I wrote this one shot as an exercise. Since I had my son this summer it's been almost impossible to write. He started sleeping a little better over the holidays so I decided to try. For anyone reading my other in progress story, Alpha Station, I'm still going to finish it. I have a little time now to work on it. I wrote this to get back in the mood. I was hoping if it went well I might be inspired to hurry up and finish Alpha. My husband and I started a BSG rewatch recently and I chose to write about something I always felt was missing. Roslin had issues with both Kara and Lee, essentially the rest of Bill's living family. We only see her having some kind of resolution with Lee. Kara and Roslin never really get to resolve anything. They go from wanting to shoot each other to Kara smiling and holding Roslin up on the hanger deck as they prepare to go get Hera. I wrote what I thought that resolution could have looked like. You can place this scene toward the end of the series, after the hub and the mutiny but before Hera's rescue. Its set as the ship is starting to falter. It was my first time writing for Kara. I don't think I did a very good job. I found it hard to write for her. Let me know what you think. Feedback is very much appreciated.

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Right there for a Minute I Knew You So Well

Kara entered the infirmary and inhaled deeply. She immediately regretted it. She'd shuffled all the way from the stale bar stench of bad whisky and desperation at Joe's to smell the latex and hopelessness of Sick Bay. She hated it. Doc Cottle couldn't fool her. LifeStation was where people went to die.

She scanned the expanse of the clinic. Her vision wasn't blurred. It was just unsteady. She was only half drunk. She'd quit just three drinks in before deciding to come. Sam was on the other side of the infirmary, cornered off in a sterile area. She had no intention of visiting him tonight. She needed a break. She hadn't intended to step foot in Sick Bay for the night yet there she was.
No sign of Cottle. She was glad of that. Just a few medics milling about in seasick green scrubs. After a moment Kara found the curtain she was looking for; the only one with armed guards standing outside.

She watched the male marines; strapped and padded in black, standing against the cheap blue draping. Poor bastards. They both looked like they could use a coffee. She recognized them. They would let her right in as long as Cottle hadn't barred visitors.

Kara swallowed down the sour taste in her mouth. The worst they could do was turn her away, she decided as she walked in their direction. They would be doing her a favor. She didn't know what the hell she doing there anyway.

She took a few long strides, trying to appear as sober as possible. Once Kara made it over to the marines she stood straight and tall.

"Gentlemen," She greeted.

Both stood at attention, giving her a crisp salute which she returned.

"She awake?" Kara inquired.

"Was about an hour ago," One guard answered.

Kara nodded and moved to step forward but the other marine stopped her.

"May I ask what this is about, Sir?"

"No," She answered in a mocking tone. "You may not."

The marine looked to his partner unsure of how to answer the captain.

Kara rolled her eyes and huffed.

"Look, the Old Man sent me to check on her. Alright?" She blatantly lied.

The guards exchanged a few uncertain looks among themselves and then nodded. Stepping aside they gave Kara access to the split in the curtain.

"Thanks a whole lot, boys," She muttered.

Instinctively she wanted to breeze past them and right into the exam room. She wanted to show them she was boss, show them she didn't care about their permission or whether they believed her lie, or even if they could tell how drunk she really was. If it had been someone else behind the curtain she might have strolled in like she owned the place. But it wasn't so she hesitated, suddenly afraid to move.

She felt the guards waiting for her to enter. They were probably wondering what was taking her so long. The feeling of their eyes on her back was the only thing that gave her the motivation to pull the flap aside and take one step in. That was as far as she got before she froze again.

The president was there in the bed as expected. Nothing about the scene should have startled Kara but it did. She stared at the women without blinking until her eyes started to burn.

Laura Roslin lay on the bed fully dressed; black slacks and a familiar teal satin blouse uncharacteristically crumpled and wrinkled, no doubt from lying there in it all day. Though Kara couldn't find it as she looked around she was sure there was a blazer folded neatly somewhere close by.

Roslin appeared to be sleeping. Her glasses were missing. She wasn't exactly on her side but she was tilted in Kara's direction with her knees curled up toward her chest. Kara could tell she was in pain or at the very least uncomfortable.

