing again.
From the window sill, where drops of rain were streaking and blurring his vision, he watched the man he'd once clung to place his things in the trunk of a car and drive away.
"Good bye Yuki."
He turned away from the window and stared around the cold apartment, watching the shadows on the walls. Then he fumbled with the thermostat and turned up the heat.
"Could have at least turned the heat on when you woke up bastard."
Shuichi flopped on the couch and thought. With nothing to really care about, he just sat there, watching the rain fall down and feeling his denial about a broken heart.
His heart wasn't supposed break anymore.
Six months later…
"May first! Pay day!" Shuichi jumped onto Hiro's back and clung to his shoulders fiercely. Sakano handed each of Bad Luck's members an envelope with a check inside and Shuichi launched off his friends back and into a chair. As he did the cabbage patch and sang a song about money, Hiro shook his head and laughed.
"One would almost think you were broke, instead of a multi-million dollar, platinum album, hot-shot."
"Can you blame me? I love going shopping for new clothes every first of the month!"
"And I love to buy food."
Shuichi stuck his tongue out. "I eat, just not the hoity-toity expensive crap that you buy." He stood and mimicked a fancy waiter with a funny accent. "You're caviar, young master?"
Hiro blanched. "I don't eat caviar."
"While this is all very fascinating… we happen to have a visitor." Suguru hissed beside them. "Shut your traps."
Shuichi spun around and faced the door. Standing with a smile on his face, Tohma Seguchi stared at them all.
"Who eats caviar?"
"Oh, just a joke Mr. President." Shuichi said, waving a hand up and down. "Pay day jokes, you know." And he laughed as though it was really funny.
"I see." Tohma straightened his jacket slightly and smiled again. "Well, have a nice weekend everybody. But, Mr. Shindo, I'd see you for a moment before you head… home."
"Sure!"
Hiro and Suguru left, Hiro giving Shuichi a smack on his way out. As the singer followed his boss, he felt the smile drop off his face and a scarily calm demeanor take place of his hyper attitude. The instant the office door shut behind them, Tohma even lost his hospitality.
"What now?" Shuichi asked, standing with his arms crossed in a corner
"Eiri has contacted me again."
"So?"
"He wants to communicate with you."
Shuichi narrowed his eyes and sighed. "Why?"
"He said he missed you."
"That's Yuki code for 'I'm horny, come meet me for one night because whores don't fuck me like you.' I'm not talking to him."
"Shuichi… he was crying."
That stung.
"And you're telling me all this for him because you want what he wants, am I right?" Shuichi chuckled coldly. "I stopped trusting you with anything but my work life a very long time ago Tohma. I don't see your angle this time, but I'm not connecting with him so I can cry my eyes out and feel broken all over again."
"I'm not saying anything like that. He's doing this through me so he doesn't invade. Would you have preferred he just contacted you?"
"No. I prefer neither."
"Well, he gave me a note to give you. He said he'll understand if you burn it or something."
Shuichi looked up. "Was he here?"
"Yes. This morning."
"Bastard."
Tohma handed him an envelope with a good amount of paper in it. "I didn't read any. Promise."
Shuichi snatched it. "Can I leave now?"
"You're excused. See you on Monday."
Shuichi stomped out of the room. Pay Day mood now ruined, he didn't head for his favorite stores, he went straight home to the apartment he'd inherited six months ago.
Lights on, T.V on, snack in a bowl, and a cozy couch later, he felt good. The weekend ahead of him, and a pay check of half a mill for shopping purposes, his mood had brightened. Then he spotted the envelope on the seat next to him, where he'd thrown it.
Something inside him said he should read it, a common courtesy, even if the bastard deserved no such thing. But another part of him wanted to burn like Tohma had mentioned.
As he picked it up, he felt the weight and realized there must be a lot written. Perhaps a collection of things he wanted to tell him. His curiosity peaked suddenly.
He plucked at it.
And then he threw it at the table. "Son of a bitch." He murmured, cursing Yuki's name. The envelope stared at him face down. Shuichi stared back at it, feeling his eyelid's prick uncomfortably with tears. Placing his hands over his mouth and nose to stifle the feeling, he smelt the stale smoke and after-shave that was undeniably Yuki on his hands. The scent made him cry harder. Made it worse.
"Son of a bitch!" He cursed again, tears numbing his cheeks as he spoke. The envelope was still staring, mocking his weakness, and Shuichi felt hopeless, helpless.
He almost had to read it now.
The envelope practically peeled itself open as he fingered the sticky edge. Papers were spilling out as he opened them. Fat lots of them. All dated from even the first day Yuki had left, up until the day before. Shuichi read them in order. It was like a diary. But it was random, and jumbled with so many thoughts and emotions, you couldn't really tell what Yuki had been thinking as he was writing. Except that he was sad. Very, very sad.
Shuichi cried through the whole hour he'd sat there reading. Everything made sense now, the breakup, and the reasons why. But it made him all so mad!
The last one seemed the most sensible. It began with a tear drop dried to the top of the page.
Dear Shuichi,
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you want to go. And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walking till you find the window.
But more than anything, more than anything… I hope you never look back, but you never forget, all the ones who love you, in the place you left. I hope you always forgive, and you never regret, and you help somebody every chance you get.
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to.
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small, and you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you.
-Yuki
It ended with the scrawl of Yuki's signature. And another few tear drops smearing it across the bottom.
Shuichi stood, letting the paper flutter to a stop against the coffee table. Inside the kitchen, the noise of buttons being pressed could be heard. And then a tentative voice began…
"Tohma? I'm ready to talk with him now…"
End-1
This is my second fanfiction here, I hope you enjoyed it. It can take me some time to update, and if you get impatient, feel free to send me a message encouraging me to keep going. For thsoe who didn't know, the letter from Yuki is acctually comprised of song lyrics. It's a wonderful song that fits well with this story. I may add lyrics into other chapters. Mostly as letters from Yuki, or song lyrics from Shuichi. Please let me know what you thought.
Ja ne!