A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Creepy Curse

A/N: I do not own Silent Hill or Lemony Snicket...although if Jude Law really were Lemony Snicket I would very much want to own him. This is my first time at a SH parody so please...be gentle.

Chapter One

Most stories begin with a horrible ending but eventually lead to a happy-ever-after. Cinderella, for example, began as a mistreated step-daughter and became queen of the land. Snow White was stuck with seven needy men but managed to find a prince charming. A friend of mine was once stuck in the stomach of a whale, but he ended up keeping most of his limbs.

This story, however, begins terribly and ends terribly. You will find no happy endings, for the Baudelaire children have faced nothing but bad things since the death of their parents. So if you are looking for a happy-ever-after, you best put this book down and read another.

Violet, Klaus and Sunny sat despondent, a word here that means, "not very happy," in the backseat of Mr. Poe's car. Violet was the oldest of the Baudelaire children and had a keen knack for inventing. One could always tell when Violet's mind was busy at work thinking up a new invention when she tied her hair back from her face with a ribbon. Klaus was second oldest and very good at reading difficult books. He knew alot about everything and had a quick mind for difficult words. Sunny was the youngest and only an infant. She had four very sharp teeth and was quite skilled at biting with them.

After their last encounter with the dastardly Count Olaf, the word "dastardly" here means, "a mean old man who tries to marry or kill children in order to get their family fortune," Mr. Poe was taking the children to a remote location to be raised by their mother's father's neighbour's best-friend's cousin's son. The reason they were going somewhere remote was because Count Olaf had a wicked talent for disguising himself and showing up whereever the children were sent to live. Although Violet, Klaus and Sunny had no problem seeing through his facade, Mr. Poe and many other adults were not as keen.

Mr. Poe coughed into his white hankerchief. "You'll be staying...cough...with your mother's father's neighbour's best-friend's cousin's son...cough."

"What does he do?" Klaus asked curiously. Ever since their visit at the Lucky Smells Mill, the children were reluctant to stay with anyone that would make them work. While at the mill, they had to debark, cut, tie and stamp wood and were paid in coupons.

"I'm not sure...cough...I think he's into tourism or something...cough...That's probably why he lives in a place like Silent Hill...cough...It's a resort town."

"Bak!" Sunny exclaimed, which probably meant something like, "Yay! A resort town sounds relaxing!"

"Silent Hill?" Violet repeated. "I've never heard of that place before."

"I think I read about it in a book once," Klaus stating, since he has in fact read many things in many books. "It used to be a resort town, but now people say it's haunted."

"Haunted?" Mr. Poe asked, after coughing once again into his hankerchief. "I highly doubt that. It's a quiet place."

"What's our guardian's name?" Violet asked politely.

"His name is James Sunderland...cough...and he's meeting us on the observation deck just outside of town...cough...I would come into town with you but...cough...I have a very important meeting."

"Have you told him about Count Olaf?" Klaus asked, concerned that their former guardian would appear again.

"I did...cough...I gave him a full description...cough...If anything suspicious happens, he's to notify me immediately."

Although this statement sounded reassuring, I can assure you that it did not reassure the Baudelaire orphans. I am sure that any other trio of children in any other situation would be reassured, but these children were assured that Count Olaf would surely show up. Giving descriptions and such has yet to help them escape Count Olaf's clutches. They've had to do that on their own.

Suddenly, Mr. Poe's car plunged into a thick fog. The children couldn't see anything outside their windows. Mr. Poe slowed the car to a crawl and proceeded toward the town.