A New Connection

This is my first fanfiction. . .ever! Never done this before, so yeah, I'm starting out angsty. I'm good with angst. I've mapped out the story so it's just down to me writing it. Enjoy!

Chapter 1- Dreams and Daylight

Richard Castle snorted himself awake with a violent shake of his head. His dream had been vivid, and although he no longer felt the rush of terror it still left him seeking comfort. Inhaling a deep breath and shaking away the fog of sleep, he reached over to the other side of the bed to find it empty. He huffed a sound of mild annoyance at only finding empty sheets and swung his feet of the side of his bed headed for the living room.

"Kate," he sleepily garbled as he entered the living space from his office; nothing but empty furniture greeted him. He stood in the doorway of his office confused, tired, and still stuck in a haze of almost asleep. His brain was sluggish as he started mapping out all the places that Kate loved to be in their loft. He did a quick scan of the bottom floor and slightly smiled to himself; how could I have been so stupid, he thought and made his way up the stairs careful to not make a sound.

He crept to the top of the stairs and made his way down the hallway. Walls adorned with photos of his family hung where book covers used to reside as he approached the last door on the left. Castle cocked a half smile as he saw the door ajar and could hear Kate's melodious whispers.

"You'll have your daddy's eyes, but don't worry, I'll help you perfect the eye roll. We'll practice all the time; we Beckett women have to stick together."

Castle nudged the door open and the small smile expanded into a full grin as he took her in. Kate Castle sat in a rocking chair with both hands on her slightly expanded stomach. He leaned his shoulder onto the door frame and watched her, he loved her like this.

"I'll braid your hair, and we can watch Beauty and the Beast. I'll teach you how to shoot your laser gun so we can tag team your dad and he'll never see us comin'," Kate cooed to her stomach as she rubbed her hands over the small bump.

"Oh, I see how it is," Castle whispered as he finally approached causing her to slightly jump as his voice broke her out of her reverie, "turning the baby against me already. That's not fair, Kate." He knelt beside her rocking chair and placed one of his hands on hers, his smile continuing to plaster his face.

"I don't play fair, Castle," she grinned, while her eyebrow arched to add to her suggestiveness causing a flutter in Rick's chest, "and I don't plan on starting now." She bent forward in the rocking chair and placed a kiss to his nose causing him to chuckle. He placed his other hand to the side of her face and took her in: all smiles and bright eyes, his Kate. She leaned her face into his palm and stared back, biting her lip as a slight blush crept into her cheeks. He felt a pull in his chest and hoped that she could see how much he loved her.

"So what are you doing up so early, Castle?" Kate asked as she broke their gaze and leaned back into the cushioned chair still holding his hand.

Rick's smile fell from his eyes and he tried to hide his moment of terror as his thoughts flitted to his dream. He thought she hadn't seen the change until she squeezed his hand. "Rick, what's wrong? You, okay?"

"Yeah," he started, as he stood up from his crouch still holding her hand, "just a bad dream." He squeezed her hand back for reassurance and she nodded. She stood up from the chair, not breaking their hands and together they walked from the soon-to-be nursery into the hallway.

"Anything you want to talk about?" she inquired adding a small swing to their hold as they descended the stairs.

"Not sure if I want to ruin your day this early in the morning," he mumbled as they padded into the kitchen. He brought their clasped fingers to his lips and kissed her knuckles before dropping his hand from hers to start breakfast.

Kate didn't reply but slid onto one of the stools placed at the outside of the island. She twisted her lips to the left, thinking, as he grabbed ingredients from the fridge.

"S'morelette?" he asked, leaning his head back from behind the refrigerator door. His cocky smile was back and it was joined with a popped eyebrow as he waited for her response. Kate gave him an irascible look and he chuckled as he grabbed eggs. He walked back to the stove with Kate still staring at him. Castle ignored her while he whipped the eggs in a small bowl while the pan he had just misted with cooking spray warmed.

"Not too much chocolate, more marshmallow," Kate grumbled half-heartedly annoyed with herself. Castle snorted out a laugh while he grabbed the Hershey's bars, Puff's marshmallows, and gram crackers out of the cupboard. "She's definitely your daughter."

Castle's elation lingered as he fondly reminisced about the first time Kate had found out the baby loved s'morelettes and basked in the memory as he flipped and fitted hers just the way she liked it. "Here you go my loves, just for you."

She took a tentative bite as he came around the island to join her on a stool with his own finished morsel. It shouldn't taste good, she thought, but every time she bit down on the awkward eggy concoction on her fork she was greeted with the same pleasant rush of decadence. She let out a moan as her craving was satisfied, and savored her next bite, loving the contrast of the egg and the gram cracker. "She loves these," Kate confided.

Castle cut into his s'morelette and played with his piece with his fork. "Why do you keep using she, Kate?" He poked his chocolaty egg while she swallowed a particularly large bite.

"Just a dream I had last night," she responded trying to tie him back to his nightmare that jarred him so early in the morning. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

He twisted his mouth as she watched him contemplating. It must have been bad. They've been through nightmares together, even night terrors when her PTSD was too much, but they always confided in one another. They used each other as a defense from the fear, and it was slightly alarming that he wouldn't share.