She had seen Laura Roslin getting sicker over the weeks that passed. She noticed as the president lost a pound or two here and there and her clothes started to hang off of her. She remembered the day she first saw the wig she now wore. Kara's stomach had dropped at the sight. She didn't know why. It was pleasant looking enough. She supposed it had just caught her off guard. The big powerful mane of red hair gone, replaced by a straight, plain imitation that didn't suit the women it hung from. Roslin was wearing it now and its faux strands splayed darkly over the starched white infirmary pillow. Kara had certainly noticed all of the signs of Laura Roslin's illness but she had never seen her looking quite this sick. Too frail. Too pale.

For a moment Kara became irrationally angry, like a child mad at a broken toy that won't play the same old song. The president was supposed to be strong. She was supposed to take care of them all. How dare she get so sick? Kara's head was suddenly overcome by a wave of drunken dizziness and a rush of heavy guilt. What was wrong with her? Why was she even here?

"Did you come to watch me die, Captain?" Laura asked, the sound of her voice making Kara jump. "Because as bad as I feel I don't think today's the day. You could be standing there a while"

Her voice sounded shaky and strained. She sounded exhausted.

Kara almost turned right around and left. She hadn't even noticed when Roslin had awoken. How long had she watched her standing there before she said something? What the hell was she even doing there?

"I…I uh…" Kara stammered.

"You could sit," Laura suggested without much warmth to her offer. "There's a chair…if you want to," She said, gesturing to the corner.

Kara's eyes focused on the slimness of Roslin's wrist. She knew that she should either sit or leave. She couldn't just stand there like an idiot. She was surprised to find herself pulling the chair to the side of the bed and taking a seat. She noticed the look on Roslin's tired face. She looked as surprised as Kara felt herself and she seemed almost amused at her decision to stay.

"So why are you here, Captain?" Laura asked. "Have another bullet with my name on it?"

Kara tensed at the memory. Roslin was obviously able to half way joke about it now. What could she say? She didn't have an answer. She didn't know why she'd come.

"Not this time," She said, giving a dim smirk.

"Your husband, captain, how is he?" Laura inquired.

"Same," Was Kara's solemn one word response.

The president's eyes opened a little wider and one of her brows arched.

"You've been drinking," Laura stated plainly.

"Huh?" Kara replied ineloquently.

She sounded like a moron. She felt her face go warm and she quickly prayed that her cheeks didn't look as red as they felt. She couldn't even fake confidence in front of this women. It was the thing that bothered her most of all about Laura Roslin. She knew the president could see right through her. She was always intimidated by that; by being in front of someone she couldn't fool. Luckily since her mother had died she hadn't met too many people she couldn't bullshit, at least to some degree. Kara knew from their first meeting that the president wasn't fooled by her in the least. Her mother used to see right through her and instinctively look for the bad. Laura Roslin had always seen right through her but kept looking for the good and for Kara that was even worse.

"I can smell it on you from here," Laura remarked. She had enough recent experience smelling booze in close proximity thanks to Bill. He thought of this young woman as his daughter and in this, Laura surmised, they shared a familial trait. They both drank themselves numb when they were about to lose the people they loved. Laura knew Sam Anders wasn't doing well. "Plus you'd have to be pretty drunk to wind up here sitting next to me," She teased.

Kara let out a quiet snort and shrugged.

"Guilty."

"Mmhmm," Laura hummed as if to say 'I knew it'.

Kara wondered if she was going to get a lecture or if Roslin was just going to ask her to leave. She did neither. Instead she chuckled softly and shut her eyes again.

When the president's eyes were closed Kara felt even more uncomfortable than when she was staring right at her. It made her feel more like an intruder. She felt like she shouldn't be seeing the other women in such a vulnerable state. As natural as it was to have one's eyes closed it didn't seem right to see Laura Roslin in a state of rest. Sometimes Roslin seemed somehow more than human with all of her authority and distant air...but she wasn't. She was just a person. A woman who's illness seemed to be getting the better of her at the moment.

