Marlene McKinnon is easy.
Not in the way you might think- she isn't the type of girl to smoke chain cigarettes and hop on the back of the first black motorcycle that comes roaring into view.
She is easy in the way that she is.
She laughs easily and cries easily, loses her heart easily and smiles just as easily.
Sometimes she wonders if there is something wrong with her.
Because there is no plausible reason for her feelings- she simply feels more and more and more- every moment of every day.
Sometimes those feelings are for Gideon.
Once, they were for Fabian.
Occasionally they're for Remus- but he has vowed to never marry and she isn't interested in spending the next twenty years of her life convincing him.
Most of the time they're for Sirius.
Because although she isn't the type of girl to smoke chain cigarettes and hop on the back of the first black motorcycle that comes roaring into view, she is the type of girl to jump on the back of Sirius Black's bike.
She reasons that it's just the thing itself- it's smooth and sleek and exudes a presence as real as any person.
But then she catches a glimpse of his lanky frame and shaggy black hair and cool gray eyes and she has to laugh because the easiest thing for her to do is to lie to herself.
Gideon asked her once- if she didn't love him.
She just brushed off his question with an easy smile and buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent and closing her eyes.
She wishes she could love him.
She wishes that she could fall headlong into his arms- that she could drop as easily to her knees for him as she could for someone with a lanky frame and shaggy black hair and cool gray eyes- but Gideon's hair is a dark brown and his frame is built and muscular and his eyes are the sweetest color of chocolate she had ever seen.
She thinks that it might be because of Fabian.
After all, there is nothing as difficult as loving someone who is already half of another person.
It leaves no room in his heart because his brother will always come first and Marlene can accept that, she really, really can.
But it tears her heart just a little and that tear only seems to be mended when she clambers onto the back of a motorcycle.
Marlene hates firewhiskey, but she drinks it anyway because hell, they're in the middle of a war and they're all in the Order and who is she kidding, they're all going to die anyway.
She can accept that too.
It isn't until very much later that she realizes that she is wrong.
It's in the midst of a fight that's lasting longer- much longer than expected and they're overpowering her, and suddenly she hears a malicious shriek and sees fire streak a blazing path past her cheek-
-and she wakes up on a white bed in a dark room and falls to her knees when she hears that he's dead.
She doesn't give a damn that he fought bravely with his twin- she doesn't care that he died a hero, defending all that the Order stood for.
All she cares about is that he's dead and that she's not and that she needs something.
When she apparatus to Sirius's flat she finds that he's not there.
She finds a messily written note lying in a puddle of jam on the sorry excuse for a table he kept in the kitchen.
Moony-
Wormy and I are at Prongs'.
Meet us!
-Padfoot.
She's never understood their nicknames but it doesn't really matter so she apparatus to Lily's and is just about to knock when she hears a shout of laughter from inside the house.
She takes a step back and they're all sitting around a dinner table set for five- only five- and baby Harry is gurgling away in a high chair and they're all laughing and joking and Lily is glaring at her husband while he ruffles his son's hair and Sirius is smiling as Peter gestures wildly to Remus.
He's smiling.
And with a sickening lurch in her stomach, Marlene realizes he doesn't need her.
That he has his family- that it's right in front of her and that there is no place for her at the table.
Marlene McKinnon is easy.
Not in the way you might think- she isn't the type of girl to smoke chain cigarettes and hop on the back of the first black motorcycle that comes roaring into view.
But she is the type to fall.
So when they come for her, she knows it's the end.
And she hasn't given up, not really, that's not what this is.
She knows she has friends and that she is loved but the definition of Marlene McKinnon is easy and she is determined to live up to it for every second she has left.
So as they fire curses at her she laughs and as they slash her face she cries and as they throw her body across the room she loves and as they kill her she smiles.
Easily.
"Don't you love me?" Gideon asks, pressing his forehead to hers. His eyes are deep and brown and she tries to laugh but it gets caught in her throat.
So she smiles.
Hello all :) This was a very confusing story to write and the whole thing seemed to fly off in a thousand different directions...but I would still love any reviews! Thanks!
-FantaFaerie