Finally he exhaled and put his fork down, "I've been having the same nightmare for months now, ever since you told me you were—well, pregnant." She looked at him adamantly as he tried to muddle through his thoughts. "I wake up and you're gone, just gone. The loft is empty and everything is dark. It's too cold, not like, the freezer cold, but like cold in my chest," he sputters, placing his open palm against his sternum, "I run through the loft yelling for you, just yelling and yelling and you don't answer, Kate – you just, you don't." His voice was jagged as he tried to stifle the sob had been building. Damn it, he tried to calm down, but even as he's describing it to her he can feel the cold building in his core. He can feel the fear. "I finally make it upstairs and there's only one room at the end of the hallway. I yell your name and I hear you sobbing, screaming, and I run to you," he looks up at her and she can see it in her head: his over-active imagination twisting the hallway to deepen the terror; her shattering screams as she begs for him to help her with whatever demon his mind has conjured for him to face. Kate puts her fork down and turns her body to face him, placing her hand on his leg for support while he finished his story. "Sometimes I get to the door, other times I wake up before I can reach you," he grabs her hand; it's like an anchor tethering him from being lost in his turbulent insanity. She rubs her thumb against his fingers. "When I get to the door your scream is blood curdling. I can't even describe it, and I'm very good with words, Kate." She lets out an exasperated sigh as he tries to alleviate the pressure for them both; it's how he copes, he makes her laugh.

She amuses him, "I know you are, Rick, don't think for a second you won me over with just your rugged handsomeness."

He popped his eyebrow again and retorted, "Now, Detective, are you admitting that I'm ruggedly handsome? I must warn you, I'm a married man, and my wife does not like to share." He ended with a light growl to his voice and it caused her to bite her lip.

She looked down as a blush crept into her cheeks again. She loved how he still made her feel like a teenager: all blushing and giggly at any sexual innuendo. She squeezed his hand, "So what's on the other side of the door?"

He returns the squeeze and continues, "If I get to the door sometimes it won't open, but if it opens—if it opens, it's different every time." He stopped to wet his lips. Her eyes settled in on the subtle movement, he really was nervous. "Well, it's almost different every time. There is a common theme: you're dead. Sometimes there are bullets riddled through your body—sometimes it's just one." Her hand twitched toward her chest where her scar puckered from her smooth skin. Just one, she lowered her head and bit her lip out of shame instead of sexual frustration. "Sometimes you look frozen, or you're strangled and laid out like you're sleeping—and last night. Last night you were just covered in blood. No hole or cuts, just blood and—and the baby was—"he couldn't. He let out his sob that he had been holding in since he woke up. Kate slid off of her stool and slipped in between his legs wrapping her arms around his neck while she tried to console him.

"No, Rick, shhh. It's okay. I'm not dead, I'm not dead. I'm sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry." She peppered kisses down his jaw to try and show him how apologetic she was. Wrapping her fingers behind his neck and nuzzling into his shoulder. He responded by wrapping his arms around her small frame burying his face into the bend at her neck letting her hair and shirt catch the tears that slid from his tired eyes. This is what they did, they were each other's pillars, able to only be stable for each other but never themselves.

"It's stupid," he mutters into her hair, "I know you're fine, that nothing's happened I just—you're all I've got. I can't lose you." He leans back and takes the side of her face in one of his hands. "You're all I've ever wanted, Kate." He leans in and kisses her. She knows it's not only out of love but also for reassurance. She responds by moving her lips against his and a light moan escapes from the back of his throat. Kate opens her mouth when his tongue glides against her bottom lip and she can taste the chocolate from his breakfast. He always puts too much chocolate in his. Their tongues glide and stroke each other in tandem as his hands move down to her sides and rub circles on her slightly jutting hip bones. She lets out a small chuckle and they break their breakfast snog, foreheads resting on each other.

"You taste good, Castle," she teases as she lightly rubs her hands up his arms.

"You too, Mrs. Castle." That makes her break out in a huge grin. "Kate, I told you mine," he reminds her as they put a few inches between them, "time for you to share with the class."

"Well," she starts, "mine isn't a nightmare, so I'm kind of glad you went first." They separate fully now, and she goes back to her barstool while he picks up his fork and continues eating his abandoned breakfast watching her as she continues. "I was in the hospital, I think, and I'm pretty sure I already had the baby." Her eyes got a faraway glaze as she tried to pick at the memory that was her dream. "Someone walks into the room, and when I looked at them they turn into my mom." She takes in a shaky breath, and Castle can see her playing with the ring around her neck, it's his turn to console. He moves his hand to her lower back and starts a light circular motion as she continues. "She's holding a bundle of blankets, and she comes up to the side of the bed all smiles. She leans the baby toward me and says, 'Katie, she looks just like you', and then I look into her arms and, Castle, she's got your eyes." Kate looks up at him and there is so much love radiating from his stare. His eyes are still red from his tears, but the blue is so vibrant and solid, the exact same color she remembers from her wonderful dream.

"Thank you, Kate," he whispers as he stands from his stool, wrapping her in another embrace. "Thank you for giving me something to dream about." His hand dropped to her abdomen and he let his hand rest proudly against her protruding bump.

"Always, Castle, always," she murmured as her lips met his.