"Are you here for a treatment?" Kara asked without thinking.

She winced after she said it. Maybe Roslin was trying to sleep. Had she come down here just to bother a suffering sick person with her stupid questions? She should just go sit with Sam. Why had she come down here? It wasn't any of her business anyhow.

Laura opened her eyes and licked at her dry lips.

"No," She said softly. "Not not today." No one but Bill, Tory and Doc Cottle knew that she had stopped the doloxan. She wanted to keep it that way. "This is just saline," She explained, picking up the arm that the solution was being pumped into and dropping it back down limp on the mattress beside her. "I'm here because I took a new pain killer this morning. It was strong. I had a bad reaction and since then I can't keep anything down or stand up on my own without getting dizzy." Laura decidedly gave up a little extra information just to detract from more questions about her abandoned doloxan treatment. She just didn't want to explain herself to anyone or hear their pity. "Killed the pain though," She said with a weak smile, "For a few hours anyway."

Kara's brow furrowed and she shook her head as if she was confused.

"So then where's the Old Man?" She asked crossing her arms over her chest.

Why was the president alone if she was so sick?

"On duty," Laura answered simply.

She sighed as she turned onto her back taking her weight off of her hip. She rested back on her pillows and closed her eyes but she could still feel Kara staring at her.

"Well then what about your…your shadow. What the frak's her name?"

"Tory," Laura answered, annoyed with frustration she heard in the captain's voice. "I sent her away."

"Because you wanted to be alone?" Kara questioned further.

Laura huffed, finally becoming fed up with the strange concern of the uninvited guest who had not so long ago threatened her life.

"Is there someone sitting by your husband's side at all times, Captain?" She snidely answered, glancing over at Kara. She regretted it immediately when she saw the almost painful look develop on the young woman's face. Kara gave no verbal response."Did you want something, Cpt. Thrace? Need something?"

"Are you telling me to leave?"

Laura folded her arms over her stomach.

"I'm wondering why you're here in the first place."

Kara was about to say something defensive until she remembered she had nothing. She was intruding plain and simple. She could lie and say that she actually was there visiting Sam and thought she'd stop on in but Roslin would be able to tell that it wasn't true.

"I don't know why," Kara admitted. "You're right. I was drinking. I heard someone at the bar say that you were in Sick Bay. No one blabbed. I overheard. I eavesdropped. I wound up here. I don't…I don't know."

When Kara was done rambling Laura studied her face for a moment. She nodded before facing forward and closing her eyes again.

Kara took her response as an invitation to stay.

The two women were silent for some time.

"My mom," Kara said out loud, surprising herself. "She died of cancer."

Kara realized it was probably the worst subject she could have possibly brought up.

"Mine too," Laura replied without opening her eyes.

Kara nodded, though she knew Roslin couldn't see her. "Were you there?" She asked.

"Yes," Laura answered with a whisper of a sad smiled. "I took care of her until her dying breath."

"Of course you did," Kara mumbled.

"You?" Laura asked in return.

Kara's voice caught in her throat.

"I uh, wasn't there. She died alone. I was…angry."

"You're always angry."

Laura's accusatory reply made Kara's eyes go wide.

"So was she," Kara shrugged. "I didn't think she wanted me there."

"Were you her only child?"

"Yes. Her one and only disappointment."

Laura nodded again.
"Do you regret it?"

Kara took a long breath and let it out.

"Only every day of my life."

Laura opened her eyes but she didn't look in Kara's direction. Instead she stared straight ahead at the blank nothingness of the curtain partition.

"If it wasn't for Bill…"She paused and then purposefully corrected herself. "If it wasn't for your father I'd be dying alone too."

Kara chewed on her lip and stared at Roslin. The admission was said as a matter of simple fact with little emotion. It confused Kara. The woman was all at once warm and cold at the same time. Kara wondered if Laura Roslin had lost everyone she cared about in the colonial attacks or if she ever even had anyone to begin with. She seemed almost comfortable being alone. She also didn't seem to have any hope left. Kara could at least relate to that part.

"The Old Man still says you can make it."

"Hmm," Laura hummed an amused little sound.

Kara couldn't tell if the mention of Adama's notion of hopefulness had made Roslin happy or if she was laughing at the stupidity of it.

"He loves you," She boldly decided to add.

This time Roslin let out a few definite chuckles.

Laura was aware of Bill's feelings for her. She had accepted them. She knew she loved him in return. She no longer cared who knew but to hear anyone else take notice or acknowledge it was just entertaining. She also didn't care to discuss it with anyone but him.

"He does," Kara defended, unsure of what Roslin's laughter meant. She took offence to it. "Should be pretty obvious. He chose you over his frakkin kids. I know him and that's a big deal," She emphasized, letting her eyes narrow. What Kara wanted to say was 'he chose you over me, damn it, so you better love him back'. "For a man to choose a woman over his children, I'd say that tells you something. Would you even do the same for him?" Kara tested.

Laura shrugged, keeping her eyes forward.

"I don't know," She said honestly. "I never had any. I suppose I can't say."

Kara frowned at the dead ended response.

"But you do love him?" Kara probed, pushing for an answer.

"Mmm," Laura hummed again.

Kara relented, figuring that the little noise was as close to an affirmative as this women was going to give her.

They sat quietly for a moment longer until Kara broke the silence again.

"I chose you over him once."

Laura's breath paused at Kara's words. She finally turned to face her visitor.

"You did," She answered. "As you recently reminded me." Laura graciously left off the fact that Kara had a gun pointed at her during the time of that reminder. "You risked a lot to do that."

Kara decided that the look in the president's eyes seemed sincere.

"Yeah, well unlike a lot of things in my life I've never regretted it."

Laura nodded. Earth was a failure but they had found it. That had been the goal. Laura had guided the people there but she would have never been able to get that far without Starbuck.

"I knew you could do it. I trusted you to return with the arrow. I knew you would. I've always been grateful to you, Kara. I've never showed it but I am. I have always been proud of you for it," Laura divulged. "And as angry as Bill…as angry as your father was at the time, I think looking back he's pretty proud of you too."

Kara wasn't used to feeling validated. Even when someone offered her their approval she could never fully accept it. She couldn't trust that they weren't just appeasing her or patronizing her. She never felt as though she really deserved it. She knew Laura Roslin wouldn't say that she was proud or grateful if she didn't mean it. She had no reason to. It felt strange but satisfying to be thanked by her, to have even a modicum of her approval. Kara supposed that no matter how angry she had ever been at the president or how much she'd come to dislike her the respect that she held for her had never dissipated. She felt an unusual sense of honor. She didn't know what to say.
She had to say something. She had to make an attempt at some pitiful awkward thank you. Laura didn't have to tell her that she was proud but she had. Kara needed to make some kind of acknowledgement out loud if only just to prove to herself that it was real.
Kara opened her mouth to speak unsure of what would come out as usual. Before she could even start she was interrupted when Laura shot up and lurched forward in the bed.

Kara nearly fell back in her chair, shocked at the sudden upset. She saw Laura's pale pallid skin turn gray-green. One hand covered her mouth as the other clutched her stomach.

"Oh gods!" Kara sprung out of her chair, "Sick? You're going to be sick?" She asked.

It was a waste of time, a stupid question. She could see it written all over the other woman. Kara scrambled around the room before finding a shallow kidney shaped dish on the bedside cart. She quickly held it out in front of Roslin.
Laura curled forward and dry heaved over the plastic pan once, twice, then a third time with no result. There was nothing left to throw up. She'd emptied herself earlier in the day and hadn't kept a thing down since. Even bile had stopped rising. At least if something came up there would be some relief. Instead the spasms and heaves just churned her stomach and wrenched at her already sore back.

Kara cringed but held the dish steady in her hand. She hesitated to place her other hand on Laura's back. She was still the president no matter what shape she was in. Kara could remember another time when she'd put her hands on the women without permission and hugged her in celebration. She didn't mind then. Somehow Kara figured she wouldn't mind now. While Laura coughed and caught her breath over the precautionary dish Kara went to gently rub her shaking back. When her palm met the satin of the president's blouse Kara nearly yanked her hand back as if she'd hit a razor with her fingertips. She could feel the exaggerated prominence of Laura's spine under the silky material. She'd lost far too much body fat. As Kara continued to soothingly pat her back she shook her head. The Old Man was wrong. Laura Roslin was dying. She wondered if he really knew that.

Laura's body calmed little by little and soon she was able to lie back against the pillows on the bed.

"Thank you," She rasped, her voice even weaker than it had been before.

Kara nodded.

"Should I call a medic?"

"No. Nothing they can do," Laura said as she closed her eyes once again and tried to relax.
Kara found herself beginning to shake. She'd just felt death under her hands. It was too familiar.

"Madam President?" She managed to murmur.

Her throat felt tight.

"Hm?" Laura answered, eyes still shut.

"I just…I just wana say that…I don't know what it feels like to go through what you're going through but…" Kara stopped and took in a long shaky breath. "But I think I know what it feels like to understand that you don't have a lotta time left."
Kara winced as she finished, unsure of how Laura would respond. When she didn't respond at all Kara continued. "Anyways, I'm sorry I bothered you. I'm gunna…"

She lost her voice when Laura stuck her still quaking hand out for her to take. Kara stared blankly at it for a moment before finally grasping it.
Laura's hand was warm. Kara had thought it would be cold but it wasn't at all. Her eyes watered and her vision totally blurred. When Laura gave Kara's hand a firm squeeze the captain lost the battle to fight her tears. She dropped back down into the bedside seat and let the tears flood her eyes and spill over. She answered with a squeeze of her own in return. Kara held on to Laura's hand and leaned onto the bed. She put her head down atop the empty space on the mattress and quietly began sobbing.

Laura didn't say anything. She held on to Kara's hand and let her cry at her side. Whatever sadness she needed to release she'd let her do it here behind the curtain where no one else could see. Eventually Laura found herself gently letting go of the captain's hand only to run her shaking fingers through her tousled hair. Neither of them spoke any further and after a while they both fell to sleep.

Bill's shift had ended later than expected. He had been to Sick Bay earlier in the day when Tory first called and let him know that Laura was there. Cottle had assured him that it was just a bad reaction to some painkillers and with Laura's blessing Bill returned to the CIC promising to come back as soon as he could. He was angry now, over two hours late. He was angry at everyone who held him up, angry at every failed ship repair that went wrong making the day run longer. He was angry at himself for not leaving Saul in charge in the first place and spending the frakking day by Laura's bedside. He'd thrown away precious time with her to cling to his place in command and his crumbling ship. He hated himself for it. All day she'd been alone, in pain, sick and lonely. How could he let that happen? He berated himself all the way to Sick Bay as he walked the creaking halls passing scaffolding and boxed up equipment ready to be sent to other ships. When he entered the infirmary he headed straight to Laura's guarded curtain not bothering to find Cottle first. With a quick salute to the marines he pulled aside the break in the partition and stepped in. He looked down at his boots trying to collect himself. He always had to do it before seeing Laura sick in bed. He couldn't stand to see her like that, yet he wanted to greet her with a smile every time. He wanted to make sure she didn't know how tired or thin she truly looked. He wanted to make sure she couldn't see how much his heart was breaking every time he saw her. He really had been a selfish fool all day, he thought as he prepped himself for his greeting. Laura had spent too much of her life alone. She shouldn't have suffered all day by herself…and, to his utter surprise he found it seemed as though she hadn't.

Bill stopped in his tracks as he looked up and saw Kara hunched over the bed sleeping at Laura's side. Laura, from the looks of it, was asleep herself with her fingers tangled in the mess of blonde hair that rested by her hip.

Bill's heart clenched tightly in his chest.

He wouldn't wake them.

He wouldn't let either know that he saw.

He would come back when he got word that Kara had left.

For now he would let them sleep.

Bill turned and disappeared through the curtains leaving two thirds of his heart behind him.

Thank you for your time. Please leave a note letting me know what you thought.
LLA